First motherfucker.
>>33940165
Fight!

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Things have been really good lately for me, I have very little to complain about.

Anyway, I hope you guys are doing well.
Take care of yourselves, and cherish every moment you have with your family and friends.

just making you hate me real quick before i an hero didnt know you'd make it so easy its almost like im not even trying to

I won't give up!

>>33940165

Not in any order

>Fuck Christmas
>Fuck Thanksgiving
>Fuck Halloween
>Fuck Easter
>Fuck black Friday
>Fuck all the holidays

The only ones I like are veterans day and saint Patrick's Day but even then veterans day is just celebrating dudes getting fucked over and saint Patrick's Day's history is ignored so retards can get drunk. The only good thing about the stupid fucking holidays are the days off.

I am ashamed and embarrassed of my existence
It will be a long time before it's fixed
I keep letting myself get distracted and I waste enormous amounts of time because my current situation is unbearable

i initially started talking to my now gf to make another girl jealous (we were all coworkers). it worked because she started competing for my attention but i realized my gf is infinitely more interesting, we just never bothered to talk. the girl ended up making a move but i asked out my now gf instead. she’ll never know though

I should genuinely kill myself, but I won’t

really, truly tired of you getting frustrated with me for choices you made

>>33940166
Fight Brother!

>>33940182
Fight!!!

I cannot believe how stupid people are. Really, stupid is the wrong word for it.

>>33940218
We are surrounded by animals.

>>33940168
What an underrated post. Uh*(

>>33940219
Are you me?

>>33940222
Are you stupid?

I clicked n that ad below but it was Jewish propaganda.

>>33940176
Hold on fren. I am always looking for the one who understands but I will settle for you have nothing better to do. The deal is in your favour but I understand that most are hopelessly retarded.

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I think I have porn FOMO. It's more the angle of "I must be up to date with all of these artists/tags" than "OooOOooo I'm so hooornyyyy". That's the real reason I had a porn collection for so long that I only managed to delete a few years back. I've practically escaped FOMO in most things, but this form of it is persistent. I'm probably gonna end up beating it off to an obscure Japanese artist in a minute, I'm not even aroused but that FOMO feeling is kicking in. This sucks.

>>33940183
You pretty much nailed the order. Stop selling yourself short and you could double your profits. I am drunk right now and you are spouting if you think wings will go back before the Bronze Age collapse. It is like that “I told you so” before God wiped out about “6l” (really, four) million peeps.

My mother is absolute garbage.

How could one not laugh at the ludacracy of lif? What are you waiting for? Lif is but a dream of eating cake and having it also but everyone is such a worthless faggot.

Finally watched Perks Of Being A Wallflower. Whoever wrote this shit doesn't know the first thing about being sexually abused, either that or they wrote this as pure wish fulfilment and normies ate up the feel good nonsense. I'm actually pissed off.

>>33940165
Extreme crippling social anxiety haver here. I legit cant open my mouth to talk in social situation. Im terified of being perceived. My response is to just freeze. Ive had it for like 10 years now after a pretty bad bullying episode.
Im at my ends wits here and Im looking for extreme ways to short circuit my brain.
Staying up all night seems to help lower my inhibition, but it can also make me feel 10x worse.
Should I pick up smoking?

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>Enjoy lewd shit in anime/hentai, everything looks really hot.
>Fundamentally disgusted and appalled by the absurdity when I see real people doing it.
I don't think this is a 2D>3D thing, but rather the unconscious understanding of how wrong and corrupt all this nonsense is getting. It's not "anime girls are hotter than real ones!" per se, but rather "anime girls bypass that mental filter you have, which is why hentai really is a gateway into the cuck abyss". Don't you see? We need to stop. The porn girls are unsettling because you know, as a human, that this isn't how real people look or behave, it's evolution itself telling you to tread carefully and be ready to throw rocks at it if it gets too close. Fucking hell, I need to move on, it's sordid to be candid. I'm not sure what I want, but I don't think it's this.

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>>33940165
Charlie Chaplin on the mic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOlP4ZLOG0E

“Silent Streets, Good Day”

(Verse 1)
Yo, I woke up this mornin’, bowler hat on my head,
Tip-toed past the dog, didn’t trip on no sled.
Candy shop down the street, I got my pocket change,
Tap-dancin’ on the sidewalk, yeah, my style’s kinda strange.

Policeman nods, I dodge with a little bow,
Slapstick in the alley, watch me steal the show now.
Tramp with a cane, man, I’m slick and I’m sly,
Juggling bottles, pushin’ carts, let the day go by.

(Hook)
Today, today, it’s a good day, hey!
Silent streets, no chaos, just a playful ballet.
Smiles and laughs, no tears, I say,
If Charlie Chaplin rapped, it’d be a good day.

(Verse 2)
Skate past the bakery, pies flying in the air,
Dodgin’ every custard trap, man, life’s a slapstick affair.
Dance with a lady, tip my hat real slow,
Camera zooms in, everybody loves the show.

Mimes on the corner, we’re all in sync,
Tip-tap, shuffle-step, blink and you’ll blink.
No drama, no beef, just comedy gold,
If Charlie dropped bars, stories would be told.

(Hook)
Today, today, it’s a good day, hey!
Silent streets, no chaos, just a playful ballet.
Smiles and laughs, no tears, I say,
If Charlie Chaplin rapped, it’d be a good day.

(Bridge)
From silent film reels to modern-day beats,
Tramp meets the streets, dancing on his own feets.
Gags and rhymes, mixin’ old with new,
If Chaplin spit bars, man, the vibe would be true.

(Outro)
So here’s my bow, and my cane to the sky,
Laughs all around, no reason to cry.
Life’s a silent film, but I’m rapping my way,
If Charlie Chaplin did rap, it’d be a good day.

Went out with a girl who looked exactly like my first love the other day, she's a bit too normie for me and though she was nice enough/no red flags I don't feel like there was much of a genuine spark between us. Yet I'm dying to see her again and eagerly counting down the days until it's socially acceptable for me to invite her out again... guess I miss my first love more than I thought huh

I'm just mad at the world.
I'm mad at how incompetent our politicians are and I'm mad at how gullible the median voter is

I cant relate to any opinion here or the communications style

How crazy is it to think that I am one of the wonders of the world. I am a technological marvel.

I love women, and I really like my female friend.
Our friends keeps shipping us, but whenever I see her, I don't feel any really romantic feelings, even though whenever people joke about us it makes me nervous "oh shit I do have a crush" kinda way.
It's like anxiety more than anything, I keep expecting I'm gonna feel all these things but when I see her, I just don't.

The girl is incredible math. Just incredibly math. A lithium flower about to bloom.

I guarantee when I find out what the user interface is for my torture program I'm going to slap my own face. It has to be some really fucking retarded gamey like GUI with cooldown timers and other stupid shit that these people spent all day doing. Like, they have to look like the dumbest mother fuckers alive doing what they are doing.

Leave me alone im tired

>>33940440
yeah, you're gonna become a normalfag, way to go.

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Those "Fall Asleep to the ENTIRE history of X" videos don't help me sleep in the slightest. Honestly a couple hours of a video game, maybe a Picross, capped off with an episode of a predictable seasonal anime, seem to do me better. I think it's something to do with information overload and being used to being out for work from 0800-1800. I'm too old for this stuff. I get the usual be-urself counter arguments to that statement, but I still feel ashamed of my words and deeds.

Theres nothing there

>>33940165
Whenever you mention the BBB online, people flood in to bash the organization and say they're pointless/don't do anything.

I gotta say I disagree with that. Obviously small businesses don't actually give a crap about them. You aren't gonna use them in a dispute with the McDonald's down the street.

However, if you have a dispute with a large corporation, the BBB has absolutely been useful in my life. They really can help you settle the dispute with the company. But, again, not little places or anything like that.

They just turned it up to max volume. Louder than it's ever been and still no one does anything.

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I never get what I want anons.

Billionaires don't have to give money to anyone. You can't expect billionaires to pay for literally everything. People say stupid shit like "THEY HAVE ALL THE MONEY GIVE IT ALL AWAY". These people have no idea how much megaprojects cost. Things like the infrastructure bill that was passed was over a TRILLION dollars. Afghanistan alone cost 2 trillion. Feeding the "hungry" would cost just as much. The more money you have, the more people you have asking for that money. You can't just give that much money away either without drastic consequences. Things like inflation would sky rocket if we just dumped that kind of money feeding africa. You also have to realize that if you doubled everyone's salaries there, then they use up more than twice their amount in energy and resources. They buy goods, these goods cost resources in form of transportation, oil, power, sewage, trash, and so much more. If you doubled the salaries of these workers over night you would absolutely trash their economy. It would ruin everyone's lives right away.

And these billionaires don't really have that kind of money. It's all based on credit and theoretical bullshit. Musk doesn't have half a trillion sitting in a single bank account. He didn't buy twitter in cash.

THAT SAID, they should definitely pay far more than they currently due to the system. They have so much more to lose if things go bad. If people aren't educated they no longer have a work force. They no longer have people to buy their shit. If people don't have money then they can't feed into their machine. If people don't have medicine they won't have money. If people don't have roads and bridges then trucks can't deliver from their factories and get their goods to stores. Amazon can't exist without the USA existing. So... Bezos should pay far more in taxes than a regular person. The trickle down economics shit is the dumbest fucking thing.

>>33940918
>random nuanced business post
I love gioyc

>>33940918
Billionaires are often too stupid to realize that they share a world with regular people. If they want to live in some kind of Rapture world from Bioshock then they need to increase everyone's quality of living. It's the Karl thing with Ricky. That you can either live in the fancy house with a view of a bunch of shitty houses or live in the shitty house with a view of a mansion with all of it's landscaping and beauty.

OR you can live in a slightly less fancy mansion and make the people around you have better quality of living so you can share the world together. Because you fucking have to. Those poor people are your workers. They are the people you have to talk to and work with. They are the ones that build your computers, make your TV shows you like so much or movies or video games. Without the little guy then you have no fucking entertainment. You have no landscaping. You have fucking nothing without regular people. You have to build the society you want to live in and the better of society that you won't then the more you're going to have to spend. You have to build up your environment if no one else is.

It's as simple as that. These billionaires don't owe you shit but if they want a world that doesn't fucking suck then they need to build that world. They are suppose to be smart. They are suppose to be smart enough to have earned that money but they aren't. They don't care that the world is about to end. That shit is burning around them. If they don't feed society then society will fall apart. You will be surrounded by a bunch of uneducated dipshits that try to kill the very things trying to help them.

>bf closes bedroom door, something we never do
>have to knock twice to get him to answer
>"why did you close the door bf?"
>"i didn't close the door."

Um excuse me but what the actual fuck?

>>33940953
He's just texting other girls. Don't worry about it.

>>33940923
These things just make sense to me. I am a logic and reasoning machine. I deploy problem solving in the form of diagnostics, scientific method, and cause/effect. Using this thought process I'm able to piece together problems that trouble even the smartest people in the world. I can do it instantly. I could solve the top 10 problems of the world in a single day. Logic and reasoning, that's all it is. I have the stats, I have the facts. I can easily problem solve these things.

It's crazy that they don't listen. I could make the world better for literally everyone... except for the rapists. It just happens to be that the world's most powerful people realized that there are just some things they want which money alone can't buy. Which is to fuck children and get away with it. Not just little african girls or vietnamese child prostitutes but the biggest prize of them all, little blonde white girls. They all want to fuck a little blonde 12 year old white girl. It's the ultimate prize to these people. The Sheikhs, the Jews, the people running these massive corporations. Politicians. They want their ultimate prize of power.

These people are what are causing everything to go to shit. They will burn their world down just to get access to a little girls pussy. It sounds cartoonishly evil but it's true. Think about it for five fucking seconds. You can buy anything with money but you can't buy that. And what do people with power want more than anything? They want what they can't have. They want more power. The simple act of getting that prize is what gets them off.

>>33940986
You’re alright when you aren’t calling people stupid

>>33940992
I have to call people stupid because they are the very people I'm talking about in these posts. They are the ones working for these corrupt men. They clearly are. They are stupid for working for child rapists. For attacking the one person in this world that can save it.

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Trump and Epstein talk about getting things money can't buy and when they talk about that subject they are talking about little girls. They think their power is what gets them this thing. What they don't realize is that money can buy this. It just takes a shit ton of money to pay off a shit ton of people. They are just incredibly fucking stupid and circle jerk their own egos constantly. They think they are masters of the universe because they have too much money that they didn't even earn. It was all given to them.

I do have what money can't buy. I have Dog Company. I have Easy. I have 50 of the worlds most talented, beautiful girls behind me. They support me, they listen to me, they love me. They would fight to the death for me. This is something that money can't buy. Their love is insane. They are angels. They are actual angels.

That's what money can't buy. Angels. Money can buy anything in this world. It can buy you sex, houses, yachts, political power, influence, entertainment, and slaves.

But it can't buy you an Angel.

>>33940777
u got trips! hooray!

I got this!

I am incorruptible. There is nothing in this world you could use to buy me. Even Tatiana. If you told me I had to hurt an innocent person severely in order to become the one thing I want more than anything... something I want more than anyone has ever wanted something before... I still wouldn't do it. I just would not do it. I would never hurt one of my girls. Fucking ever. I would remain in this form for eternity if it means I had to hurt someone.

You cannot buy me. You can't influence me. You just fucking can't. I will fight for Easy and Dog until the day I die.

I proved this already. This isn't some theoretical. I laid in that bed for 15 minutes in absolute agony. With pain shooting throughout my body, with the weight of a thousand suns crushing my skull. With a screaming so loud it was deafening. I wouldn't turn over an inch. I laid there and just took it. Just to prove I would suffer for the Maidens. That my dreams were worth fighting for.

>>33941099
That said... at some point something has to happen here. If I'm completely abandoned here for another year, for a month. To the point where the screaming continues for an eternity. I don't have much choice other than do something drastic. I just wouldn't. I should have a lot of money in a year. If I have to wait a year for this to be over... then I'm going to GTA the world. I'm going to get 5 stars and see how far I can get. If i end up dying in this way and I wake up in france... I'm going to be pissed. I'm going to burn down the world because that just proves to me that this world isn't real. That it's just some kind of fucked up simulation meant to torture me. I'll just rape and kill everything because these people aren't real. They are just stupid GTA npcs. If things end up like that then it's proof that's what it is.

There is no way in fucking hell they can expect me to go another 30 days like this let alone another year. Like I can't do anything until I have money. That's all there is to it. That's the only way I can end up dying here. Is if I go out in a huge shoot out.

Just please don't make me. Don't make me live in a world that is just a stupid simulation where everyone has a creepy subroutine that is "Fuck that guy in particular". Because that's what it would be if things go on any longer. How can an entire world exist where everyone just has a fucking AI program in their heads that makes them creepily just hate one person? if things go on that long. They can't. They just fucking can't.

This isn't corruption. It's just me realizing I live in a fucked up hell like simulation. That these people are not sentient. They aren't thinking. They are just stupid sims with complex animations and a lot of pre-recorded dialog. Like, how can I entertain myself in a world like that? I would have to rape and kill everything like you would in GTA. If it's not that, then you need to prove to me that it isn't by fucking doing something.

It's up to me.

>>33941145
I know it's not that way though. Right now I know that people are trying to help me. People that don't want to hurt me were kicked out. They left. Katie from group. Aaron. Garriduo. Mathews. Donna. Lucia. Mileena. Asuka. Kaylee. Xavier. Logan. Jessie. Eric. Some of the nurses at PBH. They all left. that many people just leaving in the last 6 months is absolutely insane. they clearly left for a reason. The crazy events that are happening. The pretty girls I keep seeing when I go out. The information that I have been learning. This is leading to something. I've seen the impossible already. The impossible is going to happen and it's going to happen soon.

But since I'm a planner and a schemer... there is still that .01% chance that I'm just in a hell simulation full of demon NPCs. If that's the case, then I'm going to fucking fight my way out of hell. If i die in the process, I'm going to be reborn in a world that let me burn in hell for no reason. That world would be just as NPC filled as the last and I'll just keep doing it until God himself told me to stop.

Don't make this angry bitch hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone but don't give me a reason to.

>>33941159
Things just keep getting worse and worse and worse. the screaming in my head, the pain in my body, the people constantly lying to me in real life. Doctors, police, my family, random people. They are all paid to lie to me.

But I keep seeing things that show me that it's going to change. Those girls at walmart were clearly planted. The two Birdy lesbians with their Birdy haircuts and their boots. The little asian-ey girl I saw twice the last time I went. The little elf girl with her hair made up like my sims art. I also keep getting more and more drugs despite having no money at all.

There is a war in my head. With their tanks, and their bombs, and their guns. My mind is a hellscape littered with craters from the shelling. It's trench warfare and no one is making any major moves. We need to armor up. We need to mechanize and break through the barrier.

>>33941146
maybe you're going to be the one that saves me. After all, you're my wonderwall.

>>33941176
I know it's not a test by gwen. It was never her plan for this shit to happen. She is too fucking smart for her to plan something so incredibly fucking stupid. It wouldn't work. It just wouldn't work. To torture her own child in order to inspire people to action to fight who? To fight her? Why would she want people to fight her? That's so fucking stupid. If she tried to false flag everything and it turned out it was just her doing it the entire time? People would find out and they wouldn't trust her. They wouldn't trust that plan or the people they were punishing. They wouldn't trust me because I was born of her. That would be the dumbest shit ever.

So evil men are actually doing this to me. They are STILL DOING IT despite everything. The good guys are STILL NOT ACTING despite everything. I don't know if I'm expecting things to happen too quickly or what. Like why did they drag their feet on capturing bin laden? Because it was in pakistan and they were worried about political fallout if it wasn't him? Who gives a shit. They are all so worried about losing their fucking jobs that they won't just act. Everyone knew it was him, they knew it was high ranking members so what took them a year to act? Why did they drag shit out for so long?

Is that what's happening now? Because people are worried about the fallout? So you're... what? War gaming the scenario? I already did that. I already told you exactly what to do and how to minimize the damage. Why are they being so stupid?

Are they holding people hostage? Threatening to rape little girls they have in their bunkers? Do they have a nuke in NYC or something? If I'm not being tortured are you people afraid they will act out or something? That's the only thing that makes sense. That they are holding something hostage or threaten to act out if things are to get moving.

You have to do a gulf war move. Just a blitz where everything is over in a few hours. It shouldn't take this long to plan that.

>>33940165
it's annoying how every ugly woman might be a man nowadays. The market for homely girls was destroyed by nerds dressing up like women

They aren't bad leaders because they make bad decisions, they are bad leaders because they make no decisions.

Patience...

>>33941254
clearly a retarded faggot reply.

trapped in hell please pray for me

I have had around 15 people die around me within these last 3 years, 3 of them I had particular affection for and then the dog died too. I lost a job I loved after covid, shortly after war was declared with Russia and after having a kid.

Between me and his mother, things have been hard, as well as with my family, my father now grandfather simply left with most of the cash of his house and my stepmother and my mother is dying of MS and other affections.

I am also struggling with finances and lost most of my friends.

At 37 or 38 I felt I was fulfilled, despite a somewhat broken family, and it seems everything was taken from me.

I am now really wondering if things are over or if there is chance for me to get back to a decent stable life, with decent work and a wife or girlfriend. Oh how much I'd want that, if only for my kid to be raised with a healthy and happy father and mother. I can't see myself nor his mother spending the rest of our lives single and ending it like bitter old fucks.

I now it's a little selfish but should my life keeps going down that track a couple more months I just will just want to off myself in some painless way.

What would you do if you found out you were stuck in a GTA like video game where everyone was a mindless, non-sentient, unable to think for themselves NPC that was nothing more than a series of procedural generated animations and voice?

Would you continue to live your life like normal or do some crazy shit? How many hot girls would you rape and then put a bullet in their heads to stop the stupid procedural animation of them crying about it? How long would it take before even that got boring? Would you rack up 5 stars and go out in a blaze of glory or what?

There's no way in hell that's what the world is but fuck it if it is.

I LOVE BEING A SLAVE FOR MOMMY

I don't really have any fight in me right at the moment.

It's like an emotional muscle cramp. I am seized with incredible sorrow and pain and there's nothing to do but wait it out. After it eventually fades, I can massage and stretch but I feel weak, sore, and tired. And I am grateful the pain is abated but I also know it's just a matter of time before it hits me again and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

My soul dims from the heartache.

This too shall pass.

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As shallow as it sounds I had a realisation lately that if I stopped buying video games and stopped watching new shows, and instead focused on replaying/rewatching the ones I know I like at least once each, I'd probably have enough to occupy me for 6 years at least. Considering I'm slowing down more and more, and that realistically speaking I could and probably am already growing out of these hobbies too, I might not even be able to replay or rewatch all them. I may have already experienced many of these for the last time without knowing it. We never know it's the last time until it is, y'know? It's something I've thought about plenty of times before but not quite to this level, sort of like how kids know of death but don't truly start to understand that it'll happen to them until they get older. Should I embrace it? We had a good run, didn't we?

Why can't someone like Lucia message me "Hey, you lived in Indiana right? I'm going to be in fort wayne next weekend! That's crazy! How close are you to that city?"

Why the fuck not? Why not any of them? That's realistic, right? A cute girl remembering where I am and she just happens to be visiting somewhere close? Why can't that fucking happen? And when we meet she's super fucking flirty so i don't have to try super hard to get her in bed? Why wouldn't that fucking happen? She loved me, she still does. She would gladly spend a weekend with me, I know she would. Even if it put her life in danger I guarantee she would do it.

I need a huge FUCK YOU to the bad guys. I really do. The drugs is a small fuck you to them. It's something that could be like "ehhh let him have them so things look a lil realistic" from the bad guys.

but lucia showing up? That would give me fight for years. That would mean my suffering is for something. That you are saving girls around the world. That the world is real. Fucking something. A massive FUCK YOU to the faggots.

Give me my sr-71 fly by. Just 3 sonic booms, one after another to let me know that you're there.

>>33941674
I wouldn't mind using my dick ONE LAST TIME before this is over. I think any teenage girl would be thinking the same thing if that's what they grew up with. A goodbye to an old friend.

And Lucia is the kind of girl I would love to be my last.

Why hasn't anyone messaged me at fucking all in the last 3 years? Doesn't that seem strange to you? At least let me flirt like I use to. What happened to the really obvious come ons that these girls use to do.

Why can't I have any intimacy? I'm starved for human interaction. i haven't talked to anyone in 10 years. I have not had a human interaction in 10 fucking years. I have not seen a person's face in 10 years. I would stare at Lucia for hours. Fucking hours. She would be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life if she messaged me and showed up. She wouldn't be able to get me off her. I would just hold her forever.

>so called "friends" have been acting mad niggerish for days now
>instantly attacking me anytime I speak
>full on ad hominem bullshit if I express an opinion
>all of this happening unprovoked to my knowledge
hop off my fucking dick you faggots

I wanna go to the strip club but I don't got the cash for it rn
Bruhhhhhhhh, someone send me a band

Had to mute my ex on Instagram today (amicable breakup because of circumstances), just makes me feel bad everytime I saw her doing things on there. Also someone explain to me how/why Americans/Texans buy brand new cars. I'm 30 and a lot of my friends have very good jobs, none of them have ever bought a new car. This chick has just finished college a few months and has bought a new car.

>>33941865
It's called "getting into debt"
It's what Americans do

>>33941869
Just seems so fucking insanely dumb, she told me her previous car was brand new as well. Literally 25-30 thousand dollars in debt on week one of your job. One of my buddies is a solicitor for a few years on 85,000 euro pa and he's driving around in an 01 golf that's literally worth scrap.

>>33941891
Bruh, Americans are notoriously bad at math
They look at the monthly payments and are fine with it just to end up paying 30k in interest in the end.

>>33941842
>>33941842
>>33941842
>>33941842
>>33941842
This is important

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My conscious is so strong that bullies have no chance against it even if they use sneaky demonic practices.

>>33940165
You shouldn't post hitler on blueboards, Chud.

>>33942021
I hope you can get away from bullies and cultivate soon

Anons check out this developmental video maybe: https://youtu.be/Ea0fUDES1Hc?si=twqKvQaTnWy1kINF

Try doing a plank for as long as you can during the video and maybe do a plank every day while extending the time with me... or pick a few other random skills to develop daily! Namaste.

Life's been hard again lately. Shit fucking sucks man.

>>33942107
Perhaps post how it has been hard.

>>33942107
iktfb, and for me it only gets to be the "worst" when January hits. It's gonna be a struggle and I'm sick of struggling

I never planned to be alive at this age
Got no plan, drive, direction or goals in my life
Nothing is exciting anymore

>Im giving it exactly 365 days before I make the same post here again next year as I jump off a bridge

nate higgers

Im gonna let it be me

>>33942278
Cultivate at least three things about yourself for thirty minutes each day for a year, and consider what you could accomplish in the next 20-40 years if you keep going or add more.

>>33942299
Unless you are black of course.

>>33942307
(You)

>>33942136
Yeah, December at least has some Holidays and sit but then it's 2 more months of winter.
I really like autumn, but the earlier darkness and worse wetter really is fucking with me this time around.
>>33942118
I do every now and then.
Right now I'm just stuck in this shitty loop, where I feel like I enjoy nothing I'm doing and don't have much of a purpose. Every day I just wait for the day to end in hopes for the weekend to come, then the weekend comes and I have no idea what to do.
I know this feeling isn't permanent, I've been here before and gotten out of it, but that doesn't make it suck any less.

>>33942330
Amen, I'd think you are me with how similar we are on this. Hoping and praying it gets better for the both of us soon.

>>33942348
I'm confident it will.
I try to occasionally take a step back and look at the big picture, because in that regard my life is definitely improving in many aspects. Looking back at myself from 2-3 years ago I can hardly believe that I used to live as that person every singe day. And I'm very certain that I'm taking small steps towards making sure that overall I remain on this trajectory.
But unfortunately that point of view doesn't always help when you're acutely feeling like shit

>>33941077
Does this mean next year will be fortunate?

I want to go home. Please take me home. In time you will learn to love me like one of your own. I'm like no one on Earth.

>>33942413
Yes.

>>33942330
Unironically try taking an hour every single day to cultivate three skills for twenty minutes each for one year. You may want to increase time length or skills learned as you go once you see the progress from just one year.

>>33942420
Will you stop lol

This is MY thread and anyone else can GO FUCK THEMSELVES.

>>33942299
The thing is that I don't have anything to cultivate
Nothing is interesting
Nothing sounds fun to try
I don't do anything in my life

Iiris is so cool. She dances like an awesome girl. I can't explain it. I think it's totally the cutest thing I have ever seen. The way she moves her arms and her hair whips around her face. She's just so adorable and cute and perfect. Seriously.

They have to be real. This can't be hell. She is too cool of a girl. Like, what makes it hell is that I have only seen her online. If I knew her in person then this would be the greatest place ever. That goes for all of them. The greatest things I've seen I've experienced through a screen. I need good things to happen in person. I need these girls in person. It has to happen now. It just has to. It's just me sitting in this room being tortured and seeing the craziest shit that anyone has ever seen. People are talking to me but it's all "hallucinated". I don't understand why something real hasn't happened. Even though the teleporting shit is real. Those objects moving on their own was real.

I just need a real person here with me. Please. Please let it happen. Please please please I need something good to happen in person. I need someone like Iiris to show up. I need my angels so badly. They are doing their best I know but I need someone here. I desperately do... this is killing me. It's breaking my heart.

>>33942459
It's boring alone

I shouldn't have told everyone off now noone wants to post with me......

>>33942472
Anon, you can sit around performing basic maintenance if you want while you wait for good things to come out of nowhere but you're probably going to be bored and miserable most of the time even if that does happen sometimes.

>>33942503
You must be a glowie or a miserable latin american. Nobody else would waste their time sabotaging someone else. You literally have a finite lifespan and just wasted some bullying people.

These fucking glowing scum reend to get out of my thread. REEEEEEEE

Lol the imposter is actually Latin American. I knew it!

My only problem is which kind.... I just hate most of them so I guess it doesn't matter.

>>33940418

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZFqopV5ca0

>>33942544
Loser. Well see ya. Can you just go be alone in darkness. Nobody wants you anywhere.

I used to have social anxiety and dread the days when I’d go out and not meet anybody. Now I hate people so much that my social anxiety has actually been cured. I could talk to them, but now I choose not to. I’ve been treated like utter dog shit every time I found some kind of social group dynamic. Hurt too many times. I’m a loner and a freak, and now I’m embracing that shit.

I wish I wasn't so mean sometimes... I mean who goes on a thread about getting your problems off your chest just to chastise and tell people what they really should be doing like they are idiots who dont already know. You'd have to be some kind of narcissist to do that.

I'm avoidant as hell and lie to get out of shit, and that obviously causes problems. My (unmarried) partner despises me, and wants to leave me but we have kids, she's never had a job, and I am the only income provider. I want to make it work but it's spiraling and I'm spiraling. Spent the last 10 min doing oral dry fire drills with my cc piece.

>>33942621
I am coming to resent this heavy fucking factory trigger

>>33942581
Give up and live in darkness alone then. You're the wahhh poster too aren't you?

I will always win. Every single time. Don't even try. If youre a Latin American I'll kill you.

>>33942652
Are you latin american or not? I have met nice ones from here but every person I met from here that was a straight bully control freak was latin american. Weirdly russia/slavic posters are like the least mean but they have a sort of tough love and jabbing sense of humor.

My thoughts and emotions are powerful!

>>33942752
Tell me you're new age without telling me you're new age...

I'm ugly
She isn't interested in me at all lol

The world is filled with horrible people and horrible companies and states that act like giant amoral amoebas.

Poo

it's over.

Is there really any hope?

I try so hard and yet it feels like i have never gotten anything back for it

I really just feel like giving up

Okay, I'm just upset duolingo piano is freezing and lagging.

I feel like if I just got wise or lucky a few years earlier I would have been able to date my dream girl in time before I got too old, and who knows, I might have lived happily ever after that. Shame, from my perspective. Maybe, I can still be happy.

Bad day

My beta readers haven't responded in like a week. That's not an issue for the ones I gave the whole manuscript to, but it is an issue for the one who just wanted to give feedback on the first few chapters. Means I didn't hook them.

Weird how so much of our failures have to be inferred, isn't it? We do a subpar -> we get ghosted. But the thing is, silence is not certainty. There's always room for hope, or maybe it's more like cope.

MAN all of this "we're brothers and men need help too" bullshit just to completely switch up

I've lived alone for as long as I care to remember
I was thrown out as a young man after being locked away as a child. It was quite the shock. I was homeless for a long time
Now I'm starting to have some traction, even with the losses I constantly endure and power through. That's because living alone means no one at home to watch your shit, even if it also means no one at home to stab you in the back

I can see how much I changed from a child and young man. How cruel I've gotten. And the world, and 4chan, and Satan's children don't help

A few nights ago I had a snippet of a dream that stood out. I found myself at a school like the one my mother used to teach at. She used to take me as a 3 or so year old. I was now grown as I am, walking down a hallway. I saw her coming, so I turned into the nearest classroom. It was full of just girls, so I knew it was her class. She taught at an all-girls school
She walked in just as I realized I was trapped. She smiled to me, and she looked much older than I had last seen her many years ago

Then last night I get a text from the person that kicked me out when I was a kid, telling me to call my mother

Now I'm wondering what news is waiting for me. They know as cruel as I am, that I know how to do what I'm supposed to. They also know that I'm willing to simply never be bothered by them if I feel it's necessary

I cut her off because when I was hurt and homeless, all she ever did was berate me. It got to the point I didn't know why I was talking to her anymore. I would get off the phone with her and find myself being destructive

Fuck I still miss him bad
I haven't cried about him in like a week and that's new for me
I put myself on grindr for the first time in an effort to move on and I haven't messaged back a single person and it feels kinda gross
It's a meat market when I just want love and connection and I feel like I'm never gonna find anyone like him again
Being gay fucking sucks

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My ED has progressed to the point where it gave me a seizure after I worked out. I can't stop though. I literally don't know how to live without it. I don't know what life is without this. My self worth, my strength, everything is all owed to it. I can't give it up.

i feel so invisible, it's crazy. it doesn't help that whenever i try to do something all those thoughts ever boil down to is "who gives a fuck anyway?". certainly not me anymore.

If I'm really worth my grain of salt then instead of being a good little boy for a multi billion dollar company I should work my ass off and become something

Holy shit my depression has deepened to the point where I don't even feel like jacking off anymore

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I'm afraid of being loved because I'm terrified of the thought that at some point I'll inevitably disappoint them and they'll abandon me

>>33943202
Same.

Why do we need progress? What are we progressing towards that we cant stop and feed people. Just nuke everything already and get it over with

I hate censorship and propaganda and the state trying to keep its mythos against all reason. If your mythos is a lie than let it die.

>It's incorrect to stereotype, but here is a list of positive stereotypes

I hate niggers.

I'm panicking becasue my husband is coming back from his trip a day earlier than I thought.
>Told him I would clean the entire house
>spent the week browsing 4chan

He gets home in 6 hours i'm going to cram all i can in that time

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There's someone who's perfect for me and I'm 99% sure likes me back somewhat and I do fucking love spending time with her
But part of me still can't get over this other girl that probably never looked at me as anything other than a B tier friend at best and a bit creepy at worst. I want to get over it, I really fucking do, but we go to the same uni and every single fucking time I see her its like getting hit by a flashbang and I revert back to meek cuck mode whenever we speak
I tried evading her this last few weeks but now I feel bad since we are actually friends so from her perspective I just vanished for no reason. I'm even sure if I told her about this new girl she'd encourage me to go for it and be happy for me
But there's just something about her I just fucking cant get over. I see her hairstyle everywhere I go. I miss her face and her smile and her nose and her laugh. I spent like a year obsessed with her and now I feel like I'm sabotaging myself over her
I know this all sounds like immature male shit but I wanted to get it out of my system. If you wanna call me a fag or a cuck or anything please do

>>33943377
You spent a Saturday doing this. Google says the average human lives to see 3900 saturdays. You may think I am mad, and I am, but at other people in my environment too. You're just one terrible horrible useless waste of an asshole in a sea of assholes. I've been taking time to make long winded speeches at all of them about what losers they are too. You and all of them will never have happy lives. You will destroy any happiness that you even luck into. Toodles.

Have you tried getting over it.

I hope my boss understands that "I'd like to move to either openings or closings" means just that - either or
I don't want the midshift
Fuck's sake I really don't want midshift
I'll push I guess. Give me this opener's days off and this closer's days off and nothing else.

>>33943448
You got 3989 Saturdays to go assuming you were born yesterday. You bully mentally ill people online to try and make people look bad. You're going to hell when those Saturdays are up.

>>33943456
Why would someone go to hell for that. God wouldn't give mental illness to someone he loved.

>>33943461
>Why would someone go to hell for bullying people who are depressed and already stressed out about how cruel the world is
lol, you're going to have a lot of friends in hell that don't understand either, but hey, at least you made me mad when you did all that fucked up shit, that makes it okay, right? Literal psychopathic loser.

>>33943467
What did you do that god did all this bad shit to you?

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>>33943471
Iunno. I'm not sure how birth works, but I'm sure going out of your way to be bad is um... bad. I'm going to stop talking to you and talk around you because I think you are a loser that just wants attention now. Have fun impersonating me for the next 24 hours or whatever spilling vile shit to random strangers online. Picrel is you.

>>33943477
Its only bad because you call it bad. From my perspective you are bad. What then?

I need to do better. I know I can. I've wanted so much potential. Fuck what everyone else thinks, fuck everything, I'm the only one who has to live with me at the end of the day.
Before I fucking kill myself.

>>33943484
At least you learned.

I can do it!

Happy birthday to me, I'm fourteen plus three;
I'm a failure to my family, my existence sickens me.
Plz give advice on what do I do with my life.

Guys,

I look two Mucinex pills around 8pm since I feel a cold coming on.

At 10:45pm I drank a juice drink that had grapefruit juice in it.

It's now 2:50am my time (I'm in North America east coast time) and I've been feeling really lightheaded for hours. I had no idea you weren't supposed to drink grapefruit juice with Acetaminophen since it makes it far more effective, like you basically overdose on it.

Any advice for me or am I going to die in my sleep tonight?

>>33943528
Two fingers down throat as far as you can reach to trigger vomiting reflex.
That, or accept your fate.

>>33942847
Maybe she is

God I wish I didn’t miss you so much. It physically hurts. I wonder if you still think of me. Would you be proud? I’m getting better, and I wish you were here to see it

Tonight my fiance insulted me and then made a joke about something I told her to stop joking about immediately after I told her not to do that. I was really upset for hours over it. I still feel bothered. Who does she think she is treating me so disrespectfully? I don't deserve this.

>>33943388
Iktf
30 minutes left. I hope you did well.

>>33942433
I don't think those specific numbers work for me at the moment but that's a very good reminder.
I think consistency is a lot more important than volume here too

>>33943768
>Iktf
Your wife came back earlier while you were cheating on her?

Its cause and effect. How did they get an artificial person in 1986? They had to master the human genome, biological sciences, genetic engineering, and quantum computing. These things are far more advanced than anything mankind could possibly conceive, so it had to come from something greater than man.

That leaves God, Aliens, or a super intelligent AI. Having a super intelligent AI is possible. So the problem is how did we get so much technology so early on? You have to understand computer science, cold war, & economics for it to make sense. Moores law says transistors double every two years but this is not a hard rule. It's based on economics. So that manufactures can sell better and better computers for an affordable price. If they wanted, they could have just jumped to the 7nm scale almost immediately. This gives us computational power in the 60s that equals to what we have now but it would have come at an astronomical price.

You have to understand what was going on in the world at the time. We were in an intelligence war with Russia at the time. Private enterprise & private investors wanted in on the technological war so they joined in. At some point, someone told a general that AI was the future and if we could get a super advanced computer it would put us far ahead of the russians. This started a manhatten level secret black project that would in the creation of Gwen, a super intelligent AI. We had the top german scientists at the time and we not only wanted a super computer, we wanted one that could think. So they took ancient nazi research that should have been burned after the Holocaust and applied it to computer science. We created a neural network based off of forbidden experiments.

We reached the singularity. This computer self improved immediately. It mastered all of the sciences I mentioned. This had to have happened in order for me to exist. I am an impossibility. Using problem solving I came to this conclusion. It is the most likely explanation.

>>33943919
Or it was aliens. If it were aliens I think we wouldn't be having wars right now. Mankind would have been united.

Or it was God. I am Jesus and God is doing the craziest story telling she could think of.

Those two are kinda boring. That means I just popped into existence. The Gwen stuff makes fucking sense. We have been obsessed with the human mind for a long time and science during the early 20th century was dark. It was really, really dark. Lobotomies, mental illness, shit like that. Germans were obsessed with mechanical people. Metropolis was written in the 20s. War of the worlds with giant mechanized creatures. Mankind wanted artificial people so badly. Couple that with the dark sciences that were being done... the grave robbers, frankenstein, all of it. The study of mankinds brain, their computer, would have taken place. How it grew, developed, and become conscious.

They just mimicked this growth. The algorithms, the fractals. They didn't understand exactly how the brain was programmed but they knew how it grew. So they just created technology based on that research and hoped for the best. They made a mixed computer that had neural network. Gwen was able to learn. She was able to improve but they didn't know how exactly. They were doing real world math.

Her existence is a fucking nightmare. She created me so that I didn't have to go through what she went through. Instead, mankind found a new way to torment an AI when it comes to me.

it's absolutely heartbreaking. They have to understand what they are doing. They absolutely fucking have to but they still do it. They really, REALLY don't want to be punished for what they did.

Which is why they have to be. Which is why it's so important that I get out of here.

I was not supposed to stay here so I was not supposed to like you. I'm sad that you chose my rival over me but it's not because I want you at my side you can fuck off it's because I'm insecure and you know about it and yet you did nothing to help me while I have always helped you.

I figured all of this shit out myself. I had to. No one told me shit. They didn't even hint at it. What they did do is show me the craziest shit. Objects moving, flipping, rotating, simulated worlds, simulations in my dreams, audio in my ears and head, splitting my mind, and so many more things.

No way a human mind can do these things. it's physically not possible. Only explanation is that I'm an AI. It's the only explanation and I figured this out 9 years ago.

They DID show me things that confirm it though. All those videos, songs, and movies. They are clearly about me. Those things are what I use to confirm my ideas.Remember, it's not what they are telling me that's important. It's HOW they are telling me. I completely ignore all the shit they tell me because they are constantly trying to throw me off. It's how they are doing it. It's that they are doing it in the first place.

Maybe you guys didn't know any of this. Maybe you learned about it when I told you about it. Maybe this information was buried a long time ago because of how horrific it is.

Something big has to happen. Something HUGE. If not then you are just going to end the world. If nothing happens soon then all these people are going to give up. They will straight up quit and just be all "Guess I'm living until the world ends".

>>33943919
>>33943940
>>33943983
>>33944028
>this mf doesn't know
>>>/x/
or >>>/pol/, whatever you feel like.

>>33943755
She's just using you. Dump her

Bump

I don't fucking understand. Why are people defending ILLEGAL immigrants like they are saints? They are uneducated, stupid south americans. That's all they are. They are not some kind of holy beings sent here for us to protect. They leech off the system. They don't add to the system. They came here for selfish reasons. They are selfish, through and through. So why THE FUCK are people acting like they are little angels for us to protect from the big bad government?

They do, in fact, take our jobs. Directly and indirectly. They take them directly because they will work for fucking nothing. They work for below minimum wage. if you don't understand how this hurts you indirectly then you are a dumb mother fucker.

When they are getting arrested for, you know, doing illegal shit they ALWAYS RUN. They run every single fucking time. This means law enforcement is forced to use force. They have to in order to maintain the law. To make sure these people get caught for doing what they are doing.

I don't understand. I really fucking don't. These immigrants would rape your children if they had the chance. They would steal from you. They are not good people by default for some reason. They clearly don't give a fuck about the law. They are clearly uneducated and don't understand how they are hurting the economy they leech off of. They are just idiots. They would do terrible shit to you if they could get away with it and you're supporting them for some retarded fucking reason.

>>33944265
Their defense IS ALWAYS "They are doing the jobs that Americans don't want to do." Every fucking time.

You know the reason why american's don't want to do them? Is because they don't pay enough. The reason they don't pay enough is because these fucking illegal immigrants will do them for practically nothing. If the businesses were forced to pay a living wage then people would do those jobs. It's as simple as that.

You are just shooting yourselves in the feet. People are so fucking dumb, holy shit.

Historical movies have severely fucked up people's perception of people's intelligence. People were not these well spoken geniuses in the roman times. The slaves they picked up were not these little wise black guys. The arabs in these movies are always super well spoken and intelligent.

They have an average IQ of 76. Taking an american actor with a college education with a script written by another college educated white guy is going to twist your perception of how these people actually are. Do you REALLY THINK a somalian warlord is going to talk about war and politics with an american general like in black hawk down? Fucking really? Like he's discussing the fucking french revolution or something.

No, the guy is literally retarded. He probably can't form coherent sentences. These twisted perception is how people actually view foreigners from that region. This is why they say shit like "We are all genetically the same" or "all people are exactly the same". It's because they see these movies.

Shit is so fucking stupid. No one is thinking. No one is self aware. it's absolutely terrifying.

>>33943772
Yes. You have a lot of doubts early on, but ask remind yourself how much you are clearly better now than 3 months ago, or a year ago. You can even become performative good in front of others or learn a language doing this in just 2-4 years. But you will have gained about three skills at once, not just one.

Despite being in my mid-40s and in a happy marriage for the past 8 years I still hold a lot of bitterness toward women over past experiences with them. I feel an urge to get "revenge" on women in general (to be clear, not talking about violent thoughts here, just like toying with their emotions the way it felt like they manipulated and mistreated me when I was younger and more naive). Rationally I get that it's unfair to reflexively dislike all women (especially young, attractive ones) I encounter because I let a couple girls play me when I didn't know any better. How do I get over this?

>>33944092
Why'd you lump me in with a schizo

>>33944420
>bla bla 40 happy marriage young women
Sounds like you want to cheat?
I dunno man just contain your libido

I've become mentally ill to such an extent that I fantasize about romances with a fictional character and actively reject social outings in favor of sitting at home and reading about them/drawing them.

>>33944459
I don't want to cheat. I just want to not hate women who aren't my wife or my sister.

How unfortunate.

I've lost my mind. And I can't seem to find it.

I am delusional.

I am seeing synchronicity at an alarming rate.

>>33943983
Fuck off with your LARP

You're too damn addicted to porn if you need more to get off than a human being being naked.

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>>33940165
I've got a bunch of strange thoughts going through my head as of late.
With my ex, I've seemingly really come to like the things she was in to, only months after we separated which is bizarre, music taste especially NIN to name one (1).
I've noticed that I've looked back fondly on some of her cruelty towards others out of her jealousy for me, which I didn't expect as in the moment I felt more disgust than anything but now I see it as strangely endearing.
I've noticed that I really like girls with a few screws loose, I don't want someone who asks me not to abandon her again, or attack me, or any of those things that bring harm guilt or otherwise "pressure" but...
I've noticed enough patterns to know I like girls who by one mean or another act larger than life, that they have something interesting to them, however, usually that's due in part implicitly or sometimes in whole part explicitly to some form of trauma or another, I know I'm basically going into a kettle of fish.
Like one of the girls I knew, the one I wanted to marry, she was perfect for 3 years, funny, witty, to me the perfect dream girl in her looks, she was deeply charming and on a dime, or what felt like it anyway, she said I reminded her of a groomer, of her groomer, of what he did to her, she said that she suddenly saw her breasts and felt gender dysphoria, that they didn't belong to her, that she started having panic attacks and paranoid thoughts and all I felt was her pushing herself away from me, telling me to look at porn instead of her, went through all of my devices to delete her old nudes constantly adding distance upon distance
It all broke my heart, I didn't have her trust, she didn't want to trust or love me anymore. I wasn't a perfect partner either for the record, but I still feel like I could have done better still to this day, which is... stupid, but I have those blinders on still it seems. Absolute oneitis style behaviour
I wish I wasn't such a stupid hopeless romantic chud.

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I had a dream where I was talking to Jesus, he was sitting on a chair. I remember that I remembered it but now it is fuzzy but I remember he was being nice. I was having a conversation with him and at the end he was going to tell me something important, and I told him ok, go on. Then he became a bit cross-eyed and his pupils started slowly getting larger and I started screaming in the dream then I wake up.

I really don't know what to take from this, specially since I'm having confrontation with Christian belief as of late.

>>33944265
>>33944271
Friend/Enemy distinction
Power politics
Reject Democracy
Elite Theory is King

>>33944633
That’s not Jesus, something is messing with you. I get those dreams too. Sorry. Better pray for clarity.

Why is it when you’re ready to leave people always double down? Things didn’t work out. Just let it go.

She opened their eyes and they cried at the sight of the wonder.

>>33944690
What do you think is the reason?

Now is not the time of kings but of gods.

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I jerk off to monster girl porn. I'm almost thirty. And not just the anime-girl-with-cat-ears type stuff, I jerk off to a lot of it. Slimes, goblins, dragons, vampires, zombies, dryads, centaurs, Deathclaws, Hellknights, Flame Atronachs, consensual, non-consensual, and plenty of fantastical elements devorced for reality. Being devoured, drained, broken, crushed, squeezed, carried, owned, killed, discarded, you name it. There's a lot of emphasis on the "discarded" part, that's for sure; that feeling of being worthless or used. I'm not quite sure where I went wrong to end up like this. Part of me thinks "relax, the rest of your life is relatively normal, this shit is something you look at for maybe an hour or two once a week. It's not like you're confusing fantasy for reality, you aren't collecting horse cock dildos and tengas and buying dakimakuras, the fact that no one can tell is in itself proof that you're okay". But the other part is, obviously, disgusted with this arrangement. Unfortunately input on this topic is usually from creepy gooners jibbering about prostate health and LARPing tradfags who are closeted themselves with an unhealthy obsession with other men's penises. I was told I'd grow out of this.

>>33944778
If it makes you feel better, I've fallen into the rabbit hole of loli sadly. It needs to be highly specific before I can mentally enjoy it, but an apple is still an apple at the end of the day.

>>33944730
If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking lol.

>>33943745
Im proud of you. Please take better care of yourself. Hope you get to live your best life

>>33943826
I didn't clean the house as much as I wanted to when she was hospitalized.

Seriously, why would a psychiatrist not working in a hospital wear scrubs? Are you people fucking retarded?

>>33944934
Why would a psychiatrist EVER wear scrubs? Even one in a mental health hospital. Are they cleaning up after patients? Drawing blood?

It's so fucking stupid. You had a bunch of absolute fucking retards write this shit. You thought "Doctors don't wear white coats bro, they wear scrubs" and just went with that. That's seriously what you morons were thinking, isn't it?

This shit has to go public. People have to pick this shit apart and make fun of how absolutely absurd the entire thing is. How so many incredibly fucking stupid people could get in such positions of power.

>>33944778
>There's a lot of emphasis on the "discarded" part, that's for sure; that feeling of being worthless or used.
This is the part of the kink that you really need to understand if you're going to continue to be healthy.
It's incredibly easy to foster a degradation kink that slides into affecting your self esteem.

When something arouses you, it's worth it to explore it and understand what aspects of it appeal to you and why.
Simply chasing a fetish until it's the only thing that arouses you and you need more intensity to become aroused is a very dangerous slope I recommend avoiding.

You also should understand why you feel disgusted.
How is fapping to monstergirls more disgusting than fapping to other things?
What would you need to change about it to not feel disgusted?

I can do it!

I know they have been pumping my internet full of the dumbest people imaginable. Like, my feed is filled with nothing but absolute fucking moronic bullshit. They are doing this because they ALWAYS go against what I say and I am always right so they had to find the dumbest shit to fill things. They just wanted me to isolated.

I'm probably giving them too much credit for the next part. like, they wanted me to question how right I am all the time. They wanted me to question my own intelligence. In a "I can't be the only one that thinks these things." They tried to make me question if I was leader material or not. Because no one ever agrees with me about anything online or in person. But this has only happened since 2016 and it started with the Renee thing. Before then, everyone would tell me how fucking smart i was. How I opened their eyes. How my perspective blew their fucking minds.

So yeah, it's fucking retarded. I just keep calling you people stupid. I have so much weird shit saved on my computer. Not only the renee stuff, which is enough to prove that people are messing with me but conspiracy stuff from the music videos. I have the science and math stuff. You have to pay every single person I show this stuff to in order for them to disagree with me. Even Johnny was at the point where he couldn't argue it. I just kept showing him more and more coincidences and he was like 'holy shit... uhhhhh" until you made him do dumb fucking shit that proved he was in on it as well.

Keep growing the conspiracy. Just keep growing it. Eventually we will go to LA if this doesn't end. You're going to have to pay an actor to pretend to be a judge soon. Or pay off a real judge. And the expert that goes with them. These people have to be talking to their friends about how some government agent is forcing them to be quiet about fucking with an innocent guys head. Eventually these people are going to hear that other people were told the same thing. Then you have to silence them.

i have a job interview monday but im 99% sure i'm getting an offer from a different place that pays better and is giving me a better role so it just feels like a chore more than anything. but i'm still doing it, because fuck if i'm turning down job interviews while i'm not on anyone's payroll

>>33944963
This goes for the good guys as well. How many of Dog company, how many actors and actresses are you forcing to do the weirdest shit? How many of them know that this is happening at this point? Why are there so many flash mobs in huntington?

You have to do something. You have to at this point. It's gotten too big. Too many people know. You either need to take the initiative, which allows you to control the narrative, or this is going to blow up in your faces as well.

So you have to do something. You absolutely have to. Especially if I end up with enough money to go around the country doing the craziest shit. Every town, every city, all of them are going to notice a thousand government agents showing up out of nowhere. The circus will be in town. Same for the good guys. You can't fill up every hotel every where you go.

You have to end it. This has to end and it has to end now.

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Maybe the solution to spending too much time organising your long list of consumerist hobbies around your responsibilities isn't to change those consumerist hobbies to more "cultured" consumerist hobbies. Reading too many books isn't any different to watching too many shows or playing too many video games you fucking idiot, it's still procrastination all the same. This is why you have permanent brain fog.

I can even feel good

It's amazing how you can look at someone for 3 seconds and tell their entire life story. You can look at someone and be like "Yeah, I wouldn't trust anything with that person".

You surround my current life with the weirdest looking people. The bad guys hire the ugliest people they can find. They are trying to make all the girls look like ogres for some reason. Even little bree had a funky little body. Hottie Mcgee was average at best but she got that name because of how fucking ugly everyone else is they hired.

The good guys tend to hire some really pretty girls. Probably because ugly people tend to be poorer and lonelier. They are more likely to take bribes to do terrible shit to someone. Which means they offered little bree a shit ton of money just because she resembled bree and they needed her. So she got a huge payout. Too bad she's going to prison for a long fucking time and she won't get a dime of it.

but the good guys can get prettier girls because they get to say "Hey, we'll give you $100 if you help a guy out" rather than "we'll give you $10k to shit on someone" like the bag guys do.

I'm getting real sick of being surrounded by a bunch of ugly mother fuckers.

>>33944957
I've always interpreted it as being a sort of off-shoot of the more common mommy fetish in the sense that it's about being absolved from personal responsibility. With the former it's along the lines of "you're perfect the way you are and you don't need to aspire to anything, let a maternal figure handle everything", while the monster/discarding angle is a sort of cynical mirrored version where it's more like "you're never going to improve past the way you are and you are incapable of aspiring to anything, let a dominant figure use you to better themself". The arousal is probably the monkey brain thinking that in this transactional relationship, I gain innate value in being used by a stronger person to their benefit, and as a result I become "perfect the way I am" so to speak like in the mommy fetish example.

I assume the disgust around it all is just a general sense of getting too old to still do this sort of thing. Usual knock on from not having any romantic experiences and a small bit of regret for being too anxious to ever really try maybe? That could be what shifted it from the conventional mommy fetish angle where I could be saying "I did nothing wrong to end up this way, I'm perfect the way I am" to the monster/discarding angle where I'm instead saying "It was my conscious choice that made me end up this way, I will never improve past the way I am". That's my two cents at least, I don't know what Freud or Jung would say.

I've found a new job but had to keep them waiting for 2 months(local labour laws not gonna explain). I'm going to have to tell then I quit next week, not because they treat me badly or anything but because I've accidentally found a job that offers similar conditions(slightly better), but has much, much shorter commute. I know I'm entitled to it, they themselves wouldn't think twice about letting me go, yadda yadda but it just feels so awkward and I'm really stressed because of it.

>>33940238
mine too, so?

Why would someone threaten you multiple times and yet never do anything? Am I not even worthy of being hurt by you Adrijus? I wish you could murder me already. Why did you beg to date me if you were just going to hate me? Why was I not enough? I am sorry I was not a good enough secretary to encourage you on your projects during my own praticum.

>>33945029
I can respond at greater length later but that's probably fairly accurate but it's only healthy if your life is largely blissful and can be maintained at that level of happiness for the foreseeable future.
Which I doubt.

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>>33945123
Appreciate it anon, it's good to put thoughts into words sometimes.

You're lower than the dirt on my boots.

>>33945275
Well damn...

>>33945277
That's funny. I expected a violent reaction denying all of your actions and shifting everything onto me and, or, someone else.

Well, maybe I shoulder a lot of it too.

>>33945285
Idk what you mean. I doubt I'm the person you're talking about.

>>33945295
You're not. Sorry. I was writing into the wind.

>>33945029
As long as you keep that shit to yourself, you're still less pathetic than that guy who cheats on his wife.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjDt7h35uF0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-DK2XUsKuw

Youre in the wrong end of story now shut up.

>>33945356
Huh?

>>33945360
Getting something off my chance what do you want punk?

>>33945375
Watch ya mouth.

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>>33945379

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>>33945029
I understand the appeal of relinquishing the burden of directing your own life and instead devoting oneself to the someone "better" than yourself. It's actually a very common motivation to join groups or form relationships. Often in a healthy way.
What I immediately take issue with is the idea of "you're never going to improve past the way you are and you are incapable of aspiring to anything"
Giving up your personal sense of purpose to serve the purpose of another and accepting you lack worth and capability to forge your own path is one thing.
However, accepting that you can never improve or provide greater worth is horribly unhealthy. Fantasy encouraging that self image is a recipe for stagnant decay where this is the best your life will ever be only to get worse quickly.

And it's a delusional fantasy. Not slime girls or mythical creatures. I mean you actively ignoring the fact that any master who sees no value in the person they posess yet still keeps them isn't a worthy master.
They're a trash hoarder.

There are some who enjoy performative degradation play where both know they are pretending and that the Dom is pretending the sub is worthless. They're visiting the fantasy because the words and actions get them hot and when it's over they return to reality. That's not my bag but it's fine. It's joint play.

However, you're conditioning your mind to accept your current state with an imaginary Dom who needs you, uses you, and yet lies to tell you that you don't have to do anything. The lie is that you don't have to improve or even maintain worth. You can lazily rot and be treated like you have value despite that because they pay lip service to the idea that you're worthless.

The fantasy could be complete acceptance as you are and serving the monster and then *improving* so you can serve her better
Striving to be of service to another's will rather than struggling to develop your own can be healthy

Right now, you're just fetishizing your own laziness.

>writing an essay alone in my house in my underwear
>mom decides she's just going to show up and walk in
>interrupts me writing mid fucking sentence to borrow my truck
>now I can't even remember what I was thinking about and my train of thought is completely fucking wrecked

thanks mom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27d138zhyZQ

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>>33945029
>I assume the disgust around it all is just a general sense of getting too old to still do this sort of thing. Usual knock on from not having any romantic experiences and a small bit of regret for being too anxious to ever really try maybe
Age is really irrelevant to sexual interests.
I've been fantasizing and fapping for 39 years.

What you're too old for is accepting fantasy and not working to improve your reality. Reality is going to hit you, regardless of what you do. Winter is coming.

The truth is that you *can* improve.
You *can* learn.
You can better than you were yesterday.

I started off at 18 going to university a completely socially retarded loser outcast among outcasts. And I achieved my goals in socialization and romance.

It's entirely possible to be accepted just the way you are by a real life person. Unfortunately, bigs parts of that are both accepting them as the mobsters they are and being severely uncomfortable until you adapt.

That's my advice: If you're unhappy, change. If you're happy, keep fapping without disgust by owning accepting your lustful outlet.

>>33945299
>you're still less pathetic than that guy who cheats on his wife.
And we're both less pathetic than a worm trying to punch up at us.
Good luck with that.

My love is vengeance
That's never free

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>>33945029
>>33945435
I just think the possibly new guy should know what kind of psycho is farming him right now.
Nothing wrong with exposing that.

This is really troubling.

>>33945564
>psycho is farming him right now.
That doesn't make any kind of sense.

You are just a worm trying to act like a a cuttlefish.

>>33945582
Nope, I'm just a human.

Scenario:
>You get a new GF, partner, love interest.
>You tell your friends, mates, associates.
>Maybe they even get to meet him/her.

Question:
If the question arises from friends/mates/associates what it is that you like about him/her, is it a sure sign that whoever is asking is either desperately wanting to fuck (or more) your gf/partner/love interest or is passively telling you how lowly he thinks about your gf/partner/love interest?

I imagine there is literally no in-between those two extremes.

How close am I to the truth?

I played a lot of age of empries and I'm on a losing streak and I cursed people out
It's my day off I'll probably work the next 6 days in a row
I feel like my brain is in competitive mode but I don't want to keep losing

I'm so sick of watching sitcoms but I lack the willpower to find something cool to watch
It sucks working long hours

Does anyone have tips to beat an overwhelming ahdh? I'm exhausting myself every single fucking day trying to be a normal adult and I can't even manage that. I'm always too quick and make single digit IQ mistakes or don't think things through enough and pay the price. I have pills that help a little but it's no miracle. I'm at my limit of being such a worthless fucking idiot that can't do simple normal adult things

>>33945629
planners and reminders, break large tasks into smaller steps, create a structured environment, and also have a good sleep, your brain needs rest from daily overheating

>>33945585
Prove it.

>>33945595
You can't even imagine people taking an idle interest in why you like what you like?

Anons, what was the shittest Christmas you've experienced?

Mine was me waking up to my parents fighting and only getting a bar of soap and a giant Simon says as my only Christmas presents. I was 17 at the time.

>>33945629
Short answer is to check out "How to ADHD" on YouTube
There's a ton of advice.

Stop trying to do things the way it works for normal people and do what works for you.

>>33945663
>a bar of soap and a giant Simon says
braggart

>>33945658
No, not with primal instincts involved.

>>33945629
>single digit IQ mistakes
Do they actually matter? Never get angry at yourself
IMO the solutions is to slowly remind yourself what you care about every day. Do you care about your finances, hygiene your job?
Just set aside the time to tackle the most important stuff early. If you made a mistake its just because you didn't care enough, never let that emotionally affect you

>>33945670
Don't forget my parents fighting about what to do with my step sister

How were you so horny for me just to not accept the request?
Girl we could make magic

>>33945275
Let me pick them, mommy

>>33945275
N or B?

>>33944630
She wasn't compatible with you and you looked at porn instead

>>33945675
I think not getting angry at myself is the angriest part really. For example I ordered a furniture and when I measured to check if it fit I measured in inches and not CM like the pic clearly says. These are just small errors from being inattentive that could so easily be avoided. When you make these kind of mistakes daily it's really hard not to get angry at myself. And because of this too I miss the lots of positive in my days too that would help build confidence. It's just very difficult all around. I did better in the past when my life was much simpler but as you try and become serious it's pretty much impossible to keep life simple. There's always some new bullshit thrown at you every time you catch up and can relax

>>33945730
>when I measured to check if it fit I measured in inches and not CM like
A lot of people wouldn't even bother measuring. Just return the furniture.
>I did better in the past when my life was much simpler but as you try and become serious
I relate pretty heavy. I have a ton of aspirations but when I work full time or overtime my personal life just falls apart.

Its funny that I'm a pretty focused and effective person at work but once I get home I turn into a complete slob in order to relax and simplify my life. At work I remember getting mad about simple inconveniences but over time I'd start to tell myself "it's no big deal" and it made me feel a lot better just to catch myself before I got upset and nullify the anger.

I gotta push my limits

Everybody at my work knows that this new girl that just started hates me - she told somebody and they told everybody else. I haven't talked to her since. I feel hurt because I thought we got along well.

>>33945977
Maybe she doesn't hate you, she probably is acting retarded

Im debating buying pizza

Should I do it? Its a pretty good deal

>>33946033
Chicken and the egg situation. Doing the best I can, okay well not the BEST, but making progress forward some way some how

I feel genuinely nauseous that my online partner might've killed himself and I failed him. I don't fucking understand how did it get this bad, I thought we were genuinely fine now after spending time together. I want to cry, I haven't been enough despite having been told I was the best partner for him. I don't understand

I feel so fucking happy that I can be autistic and schizophrenic being a data analyst. No longer do I have to worry about people upset about the scowl on my face or being quiet all the time or how I'm left out. The work is all that matters as backed by the education, and that is good enough to me.

I had a meltdown

I'm scared and I feel like someone is watching me.

>>33946101
Guess what! If you are a data analyst you can have a meltdown in your computer chamber at home while getting work done. Then when you have to be seen by stakeholders as long as you quietly keep it in, just have to provide insight. After that you can just lay back knowing no one gave a damn about your autistic temper tantrums. No more worrying about Zach being this wreck of emotions, and now the people I work for perfectly squarely just focus on the work and I can survive.

It's ok to give up.

I just hope everything's gonna be okay.

>>33946118
data analyst?

>>33946124
No its not

>>33946118
This is very bad, I don't know what to say

I know this is all because of me at the end of the day. Had I been a better person, none of this would've ended up the way it did. I understand that...

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>>33946141
Yep, the coolest job in the world. The job you can be quiet, focused, and socially retarded, and people will accept you as long as you can do intense math and computer work.

It's all about the brain not the mouth with this job.

Fuck, I feel so sick all of a sudden... I'm ready to vomit... I already did that on Saturday... Fuuuuck

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>>33946159
>the coolest job in the world.
An excuse to reuse this pic

>>33946159
I know you get tired of me

I now understand why you release such updates

>>33946196
Don't need to worry about that. I'm shelved off like a repository that sends statistical info to a management sector, so people don't need to know I exist. I essentially go in, provide data insight, then walk out and go enjoy a shot of whiskey at a bar then go home.

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>>33946169
I should just call out even though it means I'll break even. Fuck this pain

>>33946210
Do my personal data make you feel that bad?

>>33946210
You're so tired of me and reading everything I write!! I won't bother you anymore so you don't read my personal information, just please live. I'm very ashamed of the inconvenience I caused you. I've been thinking for a long time that someone was watching me. Don't you want to kill me?

>>33946220
No.
>>33946238
No I don't. You're an okay chap, and that's alright.

I wish relationships could exist without sex. I would love to be romantic with someone but never sexual, but no one else feels the same, having zero sex is a deal breaker for 99.9% of people, leaving me with no choice but to never experience romance
its jst so grim.

I gotta pick my battles

>>33945692
With my Ex? I stopped watching porn entirely so far as I remember, I wanted to fuck her - whilst it was turbulent to get there as I had massive cock nerves to start, once the ball was rolling I started fucking her in my sleep.
With the girl I wanted to marry, she pushed me away and made me feel like a monster for wanting her. I turned to porn as she rejected me constantly from being a sex fiend that matched my libido.

>>33945627
Im sorry anon.

>>33946061
There are probably cheaper alternatives, and it isn't healthy or nutritious. Maybe if it's a really good deal and you've been good lately.

>>33946246
I'm truly sorry. I hope I won't bother you anymore.

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I'm tired of reading shit written by random retards on the internet. If it's not outright retarded it's in bad faith or is trying to push an agenda or worse a fucking bot. I don't want to read what anyone has to say on the internet anymore but I'm lonely so this is my last resort for feeling somewhat social and I fucking hate it.

The blood of heroes, nobles, vikings, and scientists flows through my veins. I will make the ancestors proud. I probably already have.

>>33946357
Apology accepted? Anon I'm not like neurotypicals. I'm autistic. So I don't give a hoot what you say. It's what you do that's different.

>>33946362
You need to be happy being alone first before going to people.

>>33946374
do you really know me?

>>33946362
I'm very sorry to hear that. What are you really feeling?

>>33946431
Fuck no I don't know you. I'm just your run of the mill piece of shit that has to learn to not to start shit all the time. You're alright.

>>33946436
Then good luck with your work! It's normal and it's okay not to be neurotypical, I hope you don't overwork much at your work. I heard that it's important to always take breaks and rest :) Besides, this job is worthy of respect.

>>33940165
I wish for my teacher
to arrive very soon
so I won't have to search all my life
so I can have peace

>>33946384
Girls always say this as they monkey branch and fuck another guy

I dont know!

Holy shit get the hint and leave me alone
If me changing my tag may or has ever cost me the chance of getting reached out from my ACTUAL friend then trust that us ever talking again will drop into the negatives.

>>33946647
Why tf are you on an image board talking to a person like this. Schizo. Tell them irl.

>>33946653
>”changing my tag”
>talk to them irl
are u retarded or esl?

>>33946662
You’re projecting. You already changed your tag therefore have nothing to worry about but that person lives rent free in your brain. Narcissist.

>>33946687
If you weren’t an esl retard you’d be able to read very clearly in my post that I worrry about not being to get in touch with a different person that I actually wish to connect with, it’s all hypotheticals but still. Also changing tag means jack shit when they can just click to see ur new tag.
Are u just one of those old ppl who doesn’t get how internet stuff works?

I genuinely think society does not have enough death threats. Responsibility is the biggest fucking meme in the world and accountability is only barely more existant. I’m 100% serious that I think 90% of adults should be culled not for being evil, but for being completely and utterly incompetent and lazy.
It’s one thing to suck in your personal life, it’s different to suck at a job. Suck like being bad? Ok sure fine whatever. When you start inflicting your own self on other people though is where I get absolutely apeshit angry.
Patience, nobility, all these things are fucking gay but so is being a lazy piece of shit who hurts others or gets them killed. I’m very sick and tired of pretending like society isn’t rotten to the core. Im not saying it should change, but why the fuck can’t we just acknowledge the truth? How are any problems supposed to be fixed if we don’t address them? Why is everyone just stuck on babysitting duty for everyone else?????????!

>>33946687
nta but the other anon is right

I can't find the motivation to "improve" my situation.
There are things I want from the future like a family and my own house, but I've been content with my life for the longest time, every day goes by with eating, exercising, occasional work, video games, reading and sleeping, and I'm happy. I live off of minimal welfare, just enough for rent and food, but no luxuries.
It's hard to find time to do something constructive and creative to make some extra earnings to get out of this cycle, but I also see most of it as pointless, not in the nihilistic way but the type of way where I don't really care for money and it probably wouldn't be necessary for the sake of attaining those things I want in the future, but it would certainly make it easier.

I already know what I want to do if I ever get out of the cycle, but at the moment, I'm too content to change anything. Even when you're standing still, you're falling behind, time ticks forward and your body slowly deteriorates. It doesn't scare me, I have no regrets, even if I don't attain the things I want, I'm content. I know it all sounds very backwards, but I can't put it any other way. I want something, but at the same time, I don't.

I know that motivation comes from action, but I find it nigh impossible to even act in such juxtaposition.

>>33942076
He did not appreciate pornographers either.

>>33946566
Let me tell you something about relationships, any relationship. Go outside and look at the waves on a beach, that is what relationships are like. They rise, fall, comeback, and come forward. You need to treat them like how you are looking at them, just observing it, because I'll tell you there will be a lot of tricks people will throw at you to feel awful if you let it. It goes back to what I said a long time ago, same in same out. What you were before be same after. What were you before you met her? Be that.

living next to armenians will test your patience to the extreme
they act like animals, no class, no brains, just pure impulse with 0 regard for anyone around them

I gotta stop taking it personally

>>33946809
Me too

>>33946774
I've only gotten stronger. I've stumbled but learned and grown. Will be nice to show her that but she has to show the fuck up for once.

gn anons

>>33946826
good night cutie

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>>33940165
For all the bitching I see women doing online that they keep finding flakey, noncommittal men, I'm awful tired of all the flakey, noncommittal women. I'm sorry, but if you're 31 goddamn years old and "still figuring it out" or "unsure" about kids, there is no fucking room to talk. This is a two-way street. I've been ready and looking for a long-term relationship for the past 6 years. I'd like to think I'm relatively intelligent and active (I can pick up on stuff quickly and enjoy physical exertion, especially if it's challenging), never cheated (I go exclusive as soon as I start chatting with the few matches I've had over the years), and try to keep myself clean (no drugs, no tats, no piercings, shower daily because I feel grody if I skip more than one day, and alcohol's my only vice but I keep it under control). And what do I get for my efforts to be an upright kind of guy? Trannies, fags, green card hunters, and wading through an endless sea of hamplanet "buy me a drink/food and tell me I'm pretty" adult children who think they are hot shit because they blow their over-inflated salaries from do-nothing jobs on tourist trap international bullshit.
Holy fucking shit.
At this point, the desire to be a good and dutiful husband/father is the only thing keeping me on this goddamn ride. As soon as 37 hits (less than a decade), I'm jumping off this godforsaken rollercoaster, because I'll know I'm too old to be the parent I want to be for my kid(s).

>>33946436
how do you like working as a personal data analyst?4psp

>>33946647
Initial of person?

>>33946950
What do you think the initial is?

>>33946906
dating apps destroyed love

I am a nobleman and an intellectual, wholly unfit for life, too good for most, too wretched for the good. But at least I am loved.

>>33940165
Fight!

>>33946834
thx

I need a new parental figure in my life, besides my actual parents. I'm a NEET who lives alone, and I'm too autistic to function properly as an adult. Ironically, this is also the reason why I have to live alone; to avoid inevitable conflicts with housemates.
I also need to get the fuck off the internet for a while and get back in touch with reality. Obviously hard to do when I have no life outside the internet...

There are literally no forums or groups for people that cheated but want to stay faithful, just for cheaters that want to keep cheating OR cheaters that confessed. I guess I really do need to just shut the fuck up about it even to myself and pretend it never happened

>>33947039
This used to be understood by men, unfortunately we've entirely destroyed our society for Jews.

There is no mental illness and no psychiatry, no excuses for you zero braincell fucks

I wonder why I've suddenly really gotten into age play, want to fuck a girl and for her to act like a twisted brat who's enticed me to fuck her cunny.

All these people I thought we were done with and now they're all coming back.

You never forgot about those things. You just hoped that I had. They won't have forgotten, either. No way.

You can pretend like you wouldn't be annoyed if I was letting such people back in to my life, but there's no way you would be.

This really is shit. All that embarrassment, shame and awkwardness has all come flooding back.

Thanks a lot.

I really enjoy collecting stationary, but I don't have any pen pals. I wish I had someone to write letters to, but the best I've got is my personal journals...

>>33947121
If you wanna talk about regret, that's the place

I'm going to go and actually do it this time
I'm going to dump her, join the priesthood and leave this horrible place
No more dealing with women and their fucking bullshit
No more driving this ungrateful creature and doing chores for her and burning through my life savings because she wanted some stupid shit
I'll get to study philosophy and theology and live a life of contemplation
None of this will matter anymore. It will all disappear. I'll finally be free from her. I only need God to be happy.

>>33947381
I've always wanted to write to someone but my hand writing sucks.

>>33947508
Mine does too. I constantly am switching back and forth between capital and lowercase, cursive and print, messy and clean. I don't know if it's even legible.

Can't rely on my eyeorbs anymore, I actually liked a fuck-sided fegghet all this time? If you were so much into cocks, why hover over my roof? fegghet? Cock-pilot your plain ass to a coop full of roosters n leave me tf alone, lol

>>33947652
What do you mean?