How do I have better conviction?It always feels like I'm shamed into thinking everything I do is wrong and every thought driving my actions is misguided.Everytime someone questions me or asks me why I'm doing something a particular way, I immediately get flustered and feel like I'm doing something wrong or don't understand what I'm doing. I always immediately back down instead of explaining myself, and I really hate it because I know I'm not doing anything wrong and I have full confidence in what I'm doing until someone says something and I feel like I'm being interrogated. It doesn't help that a lot of the things I do are just intuitive and I don't really need to think about them as I'm doing them so when I actually have to explain myself I lack the ability to actually dissect what I was doing in that moment.Like, if a situation calls for me to do a process differently from normal and someone sees me and asks me why I'm doing step C before B, I can't find the words to explain my choice of action or judgement and I feel ashamed. Even though the situation called for me to do it in an unorthodox way and it felt like the natural, common sense thing to do I feel like my actions are being scrutinized. I really wish I could just defend myself when I haven't done anything wrong.I'm tired of acting like I have something to hide when all my actions and intentions are pure and true.
>>33946841Tell people, “Don’t worry about it.”
Bump
>>33950619it feels like being in a flow state, which is good because it allows me to be in auto pilot but bad because I'm not totally there. It's like I know what I'm doing but I also don't. And then it falls apart when I become conscious of my actions and have to articulate them
>>33946841watch some shonen animelike im not even joking
fuck man, it feels impossible to have any confidence when everything I say and do gets twisted and used against me. Everything said to me feels like an assumption meant to imply something and every question asked to me feels like probing just to get anything to incriminate me or catch me in some contradiction. I always think there must be something that prompted the person to make the question, even if it seems like harmless small talk. If I wanted to share some piece of information about me, wouldn't I just do it of my own accord?Everything I do comes with some expectation and I always have the wrong response to what the other person was looking for. My life is nothing but choices and actions made in response to someone else who feels inclined to ask for my thoughts but I know no matter what I say it'll be wrong. It's always "will you do this" never "what will you do" and I can never tell if I'm meant to go one way or the other. If I'm clearly meant to give the response they're looking for, I feel like I'm fake and it's still not satisfactory anyway. It all ends up in me answering for things the other person clearly wanted me to do, instead of letting me exist in a vacuum, unimpeded by unnecessary expectations and coercion guiding my actions.It just doesn't make sense to ask things made with an obvious implication or underlying purpose and we're just supposed to pretend that they want an earnest response and not to confirm some suspicion about something involving the other person. The very act of asking implies a concern that must be addressed, otherwise there would be no need to ask the question in the first place. And yet, it feels like 90% of human communication can be chocked up to this. It sucks too because I always try to word everything in the most neutral way possible, but interestingly, I'm meant with a defensive answer anyway. It just feels like them projecting, which confirms everything I just wrote.Am I just extremely neurotic?
I hope this helps
I might be the most autistic man on the planetI just messaged a guy on my floor to borrow a tire gauge and when I knocked on the door a dude opens it and says>"You're looking for Sam?"and I say yes and then he says>"Okay, I have the tire gauge in my car."By the end of it, I get his name to properly thank him because he filled my tires too after we saw that they were low and it was so awkward cuz I asked him>"so, are you Sam or did you just have his tire gauge?"and he says>"... I am Sam."Like bro WHY DID YOU REFER TO YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON EARLIER LIKE YOU WEREN'T HIMThe guy I messaged was named Sam on the app but like holy shit why do I think
>>33946841My cousin has a record of 12 arrests and no convictions. Maybe you need his lawyer
