Examples>Drinking, smoking, and so on worsened by any shame these things give me, basically a self-reinforcing cycle>Trying to push myself into paranoid/mystical delusional thinking and then getting scared that I'll find myself in too deep (the worst case of this was one moment where I noticed I was starting to manipulate my own memories to fit a paranoid narrative, leading to three days of me being anxious to point of nausea, constantly fighting with my own brain, feeling as if something was in my body, depersonalization, etc.)>Any happiness I have I feel guilty for because I haven't earned it>Often try to mentally push myself into being suicidal>Constant comparison to othersIdk why I keep doing this. I didn't have the best childhood (ostracized for impulsively saying inappropriate things, being bullied, sexual assault, and more) but none of these things feel directly related to this shit
>haven't earned happinessI got over this by realising that my 'karmic debt' or whatever doesn't get paid by deepening it or stagnating.Forcing routine daily good deeds is valid payment until you're at zero, which is the point when you realise that you're genuinely doing good deeds (having achieved naturalised/inherent good action)
>>33957281For me, it's not about karmic debt really. It's purely that I had it better than many other people from the start, so anything that deepens the inequality feels immoral
>>33957290ah but how do YOU affect most people ?focus on your immediate circle and community.nobody benefits from an actively self destructive neighbour, friend, family, etc.if you were truly fulfilling your desire for equality you would be sacrificing your labour and output, not cutting off your capacity and potential.and also wasting resources doing so, and contributing to much more vastly harmful systems such as substance market.
give up your home to those in need. remove yourself and shorten the rift between those 'lesser' than you to what you think they deserve more.do you see where I'm going ?
>>33957305Wtf I never said they were lesser than, just that they were given different cards. But, yeah, I've thought of similar things though I am currently unable to do anything like that (I don't own a home yet). I've sacrificed a shit ton of wealth in order to give to others though
>>33957302I do this already when I can. To be honest, the desire to be suicidal is largely due to the amount of work I'd have to put in to get myself to not only be functional but also up to my own standards. I just don't want to be here and to have to do things
>>33957307oops I meant *with lesser.no anon you're not getting it. doing such things is much less valuable or helpful than true action.you cannot simply give away what's already circulating and you don't even truly own in the first place
>>33957309so you're just lazy, bored, self sabotaging to pass time ?
>>33957290It's also not just equality to be clear, but also the fact that I haven't had to do as much, so anything good happening in my life feels especially unearned. I feel completely incapable compared to the average person, which makes me feel bad, but also better off from them, which makes me feel guilty
>>33957315if the world worked like this, based on guilt and feefees and false charity, we'd all be dead in the mud. seems that's what would finally give you peace of mind at least.you're disgusting....
>>33957313I am often bored and sometimes lazy, but I've been trying to get a job (no offers tho because it's difficult in today's market), I am in school and consistently studying, etc. I used to self-sabotage a lot more, nearly ruined my life a few times even, but I can't make myself do it as much, I just continue to want to and I want to understand why
>>33957317I am not demanding or advocating for the world to work any particular way, I am just honestly describing my brainworms. I am not saying they're right. I don't even know what a world based on my mindset would look like and I doubt it would give me peace
>>33957321go volunteer at community centres and soup lunches etcyou're so self absorbed you don't even see what would actually be worthwhile and possible with minimal effort
>>33957327I have and I have made plans to do more. The point is that no amount of helping others will actually help me mentally. I do think I should keep doing it because it's good, but it doesn't solve this specific problem
Its interesting that people seem to target feelings of privilege guilt rather than the addiction and mental manipulation
>>33957329Your mind doesn't matter in context of what purpose you've given yourself. you have made yourself into simply a finite piggy bank. a defective at that. addictive and parasitic. so your mind reflects it.you aren't doing anything sustainable or lasting. you aren't improving the community centre. you aren't creating opportunity or actual change or whatever.get over yourself.
>>33957362You aren't actually reading a thing I've said, are you? You're just mad at me for appearing pathetic despite me clearly being willing to push past my thinking.
so push past your thinking??? you absolute nigger
>>33957393I am doing so in action but it persists mentally, that's the issue. I am suffering with this internally despite trying my best to live normally and contribute
No Anon can help you with a willpower issue
>>33957397How is this a willpower issue?
having the willpower to follow through with mental reform.
>>33957402I am often countering the thoughts though I don't always do it, I have stopped letting them control my actions, etc. I think I'm doing pretty good with mental reform, I just want perspective on why and extra advice. Nothing given so far has been advice. So far it has only been attacks and claims that I'm not doing anything. If "willpower issues" couldn't be advised on, then a lot of threads posted here should have never been made.
>>33957410I acknowledge that I have been aggro.Not many people, especially here, experience your stupid guilt complex. reddit would be better suited.
>>33957412At the very least I am aware that I'm experiencing a complex, unlike many of the faggots here
