>28, female>mentally broken but working hard on therapy for years now>does this whole therapy thing even work?>haven't been in relationship for years>recently got fixated on specific type of people that attracts me>fixated so much that I managed to hook up with a few of them>long story short - last one was so my type that I feel like I fell in love>he ghosted me>not that I tried to reach him, I'm too afraid>we just don't message each other>I don't know how people do that, how they show they are interested, how they get closer to each other>so I'm waiting like stupid>hoping for something that's never gonna happen>I'll miraculously meet him somewhere and we'll be happy then, right?>even if somehow - I'll be for one night againWhat do you people do in such situations? I've never was able to start any healthy relationship. I have my own issues and traumas. Such situations paralyse me and I'm either desperately obtrusive if I feel safe enough or cold and distant otherwise.Before I get any advice like: yolo, just tell himHe just found out that I'm single mother, I'm overworked, don't have money or nice flat. I think he ran away when he'd seen that. And the other thing is that he totally looks like someone who doesn't stay. Charismatic, handsome, confident. I believe that in this very moment he's flirting with someone else.I just feel bad begging for his attention.But his the first one in years who made me feel this way.We hooked up twice. Just bumped into each other randomly at the party that second time. Never chatted.What kind of stupid and shallow situation is that and why does it break my down so hard? What do I do?
>>33958598>>mentally broken but working hard on therapy for years now>>does this whole therapy thing even work?It depends what kind of therapy you're in and if you're honest with your therapist. You might want to see one who specializes in attachment.
>>33958598you're just like me, keep your spirits high. i agree that your attachment is causing the pain. its so hard but you've got to let go. sorry im not sure this is even proper advice
>>33958598>mentally brokenDon't even think about starting a relationship, you will destroy it (if lucky, if not, it will be him, you and your child)You will know your mental issues are solved once you will stop talking about it when speaking about yourself>What do I do?Take care of your child. Raise him or her as a good person. Eventually, it will help you solve your problems
>>33958598>What do you people do in such situations?usually they start doing drugs, better stick to therapy
>>33958598Are you willing to do arts and crafts with me? All I want is a hobby gf.
>>33958937Sure!! Yeah, would be so cool! What kind of arts and crafts you mean? I can sketch a little, I crochet, I could do other things I think. If by art you mean music or writing then yeah, I'm for it too.Actually art is a way for me to deal with emotions, I always feel better when I pour emotions in the art.Wow I'm really glad you asked
>>33958921That's interesting, I do say that I have mental issues most often when it comes to romantic relationships. I was really upset when I wrote this post, I assure you that therapy works. I can see it in relations between me and my family, friends, coworkers. I see how I act in public, how I deal with any problems occurring in my life.I actually like my life, it has changed a lot since I started therapy. I focused on different aspects of life because that's what my therapist advised - start with fixing your everyday life. And it's good. Really. The only thing that hasn't changed is this.Or has it? Two years ago I was trembling with fear when I tried to imagine anyone touching me. Couldn't imagine anyone finding me attractive. That changed, too.I see my therapist tomorrow, we'll talk about it. Do you guys think it is something that can be fixed too, just like other areas of my life? Somehow I feel like this one is going to be the hardest, even unfixable...But I must say it - it was such a hard work. I worked really really hard to get to the point I am now. It was exhausting. Was it worth it? Yeah, I guess. Because there's still a lot to work on.And I feel like all those years spend on therapy are lost... I know it was worth it but people of my age are getting married, having stable lives. I barely started living. That hurts.
>>33958873I'm with you <3 I'm so sad and tired now, but I promise I won't stop trying. And I don't mean I won't stop trying to find someone. I won't stop trying to fix myself. As someone wrote here, there are therapists specializing in anxious attachment. People that had been in worse situations than I am now managed to start a family. I deserve it. Everyone does. Never had one. That's where all this trouble comes from.
Single mom? Death sentence. Shouldn't have fucked things up with the baby daddy, or you should have played defense better and not let trash men get access to your cootch. Men would rather be alone than commit to raising a bastard son. If you had the exact same woman cloned and gave us a choice between the one with a child and the one without, not a single one of us would choose that burden of a kid package deal. The only man that would stay with a single mom is someone else who has absolutely no other options and is desperate, which you will also come to resent, since you clearly can't stop being played with by more desirable men than you. The only other option is single fathers, and those guys always have some debilitating addiction or mental health problem. Bat in your league (1-3/10) I guess. You will never lock down chad now, so give that shit up.
