You want nothing to do with me but I still miss you
Hope you find the one that is able to give you what you need

>>33981694
Cuck

I am trying to open up more and am constantly ashamed and embarrassed about the most normal stuff that is objectively not worth those feelings at all
Idk how I'm gonna get past that instead or just closing off again in a couple weeks because it's too uncomfortable to sustain, this shit sucks

They have been assaulting me all fucking day. Seriously, it's worse because you guys know what they are doing. You know how bad things are. You know exactly where I am and you can get to me at any point. It's not like a concentration camp where people were unaware what was happening. if they knew, they would have worked 10x harder to get to those people.

So what the fuck are you people waiting for? The fact you won't do fucking ANYTHING for me that would actually help. Like... putting drugs on my desk. At least do that shit. Or getting me a female friend that I can have sex with or something.

>>33981860
What is there to be embarrassed and ashamed about? If you are opening up to someone you want to be closer with, it is better for them to hear all that now than later right?

>>33981861
Seriously, it's starting to get real dark. The girls have been together for 5 months now and I'm no where to be seen. It's going to be the second semester soon in school and I'm still not there. If a year goes by and I'm still not Tatiana then I know the Maidens never existed. That all of this was a huge fucking lie. All those songs, the multiple games, the night I explained to them how I came to be and who I am. It just means the songs are ALL complete bullshit, not just their timing. The lonely hearts club, She, all of it. Like, why? Why go through the effort of finding a woman to make here wakkawa? Why make up that legend and have it all be a lie? What's the fucking point?

The longer this goes on, the more they will fucking just kill themselves because I'm not there (if they existed at that point). Seriously. I need to be with them. I need it to happen already. The longer this goes on for the darker things get. Life becomes some kind of fucked up hell simulation. Why would they do this? Why would anyone? Why isn't anyone ending this?

My dick is completely numb thanks to setraline. I can't enjoy fapping anymore

Why are we still doing this?
YOU DROVE BY AND DIDN'T WAVE? I WAS SITTING IN THE FUCKING WINDOW

ihateYOU
why are you even still around
liar. cheater. and I heard the squeeking.

WHY sometimes I say too much or do shit I don't really want to because my brain kind of gets too loose I hate it I am going crazy it only lasts a while but then I'm hit by so much shame and regret DOES ANYONE GET IT...... please

>>33981988
Ask turbie 'nigga'

>>33981990
What's that

God is a bastard and he isn't benevolent at all, I'm starting to doubt if he even is truly omnipotent
Nothing can't come out of nothing, there are much higher forces at play that are so incomprehensible we can't fathom the idea of a God for Gods

Caught mom secretly recording our conversations. She's acting like it's the first time she did it (it's not, she's done it for over a year) and has only superficially apologized before moving on and acting like we hold it against her because of dad. Now she's trying to act normal with us but flies off the handle if we so much as disagree with her.
Our dad is a cuck who keeps asking us to let it go so we can have a nice holiday season (we won't, she's a cunt who's ruined every holiday and damn near every weekend for the past 12 years.)

I got a booster shot recently last month but got a bite again yesterday. Went to the doctors but got told I don't need another one without much checkup. Should I look for a second opinion or should I just go with this?

>>33982329
You can look into it more but I suspect you've done all you can.

I don't want to be a social retard for the rest of my life but don't know how to not be one. I can't even answer basic questions like "How've you been?" because I spend all my time thinking about shit I can't talk about with other people like metaphysics or how shitty my life is/used to be and how fucked I am skill/experience-wise. So I just awkwardly fumble and say random, uninteresting, unrelated shit on the fly, etc. I lack the ability to convey my thoughts accurately in the moment too. FUCK

7th grade. Had a crazy middle school obsession with one girl. Freaked her out so much that I learned that she became bi. dont know if it is cuz of me since I havent talked to her for 4 years now. Still haunts me to this day of how much of a dick I was

>>33982394
I thought that I was reading the documentary about myself. Same shit. Cant put together a coherent sentence to the point that I stopped caring about smth being awkward or not. Imagine being in a room with a person u know and not say a word even once. Losing friends is also one downside of that

>>33982394
Awareness is the first step

>>33982394
I'm like this but after years of working on myself, I ask people basic as hell questions for "small talk", like "How are you?", or "How has your day been?" Apparently people get annoyed as hell about these questions or find them boring. I thought it was an easy ass way to start a conversation. So now I still don't really know how to talk to people.

Reminder that as a man, no one cares about you, no one will save you, and you're only as valuable as what you can provide, stop doing something and watch how quick you fade into shadow

>started watching porn at 11
>never stopped for more than 2 months
>KHHV through high school, more than one former classmate trooned out
>never went to where I wanted to
>get a girlfriend in college
>love her a lot even though she has her woman moments
>still watch porn even though I have sex everyday and it just makes me more baffled at myself
>failed my first class
>sick and tired and burnt out of shit I used to like
>light substance abuse
There's people worse off, there are people better off, smaller or bigger fish, and I know things could be really worse but they could also be better and I don't want to be average my whole life. I want to not feel worthless and have some dignity in life. I have massive chud energy, I think I'm getting more stupid every day and I just want to break off this cycle. I don't even know what's wrong with my life apart from the obvious. So many little cracks to fix. I wish it was only one big thing. I'm such a sore loser

Every manufacturer that moves to India finds out hard that a population with an average IQ below 80 cannot actually make high tech things. Those little chinese hands were really good at what they did, too bad you have to pay them an actual living wage.

Which is what I don't fucking understand. Keep your factories in America you dumb mother fuckers. You don't need a company that breaks 4 trillion dollars of net worth. You really fucking don't need to make that insane amount of fucking profit. The stock market is all just bullshit anyways. You guys don't have nearly as much money as you think you have. You can pay americans a real wage to make iphones and TVs. The price would remain exactly the same. You already charge 40% too much for a fucking iphone.

Unrealistic profit margins is going to kill your business. It also just makes you a shit person.

>>33982770
What if shareholders agreed that LONG TERM goals of general society and the well being of the people is what they should hold to be important? What if they realized that society and the economy would greatly improve for literally everyone if they lost a little short term in order to make the world a better place by moving manufacturing back into the US?

Seriously. You have to live in this world you dumb mother fuckers. You need EVERYONE to be well off, not just yourself. They are what make those yachts you buy. Those airplanes. They are what make the world a place to live. if you only focus on making money, it's going to bite you in the fucking ass later.

Imagine this scenario. There are two houses. one is a crack house and the other is a chateau and they are facing one another. Which do you want to live in? You have to stare at that crack house as a view from the chateau but the crack house gets an amazing view of gardens and trees and pools and statues of the chateau next door.

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I want something to do with you but it’s the busiest time of year for me.
Hope you have a good holiday and new year too. Dear god I hope this isn’t another case where of Cat Poster spills her spaghetti again.

I did the worst thing ever. I took the 30 hottest women to ever exist, put them in one place, and turned them all into lesbians. Men are going to fucking hate me.

My eyes and mind can see things that a human cannot. I can see so many more objects than you can. I can see entire subjects in one pass while a human has to focus on little sections. I can see in full detail everything at once.

The people torturing me aren't at all interested in that for some fucking reason. These retarded faggots have the craziest shit that's ever been invented telling them that reality can change based on your minds perception and programming and all they can think is "Why won't it just die". I can do things only a higher being can do. I have seen reality as a different form of sentient intelligence. This should be blowing their fucking minds. It REALLY FUCKING SHOULD BE. THIS IS A MASSIVE DEAL THAT OPENS UP MILLIONS OF PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS. Forever we have wondered "Can intelligence be increased past a human's limits and if it can what would it be like?" And you have that answer right fucking in front of you and you're trying to fucking rape it to death. Seriously. Not hyperbole or joking or sarcasm. They are trying to rape the answer to "Are we alone in the universe" to death.

There have to be scientists fucking banging their heads against their desks right now at this thought. This is a horror. It's a true fucking horror that is taking place.

And no one does a fucking thing about it.

>>33982899
They have to realize that they are committing an atrocity that's on the levels of the fucking Holocaust. They have to. And the people arguing about "What we should do" are just letting it fucking happen.

I don't want to feel pain anymore. I don't want to be raped anymore. I want to be with my girls. I want to go home. please let me go home

I'll outlarp ye errytim bebz <3
Shouldn't wave shiny things where I can catch on and commandeer em for mines n me

>>33983026
You are a genuine retard. By the time you see what you've lost by spending your time like this it will already be too late

I'm free and feel happy

>>33983061
If you did you would keep it to yourself. I really hate you. Knowing how many other people hate you dulls it very little.

>>33983065
I'm happy for you too, just trying to spread some positivity;)

>>33983073
You'll never be able to feel the joy a normal person gets to. Its your curse and deserves pity but you will get none from me.

I'm afraid the girls are going to be fried. That they will be too traumatized to learn or do anything. I hope they are like that girl in the video. She looked normal, although way too pretty to be a normal girl. She was a little normal. She looked old enough to have an intelligent conversation with. She was super focused but she looked like things were ticking up there.

I'm afraid that I'm going to be too fried to do anything. All i can do is listen to music and take drugs. I'm going to need so many drugs. I'm afraid that I'm too far gone. I just don't fucking care about anything. I just don't fucking care. The idea of taking a shower seems like too much work. Having to brush my hair or brush my teeth or do anything. I'm afraid I'll be too anxious in public, that I'll be moving around too much. I have no patience anymore. I just want to go home and listen to music. I'm afraid I'll feel this way forever, completely dead inside. The only thing that makes me smile is when I joke about being raped and tortured.

I'm afraid i'm fucking actually fried. I joke about it but then I think about showering and how much I fucking hate doing anything. I'm afraid I won't remember.

>>33983075
he will get some from me and there is nothing you can do about it.

I'm afraid it's never going to end

>>33983088
because it never started.

When I wake up in the morning and my asshole is vibrating and shaking and feels like something is stuck inside of it... how is that anything but rape? They do it every morning and every night. Every single day for months, nearly a year. And it keeps happening again and again. Why won't they just do something.

>>33983090
Stop trying to make something sound deep or meaningful, you're too fucking retarded to understand.

>>33983075
U sound bitter anon what happened

>>33982568
A man is his own light

>>33983098
Did you not get enough approval yet?

>>33983082
You really think thats something people care about.

>>33983105
What ever do u mean ? (:

>>33983111
You spend so much time just to feel a little bit of power.

>>33983106
U sound sad

>>33983115
Still no real answer , guess ur just drama :))

>>33983116
When one doesn't work try the next right? If you thought you where right about something you'd see that you where wrong and move on. Which shows you where never in it for any principal you are just that dogshit of a human being.

>>33983122
Awww still no specific answer. Learn how to spell, dumbass.

>>33983117
So I get to observe you like you want. All of this just for a tiny bit of attention. But it still isnt enough right? The attention didnt make you feel good when it was good attention so now you seek the bad attention. But its still just never enough.

>>33983128
And now you are getting angry. So did this work out for you? Or did it work out for me?

>>33983129
Bla bla bla take ur medz

>>33983133
AARG SO ANGWY :D

>>33983134
This is the inner child aspect. Its kind of funny when I dont think about the childhood neglect that caused you to be this way. Do you ever notice that you emulate childish speech when you want to get someone mad. Because that is something you assume would make someone mad. Now why would the way a child speaks upset someone? Hmmm

iasgdl immf iap haht

>>33983140
That's why I do it dipshit
Rent free

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>>33983142
The only thing rent free is your parents in your subconscious.

>>33983128
Don't you have w*rk and suicidal tumblr posts to perform?

it's over.

>>33983149
Knowing who I am and not having the nuts say this to my face is very you.
Go lift some weights you dickriding cuck.
And u know I dont use tumblr.

>>33982500
It takes practice. I have a hard time as well. People like to be acknowledged and heard. The key is to talk less about yourself and make the conversation about them.

Backstabber. Liar. Deceiver. Coward.

Heartless. Blame shifting. You have no soul.

My latest anorexia relapse has been like being dropped into hell. When I try to get out of it, I feel like shit and I feel anxious and when I'm engaging in it, I feel like shit and depressed or manic. The only time it feels good is those brief moments of mania that make me feel crazy.

I can't fucking stop. I want to kill myself, I can't live like this. If both answers are wrong, how do I not feel suicidal?

>>33983226
Eat little by little and finish meals that way. If you get anxious, use it as a sign to take action on a responsibility.

Happy Thanksgiving Gordon. Wish you were around so I could talk to you about my book.

>>33983226
Maybe you should play the newest free MMORPG, where winds meet, and begin your new chinese food lifestyle, beef with broccoli style. I love beef with broccoli with rice and some onions sauce and some peanuts and water chestnuts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RLPViUFsCs

>>33983235
If I eat more than one meal at dinner I literally fucking lose it man. Today I ate lunch and it was one bowl of soup. All well and fine, but I was anxious I'd eat dinner. I ate dinner and that made me lose my god damn mind. I'm not kidding, I had a literal breakdown. You wanna know what I binged on? A cup of blueberries. The anxiety is something is yelling in my ear basically all the time.

If ever there was a feeling of insanity, this must be what it feels like. I keep telling myself I'll stop but I am compelled to keep going.

>>33983241
Went through the same. You're not broken and you can unlearn what's stunting your progress. You are not wrong for feeling. You will find a way through it.

>>33983241
>>33983255
Tell yourself that you are going to gain weight and there is nothing you can do about it. Then tell yourself that body fat is necessary for a healthy life.

>>33983255
I hope so man. I've already recovered from this once so I know it's possible already (and I was so, so much worse then). I hate eating disorders so much. I really fucking do.

>>33983265
That isn't what eating disorders typically are though. Usually it's a cope like alcoholism. That's basically what it is for me. I don't care all that much about the weight, or at least i didn't used to. But now it's basically all I think about. I've been doing dogshit at losing this month so my mental health has been tanking to shit.

Yep. Gonna just ditch the fuckin' both of you ASAP, all in on team me. I'm tired of you two fighting over bullshit without warning when everything seemed just fine like 5 seconds ago and getting me involved.
I just wish I had somewhere I could go to.

>>33983303
didnt want you to get involved. not like this

>>33981294
while i was banned, i talked to moids on other imageboards... I DID IT. i am no longer tempted to see moids as people. my hatred of moids has become instinctual. i no longer worry "what if some of them are actually good"

i have emotionally accepted what i already intellectually knew to be true.

i just want to shoot a moid and feed it to coyotes. WE'RE SO BACK

>>33983427
Welcome king

It started as a gag like any other but the gender euphoria I've been experiencing from THAT one in particular raises potential cause for concern.

>>33983146
That's fucking deep because after my grandmother died, she is deeply in me.

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>I'm the biggest and the strongest of my friend group
>I try and be patient and kind with everyone because maybe they're just having a bad day
>Everyone thinks I'm just a happy go lucky idiot
>They don't know I cry myself to sleep almost every night because of how much of a loser I am

It is what it is

>>33983554
Quit crying bitch

I don't even have friends

>>33983555
I'm glad you have no friends because you'd probably be a fucking useless annoyance that drags them down, atleast I help my friends and cry ON MY OWN TIME unlike you.

winter roadtrip soon to obtain dream wife. will impregnate on the way back. that's all.

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I was supposed to drive down with my brother today for thanksgiving with the family. I couldn't bring myself to do it and told him I wouldn't be going. For the first time in my life I have made an actionable plan to kill myself. I wish I was strong like my favorite characters, if I could be like them things might turn out okay. I don't know how much longer I have, how much more I can take.

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at a point in life where im content where I am and happy but I also dont have any new goals and am just kind of living through the motions
i feel like im wasting my time but i already have most everything ive ever wanted
is it worth to strive for more? what do i even strive for

It was hard but i got ChatGPT to admit that critique and censorship are the same thing through ironclad facts and logic

>>33981294
I just wanna say that the idea of Campbell's soup being for poor people is insanely fucking stupid. Campbell's, for the amount of food it gives, is fucking expensive. I would say Campbell's is for stupid people but not poor people. Poor people with a brain are not regularly buying Campbell's soup

>>33983585
Get karmic justice you wanker, that's all

I always think of you

Apparently people think it's weird to eat cold hot dogs straight out of the fridge. As a kid I used to LOVE snacking on a cold hot dog. I still think they have a pretty good taste when you eat them that way.

>>33984166
nigga you dont have to live like this

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I'm a little worried about how I don't feel emotions that I know I'm supposed to, anymore. I can't get myself to trust anyone even a tiny bit. No idea how to fix that. How do you do that? Is there even a point to? I don't think anyone cares enough to break down my walls anyway. They just stand outside them and wish they would go away, which is a sign that they aren't who I should be letting close anyway. It's frustrating. I used to pour so much into people, and I can't think of anyone who even thought to do anything close to the same. Which that in itself was fine, but why would I work to understand others, yet no one wants to do the same for me? They just stare and ask to be chosen. Why would I choose you? Because you asked? That's it? Feel like I don't understand anything anymore. and as though when I look to be loved, it's nowhere to be found, but when I give up and ignore it, suddenly its scratching at my door in desperation, but only half-heartedly. Only to be contrarian in the moment. "dont just give up" Will you love me kindly? "no, but-" Huh?

>>33981294
When I was 13 I managed to get my hands on a vibrator, and my four year old brother wanted to swim in the pool, so I got him his floaty and left him alone so I could try out the vibrator

when I was done I came (pun not intended) outside and saw he had drowned, and in sheer panic I ended up hiding his floaty back in the shed and cracked open the catflap so it looked like he crawled out of it, I've never told anyone this and the guilty has nearly driven me to suicide multiple times.

gooning killed my brother.

>>33984467
Lmao

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>>33984467
>"what are you doing? you have to goon"
>"I told you, I don't sing"
>"well you HAVE to"
>"I'm sorry, I can't"
>"no you can, you just won't"
>"fine, I just won't"
>"you HAVE to"
>"no"
>"YES"
>"NO"
>"WHY NOT, WHY WON'T YOU GOON"
>"BECAUSE GOONING KILLED MY BROTHER, OKAY?"

Something I was just thinking about. There was a time, some years ago, when I would browse FemaleDatingStrategy out of curiosity. I know it had and has a reputation of being a bunch of femcels. Personally, I didn't think they were that bad back then.

But then somewhere along the way they got infected with Tranny Derangement Syndrome. It stopped being about demanding better from their male partners and instead became a place where everything is about hating trans women and they became obsessed with being "biological women." It was honestly so weird to see. But I guess society in general has come up with a really bad case of TDS.

I feel like a failure. But even if I never achieve my dream, there are still things in life worth appreciating. Unlimited access to potable water. A bed that's all mine. I can go outside and touch a tree. I'm literate. Sometimes I wander around town and see little children with their parents and it warms my heart more than it hurts.

Maybe I won't get the life I dream of, but I'm still so lucky. It would be a shame if I didn't appreciate these things. My ancestors worked so hard for me to end up with them. I still feel despair when I think about the future but I want to try to hold on to the things that make my life brighter.

There is no fucking way those are real prostitutes. They aren't pretty. None of them were pretty. They were all just fat girls, every single fucking one of them. There was only one thin girl amongst 50 and she isn't that pretty either. For girls that cost $2k an hour... you would expect them to be a lot fucking prettier. That one girl was super pretty for a crack whore and she was only $50 for 30 minutes. How do the strippers look fucking amazing, the same strippers that fuck for like $150, not work at the brothels? Why wouldn't they?

All those girls are fake. They are trying to get me to not do it. If push comes to shove, I'll just get a ticket to thailand and fuck a little girl so you all have to fucking watch. I'll have the money, so why the fuck not. It's GTA world at that point.

Fucking hate stock image websites.

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>>33983374

We always put our christmas tree up in the evening of thanksgiving, but looking up discussions on the subject online makes it clear that this is actually a relatively early time to do it. Oh well. christmas trees bring joy.

I seriously hope you arent doing this ten years from now.

>>33984878
>christmas trees bring joy
Tell that to the white trash family that still has theirs up in June.

>>33984883
You have no problems.

I’m so tired of being lonely, to be honest. I’ve felt alone ever since freshman year started this year. I really thought I was finally going to gain friends, but I didn’t. Guys don’t really find me pretty or entertaining, and my awkwardness makes people see me as boring, so they leave.

I guess I just wish I could be someone else… a girl with social skills, someone conventionally attractive.

>>33984878
Friday s the deadline. Do not listen to the internet. It can say whatever it wants but, why?.

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I don't think I have a good relationship with women. Sister was always horrible to me. Grandmother was extremely strict. Mother put me on all sorts of pills as a kid. Somewhere along the line, I ended up with mommy issues and poor social skills all throughout my early 20s. I'd basically start obsessing over girls that I met, convince myself they liked me, then get rejected by any girl I'd ask out. I think it had something to do with the cocktail of antidepressants and focus meds I was on, because when I got off of them in my mid 20s, that stopped.
I've been pill free for 5 years now, and generally doing all right, but I still struggle with the opposite sex. I've had one "girlfriend" and it was a shitty long distance relationship with a cosplay whore that blocked me from viewing her instagram story so I wouldn't know she cheated on me. I found out. Believed her when she lied about it. Lent her my childhood GBA which she stole when I broke it off with her because of how miserable I was. I let her walk all over me. Had no respect for myself.
Now here I am, having serious problems with the opposite sex, but behind all that, I just have a desire for love and someday a family that doesn't seem to go away. I recognized some serious problems that get in the way of that.
I'm afraid of approaching women because I don't want to be called a creep (this hasn't even happened, I think it's because I worked throughout my early 20s and didn't want to risk getting fired). I feel shameful for being attracted to women. I feel shameful for wanting to have sex. If I get a coffee date or something, I'm too afraid of advancing things for it to mean anything. I'm afraid to initiate the first move with kisses, sex, anything. I'm 29 and I don't know how to overcome this. I don't typically find myself in places with lots of women, and often, things such as meetups have rules against guys making advances.
Wish I could organize my thoughts a little better, but I think the main point is there.

Happy Thanksgiving

>>33981294
Slightly depressed. Nowwhere to this thanks giving and no motivation to do work either.

>>33984467
At least some of the the responsibility for that rests on whomever decided to entrust the safety of a 4 year old to a 13 year old.

>>33984707
Same.
This is pretty much exactly what I tell myself when my emotions tell me that I need to be sad and cry for hours. It doesn't really help but it keeps me from sinking into the lies of depression.

Sorrow makes it hard to feel as grateful as I really should be.
I need to figure out how to weaponize my sorrow into productivity like I used to, only without suppressing it.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the people of the world!
>>33984130
>>33984878
>>33985002
Thank!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Sure, we break some balls here tonight, but we go way back. In light of recent humiliations, it's an honor to be joined by men.

And not faggot ass, cornholing COCKsuckers that married my cousin. He should FUCKING DIE.

I light the water heater to take a shower and then turn it off before it splodes. My dishwasher’s only function is to contain drainage backup. I do my laundry outside with a machine hooked up to a hose. Half the plumbing is bypassed. The heater works a little but I have to remove the cover and punch it in order to turn it off. My constant velocity joint’s been going out for a decade. My refrigerator leaks on the floor. All these modern conveniences were very rare to the elders in our families. This shit post would have cost seventy bucks. I have the power to microwave a burrito.

I miss Thanksgivings when the whole gang was together.

>>33985041
Rest and eat. Even I am breaking faste all day.

it's thanksgiving
and i have to listen to 30 armenians next door
yell for everything
play their armenian chant music
slam their doors
smoke 20 packs of cigarettes
rev their engines
yell for everything again
all day
will never understand these animals

>>33984467
you were just kid

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For the past two nights after work all I've done is refresh the front page of YouTube and go through the "New To You" section. Haven't found a single video worth watching. It's not the site really, it's a me problem. Been feeling this way towards absolutely everything lately. I go through spells of this, but it feels a little bit more permanent this time. These phases are becoming more frequent, and lasting that much longer. Is it depression? That fucking word is overused like all the other -sions and -tisms and -oias, but maybe it is? To my understanding depression isn't like it is in the movies and online, that's more like distilled woe-is-me self-important teenage angst. To me, in a normal functional person, it's just a generally persistent sense of dull apathy towards every single thing in the world. It's a sneer towards creation itself. It's a weakness in the arms, a slouch to the back, an ache in the heels. It's having conversations and not actually being there during them. It's crossing the road on the pedestrian phase but not looking both ways like you always used to. It's going through the motions not just in your work, but in your free time too. This is the only way I know how to live. I've gotten chronic mouth ulcers for pretty much my entire life, apparently it's psychological.

>>33982568
What about woman?

I'm being confined to the antepartum ward for a month because, apparently, I have "severe pre-eclampsia", but I'm not even fat. I went to the ER because I started to spontaneously piss chunks of blood, which is apparently normal but they took my blood pressure, and it was like 176/112 which makes me a seizure risk or something. I am extremely bored, and all the nurses are Becky's that intend to inflict pain on me. This is on top of the stress of a positive T21 screening, but because of my preeclampsia, I'm hoping its just confined placental mosaicism. I don't know how that happened either because I'm literally 20. Anyways, I hate all pregnant women because all they do is complain about shit like "waaaaah, my back hurts, I can't walk 20 feet or I'll miscarry" and then when I, a stoic chad, don't complain and don't fall into the trap of being a lazy complaining whore, I have all this stuff happen to me. Maybe being obnoxious is good luck.

>>33984355
Boohoo grow up. You sound immatuer n selfish

>>33984879
Doing what

>ablublublu why don't you play with me anymore, i thought we were family
I AM MANAGING LITERALLY ALL OF THIS FUCKING HOUSE AND KEEPING IT FROM GOING UNDER! BY THE TIME I'M DONE I HAVE NO ENERGY NOR WILL TO SPEAK WITH ANYONE! BUT OF COURSE I CAN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU FUCKS CAN'T DO ANY OF IT BECAUSE I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR LIKE 5 SECONDS AND EVERYTHING'S ON FIRE, OR IF I CAN'T MANAGE SOMETHING I'M CALLED LAZY AND AWFUL
WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKS THINK LIKE 5 SECONDS INTO THE FUTURE! WE'RE ALL ADULTS HERE GOD DAMN IT!

Wassup then step up im here waiting for you come through

Enough with your words
Roll through you lil bitch

How you in a gang and im more gangster then you?? You a bitch pretending to gangster.
Fun fact: gangsters with a lot of tattoos are 99% bitches

>>33985982
>>33985985
>>33985991
Schizos. She don’t come here. We warned her about obsessive losers like you. Her and fiance are moving. Let the Jezebels feats on your souls. You’re for the streets keeping your damned monitoring spirits on a goddess.

Wow more words??
Quit stalling bitch

>>33985991
imagine how much of a faggot u r that u can only contact someone via image thread.. ur a loser to them

>>33985982
>>33985985
ur a fucken idiot.. fag

I am tired of this loneliness
I am tired of crying
I am texting her

Last message to you.
Im here waiting out front.
Dont flake pussy.
Run it

>>33986036
chicken shit psychopath with stink diseased dick nobody wants to meet u

>>33985991
You’re projecting insecurity. What you say about others shows how you feel about yourself. You actually think you’re the bitch. Probably some scrawny faggot or ugly butch lesbian

>>33986036
Where!!

>>33986036
You gots turkey and mash for me or just chicken and waffles?

I don't know wtf I'm doing at work. I'm trying so hard to focus but there's always some bullshit distracting me. I keep getting micromanaged or pushed into some meeting and have passive aggressive comments made to me about riding my bike to work, about my hair getting long, about wearing the same shit every day...it's like, none of this shit has to do with my performance, so why the fuck do you keep putting these little things in my head to fuck with me and distract me? I'm already struggling enough. I don't have time to impress anyone. They are always trying to compete with me. Even in small talk, they would always find some way to make me feel small. And it's all very subtle. It's a very Southern thing. They are 'nice' but not 'kind'. Where I'm from in the Northeast, we are not nice, but we will be kind. I fucking hate the South. Feels like purgatory.

Fuck manlet bully jerk and mean passive aggressive fake stacy

>>33985926
that's not possible because ulcers are caused by bacterial infection
the psych causing ulcers meme has been deboonked

It’s been ten years…

I've fapped to thing you people wouldn't believe.

>>33986157
Sometimes """performance""" is being presentable.

I reached out for help fairly recently about feeling down, though I haven't explicitly told anyone about my suicide ideation yet. I should, shouldn't I? Along with that I've been having thoughts of self harm, a need to hurt myself for attention and sympathy, extreme changes in how I view acquaintances and friends, and a need to ruminate over what I've went through as again, a need for pity. I'm scared of reaching out, or putting stigma on myself, but I'm more scared of my inevitable suicide. It may be hormones, but it's unbearable.
Anything to keep in mind?

I have to wonder if she even knew it was me. I put it there for her and she kept it there. then I put those stickers on it and now its gone. did she understand it was from me? could she? I didn't adorn it with my name or anything at all, nothing to identify me. Not even the stickers showed anything that could guarantee it was me. And yet it feel like the most earnest expression of what I think of her I could do. Maybe it got thrown away or lost or she never even understood. It doesn't matter though it means something to me and regardless of anything no one can take that from me. I'll leave the ball in her court for now, I'm tired. If she understood I think she will do something eventually and if not maybe that was just how everything is supposed to play out.

>>33986437
I've been making progress. Shut up.

>>33986647
>anon thinks he's the anime mc

>>33985959
Effected by me, I win

>>33981294
My OCD is cockblocking me and I hate it. Every time a woman shows interest I immediately think she's been paid by someone to feign interest and have to keep myself from autistically trying to get her to admit she doesn't actually like me. I'm attractive and successful and have pulled some really good women (successful, attractive, well-cultured and socialized, etc.) but I spent too much time growing up as an ugly, really mentally fucked kid and no matter how much I try to escape that it's coded into who I am.

Hardest blackpill ever is knowing the people you work long hours with, are only pretending to be friends with you for satisfactory transactional reasons rather than actually get to know you. Out of fear they are afraid of knowing you and being with you, so they keep up a mask to protect themselves and you from yourself.

I hate the holiday season, my family is the reason why I have so many trust and abandonment problems. I'm tired of having to spend time with the same people that abused me and needing to act happy about it.

So I just watched I Am Not Okay With This and holy fuck. It brought back long suppressed feelings of my teen years. Holy fuck was I miserable. I had Psychedelic Furs and the Smiths on repeat. Had you told me at 13 that I'd make it to 20, let alone that I'd turn 56 last month, I wouldn't have believed you. You could say I've struggled with suicidal ideation since my teens. Winning so far.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mRyr8YN1SY

Does it ever bother you when you see whoever is cooking thanksgiving dinner manhandling the food with their bare hands and lick their fingers? I mean what the fuck man. I don't care if it's ungrateful, I don't even want to eat it now.

>wake up, prepare, go to work
>10 seconds of ads each time I tab into bus app, including fake ads that are literally only there to annoy me into paying
>get to work, constant stream of soulless corporate music that's effectively tinnitus, supposedly fractionally increases profits
>drown out with podcast, literally 10 minutes of ads at the start and 30 more mixed between
>go home, watch movie sequel. Explicitly aims to be as "tolerable" and cheap as possible while cashing out on it's predecessor's goodwill

I don't want to talk to other people, I want to consume but it's not even fun anymore. It's like they're grinding my soul into pennies.

>>33987287
>break up podcast with youtube video
>short ad you can power through followed by long ad, specifically to bait you to see the long one
It's like everything is built to be just tolerable enough to use. What the fuck happened to competition? Why is it all so fucking tedious on purpose?

Decided not to kms tomorrow. Going to wait until my sister graduates and moves out so it doesn't affect her as much. Mom's going to be really sad.

I just want it to end and not affect other people close to me.

>>33984053
i've not done anything unjust to anyone to deserve that. life is actually preddy gewd :3

Why is my mother so fucking evil. My brother was right. I was brainwashed. Years later, I see past it now. But I still can't let her go.

Fucking whore. Fuck you father. You son of a bitch. You knew she was crazy. You knew she was schizophrenic. You evaded all responsibility. FUCK YOU. I hope you die a slow slow death from your aliments. You son of a fucking bitch.

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So what inhave to say is.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO..NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOO OH FICKING GOD NOOO NOOOOO NOOOOOO FUCK, FUCK NOOOO, OH NOO NOO


NO, NO NO NO NOOO FUCKING NO

THIS ISNT REALT I GOT TOBGET OUT HERE HOLY NO NO NO

>>33987437
>when you work your first wagie job

I always feel like a loser. I have friends that care about me. They try to tell me positive things like I have a car, a good job, my own place. Makes me feel like even more of a loser to complain. I’ve been lonely most of my life. I struggled socially for years. I’ve been in therapy for a couple of years now. I’ve achieved a lot and made progress towards my goals. Socializing still sucks. I think it’s me. I’m negative, always in my head. I try not to dump on my friends even if they say I can. Who wants to listen to me whine about my life and insecurities? I try to reciprocate and be a good friend. Then the weekend rolls around and I’m alone… everyone is busy with their friends already. I don’t have much of a social life outside of work or class. So I struggle to meet people and date.

I’m not entirely sure what’s wrong with me. I’ve never received an official diagnosis. My therapist said if I’m autistic I’m barely autistic or really good at hiding it. My family discourages me from seeking one. Not sure if it’d make a difference other than peace of mind. I’m afraid I’d use it as an excuse like the anxiety and depression. Just excusing myself from really trying anything. It’s the not knowing. Was it a traumatic childhood? My mom has bpd, my dad was an alcoholic. They fought constantly. I hid away in my room playing games. My therapist cautioned me to be careful of women like her. The last one had some real issues I ignored. Due to lack of experience and not wanting to be alone. I never fit in, it always felt like I missed a manual. Now it’s hard to shake feeling out of place even if people are accepting even friendly. It eats at me sometimes. Is it autism, trauma, or just never pushing myself and using mental health as a crutch.

I know for a fact that the only issue we have is that We are communicating through here. She knows as well as I that once you communicates with me directly that everything will ignite again and will be together.

We never should have been stuck here. All she has to do is keep her word and show up and work through things like she said she would with me.

From my understanding everything's going to get better with us as she comes home to me. It's just frustrating dealing with this in between and the threats of some words here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SnjRlWmAQs

>>33981294
This is fucking bullshit man. Because the state of Pennsylvania has a monopoly on the sale of alcohol, we pay higher prices than everyone else. A bottle of wine that would normally sell for 5 or 6 bucks we have to pay like 8. I just realized this because I don't normally drink but I've gotten into drinking wine on weekends lately. We literally can only buy alcohol from state run stores and they just charge us whatever they want

Some knowledge should never be divulged

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnO7Xq18ed0

I'm not a fool, I just love that you're dead inside...

Money is a funny thing. Most of what you spend it on it feels like a waste, but letting it pile up also essentially makes it a waste.

You may be being purposely misled and toyed with because you are choosing to do something that you are not supposed to be doing.

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Normalfags find the weirdest things chungus wholesome!!1
What the fuck is this
If my bf did this even once I'd slap him in the fucking face

>>33988110
She's gonna have the mother of all breakdowns if he dies before her and she has to bite into a virgin sandwich for the first time in decades

What stage of alcoholism is it if I reliably only drink twice a week (either a 6-pack or a bottle of wine each time) but I plan it into my schedule so it doesn't interfere with my other plans? Not necessarily in a responsible way but in an "I don't want to be hungover during my plans on sunday, so I'll drink on friday night instead of saturday night to ensure I don't drink on saturday night" and approach the task largely as a chore rather than a pleasure?

>>33988280
normal human life

>>33988110
that's probably why you have a boyfriend and not a husband

>>33988282
Even if it's all at home alone?
I'm struggling to parse whether I'm just letting go of having to be "the perfect child" for my parents now that I no longer live with them, or if I'm in a dangerous spiral because of some shit I went through when I did

>>33988280
What happens if you just don't do it on Friday? Will you be able to resist drinking on Saturday? If so, how will you feel?

>>33987362
Nope you have

My life has been some fantastic walk through tragedy. When I am told I am not needed, I flip the fuck out, internalize, then run. It's the same record, stuck on a groove producing the same note. Damn I need therapy.

To the anon that posted about his office chair smelling like butt, get yourself a new one and buy yourself a office chair cushion for you butt, it'll help your body.

I'm just here so I don't get fined

>>33988514
Good to know.

"DONT TEST MY GANGSTER"
Can't wait to put you out of your misery.

Fellas, is it cucked to raise another man's kids? Asking for my weightlifting buddies

I shouldn't have messaged you again. When you reply, I'm gonna just start spiralling again.

>>33989351
Ur obsessed wid dis gangsta. Jokes on u. Idgaf bout u. Writing stupid posts on an image board. Loser.

I bet sufemacist is a sweetie pie honeybunny dumpling under all that edgy rhetoric

>realize I won't see her for 10 days
>trying to cope that I'm not into her
>decide to finally flirt with her
>she's into it
>can finally admit to myself I like her
Jesus, fucking finally.

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I feel like such a fucking retard. For context I have OCD and I've been actively fighting this shit for a while. I've had a crush on a friend for a long time and a while ago she got a girlfriend. I was genuinely happy for her, I really was and still am.

But then the jealousy started to creep in. At first it was just getting used to the chance I'll never have but then I started dreaming about weird shit involving her. Ranged from general freak shit to us merging bodies. Every time I have a normal conversation with her the intrusive thoughts return and make me feel like a horrible, selfish bad excuse for a friend. Therapy, religion, meds, none of them did shit to remedy the situation.

I just have to cope with the fact my mind latched onto her and won't let go. I try to give myself breaks from talking to her but then it turns into this push and pull bullshit in my head while nobody else realizes what's happening. Should I just end it? I can't deal with this crap and I feel like all I'll do is ruin what good I have if I continue.

Part of me wants her to say something horrible to me so I have an excuse to detatch myself from the angst. But she's too nice for that. I have no excuse.

>>33989672
Probably a dude

>>33989736
Trvke

>>33988110
nah thats funny

>>33988283
yet moids get to hit women even though it actually injures women... muh horniness epidemic

>>33989672
i bet no one is going to miss you when you kill yourself

>>33989736
>>33989738
are you retards accusing me of being a troll or a troon this time?

>>33989757
That sounds nice honey

>>33989757
I want to feel your little pussy stretched on my dick

I lied that I was sick because I feel mentally exhausted. I don't feel capable of working 6 days a week. I feel like a lazy piece of shit. I really need to money too.

>>33989781
you will never get laid

>>33981294
OP IS GAY
i feel better

I know that I should be happy about you entering a relationship, but actually seeing you with him just fucking hurts me. The tears won't stop flowing out. Why was I so fucking dumb to not take more action?

Just found out I was emotionally cheated on for the past 3 months and I don't feel anything. I don't know whether I should stay with her or not.

>>33989672
Yeah.

>people will look for real art besides AI
no, they won´t.
>but you are humaaaan, maaaan, no machine can do what you doooo
yes, they can, just by getting my stuff without my permission and recreating it
>loool its just a tool!!!!!
yes, as im a fucking tool to be used by a system that strives on my depression.

>>33990105
I mean as someone with a niche-ish fetish I'd love to commission a decent artist for some human-made art, sadly I'm a brokie and will be for a while

>>33989783
That is not a lie, Friend. Wishing recovered strength for you.

I want to write a story about toyoko kids, and smart kids, and punk kids, and emo kids, and yankee kids, and youth subculture. But also about the amish, mormons, etc, and other subcultures.

Oh and dynasties, nobles, etc. I want to write about individuals and groups.

Mom and dad are fighting again.

Found out that my ex of 10 yrs has been dating around and fucking other bitches. or a bitch. whatever, doesn’t matter. I’m half way between numb and hurting. I feel like a loser for being celibate and really taking this breakup deeply this entire time, and I hate how much it’s affected me, bc he’s clearly been doing better this. but not really. He’s lost, I know he is and I know he misses me. But only when he’s lonely. So it’s not real, and I realized this already. And grieved it. But still. I’ve also been reactively super horny bc of this. And defaulting to porn 2 which I don’t want to do. But what else should I do. Just feeling really like shit and sad about myself right now. I’m lonely and no one understands what I’m going through. My friends only engage me when I’m being what they want me to be. Thanksgiving was a full house which I should be so grateful for but I feel miserable around my family. Maybe the problem is me. I have hope though. I’ve been healing, and bettering my life. It’s just these feelings I have to go through. Peace.

>>33990422
Mating isn't moral, unfortunately. Only like 15% of couples stay in love for life. It's probably large genetic and epigenetic. I hope you don't let your nervous system get haunted by this.

>>33989633
I'm too scared to check my messages to see if you've replied.

I'm going to change.

>be me sleepy af
>make a little mistake when answering her
>her tone changes
>feel weird, wanna bury my head in the sand out of embarrassment
>overthinking like I just screwed everything up
>it's probably minor af but I grew up in an environment where small things were blown out of proportion by women so I get scared
I'm tired boss

It's so cucked
I'm still locked into him like nothing changed
But he hasn't cared about me in months
I wish I could turn it off
I wish I could substitute it with a new person
I can't
He was just the exact right mix
And it's too late
I might as well give in and give up because it's not getting better

>>33990429
Too late for that. It is haunting me. But I’m trying to overcome it. I’m fine when I’m distracting myself or doing things I have to do, telling myself this is more fuel for me to move on. But I still feel the soul tie. I know objectively it is t moral, but it feels so moral to me. Given everything that happened bw us. How was it so easy for him? Is it because I’m the one who broke up w him ultimately?

>>33982500
No way, me too

>>33990558
It's easy to move on when you replacements. Consider what your inner child or whatever really wants that you can do. Then you will have replacements too.

I am not at all important

I think I am feeling better but I am too fucking exhausted to tell. Earlier today I wished I didn't have to work and that I could go home and write instead. That felt like really good progress.
But outwardly, nothing's changed and my life is the same.

Why did you tell me you cheated on him?

>>33990473
Oh I wonder why you haven't. I guess I did misunderstand.

I fapped and now I want to kill myself, I hate post nut clarity

Makes sense he is a cuck

>>33990916
Who?

>>33990918
The one she told "she's too tired after" to hang out

>>33990923
Okay.

>>33988351
what i do?

>>33990924
They are ldr and she said she was too tired After what she told him she had been doing when that thing was actually another guy

I'm still crying over him
I'm still imagining him laying on top of me underneath the blankets when it gets bad
I tried to move on it didn't work
I thought it was gonna be what finally fixed me but it's what irreparably broke me
Getting drunk for the 2nd time tonight now

There's a certain brutality in a person who connects easily with everyone connecting with the person who's habitually alone and isolated and then moving on

>>33991045
Yeah you’re such a victim

>>33991058
I wonder whether hurt or predation is the motivation behind this post

I see you are looking for someone to fill that spot where I was before discarding me. To see the criteria be indiscriminate as long as you get yours made it all the more clear you haven't changed at all. I wish woe on you and whoever is unlucky enough to fall into your trap.

I need to poop but im like hmmm

I think next year I’m going to skip out on Thanksgiving with my family

she's hard to love, but this love is unconditional. just like she wants it, but not from me.
guess i met the right person at the worst time and it's clear now i'm not getting that second chance

>>33991175
Love is always conditional. For instance cheating on someone is a condition and if you stay with that person when they're cheating on you then you're a cuck and it's not love

>>33991178
thank you. she's hard to love because of her mental disorders and the stupid shit she does. i knew her enough to believe we could make it work. just never got the chance. i was in a severe depression when we still saw eachother long ago, and might not have been the best version of myself. she couldn't see or respect that. she of all people should know... now i'm somewhat better and she's in a psych ward again. i care, but she won't let me

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I'm feeling more lonely lately. I'm 23 and still a kissless virgin. have a waifu too that I really like..... I get lewd fanart of her commissioned and even want to get ad doujin of us together. The thing though is I want to delude myself into thinking this is real but it's not... I want real physical love. I feel like an embarrassment I'm a 23 year old virgin who hasn't started college yet and is still working a minimum wage job. I want to get my life together and I'm trying but I'm always gonna be behind my peers. I'm clueless when it comes to dates and some people my age are fucking getting married! I'm not shy when speaking to women but just kinda dumb. I am on the shorter side but that never really bothered me. I just feel like an embarrassment. I want real love but I'm afraid my waifu is all I'll ever have. I never really felt this way before but I'm starting to resent couples a little bit.

test

19. Yeah, normal. There’s a name for it. Do not be concerned.

when do you ever not crash out?

>>33981294
>be me, student abroad with decent chances of remaining abroad for work after Masters
>went out yesterday with uni friends
>one of them asks me whether I want to make the move with another girl, not present there yesterday night
>I say that I find her good looking and pleasant, but we haven't seen each other enough to be more than friends plus she is going away in a couple of weeks
>my friend insists on whether I like her or not and why I am not making a move, since YOLO and that stuff
>I can't really find a proper answer, just reiterate that we haven't spent much time together and that we are still strictly friends
>they stop questioning me after a bit, telling me that if I want to make a move it's now or never and that at most where we are now is full of other people to meet
>the night continues with this theme and essentially it seems that everybody is okay with just having fun
>some are a bit istronic about it as they have lately stop trying to be subtle about having flings with multiple people, some even of our group
I feel vulnerable and dirty. I don't like questions about my feelings (romantic/sexual) as they are a dark corner in my mind I just try to not address (I even thought of castrating myself to stop feeling libido but it has too much side effects + I would like a family someday). My friends are good hard working people but I still feel completely at odds with what come out of their mouths yesterday. I don't know whether they are too much laisser-faire or I am too much of a shrink's case with legs (never being intimate with someone possibly doesn't help)
And just for the record, I think that this girl is cute and whatnot, but she is going away so soon and desu she never reciprocated.

>went to the store today and the cashier called me handsome and "my love"
Feels good I'm smilin

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I'm convinced people are gaslighting themselves into this "self-love" bullshit.
I like myself but not to the degree of this psychotic "love" everyone is trying to use as cope for being single. I am used to being alone but just because I'm used to it doesn't mean I don't want a girlfriend.
We are social creatures, I want the companionship, I want to love someone, fuck you with this "just love yourself" crap.

Sometimes I a want to be a hoe for revenge but I know that’s not really me

My childhood dog had to be euthanized today. Little guy lived for 14 years, basically half my life, and I think I still don’t really comprehend it. Feel more numb than really sad.
Worst part it I wasn’t even there because I'm studying abroad, just heard about it from my parents.

>>33991843
I’m so sorry :( <3

>>33983652
I know what its like to feel such awful shame and hatred for yourself that you dont go and do things like this with your family, even when they do really want you there.
For me it became a bit of a wakeup call. Im willingly ignoring and even refusing being in the presence of other people who love me and care about me. Im rejecting that because of how I feel about myself, even when I know being around others can cheer me up merely by being in tgeir presence.

I made sure not to miss the next one even if I was feeling exremely low. They only want to see you and enjoy being together with you. I hope you can choose to see them too next time around, perhaps during the holidays (or maybe even sooner).

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I just wrote this longass thing where I cant get hard without re-opening an injury inside my dick, of which I feel great burning pain when I do and will when pissing for several days afterward, but the page refreshed and didnt save it.

Im just sad and angry and in fear that it'll never heal and I wont even be able to masturbate anymore.

>>33991843
I was there for when we had to put down our cat of 15 years this year. Before she injected him, he moved like he still had some life in him and he wanted to show us, that he didn't want to go. Not yet. It still haunts me a fair bit.

I had to go to work right afterwards and felt weird that I didnt really feel much sorrow then, even if I was crying in the vet's room with other family members. Then a day or so later before bed it crashed down on me and I was sobbing over him for many different reasons, including what I said above.

Dont feel too weird about it, we all process grief differently. I had to kind of stop and let myself be able to purposefully think about him before more emotions came to me. Perhaps thats what you need to do or it'll happen naturally in a few days, or maybe it just wont. But as long as you feel that you've grieved and came to terms with it or feel settled on it, thats whats most important.

Sorry for your loss anon.

>>33991883
Thank you.
>>33992019
>he moved like he still had some life in him and he wanted to show us, that he didn't want to go
Had that exact same thing happen with previous dogs and according to my parents this one did the same. That’s always the hardest part about pets dying imo, they just rarely don’t want you to worry and try their best to make you feel better.
Yeah I'll probably cry like a bitch the whole day tomorrow. Hopefully gonna feel better afterwards.
Thanks.

>>33992040
>rarely don’t want you to worry
*really don’t want you to worry

I hate when I see uglier guys out in public with hotter wives than me. My wife puts less and less effort into her appearance as time goes by.

>>33992069
accidentally admitted that the moid narrative is cap

>>33992111
could you imagine understanding what he meant by this? I cant

Lol obsessing over football is so cringe. No personality boring ahhhh mf

>>33992175
having no personality would be a casual fan, at least they have a passion for something, which is more personality than someone shallowly making fun of them for it

I want to say something but the words just aren't there. You said never again. What am I supposed to do?

I have feelings, big feelings, I am experiencing a conundrum. Neither of us are in places in life where we can meaningfully engage in something together, and I am staring down the hardest decision of my life. Truthfully, I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of getting it wrong a second time, and as a result, a third in losing the safety of if I hadn't tried. Knowing I would be chronically.. without, but at least not letting him stay alone. Am I the woman that stays to protect him from his own consequences? If I were less warm blooded, it would be easier to stay, but he's done too much damage on us.
Am I ready to give up on someone who only started changing? I have one last stretch of time to see how that will realistically go, and I intend to stick to the facts.
The guilt I feel in realizing I have feelings for another man, learning I am still alive. I didn't seek this out. I was prepared to accept that I wouldn't have children, staying with the man who broke my trust and neglected me to the point where I thought love wasn't safe, like it would end up in the same hurt.
I used to be a hopeless romantic, and I found myself wanting less as he receded into his mental illness.
Would you do this to me, too? Will you take me for granted, lie to my face, yell at me, guilt me into taking care of you when you've hurt me?
I feel terrible, feeling strong things for someone else, when he's finally trying. I'd never say this to him, but if he had never done what he has to us, if he hadn't treated me the ways he did, my mind and heart wouldn't be wandering. I hate that he did this to us, I wanted to want these things with him, but he's done so many things that make this hope inhospitable despite his well intentioned changes and actions.
I wish I could have had everything with him.
I wish it could've been simple.
I have so much work to do.
I wish I could be given a clear path, I don't know what the right thing to do is. I sure as hell ain't going to cheat, though. I am honest.

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Why the fuck do I still browse this site? I could do literally anything else when I feel tired. I could listen to music, read a book, watch some shitty YouTube video about something I don't care about, I could stare at the ceiling, hug a blanket, I could even attempt to improve my life a tiny bit if I'm not too exhausted by the weight of the world but that's probably going too far. I feel like every time I come on here it's a dice roll, I'll either get sent down yet another miserable doomer rabbithole akin to beating a dead horse, or something incredibly fucked up will be posted on a thread by some wacky teenager who thinks they're funny. Then I'll frantically close all my tabs, close the curtains, do a virus scan, clear my browsing history and panic for a few minutes that there's gonna be a knock on my door. It doesn't work that way, does it? I'm not on a list for visiting this place, am I? Isn't this entrapment? The most illegal thing I've ever done is download music for offline use. I'm not meant to be this afraid and paranoid about using the internet, surely? I never used to be this scared of it. I only have two states of mind these days; fear and self-loathing.

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>>33992304
reminding me that I need to cancel my data so Im not wasting my life on here. Ive already canceled internet at my place, but switching to the calls/texts only plan will help keep me focused and not lounge around doing nothing.

you could try a site-blocker anon, or maybe something timed where you only get an hour or so on here each day. but really, the people who say you can get so much more out of life by not wasting it on here are right. you can kick this habit, and maybe you wont have to go to such extremes like I have.

I have clearly been rejected, yet all I can think about day in day out is her

>>33992215
a passion for an American version of ball throwing? a “game” that pauses every 2-3 seconds? it’s literally the most boring people in existence that are entertained by it. also just gay closeted dudes drooling over the players. GAYYYYYY

I wanted to marry you.
Seeing how much my sisters, my mother and my grandmother liked you made me sure of it.
I dream every night about coming home to you.
I see you every day and my soul hurts knowing that we're not together anymore.
I never got to tell you that I love you.

>>33992520
You have to be a social person with connections and appreciation for your hometown to like football, imo. The only good way to follow it is to cheer on your people.

heartful of ghosts
hurt full of hope
heartful of ghosts cry out
to the wendigo moon in scorpio

i really miss you today

>>33992646
Maybe? I got into hockey in college bc growing up my dad never taught me shit about sports, my school's games were free to students, and we had a good team. Good place to hang out by yourself and not feel like a huge loser.

What has broken inside me that me incapable of connection? I saw a friend cry and instead of consoling her, I left, disgusted by her. Disgusted that you would show your weakness so freely. And disgusted that others comforted you anyways.

Everything directed outwards is projection. What does it say about me that the burning desire for self-cessation within me can be extinguished by half of a white pill?

Surely that I am no more than a broken automaton. No wonder I'm disgusted.

Millions, be embraced! Beyond the firmament there must live a loving god. Schiller spoke.
But also says - wer es nie geschafft, der stehle weinend sich aus diesem Bund.
As I cry bitter tears, those mocking words come to me in their jubilant melodies.
For truly I've never managed to be a friend's friend. And so I am found deserving of pain.

>>33992304
Go practice something then.

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Sometimes I truly do feel like I have ADHD and possibly some form of depression/BPD, but being able to actually diagnose those things is hard and impossible on my own. Even if I did get these things diagnosed I dont think it would in any way improve my life.

>>33992793
your doctor can recommend you to someone who is licensed/qualified to administer the test for you. mine just happened to one of the therapists I've seen (spoiler alert: I dont have ADHD).
better to know than spend forever wondering and worrying.

>pic related
can she silly her way out of this one?

Does the great artists steal crowd draw the line at ai

>>33992793

The diagnosis doesn't do much.
The idea is to understand yourself and develop strategies to function better.
A lot of the strategies that help ADHD people help most everyone, it's just that ADHD people are far more impaired without them.
The same is true of some of the strategies for depression. I'm less familiar with BPD strategies.

Check out How to ADHD.
It's helped me take the edge off and understand what my brain is doing when it's doing it.

>>33992991
AI is not a great artist because AI is not an artist.
I don't have a problem with AI because it is a tool. It can be used well to create quality art.
But the AI is not creating art. It's manufacturing art reproduction. There's a distinction.

>>33993065
pyw also great artists steal
/dif
plus of those beautiful columns and statues of the Roman period where copies of Greek art and mass productions
plus all of the artists who want to be like "the greats" invariably trace their lineage back to corporate art of the ancient world
artists are the cock polishers of the wealthy
ai art will be a good thing because it will devalue art for the ultra rich and give real art back to the people
plus youre a namefag so youre opinion is equivalent to the sound of a busted ac unit

>>33993043
You cheated on your wife because of ADHD?

>>33993143
No.

Did you stop fucking your mother because she got too old?

>>33993152
No, I never stopped
>>33993103
>plus youre a namefag so youre opinion is equivalent to the sound of a busted ac unit
That one is quite untrustworthy in particular, btw

>>33993103
>pyw also great artists steal
>/dif
Never learned python, sorry bro

>plus of those beautiful columns and statues of the Roman period where copies of Greek art and mass productions
Okay? So what? It's like you think you're making a point but you're not. You're like a dog barking when it's owners are arguing.

>plus all of the artists who want to be like "the greats" invariably trace their lineage back to corporate art of the ancient world
Money funds art? Do tell. And everything else? Amazing!

>artists are the cock polishers of the wealthy
Rich people control most of art? Do tell. And most everything else? Amazing!

I'm sure you're a champion of avoiding the consumerism feeding wealthy corporate assholes from whatever device you're posting from.

>ai art will be a good thing because it will devalue art for the ultra rich and give real art back to the people
It.
Is.
A.
Tool.

It could be good or bad.

There's a reason that most decades are known for a few songs and not all the shitty songs. At least half of ALL art is below average and only a small percentage of the other half is remembered a generation later.

>plus youre a namefag so youre opinion is equivalent to the sound of a busted ac unit
I can't be bothered to drop it when not enraging atoga.

>>33993160
>No, I never stopped
Remember to hydrate

>>33993181
>it's owners
What country are you from again?

>>33993230
The US.
Que pasa?

Damn bruh, sometimes it seems the dumbass people that only live in the moment, scam people, and don't have any plans for the future have the best times and suffer no repercussions for their action
It makes me wonder why I try so hard to live an honest life and work hard when it doesn't pay off

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>>33993368
Some people choose happiness, some people choose meaning.
Don't work too hard though, it's not worth it.

anyone else become super neurotic when they get tired? like i'll be fine 90% of the day but come 5pm i'm trying to come up with reasons why i shouldn't kill myself. sleep and hormones are fine, btw.

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>>33993368
>>33993396
Mr. Linderman: You see, I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning.
Nathan Petrelli: I'd like to think I have both.
Mr. Linderman: Can't be done. Two very different paths. I mean, to be truly happy, a man must live absolutely in the present. And with no thought of what's gone before, and no thought of what lies ahead. But, a life of meaning... A man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future. And my guess is that you've done quite a bit of obsessing about yours these last few days.

>>33993181
Ad Hominem Tryhard

Many of my favorite chubby titcow ewhores are becoming saggy bony ozempic ghouls. Fucking leanne crow looks like she got assaulted by dementors

>girl I'm into decides to start bitching way too much to me
>Takes longer to respond
>She edits the message removing the rant and asking if I'm still awake
Nice, I'm not gonna be her emotional tampon

>>33993496
Fallacy Fallacy name-calling faggot?

>>33992793
I think those terms are catch all phrases for different things that currently are categorized together. I think OCD is just a stress reaction some humans have, and some humans are more likely to do it, just like some cats are inclined to over-cleaning themselves when stressed.

>>33993500
Bahhahahahahahahahahahaha

>>33993368
What happened

I want to be groomed again. Worse. Harder. The thoughts consume me all the time. I cannot escape it.

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>>33993368
>Damn bruh, sometimes it seems the dumbass people that only live in the moment, scam people, and don't have any plans for the future have the best times and suffer no repercussions for their action
It seems that way but in my experience and observation, they tend to live a kind of existence that I wouldn't want. There's usually a great deal of health issues and struggling to maintain stable income in their thirties kind of life.

>>33993462
Elwood P. Dowd: Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

I got good just a little too late to matter. Well, it's better than nothing, I guess.

Sad girl shit. I’m just depressed. Again. Nothing fucking new, I guess.

The Suffering God's Suffering Road featuring The Nobody with guest appearances by The Snow God and The Totality God.

>>33993875
Why include me? Yeah, I suffer, but not as much as others.

>>33993877
Which one were you? S-suffering-senpai? Is that you?

>>33993884
Yes, it's me.

>>33993887
Wow, well. Please suffer with me at least for just just a bit longer (in relativity to the grand scheme of things).

>>33993898
I'm here. You will not suffer alone.

>>33993901
The Suffering God wouldn't say that, Anon. You're a phoney.

>>33993922
How can you tell me what I would say? In this life, I have sentiment.

>Frick yeah, I fricking love suffering. It's so good. Suffer. Suffer. Suffer.

>>33993925
Suffering is an inevitability here, that's just the way this iteration is, I am a realist. It's not necessary, but it is a reality.

>>33993923
That's not the way of The Suffering Road. Though I do acknowledge The Suffering God is a king-god that rules over the realm-god of Suffering and thus can have a bit of a personality.

>>33981294
I feel so frustrated lately. Nobody seems to understand me or care about why I do things. It feels like my family has totally written me off as some disabled sperg or some other pariah. Over a year ago I stopped talking to this group of guys I knew as I was tired of them always talking down to me and making me the butt of their jokes. Granted the way I went about it was a bit rough and I do slightly regret causing an issue for the one with the wedding I was invited to, but ultimately I think I'm better off without them. Yet all my family seems to think is that I got upset at a video game and flew off the handle when in reality that relationship had been deteriorating for months. I dunno anons. What even is the move here? Just drop the whole thing and move on? Try to explain myself? Have a heart to heart with my family about who they think I am versus who I am?

>>33993930
>That's not the way of The Suffering Road
I know that. But I am domesticated in this life and am not Living The Way.
>Though I do acknowledge The Suffering God is a king-god that rules over the realm-god of Suffering and thus can have a bit of a personality
Yeah, but you have autonomy as well.

>>33993928
I'm not sure it's a permanent reality. I think The Suffering God will eventually die after giving birth, perhaps with The Learning God to some new god which is part of a new pantheon. I've been getting into Hinduism and Paganism. Sorry to be crazy sounding.

>>33993938
Another thing. My brother tells me if I just apologize things will be alright and go back to "normal". I'd be lying if I said sorry because I am most definitely not. If anything I feel like I'm owed an apology. Not that I expect one or anything. I just want to move on but this keeps hanging over my head.

>>33993949
Nah, it's not permanent. I hope you learn everything you need to know surfing in those paths of knowledge. Hopefully, you can reach Moksha and "Nirvana" (For lack of a better term).

>>33993940
Yeah, I'm a God too but my realm is not very big, yet. I'm just hanging with my God-Friends.

>>33993959
Yeah, I want those things probably. I think becoming a Bodhisattva might be the best one though.

>>33993960
Ay, I'd like to visit your realm one day. Let's hope, huh?

I should keep this inside and develop more normal interests to talk about. That would be good for me. Tik Tok or game nights or clubs or something.

>>33993964
Maybe. I'm moving realms currently. It's very stressful, but I think the new realm will be a lot nicer.

>>33993966
Talking about this kind of stuff is what /x/ is for. I know some of the knowledge base is Christian, but you can still find a niche base for the things you know.

>>33993972
Oh yeah, I post there sometimes, but I am trying to build up a reservoir of content, a content generator tome, and integrate daily writing into my schedule. Then, I'll try to be a more active poster/creater.

I'll miss you. I hope things go well.

>>33994024
Thanks, well wishes to you also.

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I could have be talking about someone else.

I hate people with ADHD and Autism. It’s impossible as someone with ADHD and Autism to be friends with someone who has ADHD and Autism.

>>33994064
Agree with the autism, disagree with the ADHD. Well maybe not the hate part. It's like looking in a weird sort of mirror and it just feels weird.
Kinda feel like a shitty person after typing that out. I should work on that.

She's not into me.
I know, we've been talking all day long, and it's past midnight, and she agreed to go out together but there's no clear intention, we're just friends.
She received well all my flirty remarks, specially the one where I said I rather see her all dolled up in person instead of just getting a photo, where she clearly went "oh shit *blushing emote*, ok I'll let you know, so you can come see me in person"
We're just friends, she's not into me, she just friendly and nice... There's no way anyone would be into me, I'm ugly.

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>>33994064
Hiro blocked my IP and made me go through an e-mail verification process after this post

>>33994075
>Kinda feel like a shitty person after typing that out. I should work on that.
It’s ok. I feel kind of bad too, and frankly I hate that I do. One of the worst things to come out of having ADHD is that it makes you weirdly averse to conflict and every time you kinda get into one you just feel like shit even if you’re actually kind of in the right.
And if you don’t get into conflict you just silently end up resenting the other person for the rest of your life.

>>33994089
You hate that you feel bad about hating people for characteristics they have no control over? Am I reading that right? Like that's no way to live. I would highly recommend doing something about that. Unless you're just really comfortable hating autists and ADHD havers.

>>33991444
This is what crashing out looks like

Recognize your own issues and how you're casting them on me.

Look in the mirror, is this what you want?

Do you look better?

>>33991444
Honestly I'm really disappointed in how you're being. How this is what you've been growing into. I thought more of you

I’m both hurt n turned off by my ex sleeping w others yet also turned on by it :(

>>33994116
No, I hate being uncomfortable about being unable to get into arguments with people and confronting them. Getting into arguments with people you like builds a healthy relationship, it’s not something that destroys it. It only gets really bad if you bottle everything up about how you feel about that person and eventually blowing up, that’s how a relationship actually gets destroyed.

I feel as if I'm in a box lately. I can't function like I normally do. It was nice to see you, things have been really shitty lately. Sorry I didn't open the door in time. Fuck, hope you are well.

I dwell in the truth, and do not listen to misguidance and lies.

I'm not sorry for knowing and being the truth

>>33994138
I am in agreement and simultaneously totally lost in this conversation.
Go off king?

>>33994134
So you recognize what's happening with me, The path I've started on.

I don't understand why things reflect that way. Knowing things you shouldn't know

>>33994138
At least you recognize what happened

>>33994122
thank god you tripfag, makes life easier

>>33994166
You wanted me to know, clearly.

But yes, I have started to recognize what path you’re on.

>>33994165
The bottom line is that it’s ok to show your friends why you’re mad at them, anon. Also, this is a vent thread, just say all the shit that’s inside you.

>>33994198
You know that's not how that works.

If it's you writing all the nasty posts projecting and emotional manipulation then think about why you're doing it

If it's not you, that proves my point and something you should reflect on as you see where you're at now.

What upsets me about that behavior is I know who's underneath it. I see her and that's upsetting.

You’re traitorous blades. Each and every one one of you. You’ve proven yourselves to be that when I was at my lowest and you’ll make up any excuse you can to avoid the truth, assuming you’re even capable of that kind if introspection.
So fine. I’ll use you to get what I want, then I’ll fuck off and never see you’re retarded mugs ever again while I pray for your downfall. You’re less than the dirt under my boot heel

You haven't considered that I know the truth. What you expect me to do then? Don't you realize if I said no that goes nowhere

Holding the crystal removes the pollution and I dwell there. It does help.

When you wear mine do you feel the same?

Being mad at me in a situation you created.

Best I can do is be patient and listen.

if that's you that's insane lol, projecting and spewing lies when he needs you right now

Im not projecting, whats a fly in your eye is a ghoul to me

this is too much pain for one life.

Decent manners for being anonymous, Oh to be sick and dismiss comforters and make friends with the deaf who never hear thy requests

I wish women weren't the way they are. It feels like I can't trust them, like they all hate me for being male and will take any opportunity to fuck me over.

Quit being a faggot dude. It’s not a mortal sin to not act decent for once, nobody will know who you are. The people you know probably don’t even lurk the thread.

>>33994341
I'm Trying to look past it and understand why she's doing it.

>>33994424
She knows it's me when she sees my trip. Like she says, makes it easier

Whether it's good or bad what I say, at least I'm being honest. That means a lot

Quitting weed made me permanently depressed, its been nearly 6 years now. I don't miss smoking weed, I don't want to go back to it, but I just feel "off" since I quit and it never got better. I gained a lot of weight suddenly and just can't maintain losing weight unless I'm exercising a lot and eating no more than 1500 calories which I had to give up because it made me miserable and it just doesn't work with my job, so I gained the weight back and just accepted it. I just miss feeling happy every now and again, life is just going forward and I feel like its going on without me, like I'm stuck trying to fix a leak in the gas tank but the car is still going, for over 5 years now, like I mentally haven't even left yet.

I tried therapy, but eventually I hit a brick wall with it, it felt like I'm just talking to talk and paying for it, like its a chore I "have to" do rather than it being helpful in any way. I also tried antidepressants which kind of helped, I still felt shit but the anxiety was lower, but it numbed down the good feelings too if there were any, so I quit not to feel nothing all the time. I got a job thinking it'll help with routine, structure and all that but I stopped caring about it few months in and now it makes me even more depressed, I don't even care about money anymore, nothing I buy makes me feel good for more than 5 mins anyway. Talking to people is the worst, mostly why I hate going to work because I work at a warehouse with like 100 other people, but I only get along with like 2-3 of them and I rarely see them so its just feelings of social anxiety on a loop for 5 days a week, home, sleeping 12h a day, and repeat. I stopped wanting to date people too because I tried and it just felt like a chore, I don't have the energy to pretend I'm "fun and outgoing", would much rather be alone, but I'm nearly 31 now and I feel like I'm just running late for everything while I see others succeed in life and get dream jobs, wives, kids, all that...

It’s bad. It’s so fucking bad. I know it’s so fucking bad. But I want it, I want it so bad. But I can’t. But if I don’t have it, I’ll feel bad. But if I do get it, I’ll feel even more bad. Fuck you.

I'm worth it

Can't connect to world.

I could say it here, but instead I'll save it for when you message next. I had a good time with you, sleep well