I'm 32, with ADHD, anxiety, OCD, and possibly aspergers.Tried so many things in life, nothing seems to help. Been trying different ways of self-managment since I was 18. 32 and it's got me nowhere.My mom hates me. I never got treatment when I was young because she didn't care enough,. And now that I'm a barely functional adult she blames me and says Im a failure.I am a failure, but I literally have no idea how to change it. I'm just done with life. I ever asked to be here. I'm tired of it.
>>33989612Are you male or female?
>>33989615Male. Oh and interesting point, my mom is BPD and she said what I always kind of expected: she hates me because I'm male
>>33989617thanks anon <3
>>33989612>I'm 32, with ADHD, anxiety, OCD, and possibly aspergers.stop talking like some fucking woman or a faggot>My mom hates me. I never got treatment when I was young because she didn't care enough,. And now that I'm a barely functional adult she blames me and says Im a failure.boohoo, you're not the only one, at 32 you have absolutely no one to blame but yourself.start daily walk and maybe some other sport activity, maintain hygiene and clean your living space, stop talking shit to yourself, find any job
I can't help you, I am not functioning in my 30s as well. you are probably better than me
>>33989612I mean, you're going to die one way or another. What's the rush?If you're that hard put, just try anything. Literally anything. Go hitchhiking. Whatever. If life is really truly that bleak, what have you got to lose by exploring the most extreme, remote possibilities?
>>33989627how is she a misandrist and breeder WTF? crazy on so many levels
>>33989612You don't have that laundry list of neurodiv and what you actually have is a boatload of trauma from a dysfunctional upbringing in an environment around caregivers that was emotionally/physically unstable/unreliable/unpredictable and was not nourishing. I'll presume you were dysfunctional at school to.So here's the bad news - this has led your nervous system and brain chemistry to be a bit fucked up. A neurotic with high levels of self doubt/consciousness and probably wired towards a permahaze of nervousness because of an adrenaline issue caused by years of over-exposure to stress.There's an alarm bell somewhere in your head going off all the time that is lighting up a physical adrenaline response and anxious-reactive thinking.The first step is to begin to address the neuroticism. Mindfulness and meditation will plant you. Also becoming more conscious of your physical sensations moment to moment and beginning to develop an internal recognition system for it. Think of it like learning a visual language to help label physical sensations - "sharp, round, dense, light, electric, red, blue" - whatever.Finding physical outlets that get adrenaline/intensity going helps the nervous system recalibrate. Engaging in calming things like walks helps soothe it. I'd recommend breaking digital / media habits and elephants in the room like drink/drugs/binge eating get addressed. Brain *needs* baseline to heal.Good news is a few years on this kind of recovery arc and you will be unrecognisable.Also cognitive/philosophical healing - journey of the soul via journalling, drawing/singing/creative expression of feelings, whatever, talking about it, crying about it, seeking meaning in it. Narrative control / identity restructuring and general "moving on" grind arc montage here. Basically need to burn it all down and make it into something useful. Also find some kind of higher power. If you seek you will find. God hides in your coffee.Good luck.
>>33989646I not only walk, but literally hike everyday. I do martial arts, dance, plus bodyweight weight exercises everyday. I used to do amateur MMA where I was training 30+ hours a week.>maintain hygieneI've never had a problem with that, in fact I'm probably better at that than most peopleSo yeah, maybe come up with some better suggestions>>33989654highly doubt that.>>33989657Yeah, i usually use that logic myself. I'm going to die anyways.I was actually considering that. Just hitchhiking and going away to some far off place and starting my life new.>>33989659I know right? and I thought I was fucked up... I also found out she smoked while she was pregnant with me, which is probably why I have so many of these problems...
>>33989684My idiots introduction book guide would be>The power of now - eckhart tolle>The body keeps the score > bessel van der idfk>Become what you are - Alan Watts>It didn't start with you - can't remember>Adult children of emotionally immature parents - who fucking cares google itBeyond that there is no shortage of children-of-bpd support on reddit, in books, podcasts etc.
>>33989684Thank you, I actually appreciate the long list of things you mention.You're right, I think my anxious thoughts cause a lot of problems. I've done meditation before, but I honestly can't seem to do it consistently enough to get proper results...>Finding physical outlets that get adrenaline/intensity going helps the nervous system recalibrate.I'm surprisingly physically active. Weird thing is, that used to be my main outlet for stuff. UNfortunately, negative thought and anxiety comes back like as soon as I rest.>I'd recommend breaking digital / media habits and elephants in the room like drink/drugs/binge eating get addressed.I maybe spend too much time online. I don't do drugs. I used to vpe but quit. I barely drink anymore.>Also cognitive/philosophical healing - journey of the soul via journalling, drawing/singing/creative expression of feelings, whatever, talking about it, crying about it, seeking meaning in it.Yeah i definitely need to, I'm quite expressive with my feelings in this way. I used to journal, but it felt like just rumination with made things a lot worse...
>>33989684>You don't have that laundry list of neurodiv and what you actually have is a boatload of trauma from a dysfunctional upbringingI was diagnosed with this stuff though. Early on the doctors told my parents that stress would make it worse. Guess they didn't care enough.
>>33989701I work in a children's trauma and mental health specialist unit with highest floor level rank. I also have my own since-a-teen mental unit history and in 30s now. Respectfully sir, I am not just making shit up for fun. I've got 2 of the big ones on my own record and remain unconvinced.The majority of children we see are rubber stamped with this shit on their records real early because basically the system doesn't have the time, money or manpower to meaningfully try work through the trauma and dysfunction first. Especially when they will return to it. Bad parents are particularly unreliable narrators, we know we are sending kids back to hell.All these kids have had fucked up lives. Not a single one gets through it without being stamped bipolar, ocd, bpd, adhd or austistic. Usually end up with multiple if they've been around the system long enough.It's bullshit. When you research the way that trauma fucks up a brain, what it impacts and the fact it can heal. You begin to realise that no diagnosis is worth it's salt until the person has been in a long term settled recovery and guided trauma-informed healing arc as an adult. That's what distinguishes the actual diagnoses from these bullshit ones that get given out like candy.Nobodys gonna take the time to heal your brain. So they'll stick a buzzword on your file so you can get given some pills. This is how the system works. It's a complete failure.
>>33989698Re : journalling ruminationYour brain needs to go beyond literal / emotional memories and essentially go deeper. Symbolic journey of the soul is difficult for me to describe. There is a deeper psychological imprint on your psyche that can be slowly delved into. You would need to look into things like healing inner child, jungian based shadow work and also seriously consider drawing things out. You'll also need to do identity and narrative reshaping work. It's not the same as talking about your feelings in the present. It's about finding some kind of value or symbolic importance in them. It's about empowering your ego's sense of identity with the experiences.You've also most likely been on the receiving end of a lot of weaponized BPD from an early age which is honestly tragic my friend. I would seriously recommending doing your own homework on that - it's beyond the scope of what I can casually talk about with doing some googling first. I've had 2 BPD exes. Even those combined 3 years were enough to shatter a lot of me, leave me with a damage and self doubt.You probably have some kind of fracture inside pretty deep. Will be difficult to reach. Not the faint of heart to be honest. That's a dark place in the void of the soul, I'd recommend you armor up for a bit first. Truthfully I don't really wanna talk about how to do this any further. I have sign posted you the resources. It's on you to decide if it's worth your time to explore them. It's the best headstart I can give you on homework which took me a decade to assemble this coherently.
>>33989689>I was actually considering that. Just hitchhiking and going away to some far off place and starting my life new.Yeah, I mean, if the worst that can happen is you die, and you're already at the point where you want to die, it seems like you've got nothing to lose. Death will come one way or another. Might as well exhaust every possibility until then.
>>33989689smoking while pregnant is villain shit
>>33989748Oh yeah, I learned a bit about that Jungian psychology stuff before. Some of it is a bit heady and wordy for me. But maybe I'll give it another go.I'm honestly just trying to get to the point where I am functional, and can count on myself without being too neurotic. Do I really need to deep five into everything before I can at least achieve that?>>33989857Dude, I was so angry when I found this out. I used nicotine for a few years off and on. I've since quit. But the thing is, I never found quitting to be that hard. If I was a woman, and got pregnant, I DEFINITELY wouldn't even touch a cigarette.
I've never been able to actually connect with other people. feels really lonely.
>>33989659Pot meet kettle
>>33993061im not a breeder, faggot. ive hated breeders way longer than ive hated moids.
>>33989612mostly same but im 24>>33989627>she hates me because I'm malesame.don't kill yourself OP, find god, i highly recommend it, life won't become a paradise but after putting up with the hardships of life you'll go to heaven instead of hell when judgment day arrives if you find god.i feel like we're kindred souls, i hope i see in heaven if i hopefully get there
>>33989612Maybe you relied on your left brain hemisphere too much, here's a funny book about that.>>33989684>Also cognitive/philosophical healing>Also find some kind of higher power. If you seek you will find. God hides in your coffee.To add to that, to find the "Other".The essential difference between the right hemisphere and the left hemisphere is that the right hemisphere pays attention to the Other, whatever it is that exists apart from ourselves, with which it sees itself in profound relation. It is deeply attracted to, and given life by, the relationship, the betweenness, that exists with this Other. By contrast, the left hemisphere pays attention to the virtual world that it has created, which is self-consistent, but self-contained, ultimately disconnected from the Other, making it powerful, but ultimately only able to operate on, and to know, itself.
>>33989612Do you work? You have to work and get your own place. And then you’ll never have to talk to your mom again. You have no control of your life rn. Get a job to get control. There is no other choice.
>>33989684WonderfulYou’re blessed, OPThis is a rare high quality advice post>>33989695Good/great followup>>33989698I started piano in my 50s. Lifechanging. I don’t play normally, I just let my fingers run wildly on the white keys. It opens up everything. As guys we keep our feelings outside of ourselves and away. Art is a key.
>>33989684>nervous system and brain chemistry to be a bit fucked up.BS>Also cognitive/philosophical healing - journey of the soul via journalling, drawing/singing/creative expression of feelings, whatever, talking about it, crying about it, seeking meaning in it. Narrative control / identity restructuring and general "moving on" grind arc montage here. Basically need to burn it all down and make it into something useful.Only way to actually solve it. But also this is ongoing, you have to interact with other people to actually have a frame of reference to put all that shit into perspective. Can't just journal or read or sing into the void, has to be connected to other peopleAnything that ties a physical explanation to it is BS. It's all mental framing, frames of reference, which you can't get unless you interact with and learn about other people
