>>34003906
same here. would appreciate guidance.

From what I know for life it's better to have genuine connection than high sexual connection. Sexual connection can be improved with genuine connection, while only having a sexual connection doesn't mean anything relationship wise.

But of course I also feel like damn I have to basically sacrifice this for my relationship and it sucks.

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>>34003906
Realistically speaking, very few people will be able to marry the person they truly want.
For most marriages, sexual attraction and passion is fleeting, i.e. the five year itch. This is why friendship, partnership, and mutual respect is important once that fire dies.

>>34003906
You just think of whoever you want when you are fucking and it is the same as anyone else.

>>34004019
*thinks about my boyfriend while i fuck a stranger

>>34003906
No it's not a bad idea. It's actually the ideal. But only if you understand what attraction is and how attraction works. What most idiots call 'attraction' is actually limerence, a fleeting impulsive feeling that has an expiry date. This is why you experienced the following:
>I've also had objectively attractive partners who didn't have much else besides their looks and it was pretty awful to be honest.

People who build a marriage off of fleeting limerence and fleeting attraction are those who end up in the 51% divorce statistic. Those who have stable marriages built theirs out of things like principle, virtue, shared goals, mutual commitment. And contrary to what most idiots in the world today think, they don't lack attraction for each other. They build their attraction for each other through pair bonding.

I think physical attraction is quite possibly the most overrated reason to be in a relationship in any form with someone.

When it comes to marriage specifically, I think it’s something that doesn’t matter at all. In 20 years even the hottest person will be an old and withering version of their former self. After having sex with the same person for 10000 times you’re going to get bored in bed, I don’t care if you’re fucking Ana de Armas.

Marry the person you can actually see raising children with. Marry a person that compliments your weaknesses. Marry a person you can sit alone with in an empty room for 30 days straight and not go insane. Marry a person that listens to you, considers your point of view, and genuinely cares about helping you accomplish your goals.

Too many people marry someone because they’re hot. I think that’s why there’s so much divorce nowadays. You shouldn’t marry someone you’re physically repulsed by, but no, the person you marry does not need to be some ideal paragon of attraction in your eyes.

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>>34003906
marry not the most attractive partner you can pull
marry the one who's the most in love with you and will tolerate your bullshit the most

Ugly wife happy life

Wow, the replies in this thread and the beliefs uttered therein are really an eyeopener as to why so many relationships I see are completel shitshows.

All those beliefs stem from a time when peopel couldn't manage a household and work at the same time as no electrical appliances existed.
Basically, it was a socioeconomic deal first and foremost, marriage means to find a sort of extended roommate. Of course sexual attraction doesn't matter in that, people would simply cheat to get their rocks off.

Nowadays, that is of course utterly obsolete. You can marry a person you're not attracted to, in the best case you will get a roomate, in the worst case you will get divorce raped as nowdays there is no reason besides attraction to stay together.
It also boggles my mind how many spastics in here think being hot/attractive to you and a person you get along with well as somehow contradictions lol.
Just look for a woman you l9ike AND desier both, its not hard. And don't listen to cucks telling you that its "Normal" to have a dead bedroom after five years.

i remember reading a study where men's satisfaction in a marriage is highly dependent on the physical attraction they have on their wives compared to vice-versa.

i think this is one of those cases where you have to search deep in yourself what you want and if that lack of heavy sexual passion is going to be a problem. if you had meh experiences with attractive partners then giving this girl a shot might be a good move.

>>34004159
How old are you? What’s your longest relationship as well?

>>34004159
> It also boggles my mind how many spastics in here think being hot/attractive to you and a person you get along with well as somehow contradictions lol.
And yet this failure to understand basic men/women relationship dynamics is probably the reason why your wife "divorced raped" you...

>>34003906
"Hot" fades quickly. "Cute" lasts.

>>34004173
35, ten years.

>>34004241
I was never married , why would I invite the state into my bedroom lol? My relationship was great untl I decided that I don't want kids yet , i want to see the world. We parted amicably. She was very hot and a great person.

>>34003906
Maybe you should ask yourself why you're getting married in the first place.
If it's fear of being alone, don't.
If it's because that's what "most people do" and you want to feel normal because of it, don't.
If it's because you love this person and want to share a life with them, yes.

Intense sexual attraction is always temporary no matter how physically attractive your partner is.

>>34003906
>Is it a bad idea to marry someone you're not super attracted to?

Not always, but sometimes, if you're super attracted to someone of the opposite sex, it means you're under a love spell.

>>34004287
Americans are so bad at lying

>>34004331
I'm European though. People here don't marry anymore unless they are rural conservacucks, this marriage obsession is an american thing.

>>34003906
>Is it a bad idea to marry someone you're not super attracted to?
Yes.
If there's no attraction then it's dead bedroom
And this can ruin even a well functional marriage.
For men sex is just a release.
For women, it's how they get validation from their partner.
If you don't have sex with them, then they no longer get validation and this can spiral down into divorce sooner or later.

>>34003906
??? when moids say "cute" does it mean "fuckable but not hot" ????

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>>34004149
This has proven true for me for nearly thirty years.

not really
you just dont really have the wisdom to understand which is not bad
but you ought to understand that in this world most people arent capable of any meaningful long term investment into anything
there's scarcity
you should hold on dearly to what you have

>>34005695
you should settle down, have a tea or something and take a break from this website, been seeing you blasting your shit for days now

>>34004149
this cunt knows it

>>34003906
I'm curious what ACTUALLY CHANGES if you get married? >>34004287 made sense by bringing up the state, I guess. Because like, what Actually changes when people get married?

>>34004149
That's not true, I just dread seeing her every day and I have to take the pill just to fuck her. I took advice from retards like you and ended up stuck with an insufferable woman who is ugly and nags me.

Marry someone you actually love and would still want to be with even if she gets fat

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I noticed a lot of people here are into eugenics in some form or another and really, there’s much to consider about how a strong woman can provide a strong son and a cute little thing may yield weaklings.

>>34003906
>If you get along really well, have lots in common, both want a family, and genuinely do love each other but the sexual attraction isn't very strong
One of the things you mention isn't very important for long term relationships to work out. Can you guess which one it is? "I NeeD to be attracted to my wife" is a beginner problem. One day you're going to realize that pussy isn't worth crossing the street for and pretty girls are pleasant to look at, but someone who makes your life easier and shares most of your values is much much better.

>>34009520
female hands typed this btw
if she isn't sexual attractive, she needs to do excercies. also put her on a diet. nobody wants his wife to be built like a goddamn marshmallow. if all of this fails: plastic surgery

Yes. If you're marrying for a transaction, expect the transaction to quickly take over all there is to the relationship and both of you to tolerate each other at best.

>>34003943
>friendship, partnership,
We have friends. A relationship is something else or people would remain sidepieces.
>mutual respect
How much respect is in marrying for money or social status or whatever more frivolous?

>>34009533
You're not listening. Stop being a knowitall redditor. I didn't say you should prefer your wife to be fat and ugly. I said her making your life easier, listening to you, and sharing most of your values is more important than her being attractive.

I had a unicorn model girlfriend who was too retarded to boil water and only ever generated problems so much so I wanted to drop a cinderblock on her head. I hope the same thing happens to you so you realize what's actually important in a long term relationship. If you just want someone who looks good on your arm and is a good fuck, by all means, go after the pretty girl, but that stuff alone does not translate into being a good wife for you. You should think hard on what you value in a person you're going to be sharing all your time and life with besides 'huuurrr they look nice durr'.

yes it is a bad idea to marry someone you're not attracted to.
/thread