just got out of a 9 year relationship, ended 2 months ago, still thinking about her, still wondering what I did wrong, last night had a dream about her. Tired of it, 9 years and all I got was a damn "better as friends" text out of the blue, TLDR: How do I move on from a relationship that was most of my adult life?
>>34029898Just take it day by day anon Im in your shoes too. 6 years down the drain. But I refuse to let that drag me down. Keep going and just try to focus on getting through the days with stuff that keeps you busy until you start feeling better.
>>34029898Happened to me 2 years ago, wife of 6 years had an affair and gaslit me into thinking I'm crazy for being suspect the entire time.After I found out, all she had to say was'Well I don't see myself with you in 10 years'. That was it. No sorry, no nothing.Still think about it every day, still have intimacy issues, still hate women to the core of my being. A part of me legitimately died that day, as cliché as that may sound.But it does get better. Bit by bit.
>>34029898Happened to me, 7 years with a girl. The only thing you did wrong was try to animate a corpse. That relationship was never going to make it, but presumably both you and that girl lied to yourselves and pretended it was going to work out until it broke down.
>>34029898you are a male, your role is to be used and thrown away by women. your responsibility is to line up for the next woman to use you. there is no other purpose for men
>>34030146you're a fucking hole. Without men you'd be foraging for berries in the stone ages.
>>34029898Holy shit op. You're literally me. Me and ex gf of 9 years recently broke up two months ago as well. Let me tell you what I've been going through. A TLDR; all the "good time" memories I had of our almost 10 year union weren't the norm. Especially in the last 2-3 years of the relationship. so I have to remind myself that even if we were together it STILL wouldn't of been when it was "the best" and we would've eventually broken up anyway. People change, people's goals changed.I should've took it as a sign when she was gung ho to abort our first child 4 years ago because we were broke. I shoulda known the bitch wasn't going to stick around and wait until I made enough money for the both of us. Maybe part of the fault is that my money wasn't right before we started dating. Either way, even if that was true, my kid would've been stuck with a lazy, narcissist mother who fucks me good but burdens me daily.The sole lesson I have learned: A man MUST have his personal finances in order before pursuing a woman that he wants to have a family with. You have to be in a position where you DO NOT HAVE TO RELY ON YOUR BITCH FOR ANYTHING MATERIAL OR MONETARY, EVER. Remove that one major barrior - women are overgrown children at the end of the day, you gonna trust paying half your bills to a child? FUCK NO!So, that is my plan going forward. 36 years old and I will go the rest of my life single if necessary until I'm making the kind of money that I need to HAVE the kind of family I want. Then, and only then, am I gonna take a chick seriously again.One shittest tip I have for fellow anons is simple - tell the chick that you aren't going to teach your children about made up santa claus bullshit because that is capitalist drivel and it's better to be honest with your kid from day one than build a house of lies.See how she reacts. She gives you ANY pushback? You're going to break up, it's not a matter of if, but when. The shopping cart test but for relationships.
>>34030935>should've took it as a sign when she was gung ho to abort our first child 4 years ago because we were brokeDid she actually abort the kid in the end? Women always make emotional farts, they will always say silly shit because they are scared. You're not meant to take it seriously. You let them vent it out like a burp then you remind them why they are having the baby and why it will work out and why there is no reason to fear anything, even under poverty. Then the woman is happy to have the kid.
>>34030160NTA, but I believe that and I am a man. Truth sucks, but it is still true.
>>34030957Yes she fuckin' aborted the kid. What was I supposed to say? Don't worry babe we'll figure it out as we wallow in poverty and depression and stress encourage you to find the next dick on Tinder? It's a tale as old as time. The real telling sign was that she was immediately concerned with the implications of our financial instability, not me (although I agreed). I won't forget that lesson. If chick is pregnant and she expresses any hesitation about it from the get-go, it's a wrap. Doesn't matter if you can sell her on having it anyway, it's not going to end up well. "Then the woman is happy to have the kid" yeah unless she's a narcissist and obsessed with money, status, and traveling the world rather than having a family.
>>34030935>One shittest tip I have for fellow anons is simple - tell the chick that you aren't going to teach your children about made up santa claus bullshit because that is capitalist drivel and it's better to be honest with your kid from day one than build a house of lies.one of the dumbest things i've ever read on this board. you're no different than women pulling the same level of mind games. i hope you remain single.
>>34031085How is telling your child that a fat old man delivering presents is 100% made up fictional drivel meant to corral people to spend money? Are you joking?
>>34030101>>34030935OP here, God bless gentlemen, it's good to at least not feel alone in this bullshit, I'm 26 and the silver lining is I guess I'm still young and we weren't married just engaged so I'd rather be split up with than divorced. It's still a rough feeling but I wouldn't go back even if she begged now, second anon is right, even when we were together I didn't feel like she ever loved me quite as much as I loved her.
>>34031065>What was I supposed to say? Don't worry babe we'll figure it out as we wallow in poverty and depression and stress Yeah, actually. Thats typically why women mouth off about despairing woeful shit like “i cant do it i cant be a mom” etc. They run to daddy, aka the man aka you to reassure and encourage. And if they don’t get that they let despair win and dead baby happens.
>>34031118What a naïve and irresponsible thing to say and assume. That's how broken households get created. I would know as I came from one. You're probably saying that dumb shit because you didn't.
>>34031065You're still very bitter and speak with a wholly clouded mind. The healing journey has not even begun for you, 2 months in.t.dated an actual diagnosed narcissistYes, she fucked me over and ruined my life.
>>34031127>What a naïve and irresponsible thing to say and assume.Is it? Because if we want to talk about assumptions, that anon who let the kid get aborted assumed it was for the best because he assumed creating stress or poverty would = she hunts for other dick on tinder. All assumptions apparently. How well founded they are or not, I can’t call it. That anon can maybe, perhaps theres other shit he didnt mention>That's how broken households get created. I would know as I came from oneBravo, so did I. You wanna compare child trauma dicks or something? Broken households dont get created because of poverty. Broken households are created because dad decided mom is a bitch, and mom decided dad is an asshole. Then the kids watch the trauma fireworks from that and the rest plays itself out. >You're probably saying that dumb shit because you didn't.Nah. I’m saying it because I stopped identifying as a victim.
>>34029898>better as friends TEXTA lot of us have had the experience of being treated as non human in spite of being and acting exemplary. They just don't care and they're extremely vulnerable to every bad influence that makes their natural tendencies worse.You have to carry on anon, but with the knowledge that this is how it is.
>>34031128what would a true "healing journey" for this anon look like then? Genuinely curious. He just blames himself for everything that went wrong and gives the foid a pass? Great advice, oh sage.
>>34031065>unless she's a narcissist and obsessed with money, status, and traveling the world rather than having a family.This is all women.
>>34031167NTA but actual healing journeys are painful. Most people talking about healing journeys are either still in the process and aint completed shit, or they just pay lip service. That anon who brought up healing journeys is pretty far ahead in his, he didnt speak false.Healing journey from painful relationship ouchies are simple if you choose to see it simply.>You come from a fucked background.>You dream of peace and love>You chase it, you find a girl>You swear an oath to never repeat history>Shit happens>Abusive conniving manipulate shit happens, either from her or from yourself most likely both, tit for tat bullshit>Without even realising it, you just played house with a girl. Real house, you just repeated the cycle. Big break up mirrors big broken home. Cycle churns anew. Round 1 lost. Round 2 starts. Only way to do it different is to accept what you are who you are and all the ugliness you have inside & all the ugliness you were voluntarily choosing in others. A big hard trainwreck shattering acceptance, only this time instead of trying to pretend to be Mr or Mrs Perfect you admit you are Mr or Mrs broken and being chill with it because you understand you can build with that. Cant build with play pretend fantasy or self delusion, cuz it doesnt exist.
>>34031150>Bravo, so did I. You wanna compare child trauma dicks or something? Broken households dont get created because of poverty. Broken households are created because dad decided mom is a bitch, and mom decided dad is an asshole. Then the kids watch the trauma fireworks from that and the rest plays itself out.You fuckin retard. Yeah women don't give a shit about living in poverty and struggling and don't want an easier life by biological design. what an idiot.
>>34031247>You fuckin retard. Yeah women don't give a shit about living in poverty and struggling and don't want an easier life by biological design. what an idiot.You’re absolutely right, my bad. I forgot humans were not allowed to have children before the invention of gold coin or money.
>>34031167Years of unimaginable solitude, sorrow, and unyielding anger. Towards the end she becomes a stranger, and you become a better person for it.I'm not there yet either.
>>34031258they didn't have social media and tinder back then. They didn't live an overconceptualized welfare state that has made it easy and encourage them to leave their man and upgrade. you dumb retarded nigger. shut the fuck up before you give someone some really bad advice in 2025.
>>34031269worst advice in the thread by far. Seethe in the anger until you become numb to it. What a great fucking philosopher you are. Fuckin retard.the correct answer is that ALL things in life are their own 7 Stages of Grief and only after you cycle through all the cycles can you truly consider yourself "healing."
>>34031287I'm still angry 2 years later, stupid nigger.
>>34031271Bad advice as opposed to what?>Get rich before trying with a girl bros. That way you can make sure she won’t reject you, because being rejected or feeling less of a man is a big ouchie. By flaunting money you totally wont attract gold digging whores, the very type of woman you were trying to avoid in the first place.Cmon man, wake up to your own cope. It’s easy to blame money because money is dead and cannot answer back.
>>34031291Well I'm not you dumb nigger because I realize that I'm living in a system that fosters the worst of female sensibilities and the cards are stacked against me in ways my great grandfather could never have dreamed of. You can't accept that and that's why your still pissed you dumbfuck.
>>34029898how does anyone date someone for 9 years, and not only NOT get married, but also go "yeah i think we are better as friends"????
>>34030935>6 years old and I will go the rest of my life single if necessary until I'm making the kind of money that I need to HAVE the kind of family I want.Not trying to ruin your life outlook but you will never get to that point, you need to settle and settle fast or else you will die alone
>>34031350Beats me man, You'd have to ask her, I tried and she said some stupid shit about "Well it doesn't mean I don't want you in my life." That's exactly what it means actually, you decided that when you told me to kick rocks instead of sitting down and talking to me about what was wrong. All but positive her shitty internet friends got in her ear about me, but nothing I can do there. They're all miserable too so I don't know why she would take their advice.
>>34031090it's called giving your kids a memorable imaginative childhood. no kid is scarred for life when they eventually learn santa isn't real. if you actually unironically want to do that, you're a literal fedora-tipping redditor and every woman would be 100% in the right to get upset with you.
>>34031065>The real telling sign was that she was immediately concerned with the implications of our financial instability, not me (although I agreed).You're a manchild. The woman is right here, the welfare of the kid ALWAYS comes first. Fuck your feefees, being raised in poverty is spawning on insane difficulty - I know because I fucking lived it because of narcissistic parents like you. Except my mom was completely irresponsible like you too so they kept me. Had to crawl myself out from the depth of hell at 13 selling drugs and finally cut them off 16 because once I made it out they wanted to leech my money. You guys were absolutely retarded for having sex without protection when you're not in a financial position to raise a child. Poor people should be given mandatory birth control injections until they clear all bad debts and can actually afford to raise a child.
>>34031435>welfare comes first>so murder themAnon
>>34031456>i’m so angry at being from poverty, why dont people care for the welfare of peoples kids? >proceeds to sell drugs to poison other people’s kids>i NEEDED those nike air maxes. It fixed my bad childhood
>>34031422your part of the reason the world is shit and i will laff when you get drafted to go die for your overlords in israel you kike cuck.
>>34031456Do you have any idea how hard it is desperately trying to kill yourself before age 10 but not being able to because you're a scared dumb kid and feeling like shit not being able to just do it, day in day out? Fuck being born, yeah I made it out but at what cost? I should have been euthanized and they should have been shot before they decided to have 3 more kids. 4 kids, 1 successful, 2 dead, 1 handicapped retard they milk for gibs. Fuck these poverty hoodrats.
>>34031464Kill one evil at the source or let the evil fester so it ruins more lives? I don't give a shit about turning kids into crackheads and my shithead parents don't either, the crackheads shouldn't have been born either. I have respect for women who have the self-awareness to abort.
>>34031562>Kill one evil at the source or let the evil fester so it ruins more lives? I don't give a shit about turning kids into crackheads and my shithead parents don't eitherAnon, with peace and respect to you, I must ask. Why haven’t you noticed it? >My shithead parents don’t care about turning kids into crackheads>I don’t give a shit about turning kids into crackheadsWhich came first, chicken or the egg? Answer: It doesn’t matter. they’re one and the same. You do as your parents did to you unto others. Why?
>>34029898>9 year "relationship"I won't read threads that imply that gf/bf is a permanent entertainment project rather than a stepping stone to starting a family.
>>34031499I had a bad childhood.You sound like a massive piece of shit.
>>34031562Hello? You BECAME your parent(s). The thing you swore you didn't wanna be and you became them. And you wanna talk about killing evil at its source? While knowing you spread it on behalf of what infected you? Fuck you. Not because I think you are evil, but someone has to say it. Fuck you for disrespecting yourself so hard you let yourself become exactly like the thing that killed your innocence. You deserved better, asshole.
>>34031729Cuz fuck the world that's why. If you don't want people like me around, don't have kids you can't afford. Abort them.>>34032026When did I say I swore I didn't wanna be like them? I hate them, I hate them for making me and I hate myself. I don't care what you call me or how much evil I do. I'm alive and every minute I'm alive I'll be grinding and making other people's life hell. No bitch of mine is gonna have any kids until I can get him set for life and know that we can raise the kid well, if for whatever reason they get pregnant when I'm not set they're either getting an abortion or a bullet to the head. You better make enough money to go live in a white yuppie area and shelter your kids from me. Have the money to buy them books and games and shit to keep them indoors or send them to lacrosse classes or whatever. If me and my boys catch your kid trying to make some money on the streets because your family is broke, then that's on you.
>>34029898>just got out of a 9 year relationship, ended 2 months agoYou are still in the thick of it, brother. It will be the second year anniversary of when my fiancée of nearly 9 years dumped me and I'm just finally moving into acceptance. Trust the process and stop beating yourself up over having emotions. Yeah I know there's a lot of emphasis on being "stone cold" as a man when it comes to women but it comes naturally to only a few men (narcissists and sociopaths mostly t b h). The rest of us learn through experiences like this. The most important part is to keep moving. And I don't mean distracting yourself with social activities or the gym. I mean re-focusing on your purpose as a man in this world, whatever that is for you, and digging into it. One day you'll look up from the grindstone without realizing years have passed, and you'll smile because you finally realize you're better off without her.Good luck bro.
Look on the bright side, at least your girl didn't leave you because she wanted to hang out with college kids, and immature females when she's pushing 30.
>>34033077Your problem is you are too scared to acknowledge it wasn't the lack of money that fucked you up as a kid, it was the lack of love. That's why no matter how much cash you save up in a shoe box from all your petty drug deals, no matter how rich you get, you'll never feel ready to be a father. Until you wash that putrid stink of self-devouring misanthropy out of your mind, you will always be half-dead.
>>34031476you seem bitter
do you scorn guys still love them?
>>34034201Such poor English I can hardly tell what you're askingIf you're asking if we scorned* guys still love our exes, in my case no. I miss having a long term partner like that, as in I miss having a woman who lived with me, had a nice body and had sex with me, kept me warm in bed, did things with me etc, but I do not miss the specific woman, and I certainly don't love her. I hate her right now actually, but that's just the opposite face of the same coin love is on so I'm working on indifference. Sadly I think that will only come when I find a new woman, and I'm not dating right now and when I do my aim will be marriage, so that will be a while.If you're asking if we still love women in general, not really that either anymore. This whole episode showed me what many guys before me have said but I never internalized, that you can't base your happiness on a woman. They are not a safe space, they are not where you may rest your head as a man. They are emotional and treacherous humans who really are kind of "less than" compared to men. I can't really see myself falling in love with a new woman the same way I've gone head over heels in past relationships. Maybe I'll find someone special that changes my mind, who knows. I'd bet all my money on the opposite though.
>>34034501my english is fine you faggot.I asked whether or not you sad boys still love the women who fucked you over
>>34034533>my english is fine you faggot.No sorry Ranjesh, "Scorn" is infinitive present tense, "scorned" is the proper past tense. A native English speaker would know this.Sorry you still love Poojeeta even after she rutted with big dick Sanjay like sacred Hindu cattle, if you still love her you are a weak man.
>>34029898You wasted her prime fertile years, 9 years and no kids, no marrige? What did you expect?
>>34034694
