i have not experienced this myself but if you had someone close to you kill themselves, was it extremely traumatic? would you say it is something that would fuck you up? i dont want to hurt my loved ones so traumatically but i just cant go on im so done.
>>34034219It is immensely traumatic, not just because someone you liked is gone, but because it is absolutely impossible not to fear that you somehow failed himThat is why suicide is a cruel and selfish act - because it imposes guilt on the totally innocent
>>34034219>That is why suicide is a cruel and selfish act - because it imposes guilt on the totally innocentLol, that's retarded
>>34034219A family friend killed himself. He was 18 years older than me and 15 years younger than my dad. My dad met him at his job. His parents were alcoholic and my dad kind of mentored him. My mom took him under her wing too, she used to cook him meals and buy him clothes, help him with rent, etc. When I was born, he rode his bike for 50 km to give me a shitty plushie because it was all he could afford at the time. He dressed up as Santa every christmas dinner, he picked me up from ballet when I was in elementary school. He drove me home when I got drunk at a party for the first time and terrorized my first boyfriend when he was rude to me.He was really troubled and always had been. One time when I was 16 he came to my house in the middle of the night, I wasn't sleeping and saw him outside the door. I sat with him on the curb, realized he was toying with his gun. I held his head while he cried, and he begged me to never talk about it with anyone. So I didn't.He killed himself when I was 22. I was on vacation when it happened and I just sat down outside this church crying my eyes out for 6 hours. I could not even tell people I was with what happened.I deeply regretted not talking to anyone about what happened that night. I spent 2 years in therapy to work through the grief, anger, and guilt I felt related to his death. My dad cries every time he's brought up. He adopted a cat, despite being crazy allergic to cats, because the thing has blue eyes like his friend. It fucked me up deeply, and it took me forever to even be functional after he died. I still mourn him, and miss him, and love him. Ask your loved ones for help.
>>34034219If they loved you they wouldn't make you feel like you'd want to kill yourself. Always remember it's never your fault. Make those who hurt you suffer.
>>34034219>if you had someone close to you kill themselves, was it extremely traumatic? Yes, it's life-destroying. >would you say it is something that would fuck you up?Yes, forever. I'm an oldfag, and the person I'm thinking about killed themselves more than thirty years ago. I still think about them EVERY DAY, and wonder what I could have done differently that might have helped them.
>>34034359kill yourself you narcissist schmuck.
>>34034608if they don't love you then your death wouldn't hurt them retard. it would only heart them if they actually love you.
I moved to a new town about 10 years ago. I don't make friends easily but I did hit it off with a guy, we were both young dads, both into gardening, homesteading, working out, and religious philosophy stuff. He had lots of mental issues and eventually did some time in treatment, I wrote him letters of encouragement. He eventually hung himself, his kid found him unconscious and brain damaged but not dead. I watched the helicopter airlift him, not knowing it was him. I'm sure his life would have been hard, but I still miss my friend.
>>34034401Thanks for your story. The older I get the less able I am to convince myself not to do it, knowing I would be nuking my siblings lives is the only thing stopping me now.
>>34034401> I just sat down outside this church crying my eyes out for 6 hoursIs he your relative at least?
They mostly inherit the emotional pain the suicidal person dealt with.
>>34034219I had 4 people close to me who committed suicide, 2 family members, 2 friends.I have a theory that the reason almost all religions consider suicide a sin is because the emotional torment it causes to friends and family is extraordinary.Like really, the funerals I've been to, you couldn't imagine the heaviness. Suicide carries a certain guilt that doesn't death alone doesn't have. Suicide causes more than grief... It haunts the people closest to you.So yeah, if there are people who care about you, killing yourself WILL cast a shadow over them for the rest of their lives. Especially if they feel they wronged you in some way.I don't know what you're going through, but I hope you find a way to keep going
I have to wait for all of my loved ones to go first before I kms, but I'm guessing that I'll die from illness or accident or some other shit before then
Sometimes I feel like being the friend that dies although It will hurt me knowing someone would have to tell my wife
>>34034219I’ve had people close to me die that weren’t through suicide and I think about them constantly. One person in particular I have pretty frequent nightmares about actually.I’ve known a few people that have committed suicide, one being an old friend from college. I think about her a lot, and I see the complete devastation it’s caused on her family and I can’t imagine the guilt they must feel, even if it’s not their fault.There’s no sugarcoating this OP. If you have loved ones and you kill yourself, it will almost surely be a horrific and devastating thing for them to deal with.
>>34035283This
>>34035983No, as I said he was a family friend. >>34035465I'm really sorry for what you're going through, anon. I hope you can find help.
>>34034219Ok but you gotta get over it
Thank you all for your replies it's definitely helped me put things into perspective. It was very emotional reading your stories and I'm sorry for your losses. This aspect to suicide is 100% my biggest motivator to stay alive but sometimes it's not enough to keep the thoughts at bay, hearing your stories will stay on the back of my mind and hopefully reminds me of that losing someone that way is incredibly difficult to heal from. I love you all and again thank you.
Honestly you shouldn't care really. If they loved you they wouldn't make you feel the way you do. They make you feel like killing yourself will make things better. They aren't crying because they miss you, they are crying because they don't want to be punished for the crime they committed against god in not loving you like he said. It's also why >>34034359 os a fagot. He thinks your feelings and invalid and instead of trying to help you and prove that you shouldn't do it, they only care about how it will effect them. For someone who sure cares about it why did it take the threat of death and their lives being destroyed instead of doing the right and much easier task of helping you? These people are monsters and you should get rid of them.
>>34034219I won't read hypotheticals about no-one in particular on an advice board.
>>34034219Yes, it happened to me not too long ago and it hurts, more than physical pain because it lingers and awakens culpability.
>>34039679Adding to my previous answer, avoid doing it. I know for myself the only time I would be tempted to do this is if I ended up homeless or if I had to go through another separation with a loved one.
