19/FI can't feel anything sexually . I find sexual stuff revolting . I first watched porn at 11 because everyone was talking about it, and I wanted to see what's up. I started with human porn; it was disgusting for me. Then I heard about hentai, and that was also disgusting for me. A couple of years later, at 13, I tried again, and it's just strange for me-just people having sex . I don't like the idea of my mouth touching a man's penis or a man's lips being between my legs . I had my first boyfriend last year; he didn't take my virginity because I was SA at 7. Anyway, we had sex, but he told me that he doesn't see the desire in my eyes . I did feel love for him, of course; I have this happy, comforting feeling around him, and every time I looked at him, it felt like sparkles were all over him. I met him here , and he met my mom because she's strict, but she ended up loving him. I feel bad because I wish I did more; he said I should watch porn. I did, and I felt even more disgusted. I always think about the cuddling part of a relationship, but the sexual part makes me feel off. Kissing is good, but further feels weird to me. My ex did bring me vibrators; I tried, but I gave up, so that was my first time masturbating, if you call it that. I don't like to think about my childhood trauma; I tried to avoid that part of my life.
>>34035827Not all of us can feel comfortable with sex. For some of us we need to feel love for the other person, and often times loving someone implies a certain level of sacrifice, and mistakes can occur as a result, one can push someone away that truly likes us, or we can take slightly longer than most to acclimate to another person. And sometimes others feel disappointed by that, because they feel "we're too slow".. some of us perhaps far too slow and people just move on. Life is difficult, people make it difficult for us, and we also have the potential to make it more difficult for ourselves. We need to try to forgive ourselves, because althought we might be well meaning, we can cause ourselves or others harm. Things take time. Marriage is also important.
>>34035827I think everyone is instinctively repulsed by pornography to some extent, and the reason we avoid real sex in relationships is because we no longer have a health concept of what sex and connection should or could be.Work on improving yourself, focus on finding a life partner, somebody you can commit yourself to.Your natural reversion to perversion will assist you in attracting a health partner, so focus on your health, fitness, life experience.Find real connection, it's out there, and you have to earn it. Every organism on the planet is designed to meet these conditions, so don't condemn yourself to a miserable life without real connection like the rest of us bitter morons.You're still young, so your potential is still great. Don't squander it.Be a Good Person.
>>34035827>I cant feel sexual stuff,what to do?Therapy. Numbness and dissociation from your body during sexual contact is a direct result of you being molested as a child. A boyfriend you love is a great start but nothing will get better until you address your childhood sexual trauma. Not thinking about it and pretending like it didn't happen is not the solution.
>>34035855I have never been to therapy . Growing up, I didn't think my emotions mattered, and my mom would just say demons are inside me . I'm thinking about getting therapy because my childhood was messed up, and I feel like it's messing me up.
>>34035850Yes im trying on working on myself and end this NEET life maybe find some friends and go out to see whats out there.I really appreciate the advice i was scared to post this,thank you
>>34035843I also think about the love part but not sex,I never had affection feeling from my mother or anyone so i seek that first more than anything in a relationship or i seek someone who wants that.I never thought of marriage too….
>>34035890>I have never been to therapyYou must go. As I said, genital numbness, difficulty achieving orgasm or arousal, lack of libido and dissociation from your body is as classic a reaction to childhood sexual abuse as there is. I read the first few sentences of your post and immediately assumed you had been sexually abused as a child. In my professional experience probably 90% of the people I work with who were abused as children either have exactly what you have or they're the exact opposite and are hyper, hyper sexual. Its usually one or the other. As I said, there are two parts to addressing these issues. The first part is a meaningful relationship in which you can work on your sexual issues with your partner in a long term, intimate setting. The second part is therapy with a counselor or professional who you have a long term relationship with. Everything you described is very treatable but you have to understand that childhood trauma, especially before 11, permanently alters the way your body responds to sexual stimulus. Your body turning itself off and distancing your mind from the physical sensations was how your brain learned to process sexual contact. Its going to take a lot of work to fix this but it can be fixed. All you need is a good, long term boyfriend, a good, long term therapist and the will to take those difficult baby steps in the right direction. A care team is essential to this process.
>>34035897Get some outdoor hobbies, something with nature, hiking or climbing or something. You're young enough that you can almost certainly find some like minded people, or at the very least you'll find a lot of purpose and energy in just moving your body.
You’re only 19, and your bf is pressuring you around sex. It makes me sad. Take it from someone older. It took me a long time to become sex positive. It takes time. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
I’m 35 years old. I can’t do sex. It causes me extreme anxiety.
>>34035945Well my ex,i dont know i had to drink alot of alcohol to get into it but i feel like I consented..its just I didn't like the fact i told him it hurts and he started saying if i was unattractive to him and it made me anxious and yes i feel like it well take some time for me to open myself and feel something sexual
>>34035976Do you have traumas of your own?
>>34035912I never thought about my sexual trauma i try to avoid it as much as i can (which is not good) ,cause i feel weird about it and its not only that its not the first time too.It will take me a long time time
>>34036032I have all kinds of traumas. But not sex related. Sex just scares me, the few times I did it were awful
>>34036042>It will take me a long time timeIt will. Seek a counselor that specializes in childhood trauma. Until you find out a way to deal with your past in a therapeutic environment your body will react to sex the way it trained itself to. There is no home remedy for what you have experienced, unfortunately.
You are not sexually compatible with him.
I'm dating someone who was sa'd multiple times when she was younger and she used to be similar. it just takes time.you should seriously consider therapy if it's an option for you. otherwise you should try to talk to your bf more.you might genuinely be asexual, it might be trauma, it might be that he doesn't make you feel safe. unfortunately for your situation this is very normal. you can learn to get over it but it takes time and support.I hope your bf will actually support you
It's a difficult problem.I'm not sure there's a good solution.The problem is, either you never change, which would be bad, or you DO change, and you feel sexual for someone other than your bf. He'd have completely wasted his emotional and possibly material investment in that case.Sure, you might be attracted to him, but that's far from a guarantee. So he's in a losing position if he helps you.
>I was SA at 7The fact that you shrug this off as insignificant means that you probably haven't processed the trauma. And I wouldn't expect you to have done it at 19 years old. It takes a long time. But it might very well have something to do with your struggles.
>>34037045>asexualThat’s not real.
>>34037289Yeah>>34035827Maybe try Internal Family Systems Therapy to figure out what is going on inside you.
>I always think about the cuddling part of a relationship, but the sexual part makes me feel off. Kissing is good, but further feels weird to me29 M here, for what it's worth, kinda same. While I don't straight up dislike sex, I don't really like it either, and I often struggled with performance anxiety back when I was in a relationship. Cuddling, on the other hand, was my main fuel. I love cuddling, hugging, handholding, kissing and whatnot. Even "lewder" cuddling, like being naked together while hugging, under the bedsheets and so on, without nothing sexual implied was incredible, nothing matches the warmth of human skin, feeling each other's body slightly shifting while breathing...I'm not really sure what my point here is, I guess, just got caught reminiscing my ex. Don't feel forced to do what you don't think like doing I guess, nobody will be happy from it, and the right person would never force you into doing things you don't like
>>34035827I am a man who was knocked out, stripped, and molested by teenage niggers at age 3. I was then fucked (raped) by several FAR older women for the next 12 years.Luckily, I'm a man, so it isn't a big deal and ai can just live my lifem
>>34035827internet fags won't help with thistry a psychologist. if you still see no change in a few years and are really determined to try everything, you can try some psychedelics.
>>34040315i guess i should add that psychedelics are not without risks. they help some people a lot, and ruin others.
>>34035827have you considered the possibility of being asexual? asexuality can be a result of many things, be it ex. sexual trauma or autism. even if you aren't, not enjoying sexual stuff is completely OK. there's no reason for you to have to engage in it! i don't personally understand how this would be something that would need to be "fixed" — not wanting sex is completely normal and acceptable. fwiw though 4chan is NOT the place to be asking for advice on this topic everyone here is a degenerate more or less so i'm guessing most people will just go "you haven't found the right person" or somethingdon't force yourself. you will cause a lot more damage to yourself in the long run if you force yourself to have sex when you clearly don't want it. this isn't necessarily something to be fixed, but if it is traumagenic, you should discuss it with a therapist. for the time being though, DO NOT LET MEN PRESSURE YOU INTO HAVING SEX
>>34040773I really appreciate this very much…i was thinking about not posting it here but i still end up doing it,i was scared cause alot of thread here are sexual snd it freak me out.I was thinking if something was wrong with me for not liking sexual stuff,i do have sexual trauma but I never thought of it to be the causes of my disliking for sex..
>>34040192I feel ya,but it is a big deal even if you’re a man,sexual assault happens to both genders..ps hugs
>>34040158I always prefer the cuddling part and holding hands part unfortunately my ex didn’t like holding hands with me..
>>34041962>not liking holding handsHis loss, you dodged a bullet
>>34040773>>34041945Asexuality is a meme. Just because sex makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean that you’re “””asexual”””
>>34035827Tell him about the SA. You're likely asexual, he may stay with you, he may not, or maybe you need an open relationship where he gets sex elsewhere
>>34043891>you need an open relationshipThe fact that Zoomers are trying to normalize this really shows the degradation of society.
