i used to have a smoking partner a semester ago in college and i slowly grew fond of her. we didnt talk much, just shared the company when we smoked. i used to talk a lot to her but ever since we smoked together, it felt that we grew apart on that front. she was always mute and after we started smoking together, she completely stopped talking. we stopped seeing each other after we went drinking together and kissed. she later told me that she was full of guilt and shame because she's aro/ace and didnt want this to happen. The alcohol "made her do it". she hasnt spoken to me since and i really miss her.
i just draw silly cartoons of her now fml
>>34050255>she later told me that she was full of guilt and shame because she's aro/ace and didnt want this to happen.lmaoyou probably dodged a bullet
you look cute on the doodles though
>>34050279Ngl, the drawing in the OP is legit good art. That said, either grow a pair and reach out, or just move on. Also you have to accept that even if you nut up and try to recinnect she might reject you and keep the distance. Such is life
idk why she'd hide that shes aro, thought we were half decent friends. i dont understand why she thought id keep it platonic for this long after we smoke 3 times a day together for months.i feel empty when i smoke now, even though thats my only escape from my academic life. i still wish i never asked her to go out for drinks. should i consider finding a new smoking partner or just try to give up smoking?
Cutest post I've ever seen
i still see her around the usual smoking spots with her friends near our college, her sight makes my stomach drop.
bro i wasn't joking when i said this >>34050373if she is 'aro ace' but kissed you then it means that she's just hetero with a bunch of mental illnesses and complexes. these people can be fun to talk to and maybe can even be good friends, but relationships with them aren't what you'd consider a good time.she's not talking to you because your shared kiss will always remind her of the way a carefully constructed shell designed to repress her actual personality and help her detach from herself failed.
>>34050729i tried to talk to her friend about it, it was apparently common knowledge that she was aro ace. i think shes lying to me though, to keep me from getting back to her. fuck im just being paranoid.
You should turn this experience into a comic or something. The art style you're drawing in is simple, but I really like it
>>34050760it sounds like one of those storytime animation youtuber's anecdotes lol. its kinda demeaning to the whole situation, dont you think?
>>34050550time to find someone new
i cant stop drawing her.cant move forward, not even a cigarette is gonna comfort me
>>34051682Let her drown in her mental illness, she doesn't fucking deserve you.
>>34050550>try to give up smoking?You should quit smoking, you stink.
>>34050255>she's aro/aceshe's using "formalized excuses" that are hard to object to because they can be taken as fact in certain contexts. all women do this, but this is specifically done to avoid conflict. women do this all the time. aro/ace bullshit is quite literally just "it's not you, it's me" for the chronically online.these types of women usually have an entire metaphorical closet of fictional characters they can pull out as examples of people they find attractive. they're not aro/ace; their standards for what they want out of a partner are unrealistically lofty and the communities the associate with reinforce whatever they think is wrong with them to avoid conflict/friction.aro/ace isn't a real sexuality. it's depression, crushing self-expectations, hypersocialization, decision paralysis, generalized mental illness, medication/environment-induced low sexual mood, or a combination of the above.tldr dodged a massive, MASSIVE bullet
>>34051682man what is wrong with youyou really think this is the best you can do?you need TRT yesterday this is not a laughing matter
>>34053886yeah sure, if i look around i can obviously "do better", but i can't simply give this no second thought. its not that bad sure, there is not much i can do about it. this person just hangs around the places i usually smoke. i cant be absolutely stoic about it just by thinking that its fine. its just bugging my idle thoughts too for some reason. i dont have any other people that i smoke with, so i resort to smoking alone. now that ive spent so much time with this person doing just this one task. idk how ill rid her off my smoking ritual.
Maybe uhhhhhh you should stop smoking idk It's not healthy anyway
>>34055821Smoking is the Native American curse they laid on us for taking their land.
>>34055821i like the nic, and my country doesnt have nic pouches. also, the whole process itself is sort of a relaxant. putting a stick in my mouth while i bring a flame close to my face is comforting to a certain extent. i am already off smoking for a week and a half cause im back home for vacations and the cravings are getting really bad. smoking half a pack daily to none is killing me.i think ill get back to the same smoking schedule back in college.
>>34055918>I like the nicYou don't "like" the nic; you've given your body a chemical dependency on itOnly in college and you're already smoking half pack daily? What it'll be when you're 30, a pack and half? Two packs when you're 40?
>>34055918read allen carr's easy wayit drones on in the first several chapters, but the entire book is about reframing the conceits and false ideas you have about why you smoke so you don't feel like you're sacrificing when you eventually quit cold turkey, which is recommended to do at the end of the book. it sort of works as a supplement for all the anti-smoking rotting lung bullshit you see from health officials that take the outside-in approach of convincing you smoking is bad by using scare tactics. if you're autistic and overthink shit, it works even better, since it breaks thought patterns down and gives your internal voice the arguments needed push back during quitting when you're most vulnerable to relapse and you're seeking excuses to grab another pack of cigs. got me and two of my friends to quit, and it's less than 300 pages, so it can be read in a day on the weekend if you're busy.>i like the nicno you don't. no one does.
>>34055961smoking is super cheap where i live, and i really do think nic hits. It makes music sound better. it allows me to visualize things that i dont sober. it makes sense why i should stop, cause of the hyperdependency and ofcourse this lame mental shit i feel cause of this woman maybe. ill consider reading that book since im already cold turkeying. but im not super convinced that i should quit.
i think the access and the cost are keeping me an addict for the most part
>>34055987>i really do think nic hitsno shit, it's an assault on your brain.>it allows me to visualize things that i dont soberthere's no such thing as "nicotine sobriety". the halflife of nicotine is so short in the human body that you start feeling withdrawal symptoms as soon as 20 minutes after finishing a cigarette, which is what you recognize as "cravings", and the (extremely mild) "high" you feel is so short-lived, its practically over by the time you stick the butt in an ashtray. your sobriety begins every time you finish a cigarette. we're not talking about alcohol that leaves you drunk for hours with skull-splitting headaches after you wake up.btw, im also an artist. believe me when i say that it doesn't make you better, and no longer breaking concentration to smoke while working on a piece is the most freeing thing i could have given myself.>im not super convinced that i should quit.obviously, because you're a shitty self-advocate with no tools right now.. the book should help, but you're welcome to keep smoking. it even tells you to not stop smoking until you've read it, and makes no judgment if you decide at the end that you want to keep smoking. im not even proselytizing here; your excuses are just bad, and you mythologizing an addiction has led to you putting on a pedestal some asian woman that you met while nursing your addiction and thinking it makes you deep or cool.
These drawings reminds me of the CIA drawing experiments with LCD. Or maybe youre having a stroke.
>>34056040hmm, yeah okay ill try to quit. never said smoking makes me cool or something though. i just like it. its not as demonized in my brain as it is in yours.
>>34056064its just airbrush on ms paint dude
>>34056100Stop smoking, dude
>>34056120all i can do is quit now? huh...
>>34056092>i just like itno you don't. you like that it removes your agitation (that it caused) when you haven't had one for over an hour.>its not as demonized in my brain as it is in yours.it's not demonized in my brain either. i just recognize it for what it is: a waste of time and money.you're a presumptuous fuck, but i forgive you.>inb4 "you're presumptuous too for assuming i don't like smoking"i am and have worked with addicts. you're fooling no one.
>>34056149thank you for forgiving me?
>>34056136Yep. Lay over now.
>>34056100at least your trauma is making you autistic *cough* i mean artistica word of advice, she rejected you (gave some bulshit excuse to make you feel better). move on. next.
I am assuming you are an Adult, so you can make your own decisions in life. If smoking is something you like doing then don't let others tell you what you should or shouldn't do. If you want to keep smoking then do it, also look for a new friend or a new smoking partner to bond with. Hang out at bars and wait for people to strike up conversation, look forward to creating new experiences instead of dwelling over old ones. Listen to your own judgement, if you feel like you need to quit smoking due to health concerns then do that. Either way here you have the opportunity to create new beginnings and move on
>>34057122ive only smoked for like an year or so, there arent any health issues ive faced till now. this other guy has been making the smoking part the sole thing that might help me. considering i leave smoking, ill think that ive left something that i actually enjoy doing just because of this one person. sure nic is bad and whatever, i dont want to relegate that to just this one woman that was in my life for a few months
>>34057474You're better off without her.
>>34057551how am i better off? its pretty blatant what i can do to run away from this feeling of confusion. but i am simply running away from the fact that i liked someone who holds some sorta disdain towards me to not accept the kiss as anything. im just really out of it because of this shit.the hit was pretty delayed, im feeling weeks old buildup now.
for what it's worth, while i don't think that girl is anywhere near as valuable as you think she is, i must say that you seem like a very earnest person with a true heart. the world would be a better and more beautiful place with more people like you.
