My cousin found my mom dead this evening. She slit her wrists and neck. She had parkinsons that was going increasingly untreated because she never felt well enough to go to the doctor and get her dosing adjusted (she fought us or sabotaged the trips). But for the 90 minute periods her dose worked, she was still the mom I knew and loved. She raised me as a single mom. I was an only child. I don't know how to deal with my mom dying in that way. I knew the end was getting near, and I knew she didn't want to keep on living but I always imagined her going out peacefully with me at her side, holding her hand. I just keep on thinking about her final moments, how she felt, what she went through. I wish I had been there for her. I wish she had called me.
>>34058953well, that's rough, but it's not selfish to want to protect yourself from the certainty of increasing pain, loss of faculties. it takes a lot of resolve to go through with suicide, so you can be sure she wanted it this way. maybe she just couldn't find a way to reconcile her desire not to go on living with sharing her final moments with you.
>>34059117Thank you for the reply.I knew it was coming. And sharing my final moments with her was mostly about wanting to comfort her so she didn't have to face it alone. I'm so sad that she faced a brutal death by herself.
>>34058953You have my sincerest condolences.
>>34058953bro it's not about youI plan on killing myself when life is not fun anymore, I don't think I'll go for that gory route but sometimes you have to work with what you have at handjust know your mom was a strong willed and brave human, of course you know that, she raised you by herself but know that she decided when to quit life and went on her own terms and in that regard she went away better than many people.My condolences bro, just know it wasn't about you or the love you had for her, she just needed to go.
>>34060379Thank you <3>>34060403OP here, I know it is about her suffering that she was done with, and it was not wanting to be a burden on me and everybody else that was trying to help her. I plan to do the same thing when my body lets me know it is done. No need to drag it out over over 5 years of misery. I just wish she had gone out better. I feel like her death is coloring every photo and memory I have of her.
Rest in peace, to her.>>34061383Please, don't kill yourself.
>>34058953Your Mum was a Hero.And one more thing, she choose her terms at her time. Don't be egoistic, this is not about you. Be happy about what you had. Only one thing worse than a dead person, a very very very sick person where you cant help at all. God bless you!
>>34061396>Please, don't kill yourself.I promise, I wont until I have a terminal disease that is robbing me of everything>>34062078>Don't be egoistic, this is not about you.I think I need to hear this a few more times. But I have doubt this is what she actually wanted. She called 911 on herself for having suicidal ideation a couple days before Thanksgiving. She left me a voicemail a couple days before that saying that when she went off dose she had all these horrible ideas she had to remind herself weren't her. She was on basic quick release levo/dopa, she didn't get a chance to try any of the extended release versions. I am just having such a hard time not seeing her as a sick person that could have been helped with a dosing change. But she didn't want to manage her parkinsons... and I guess that was her choice. I'm not trying to argue im just heartbroken it went this way. I get it is her choice when to stop living.
