She's a girl. We're both fairly older, she's in her late 20s and I'm in my early 30s. We've been talking for a month here and there in the hallways and I'm wondering if it might be too intense if I knocked on her door and gave it to her? I'm not looking for a relationship and I'm hoping it doesn't give her the impression that I like her. There is nothing wrong with her, she's attractive and charismatic. She's gone through the loss of a relative and has cut a lot of social contact with people. She use to be this very vibrant and playful girl that would sing whenever she would go out and walk and now she looks completely destroyed. I had seen her in my apartment complex for years but never really talked to her (I dislike carefree spirited people so I didn't think of speaking to her) but we only started talking about a couple of months ago. So I'm at a bit of a dilemma, would you think that giving her the gift is too intense or would she appreciate it? Some help would be much appreciated.
>>34058958A person who doesn't like her won't be making the post you just did. You clearly like her, you just don't feel worthy enough to even think about being with her. This is all glaringly obvious from your post that your self esteem is in the dumps.What you do is you behave nice and help her in any way you can, without dumping your trauma and lack of self esteem on her.
>>34058969Yeah, sure, as I said, she's attractive and charismatic so I wouldn't disagree that I would like her, she's a likeable person. Low self esteem and trauma seems about right too. I have been avoidant in bonding with women for a while now because of my poor decisions with the women I choose to be with. I'll be exceptionally careful here. Thank you for the advice brother.Give Gift: 1Return Gift: 0
>>34058958>would you think that giving her the gift is too intense or would she appreciate it?She'll only appreciate the gift if she likes it. You can't just give her something out of the blue, she'll think you want something in return.What you should do is, tell her you're going on a trip this weekend. Ask her if she wanted anything. If she says don't buy her anything, don't. Respect her boundaries. If she tells you to get her something, a souvenir or whatever, do it, as long as it's within reason.If you can't find what she wants, give her something meaningful. No romantic shit like flowers etc.
>>34058991This one might be a bit complicated to pull off. We dont have each others contacts, I just speak to her once in a while in the halls or in the yard. I've asked for a phone number but she didn't want to give it out so I just left it at that. We did continue to talk since though which is why I didn't think it was a big deal getting her the gift to begin with(I give gifts to people I knew that have birthdays coming up all the time). I assume though, outside of your plan, that you want the gift returned instead. Give Gift: 1Return Gift: 1
OP here. I am going to add something to make the thread at least a bit fun. It is 1:40 AM Pacific Time. At 12 :00 PM, I'll go drop the gift or return it depending on the decision of the majority. I'll come back after and post results.
>>34058958If you know her well enough to know her birthday, you're friends enough that a cheap token birthday gift is appropriate. Something expensive or personal is not
>>34059135Thanks for the insight. It's just a water jet foot massage machine. It was on sale so I got it relatively cheap. Also a small coat for her dog that was also on sale for 8 bucks. I got the coat first but then I thought getting something for her dog is kind of stupid so I got the foot massage jet after I saw it in the store. They're not expensive gifts at all but they are considerate.
>>34059150Give it on her birthday not out of nowhere. I've been there, gave someone a gift cause she said she was starting a small home based coffee shop. Gave an appropriate gift (a mocha pot) and a note of encouragement, it gave her the ick and she's been cold/unresponsive ever since. Some months later on the first day of the year she reiterated she's up for contact for professional purposes only lol. Ofc the level of attraction and interest between you two will be different from my case, just my 2 cents from experience.
>>34059166I dont understand what you mean by "out of nowhere"? I also understand that it might give her the ick but I don't actually know that for certain. If it's too intense and she starts to become avoidant afterwards, I'm okay with that.
>>34059174By out of nowhere I mean no occasion, you just want to give her a gift. Certainly hence my disclaimer. Let us know how it goes, good luck!
>>34059210Thanks man!
>>34058958>I'm not looking for a relationship and I'm hoping it doesn't give her the impression that I like her. There is nothing wrong with her, she's attractive and charismatic. She's gone through the loss of a relative and has cut a lot of social contact with people. She use to be this very vibrant and playful girl that would sing whenever she would go out and walk and now she looks completely destroyed. I had seen her in my apartment complex for years but never really talked to her (I dislike carefree spirited people so I didn't think of speaking to her)the absolute mental gymnastics hahahjust give her the gift, highly doubt you'll pull this off though
>>34058983I love that you're an actual robot, og 4channer by spiritYour level of overthinking is so large over this that I doubt giving or not giving will change a thing. You 'wouldn't disagree that you would like her' using the word 'would' twice tells me that you're afraid to pronounce affection for a woman even on an anonymous post on an anonymous board. You're so far removed from being able to get with this woman because you're emotionally stunted, stumped, turned away and shy.Therefore, with this knowledge in mind - your gift wouldn't change a thing. The absolute most you can get from this woman is a smile and a kind interaction, but you will never be in her panties or with her. Your journey must begin with yourself, and it starts with loving yourself. Love and self esteem won't come from others, as much as we want it to. I'm saying this to you, but it applies to my life and it's very relevant to me too.Best of luck again brother, you can do it, it's a huge journey, but start it
