I wanna know what you guys would do on my situation:Im 23 years old and I have absolutely lost my capacity for empathy, i cant feel anything for people, even childs, dogs, etc. To put you an example, yesterday I got into a rock climbing accident: where I was belaying a friend and the rope went out of my hand, and he fell to the ground like from 5 meters, he broke his ankle, I drove him to the hospital, and did everything I had to do technically except apologize to him or even say something upbeating to him, I ruined his summer vacations he was about to go to a trip of rock climbing and now he is unable to do anything. The thing is my brother and father started overwhelming me on how I should say something to him, and I know, but I dont feel anything, I barely can feel sorry for him, it sucks I wish it didnt happen.Anyway this is just an example of how emotionally fucked up I am, and how dulled my capacity for empathy and caring for other is. I cant imagine myself having a gf with this incapacity for feeling for others, I can barely talk to people.So yeah, idk what to do, am I some kind of psycho? I wasnt like this as a child, something corrupted me, and I becoming more cold hearted as time goes on, my moral compass is getting more corrupted and diffuse. Should I kill myself before I keep hurting others?
bump
nah, just an accident, not your fault as you idiots shouldn't have been rock climbing anyway... he'll recover, keep in contact and wish him wellIf you where truly psycho you wouldn't have made this post. If I handed you a baby right now, could you murder it with your bare hands?
>>34060866If you used not to be like this, there's a good chance you can get back to where you used to be, if you have the right help.
>>34061013I had a good heart as a child, crazy how I changed
>>34061013what is the "right help"
>>34061053therapy you idiot what else could it beok maybe psychedelics
We don’t need 4 suicide threads a day
>>34061128issa pandemic fren
>>34060866I'm the same, gonna try molly and acid to unfuck myself
>>340611284chan is the cesspit of the internet.
>>34060866glowniggers...it was a shill for fun.you can stop now.but thanks for the effort. i appreciate your attention.suicide is fun and all. but please don't bother the rest of 4chan. also i am not suicidal. i just laugh a lot about it.also: OP is a rather challenged retard.no. you go and check in. do some mindfulness meditation and feel the feels. and cope with the shit that comes up.remember: once you see it, it means, you can change it. it means, you are healing.
>>34060866>I was belaying a friend and the rope went out of my handThe fact that you just skip over what exactly happens make me think you're more directly responsible for what happened then you're letting on and youre either A) not telling is because you have sociopathic tendencies B) unaware of yourself to the point that you don't realize you did something wrong
>>34061119>ok maybe psychedelicswhat do you think about mescaline?
>>34061226Im directly responsible for it.
>>34061279But was it an accident? Why can't you explain what happened? It's important
>>34061285Yes it was an accident, we were testing his new rope and I was securing him with a safety device that I dont usually use, when he fell I dynamize him and in the process the rope slipped out of my hand and I didnt had the quick instincts to grab it correctly
>>34061310Then maybe you subconsciously recognize that it wasn't your fault because he forced you to use the new equipment. Maybe you don't care because he's not a close friend. Why do you think you feel less empathy?
I mean... even if you think you're a "cold heart" or something, the fact that you didn't wanted to that this happened it makes you diferent, jus... get help or idk
>>34061331Learn English bitch
I'd call him or something and ask if he's ok or doing well or something, just as a show of interest in his wellbeing. Seems a bit odd to just ghost him but I don't know. You say you think something corrupted you, can you point to anything in particular or is this a response to standards you just don't compute? Do you feel like you lost your innocence? If so, where? I wouldn't describe myself as having ever been pschopathic, but years ago I think I was in a messed up spiritual condition where I didn't react to things normally and it was like an emotional monotony. I thankfully don't suffer from that anymore, and what helped was basically spiritually shaking myself and persuing God. I indulged in a lot of porn back then that I don't think was good for me and I feel like that was heaving onto myself something contrary to what I am and it lead to a dissonance in myself which I think lead to a downstream effect. Which reminds me, the importance of confession.homologeo (ὁμολογέω), homo=same, logeo=to say. Definitely don't kill yourself over it OP. I would also say that the fact that you can look at yourself and even so much as entertain the possibility there is something not right about yourself, however much you might not even feel contrite about it, is a good sign.You may not feel something within yourself but if you act in spite of that, that's a powerful thing. I've heard words of elders and saints before that have said something along the lines of, that if you lack love in your heart, if you act despite that, God will place that in your heart. There's definitely something to that.
>>34061198Commendable schizopost. Peace be upon you Anon, don't fear the glowies.
>>34061184i found mdma + shrooms to be way more spiritual than a candyflip
I went through a period of intense grief and it eventually turned into apathy. It was almost like my brain decided to shut it down for self preservation. I eventually slowly came out of it over the course of a few years. Sometimes ill look at pics of myself during that time and think "wow, look at disengaged I looked".
>>34060866Well you did drive him to the hospital and also feel bad about it. Just say sorry about it bro no need for it to be meandering and heartfelt. Also extreme sports are extreme for this reason, because if accidents happen you get rekt, you both knew this and the risks.
>>34061807that sounds like depression, is not my case. I feel alienated from people
>>34061777I definitely feel spiritually deadend. like cut off from God and people. Idk what to do.
>>34064145I have felt there before. I once felt like I used to have a connection to God that I cut off. I really devolved into a spiritual state that I didn't really have to means to describe until I put it in spiritual terms and acknowledged God. I would have described myself as having felt in Hell, but with the veil of illusion still over to not see it in it's fullest. I simply chose to seek out God, prayed, and I found the Orthodox church in particular (though not exclusively), very helpful, be it the words of it's saints, preists (Father Spyridon on youtube was a big one, and the channel Orthodox Wisdom). It took a while before I began to see what I think was beginning of healing spiritually. I came to eventually feel my soul hurt, and I learned what it was to be broken hearted with a contrite heart. Before I began seaking, I was burdened with thought of Hell, and what would become of my soul when I died, which is a harrowing thought. I felt I had to experience some amount of pain to change, and of course, we do changed through the refiners fire. I felt shaken at times. All of it was worth it though, none of it was bad. I've fallen many times and I wouldn't delude myself that I'm now spiritually "well off", but I did end up in a muuch better state than I was.I came to appreciate and enjoy things I once did again, I lost an appreciation for beauty and it returned to me (I realized this is probably inserperable from God), and things in the porn I watched, which I once would have never watched or even thought of, that even may have disgusted me, I began to see as I once did in my continuous efforts to clean my life of it (prior to seeking God, nothing would help me get that out of my life). I think I was neglecting myself spiritually and because of that it put me in darkness, but thanks to God I'm not in that kind of darkness anymore.NEVER DESPAIR! It's one of the most emphasised things in the Orthodox Church that one should never despair.
>>34064327-and again, I've been where you are. It can be a painful process to confront your inner state but the end is only good. God be with you Anon.
>>34064327>broken hearted with a contrite heartSorry, with a broken spirit and contrite heart>Psalms 51:17
>>34064327>I would have described myself as having felt in Hellthats exactly how I feel, I feel like im going straight to hell if nothing in me changes.>I simply chose to seek out God, prayed, and I found the Orthodox church in particular (though not exclusively), very helpful, be it the words of it's saints, preists (Father Spyridon on youtube was a big one, and the channel Orthodox Wisdom). It took a while before I began to see what I think was beginning of healing spirituallyhow did change occur to you? How did the wheels started to spin again for you? I honestly dont have the volition to pray to God, everytime I try to it feels forced, like the words get trapped on my throat.The past christmas my grandmother was literally creeped out and concerned about me because how changed and coldhearted I was, I felt so alienated even with my family.
>>34065243I know exactly what you mean. It took a while to change, and repentence is a process, going from feeling in Hell to feeling hope, peace, and experiencing changes probably took months for me. One of the bigger things I did, was muster the will to confess my problem to someone, because I was so entrenched in it and it was really weighing on me. The significance of confession can't be understated and it's why it's been a sacriment in Christianity. I didn't confess in full to every detail, but I gave an idea. The particular stuff I got into I won't go into but I felt like I was really going kind of deep into degeneracy that I shouldn't have. That was one of the more major steps I took which took weight off. It didn't solve it right away, but I think that effort was significant. It's said that God will meat you where you're at.You say you don't feel you have the volition to pray, but just try, just do what you can, and put forth that effort, and intent. Even if you can't find the purity of intent, if you put that intent forth at all, God, being God, will know.>seek, and you shall find>ask, and you shall receive>The past christmas my grandmother was literally creeped out and concerned about me because how changed and coldhearted I was, I felt so alienated even with my family.I had something similar happen. My sister thought I seemed off, palpably so, and she asked me if I was gay at one point. I remember my mom asking me something about my behavior and noticed I wasn't telling her I loved her before I went to bed (something that I always would have done). I realized I went cold, and I also confronted in myself that I lacked real love for the people around me, or at least, I didn't feel like I did in an authentic manner.
>>34065554Another thing I confronted was WORDS, words didn't feel like they had meaning to me, I don't know how to describe it but meaning itself was something I knew I once understood on some level and didn't get, and I don't have that issue anymore. Maybe this was a byproduct of not living an authentic life. One of the things which has really drawn me to Orthodoxy in particular was that the authenticity of it, was unprecedented by anything else I've seen in the world. The authenticity of Orthodox christians, it's saints, it's monks, the degree to which they dedicate their lives to their faith, stood out to me compared to the other denominations, and certainly anything pagan I'd seen.
>>34065554>probably took months for meI have been on this state for years now, and it only gets worse for me. Anyway appreciate the advice.
>>34068118I was in a bad state for probably over a year, which became more unavoidable over time. I was also a very depressed person before even that, with suicidal ideation, and a number of traumatic events in my life, which didn't necesarilly put my soul in a dark state, but I was going down hill for longer than the period of time that I improved. It didn't begin with the 3 months. For a time though, I was also just more of a quiet personality, not necesarilly cold, but not incredibly outgoing, in part because of being depressed.
>>34068141well my state feels more fucked up because its like a void, I look at my grandmas eyes and I dont feel anything, I feel like a psycho, like I can only cause damage, very difficult to explain and to confront. I was thinking of doing psychedelics to confront it, but no idea how to get them.
>>34060866do it
>>34068299I'd be careful with things like psychedelics. People do things like that and screw themselves up really bad, going full schizo. I don't know much about him, but I know there's a guy that says he's a psychopath that exhibitted psychopathic traits at a young age, going so far as to attempt to kill his father with a hammer, called David Wood, that became a Christian and has a youtube channel. He probably has given testimonies on it and I've seen some things he's said about ways he changed. Might be of value. Nevertheless, your efforts, intent, and seeking will matter. I don't think it will go unanswered.
>>34068357On your pic... I find myself on the instance of acting and speaking, I no longer have a good will on me so I just omit action, wich leads me to being basically a plant, unable to do anything because I only hurt, thats why I dont see the point on keep living. My plans are either get a good psychologist or do psychedelics
>>34068408If you so much as motion your will in the right direction, that's as good a step as any. You can pray and ask God to guide you, to help you, etc. It can never hurt, and even if you don't feel it, like your heart is in it.It's also heavily emphasised in the Orthodox church that even the lowest can be saved, every step taken towards God, God taked 10 towards you.
>>34068441Another thing worth mentioning, it's emphasised in general that the Orthodox Church is a hospital for souls. People with physical illness are quick to go to a doctor, but how many do the same for sickness of the soul?
>>34060866If you wanna go out with a bang my I suggest going after people who make society a living hell?
Idk it's mostly about going the speed limit. You shouldn't be too dramatic. When your life is really good you really can't be bothered to care, when you have a bad life same, when you are around a total idiot it's hard to care. If you don't care it just seems like dissociation and it's a coping mechanism for when people around you are suffering. It's just kinda awkward. Drinking and drugs seem to have a strange effect. You're usually more emotional when you drink but them it makes you more emotionless once you're sober again. Also sometimes whiny people are the absolute fucking worst. Some of them need help. Others are the worst. They are whiny over nothing and even go shoot someone because of it
