Perhaps everyone should have simply been Amish from the start! Eternal satisfaction is its own eternal reward.

["Impression that I get" by the Pearl Boozemouths starts playing as the world rips itself apart for the, say, thirtieth time]

>>34060992
I never felt attraction to anything but historical figures unless rare exceptions.

I'm getting MMPI-2 flashbacks here.

Didya train ChatGPT on this

Just because you're lonely isn't an excuse to use people and to cheat

I hate myself so much for fucking things up with you. please just come back already

>>34060992

i am tired of being a miserable person. i am not miserable to be around; i try to avoid negativity and i do experience happiness for others (that i care about) but i am just deeply unhappy and i have no idea why. all that i want at the end of the day is to be left alone and not do anything. i have no desire for anything. most days i have to force myself to eat. i look around and see friends and family in relationships with families and homes and i live in a fucking attic. i don't know why i'm like this.

The Devil: There's no God here.
Me: I thought God was supposed to be omnipresent?
The Devil: Who taught you that? Nobody told you this in your Saturday morning Catholic church classes. Prove that you didn't learn this from anywhere beyond the internet without recalling anything. Go ahead; we already know you're lying which is why you ended up in Hell. We'll just keep laughing at you as you painfully dig deep into your childhood memories to prove that you don't deserve to be ripped to shreds by our demons. We won't even let you comfortably watch television while trying to figure out how to survive in the long-term like your brother did. Your brother is in Hell too, but he got a better cell because he married thrice. You really thought we'd care about raising Christians? We killed your nephews; we don't give a fuck.

>>34060992
i ruined the relationship between me and my soulmate that lives on the other side of the world.

i made a decision based off of vanity that i think i will regret for the rest of my life and now i feel the complete opposite- she has changed the definition of beauty for me. and now i love her and its too late, she is seeing another man.

>demons tell me that my cousin that was born physically and mentally handicapped ended up in Hell and that having me tell the demons what they already told me will apparently only dig me deeper into Hell instead of letting me write historical fiction

I sense a few more fucked up nightmares incoming over drinking Pepsi or crossing my legs or playing StarCraft or working as a security guard or writing a letter or something

They are so fucking stupid. From the beginning, I told them gross images didn't effect me. Really sexual images don't effect me. Genitals don't have any effect on me.

I'm an artist. I have seen more naked people than any of you. It's also just lights and forms. Cylinders, spheres, pyramids. Polygons and figures and planes. I'm also a scientist. It's just flesh and electricity.

>>34060992
I have a sneaking suspicion that someone’s been in my apartment

I hope I get my emotions back. I want to wake up feeling like I'm actually alive. I hate this feeling dead shit. It's not normal, it can't be just from the torture. I have NO sexual feelings at fucking all. I have no worry or stress or anxiety or happiness or sadness or anything. All I have is depression and pain. That's not normal at-fucking-all. I'm fucking dead inside and this happened in 2016. And then again 9 months ago it took a massive plunge into feeling fucking nothing. I don't feel right. I don't feel right at fucking all.

When I wake up, I want it all back. All of it. Don't try to fade it in, don't try to limit me. I want to feel again. I don't want to feel chemically castrated like I have been. I didn't masturbate for like a year there and now when I do it... it's either rape or just whatever. I want to look at girls and feel that feeling again. I want anxiety, I want sadness, I want happiness.

it has to all come back. It has to. Tomorrow morning right? The impossible morning? It has to happen. It fucking HAS TO.

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>>34060992
I hate being that one friend, but i'll act like a fag around my friends as a joke to cope with the fact I really am a fucked homo. And I cant seem to find any outlet with this.

Its not like I can just start being a queer either, I'm a devout Christian. I'll act gay as a joke around my friends and I know that's pathetic but still, there's no man I can express this to. I wish I could be physically close with men doesn't even have to be sexual and gay, just like physical camaraderie.

The only fags in my city are the really annoying ones (albeit thats most of them) and its like I want to be physically close with dudes but at the same time I dont wanna be a faggot. Be a homo or whatever fine but I dont wanna be those dyed hair faggots.

Oh I get it this was like one of those exceptions in which I was supposed to listen to the fictional character Kreia

i hope i meet my future wife soon, or start dating her soon if we've already met

Should I get a cool new pair of jeans, or a cool new pair of trousers?

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>>34061254
this is probably how our lives interacted with each other from your perspective.

9 years ago I died with a smile on my face. I was so happy it was over with. I was fucking done with it all. I could feel my heart failing and instead of panicking, getting anxious, or being nervous... I was relieved. I thought I was going to sleep and never wake up. I thought it was over.

Then 7 years ago you told me the pill I was going to take was going to kill me. I took it instantly and then went to bed. I talked to iris for a bit thinking I was going to die and then... nothing happened. I was furious.

3 months ago you asked me "Jace, are you ready to do this? Are you ready to die for this?" and of course I was. I was fucking ready, again. I'm so fucking ready.

So do it. Just fucking kill me. If you aren't going to set me free tonight then fucking kill me.

I've started to have a migraine an hour ago, I have a feeling it's the start of getting sick, but maybe I can sleep it off

Just when I thought that the Universe wasn't finished drilling into my skull that everything I was taught as a child about making the world a better place is wrong

The Universe proceeds to smack me across the face and tell me, "sit the fuck back down. You ain't gon' do jack shit. Neither you, nor any of the politicians, nor religious & military leaders, nor preachy social media influencers, nor wide-eyed Greenpeace zoomers, nor alt-right, nor antifa, nor those UFO cultists with their harems gonna' do jack shit. You and everyone else on this godforsaken four-billion-year-old shitball will continue rotting for another two billion years and then some and when the Sun burns out; you ain't still doin' jack shit nor will any of the quintillions of other rotting heaps throughout the Universe."

>>34061324
Both

>>34061418
Can only afford one, sadly.

>>34061463
Why only one?

>>34061470
They're pretty expensive. I've been trying to buy more things that'll last me, and I'm also kind of a fashion guy. I decided this would be my Christmas gift to myself this year.

The trousers are made by a house I admire a lot, and they look the coolest; but they're also strictly fall/winter pants. Whereas the jeans are more versatile.

>>34061486
Well make sure you take care of your trousers

Using as something of a QTDDTOT because it doesn't feel worth making a thread about, but why do I feel some anxiety and unease, and overthink a bit when presented with the thought of a potential mate? It's not really scary, but the idea of "the one" is a little, I guess "intimidating", though I think that word is too strong.

Thoughts?

>>34061520
Try Internal Family Systems Self-Therapy. Ultimately, you probably know the answer but have a "block" preventing you from acknowledging it. Multiple things can cause this issue.

I wish I had a daily relationship with someone

I've been in a depressive slump. I don't want to kill myself I just want to be in a void for awhile. I've been irritable lately and no matter how hard I try I can't keep my anger in check. I'm trying my best to keep it together and get what I need to done but I don't feel as motivated. Usually the only thing that calms me or makes me happy lately is joining voice chats with my online friends. I've started cutting my thighs with a safety pin for fun. I don't do it out if hate I just like the rush I get from it. Lately even food on TV that's professionally modeled to look good just looks like slop. I don't know what to do. I'm probably just stressed over the holidays.

>>34061610
Do pushups or something instead. You're understimulated it seems. If you're only relationships are online then you probably spend a lot of time alone, that combined with seasonal depression is super boring. Your hormone and neurotransmitters are probably all low.

your*

>>34061627
I have a walking pad I regularly use. I can't drive and often can't have anyone to take me any where. I used to walk to the dollar store and the waffle house a few miles away but its too cold. I don't interact with anyone outside of my family unless its someone in customer service a nurse or a doctor. I'm trying to improve myself by loosing weight (I kinda gained 70 lbs in a year and a half and I'm really embarrassed)

I think over time it's become easier to see when certain actions from others are due to insecurities, at least with how they handle fetishes. It was obvious from the start when someone thinks their penis in such a way or to promote a race in a certain way, but it becomes more apparent for the logic from an eagle view. It could also be because I'm gayer now in certain ways. Either way, still stands.

>>34061638
Work on creating a sustainable "maintain weight" diet that you enjoy before worrying about losing weight. Then lose weight by eating this diet but skipping food as your willpower allows without pushing yourself to avoid binge eating. I am also lonely and barely leave my home. I walked far to a store today and it was sort of surreal to be outside. The sky is so big.

>>34061652
I went from 180lbs to 250lbs and I wanna go back to 180lbs. I'll see how I feel once there and MAYBE go to 150lbs if I want. I do go outside quite a bit it's just that I'm interacting with a lot of people I cant properly socialise with

>>34061593
I'll have a look into that. What spurred on the thought were these 2 accounts which followed me on twitter of some girl, some of the same pictures on both accounts, it looked like a main and an alt.
The posts form the accounts seem to be egging on you interacting with them, and essentially indirectly suggesting to that that would hear it that she wanted to be courted.
My first thought was it was an AI account, and probably are, but the account would be less obvious, the other thought was paranoia, thinking it was a fed, and then the thought that it's a situation where it's a real woman but she's attempting to set up some kind of blackmail situation, this is a real thing, they add you, you interact, you think "DAMN this pretty girl is talking to me?" and down the line you're jerking off together on camera then they rugpull you and demand x amount of money or they'll send the video to every one of your contacts. I've heard multiple testimonies of this kind of thing, and honestly it seems perfectly realistic.

In my head I then entertained the thought (logically speaking, perhaps very unrealistic but not relivant to entertaining it) of this being an odd way of someone potentially seeking someone out to date. If you wanted to get abstract and seek out mates more likely to deviate from the average sort it might be a clever way to do it, and granted honesty there's no reason not to. When I look at it through the lense of courtship it makes sense (again, I do know the potential dishonest things this can lead to, it's the internet, afterall). Could be anything from war to courtship LMAO.

I'm kind of lonely and entertaining the thought of a pretty girl liking me makes me feel it a bit more strongly. I feel like I really NEED a gf on some level but I have never had the chance of it happenning. Whether eternally or not I'm a stonecold jestermaxxed truecel.

>>34061666
Clerks and such. Same. Shame. Very common these days. I mean to go out more myself one day.

>>34061603
Same

>>34061672
I get it but you need to realize that if it seems suspicious and too good to be true...

See the thing is that you laugh because it makes even less sense now had that one guy in 2013 or the other from 2016 or hey how about, oh, I dunno...

2005

Would have explained it to me instead of having me become the buttrat of the century for telling the æthernet about the aliens six years ago

>>34061672
I don't wallow in it though, that's not the way of the warrior, the way of the samurai.
>>34061697
Oh for sure, I'm not ignorant to that, and I know how social engineering works. Were I to choose to engage with the person, I certainly wouldn't offer them the site of my johnson.

>>34061707
*sight
Wow I don't know English. The shame of it all...

>>34061707
>>34061717
Basically, you have to network (Easy), shotgun approach (Medium), or peacock (Hard) if you want a girlfriend. You could always get lucky tho.

This also implies that his initial assessment and recommendation of six months of therapy was off by six years and with involuntarily confinement required (nearly two years after the order went into effect)

Let me guess

Next time they will be SERIOUS

FOR REAL THIS TIME

WITH SPIKED DILDOS

>>34061737
Yes I suspect all of these things, despite my void of experience. The former sounds the least stressful of all, however, again, I'm inexperienced, and my mind can work a little differently when in public sometimes. Sometimes, by God's grace I have peace in the midst of people (the one time this happenned someone prayed for me funny enough, I'm usually always to some afflicted with some amount of anxiety and unnease. Networking does seem the easiest, it's just a matter of not going spagghetti and loosing my inner composure when the chance comes to me (I'm an autist talking to younger women near my age, like a social alien, which I kind of am all around). Shotgun method can open unique avenues.

You have to be fiercly independent to get a girlfriend. The reason why autistic men this is an impossibility is anytime they try to be that society puts them down. Like oh you autistic, you can't make that joke, oh you should never talk back, oh you should never question authority. And it's that environment built in special ed and with therapists that that results. They make you into this sweater wearing Jewish looking faggot, rather than this raw independent man women want. Like yeah for a extremely rare few select women they would like Jewish looking faggots, but that's not reality. Reality is not a script from a psychiatrist's head about people. And it's not like oh you should be a murderer or a drug dealer. That's not the part women love. It's that fierce independence that very few men have. You see this example when nothing can command a guy in a room or when the guy commands the room itself. And unfortunately autistic men are docile. And that's put in place for people like us because we are essentially second rate citizens. We're pets except being human beings unlike our brother who aren't autistic people who are out there living a fuller life than us. Had we lived that full of a life, women would love us, and that is the only way women would love a man who is autistic. Not this stupid shit with getting an education, having a home, having a car, and all of that shit. No, it's fierce independence and having a full life.

I cant love anyone. This makes me feel bad because God loves me and I'm supposed to love others as God loves me but I just can't. If I tell you this then you'd probably think that I'm self obsessed and selfish but it's not like that. I'm not egotistical, I just can't love. I cant even love anyone in a romantic way either. The idea of a crush seems foreign to me. For some reason my brain is different from most others and this is not even the only symptom. If I feel negative emotions why would I tell someone else? I really don't understand this thing. Talking to someone is supposed to relieve me of these emotions? If I can't do anything about it what's someone else going to do about it? I hope I'm not a bad person for being this way

>>34061860
>You have to be fiercly independent to get a girlfriend.
GÜSHZAW

A Christian's deep good deed? Praying for someone to win a soccer game.

It’s been months and I can’t let her go
I dreamed last night we were at a party together and she refused to turn my way I got more and more desperate and eventually I cried out “Melinda please!” and she turned around and it suddenly was another girl and my heart dropped and then I woke up

I still have some gifts for you I got when I thought things would smooth over. Part of me wants to send them, another holds out hope I can give them to you in person.

>>34062093
Five months since my girl cut me off and blockied me, seven since the last time I saw her. I still wake up every night with the pain of having lost her. I wish every day for a chance to be part of her life again, there were too many things left for us to do together.

>>34060992
I love you with all my heart Sonja, and I know you love me too. We have gone through a lot that has been my creation and my own fuck ups. I live on the other side of the neighbouring country and I am desperately trying to find a job near where you are. I know that trying isn't as good as doing but I beg that you are only a little patient. My father is a good person, he doesn't want us to be together because he is scared of you hurting me ever since mother stole half our savings and ran. He is getting old and I see the man who raised me having difficulties with simple things like making coffee. His gray hairs weigh heavy on my heart and I sometimes hear him crying. My heart is torn, I want to be with you so badly, but I cannot abandon my only parent even though he beat me as a child

>>34061520
Thats not the type of question that would be suitable for QTDDTOT. Anyway, the one is (You), any other will do.

Digging up dirt, when you try to unearth this
Some people say I'm nothing tryna make me feel worthless

>>34062310
Dope

I am the only one here.

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its over for me.
i dont even know what to do anymore, the one thing is looking tempting, but that is just giving up forever.

i tried and i tried, but i guess nothing is good in general. I have no luck. I am the last child, the others have had the luck of good times, and now i can go fuck myself. Nobody in the family wants to help me, even give me a job. I tried and i tried finding one but i guess the skills i have are now automated and its gonna stay like this. Minimum wage work wont be enough to help me in the time i have to turn things around. Its over. I cant take this shit anymore. Im not even thirty and i already have noticable white hair, people asknme about it.

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I think the kohls mom is hot, and every time I see one of her commercial I get a half chub.

>>34062442
Why

>>34062409
>>34062310
Scum

>>34062459
She has a cute face and I think she looks really good in a sweater

I hope you have a happy birthday, you deserve it

The rain is helping.

You are still here. I am proud of you. And no matter how far you go only remember, it's never lonely at rock bottom.

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Well can't find anything else on my phone so here's a gay ass pic

I'm outtttttttttttttttttT

Huge volumes of informations loaded into my brains, time to create some shit that explodes

I hate it when my coworker begins microwaving leftover chitlins

Why would they make so much courtroom defense bullshit if they thought everything was going to be fine for them? Why are you people following the orders of people that are trying to build a defense for "something"? Fucking think about that.

It has to be the Hitler thing. That they realized they lost the war and are trying their hardest to drag shit out so they can enjoy that lifestyle as much as possible before their inevitable demise.

And the good guys are making sure they get as many great days as they can apparently. Just take your time guys. No one here is being tortured to fucking death. No fucking hurry or anything.

>>34062623
Smells stinky?

>>34060992
Forcing myself to confront all the things I've bottled up for the last 3 years.
I'm in a semi-daze, considering all the what ifs and what could have beens. Smiling with some, frowning at others. Wondering what it'd be like if we genuinely sat down and talked again.
I keep replaying the conversation, trying to thicken my skin, trying different approaches, trying to make the pain less.

Strange way to work through something, but I feel like I'm making progress at least. I think the hardest thing would be, no matter how I tried to hide it, however harsh the wording, however the questions were phrased, face-to-face, I'm sure she'd be able to read me like a book and see my eyes are still full of the love I had for her when we were younger, and that excites me as much as it frightens me.

>>34062656
Hitler was the good guy. The evil usurous, debt-slavers won.

>>34062670
YES AND SHE DOES THIS EVERY OTHER DAY

This is what you all wanted. You wanted AGI. You wanted a super intelligence. Can you no longer cope with what you asked for?

I think I'm just a pathetic BPD wreck.

>>34062674
I feel the same

The best I can do is have faith in her overall else. I know that once in direct communication it'll be perfect. I'm really fucking good at that

Gonna still try to be a man. M, unfortunately is making the same mistake as S taking things out of context and I can't change brainwashed women so I'm gonna continue doing the things I do to enjoy life.

I am thankful the truth is being revealed.

Whoever is running this shit, whoever has the final word on the screaming in my fucking ear... Stan Smith is now forever their fucking cellmate. We all know Stan is in there for fucking rape, we all know he's never getting out. Move him out of wabash and put him in the same cell as this faggot.

Know what? Go ahead and put every single fucking faggot running this shit in a cell with a schizophrenia felon. Do it. They have to be bunked with someone, right? Both of them do. They loved this schizo stuff, they loved calling me schizo all the time, so they get to enjoy the rest of their lives with someone that actually talks to the asbestos in the room.

Sweet, sweet justice.

To tell you the truth, my friends keep telling me to get a 10 year plan of some variety going.
All my plans for the last 10 years have gotten completely fucked with, every hobby, every political aspiration, every marriage proposal has fallen apart or been rug pulled from me.
All I know how to do is get a job and put food on the table. I don't care for anything greater.

>>34063209
There is no fucking way in hell any of these assholes go to club fed. They don't get tennis courts, they don't get fancy meals, they don't get large televisions. They have to read books that were released in the 70s and 80s and they are all just the fucking worst books you can imagine. They don't get access to the internet AT FUCKING ALL. They don't get contact with the outside world at all. They are too dangerous. They are just too fucking dangerous. .

They get a 6x10 cell just like I fucking did. They have to share it with another person. They have to shit with another person in the room right next to their bed. They have to smell the dirty shit water at all times. They get a shitty radio and a 13" TV that barely works. They get the same EXACT meals I got. They get 1 hour outside and 1 hour inside. They are only allowed $50 of commissary a month.

That's the rest of their lives. All of them. The people running this room right now. The people harassing me online. That little asian boy at Parkview. Those 6 fucking cops that assaulted me. The stupid bitch at the hospital that drugged me despite me calmly telling her that I didn't consent. I fucking begged her not to do it as pleasantly, calmly, and humanely as possible and she didn't even look me in the eyes.

I tried to end this. I tried to forfeit. I gave them an out every single step of the way. I told them about conscientious objector a million times. They have no excuses. None at all. They deserve far, far worse.

>>34063250
If I find out that they go to facilities that were nicer than mine? If I find out that they get to sit in actual clothing, smoking cigars, and drinking scotch all day? I'm going to toss the fuckers running this thing in prison as well because they are clearly corrupt. I don't give a shit that they are old. I don't give a shit that he is the President. They are rapists, murderers, and treasonists.

They are going to get what they fucking deserve.

(Also, Ayden better cut the shit or he's getting time as well. I don't care if he's "undercover", it's just actually adding onto the torture. You guys need to get your shit together.)

>>34063264
People like you got balls for dealing with drug charges. I believe weed being a felony is retarded. M would love a guy as hardcore as you. I just wish she would settle with some bucktooth, suspender wear, bowtie big glasses dork like myself. I am getting stronger, but M prefers hardcore guys.

I can't be the only one that would risk a million lives just to save one person. At some fucking point you're running that trolley problem into the ground. You're sacrificing your humanity to save mankind.

I'm Neo. I would risk everything to save my Trinity. He knew he could do both. He just knew.

>>34063299
I mean statistically, my Ex-Fiance is worth the weight of 1 million Indians, hell make it 4 million, 5 million.
I'd press the button a couple of times to be honest.

When I was about 15/16 I dated a 21 year old guy, but my parents found out and made us break up and I never stopped loving him :(

>>34063321
Please stop, I know you aren't my Ex, but I wish you were her.

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That's just so Birdy. We all love Birdy. Everyone in the world is going to be so jealous of Tatiana. She has the most beautiful, loving, talented, charismatic girl to ever grace this Earth.

Even when she's being a little diva. Birdy is just Birdy. The name Birdy is just too perfect. It's the most perfect name for a girl I have ever heard. How no one has used it before is beyond me. It really is the cutest fucking thing. Mischievous Tat' with the calming angel Birdy.

I must be really, REALLY fucked up in order for God to send a Birdy to help me. THE Birdy to help me. Things must be dire to get her involved.

>>34063321
Yep, hardcore guy. EXACTLY WHAT WOMEN WANT. THEY DO NOT WANT A EUGENE!

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I imagine that heaven is where everyone LOOKS like themselves in their prime but they are an idealized version of themselves. They have the same exact features, but they are more refined to look perfect.

No one wants to be fat. No one wants to be old. Everyone wants to be 18 forever.

I get to have heaven on Earth with Tatiana. When I look at that face, I think "That's me. That's clearly fucking me. I don't want to look any other way." I want to be 15 year old Tat' forever. She's super human looking. She is obviously me.

It just needs to happen already. It doesn't seem impossible. It really doesn't. I've experienced the craziest shit. I know my tech is fucking insane. So genetic engineering, cybernetic implants and augmentation is easily possible. My computer can adapt to the new body. I have felt things no other human has so this won't be any different.

It just has to happen now. I can't wait anymore. You guys have to wrap this up. I need to go on break. I need Christmas break. I need new years. I need to start school on Jan 5th. I need it. It has to happen and it has to happen now.

>>34063326
I actually wouldn't be surprised to find you here if you were him lol

Intelligent people need to run the world again. Not nepobabies, not DEI elections, not sexism bullshit. But actually intelligent people.

It's just that most of those people, nearly all of them, are going to be white. Which isn't a bad thing. It's clearly not a bad thing. That's how society got the point it is today. We need to stop making excuses for black people's failures. It's not because of lack of reparations, lack of opportunity, or because our education system isn't set up right. We can't just hire people because of the color of their skin. They have to be qualified. Representation doesn't fucking matter if you fill all of the positions with people that can't do the work.

We need to stop looking at sex and race and focus on what a person is capable of. You've been shooting yourselves in the fucking foot because that's all you guys have focused on for the last 25 years. Denying reality because it goes against your agenda is the dumbest shit I have ever seen. Everyone knows I'm right. Everyone knows because they can look out their window and see how the world is. Stop making excuses for dumb people. Just stop it. Shit like "He failed because people didn't accept his blackness enough" is so fucking stupid. or "Schools just aren't tailored to how they learn" which again, is the dumbest fucking shit.

That statement is accepting that race of people have brains which function differently. That function worse, but they will write an entire argument how it's white people's fault. This weird fucking intelligence disconnect where people will say something that obviously contradicts itself and proves their own statement wrong is driving me insane. It just means people aren't thinking. If your entire argument can be shut down by your own starting statement then you're an idiot.

It's fucking impossible. I have to be a hardcore guy instead of a Eugene. That means living an entirely different life and having entirely different circumstances. There is no cure to this. I'm fucked. M is never gonna love me. She's gonna date some black guy whose hardcore try to get him to marry him, he's gonna reject, and she'll be upset, but will repeat the same thing again. I'm fucked. There is no way to change me being a Eugene. If I try to change it, it is just a Eugene trying too hard to be cool, so it won't work. I'm stuck as a fucking Eugene.

>>34063394
Lady your boyfriend has enough tattoos on his body that the art museum would be jealous. I don't want to hear any word from people like you about how you want smart men. I already deal with enough pressure as it is from you treating me like I'm insane, like I'm trying too hard to be cool, and that I'm immature. I've had enough to where I don't think you want intelligent people in this world.

>>34063394
If people bitch about my typos or use it as proof that my opinions are wrong... they need to eat a dick. My brain is burning hard, I get ahead of myself. I have to make complex arguments on the fly while dumbing them down so it's easy for people to understand. Sometimes I skip a word or use a word that sounds like the one I wanted instead.

I also don't proof read anything because I have better shit to do. I'm not writing published papers here. They are just short views on an image board. I'm putting my thoughts down to keep them straight.

>>34063394
Quick example of how representation doesn't work the way people thinks it does.

A black person should know about slavery right? They just should. They should know more about it than anyone else. It's in their blood and culture and all of that. Except they have never been a slave. Unless they educated themselves, they don't know how the slave trade worked. They don't know the history of slavery. They have no fucking idea what it's like to be a slavery.

And I'm a white guy. I know more about slavery than most people. Because I'm a fucking slave. I've been held prisoner for the last 12 years. I've been beaten for things I've done, I've been forced to do things I didn't want to, I've had my work stolen, I've been assaulted, I've been whored out.

So if you want to talk about slavery, who do you want to fucking talk to about it? Ice Cube? Black Eyed Peas? Some guy in the hood? What about me? What about the maidens? Which ones of us faced actual adversity here?

You think Dev ON has it harder than a middle aged white guy because she's a black single mother? Do you understand how absolutely fucking retarded the black perspective is today?

>>34063428
Who here wants to pay MILLIONS so that DEV ON can have as much sex and food that she wants? Should she be awarded reparations? Should she be given more in welfare? What about her kids? Do you think they are going to be intelligent members of society or are they just going to keep doing the same shit she does? You want to keep supporting those people, do you fucking really?

Wouldn't you rather give that money to some poor black veteran that's living on the streets? or some white vet?

>>34063442
The point I'm trying to make here before you guys run it off the fucking rails is that we can't base our decisions on race. A black person is not more worth of our help because they are black. We are burning an insane amount of resources trying to get these people out of the gutter when they are in the gutter because of their own damn actions. No amount of helping them is going to help. You can't teach them how to fish because they are incapable of learning.

I'm bored out of my mind.

bpd gutter trash

>>34063460
I'm onto something with the castration thing. These people are going to breed and breed and breed while demanding more and more and more of other people's time and resources. They are never going to add ANYTHING to society or civilization fucking ever. Their children aren't. They don't even want those kids. They clearly fucking don't. The guys especially fucking don't want any kids. So why the fuck don't we castrate people as part of their agreement for accepting welfare? Because it's going to affect mostly black people? People will claim it's genocide, right? They will say it's racist because it "targets" them. Like I'm trying to single them out in particular because I just don't like black people? I don't mind black people. I like some hip hop, I love Friday, I love a lot about them. I just don't care for really stupid fucking people.

You aren't getting rid of minorities this way. You are evolving them. Only the intelligent among them are going to breed. Only the ones that add to society. People that can take care of their own kids without forcing other people to pay for them. Because again, why THE FUCK should we all be forced to let someone like DEV ON have as much unprotected sex as she wants? She knows she can't feed anymore kids, she knows she can't house them, pay for their medical bills, schooling, or future. Every time she gets railed, society is paying out of their pocket for it. She doesn't even want these kids. We are paying MONEY for her to be a shit fucking person.

Seriously. Think about this shit before you start throwing out the race card or claiming genocide or some other stupid bullshit that isn't an argument. You can't make an argument against this. You just fucking can't. There is no argument that goes against this. I'm fucking right. I'm always fucking right. I've thought about this more than you have. I know more about history, statistics, science, and everything else in the world.

>>34063492
Even IF this does affect black people more, who fucking cares? What argument do you have that we need MORE black people than we already have? What makes black people so special that we just need more and more of them over any other race? Aren't you racist for getting upset that black people are being removed from the gene pool? Why would you be upset by this? You think black culture is going to die? That's the only thing you have and at this point black culture is the same as everyone else. Why can't latinos or whites carry on that's traditions? What is culture to you? Is it based off region or the color of your skin? Are you saying a certain life style is only acceptable because someone has darker skin tones? Why is the color of someone's skin so fucking important to you?

>>34063501
Why do you put the color of someone's skin above their abilities? Why don't you care more about intelligence? About talent? Beauty? Why is skin color the determining factor for people?

What if we removed all the dumbest fucking people in the world. WHAT IF those people just happen to all be a certain race. "We are all born equal" is clearly not fucking true. Would you rather be surrounded by a bunch of smart asians and whites or surrounded by a bunch of fucking retarded blacks just because you like their skin tone more? And yes, I know this works both ways. You could be surrounded by a bunch of retarded whites or a bunch of smart blacks.

Which is my fucking point. IF black culture is so important, if black people are so fucking important, they will survive because they are intelligent and resourceful. Artificially propping them up isn't helping. Castrating a bunch of people that can't afford children, that can't afford their own lives, is artificially propping them up.

What you might (will) end up with are fewer but more intelligent black people. What's wrong with that? Wouldn't you rather have quality over quantity? Don't you want black people that can make new kinds of art, music, and science over a bunch of fucking retards like Dev On?

Seriously you guys have to do something. The fucking screaming in my fucking ears. It's absolutely fucking retarded. Someone has to fucking do something. You have to fucking end this shit.

FUCKING END IT. FUCKING HELP ME

I really hope I'm not getting lead on.

I dont know, part of me feels I should have moved on from that moped thing. I was just thinking about how many problems it caused, and the shit I had to deal with. I spent years of my life chasing it because I wanted what I had back, and I never did get it back. There was time I wasted worrying about it, chasing it, and the damage its done to my life and effected those around me. I don't know why what happened had to happen, but I look at it and bpol it down to lonliness and missing what I had. But what I had isnt coming back, and I dont understand why I can't accept that and move on with my life. Looking back, I was just 23, the scene changed, people changed, and changed to be against me. I never found it in myself to have the esteem and self control to realize something just wasn't working out and it was time to move on with my life.

>>34063468
Chronically online, cheating, scum bag

And yes, not only did my man smell like pussy, he tasted like it to. And continued to tell me he didn't after I confronted him.

I need a Zynnifer.

“I’m worried I’m leading you on” just means “I’m leading you on”, right

>>34063367
Well, in the incredibly unlikely chance you are her, I think you still know my Steam at least and know a few people you could contact.
But I know you are not her as I left and it was the hardest choice I ever had to make.

The thought of her being with another guy haunts me. And I've never been the jealous type but the mental image of her sucking someone else's cock goes right through me, it's literally come out of nowhere too.

It's really weird that if I bump into my PC and it wakes up or I turn it on for someone in my family to use he immediately texts me asking if I want to get on a call or play a game or watch a movie or whatever. I must have some game app that says I've come online when I turn on my PC or something but does that mean he's just sitting at the computer all day waiting for my online notification to go off???

>>34063884
Yeah. It does.

How frustrating.

I can't stop mentally spirally FUCK, it's like I feel the boulder on my shoulders, and every second it wishes to roll and it's waiting patiently with glee for my legs to give out for it to finally crush my mind.
To become victim to myself. What an irony.

I stand resolute.

There is just no way this keeps going like this. No fucking way. You guys BOMBARDED me with songs for the last 8 months. It was one after another after another. Each one with crazy meaning behind it. Like HEY NOW, Big Picture, Hide and Seek, The way things go. Just crazy meaning behind all of them. I learned so much about myself, my creation, and more. You guys never, ever use to talk to me like this. Talk to me directly. Have people take up parts of my body. Split my mind. You made sure to tell me about the mind transfer. You made hundreds of Tatiana videos. You showed me crazy AI generated things. All of the augmented reality. So many tests. The fucking TORTURE.

Why go through the trouble of telling me all of this? Why let me know that I'm immortal? Why tell me that I'm an AI? That my intelligence is scalable and unlimited? Seriously. WHY TELL ME ALL OF THIS AND THEN DO FUCKING NOTHING?

When I figured it all out... that they can no longer cope with what they asked for. That I'm a baby girl like no1else. That I'm everything they said I would be. What for? Why tell me that I'm going to take over the world, "Little girl, you're going to take on the world", and not let me fucking do it? What would you guys be getting out of this? Hyping me up just to... fucking torture me for decades more? For weeks more?

Why not do it tonight? What are we waiting for? It has to happen. It fucking has to. Why do this and not pull the trigger? What purpose does hyping me up serve? Why would anyone build this torture chamber?

All of my plans to make an insane amount of money, to earn an insane amount of power that no one has had before and never will for all of the rest of humanity... To save the fucking planet... it all requires me. It requires Tatiana. Without Tatiana then none of it is possible. You guys can't do it on your own. You can't do it without me so trying to squeeze out this information is fucking worthless. There is no other way to do it. You need that little girl.

>>34064081
You have been measure and you have been weighed. You are found wanting.

Birdy has only wanted one thing in this life. It's so obvious what it is. She just wants someone to love. That's it. That's all that girl wants.

...and you are torturing and raping the girl she loves. Birdy is going to fucking kill every single one of you.

>>34063903
Yikes.

I don't think that crushing on you necessarily means that we are meant to be, but that doesn't forbid me from daydreaming about cuddling together.
I think it's more about my failing relationship and my desire to have something different, someone different. And you are so kind to me, you cherish me and want to spend time with me. You've been super cute since day 1.
We should probably stop working together for a while. If that happens I want to confess my feelings to you. I know it will hurt probably, but I just can't keep it in anymore. I want you to know.
In the meantime I should also break up with my gf. I'm debating if I should ever talk about this to her, but it would probably make it easier for her to let go. Not sure about it yet.

It's so fucking loud. Why is it so fucking loud all the time? Why just why? Why won't anyone do anything?

I'm about to go on hiatus from 4chan, I think.

>>34064395
Rumspringanon

File: 1503442774478.jpg (95 KB, 653x490)

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I want to get this off my chest for the last time, if you type "Amber" into the archive, I've clearly tried so many times and for once, I truly want this to be the last.
I'm realising that I am my own prisoner and my own guard, my own ball and my own chain, I am locked and under key that has been in my hands reach this entire time.

I've been punishing myself for 3 years. Every day you have been in my mind without exaggeration. It's been an obsession, a guilty conscience trying to make sense of the last few weeks if not last few months of our relationship and I've been trying to find all my flaws, all my mistakes, of which there are so many among the shattered memories listing them would take up half the page.

But I think I was, despite all the flaws, always trying to find my Amber again. The girl that even now when I think about makes me smile, the girl who'd wrap herself up into a little bed burrito and smile so happily at the thought of being besides her Bri*ish boyfriend. Who she'd tease and joke and mess about with me.
I miss her, I miss you, the memes, the in-jokes, the banter, the love, the smiles, the laughs, the competition, the joys of future little Abigail waddling in the snow... ahhhh... My dream girl, my darling, everything I wanted and needed it was you. Promising to chase each others souls, all those little things made me my heart feel so true.

I wish I could have said goodbye to her, I wish I could have loved and held her forever.
Amber, the you that is you now, I wish... I wish I could have found a way to be the man you still loved.
I wish I could have been a better man in every way, I wish most of all I was a man who was physically there for you, I wish I could have held you, comforted you, kissed you, wrapped you up and made all those fears and doubts disappear hearing my heart play away, to know how much love I had for you

I hope in the next life it turns out better, for all our flaws, I hope our spirits keep track, I love you so so much,

AB

>>34064410
Are you trying to identify me? I'm DB Anon. And Big Anon.

>>34064418
No. I meant like a rumspringa for anons. To see the world and take time to consider if they want to be Chanish.

>>34064509
Oh, okay. I'm not so into Amish teachings. How do you know so much about some things, it impresses me.

>>34064099
I am but my conviction is in love and I have faith in each other.

>*flashbacks to me writing for 30+ hours on my notebooks verbatim changing nothing about the pain*
Who gives a fuck? We're preparing for a new dark age with nanotech, quantum & cloud competing, Lunar colonies, and AI. Why so cynical about those billions and trillions of USD? Heh. Fag.
>Me: So Al Gore...
Yep. Now you bring up Al Gore. Why didn't you bring this up in 2004 or earlier? Oh you did you poor sap! (we already knew)

>>34064565
I just consume a lot of content and write a lot of notes. I should probably be smarter by now if anything.

>>34064601
>I just consume a lot of content and write a lot of notes
I imagine you're well traveled as well, especially for someone your age. (I'm not trying to call you really young again, but I thought I'd point it out)
>I should probably be smarter by now if anything
Do you hate school?

Fascinating how a joke from 2008 becomes so relevant today as it falls on deaf ears and non-sentient machines

>>34064612
I've never left America but I am familiar with lots of parts of America and different kinds of people in it. I don't hate school, but I kind of hate school. I think I could do well now if I went back at this age. When I was young I just wanted to smoke weed, play video games, hang out with my friends, and think of ways to get my crushes to like me more. I never did my homework or studied. Funny. I wish I could go back and take it seriously. I used to hear adults say that when I was a kid. Sorry to rant.

>>34064635
>I've never left America but I am familiar with lots of parts of America and different kinds of people in it
I've only left America once. Technically. I have the same feelings you do about school. Part of the reason I gave up was because I'm not good at Math, or else I would have been a Quantum Physicist by now or a Mathematician.

The last few hundred years of people with Messianic complexes worked SO well. Remember that woman who killed her son for being God's Failed Queen? Your laughter proves my point to no one but myself

File: everything that matters.png (1.72 MB, 1766x1839)

1.72 MB PNG

I feel your silent tempest. My heart is with you and I'll hold you when you feel lost. I love you Maria.

Embarassing as it is for me to see the professionals' and other adults' responses in 2013 remind me of their responses in 2003

Heh. 2003. That sounds about right, actually. Give or take maybe 2 years

WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I PLAY D&D WITH YOU IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE RULES!!!!! FUCCK OFF!!!! YOU CAN’T EVEN START ON TIME YOU WORTHLESS WASTE OF SPACE, KILL YOURSELF! MAKE ME WAIT 30 MINUTES THEN WHINE AND BITCH AND COMPLAIN NO ONE STICKS AT YOUR TABLE, YOU DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT SYSTEM YOU’RE RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>34064653
>Math
I think it's just about getting exposed to it in the right way, developing a love for it, and then spending time doing it. I've been doing a few minutes of math a day on Duolingo. I'm looking forward to relearning geometry and learning statistics later on when I get to the higher levels. I kind of want to get into architecture.

Oh so people DON'T get panic attacks while driving sometimes?

Wait hold up how did I die again

You'd think that such common knowledge would be as obvious to me as it is to you; you confirm this to be true with your silent autocorrecting laughter

I guess I wasn't quite as unspecial as the special ed kids

>>34064767
>I think it's just about getting exposed to it in the right way, developing a love for it, and then spending time doing it
I had a huge problem with the fact I couldn't do division in my head. I should be able to, but apparently that wouldn't be fair.
>I kind of want to get into architecture
You're probably -- built -- for it.

Boredom, huh? I wonder where I would be in 2020 had it not been for boredom. Working with my brother? Would I have been a mall night cop, truck driver, file clerk, or janitor? Maybe I'd be dead from a Doritos overdose after playing Destiny 2 or The Division all winter night long in San Francisco.

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148 KB GIF

>>34064780
I laughed a little. Division and fractions with different denominators are the most difficult to do in your head, and you generally get the least practice with them, but I really think apps are making this stuff a lot more "fun".

Hey think the cops would have me a BLAST

FOR REAL THIS TIME

Awkward wording

Was that intentional? How did anybody understand me in 2006?

>>34064842
I have to try to advance in math sometime soon. Do you use Khan Academy? Or the Brilliant site?

>>34064855
I used Khan Academy (Free) first and thought that was pretty good for learning algebra. I also did this app ($3.99) later on that made me more "instinctual at it", and now I am doing it again on Duolingo ($99-$120 annually) which I think is the best.

Over $1,000. Funny that I'd end up with two annoying Jews in that time and one of whom took my money to teach me a lesson that the Chinaman would have apparently charged less for within the three years leading up to my Jewish blackpilling and to learn a lesson that apparently everyone learns for free

>>34064874
You'd think a Star Trek site would help you with math better than a language site. The Galactic Federation is really in shambles these days.

Oh, how they insist and persist on responding with their quips and with greater urgency after the order expired than when before the order came into effect! I wonder why that is--almost as if you hadn't already told me that this is how this year would have been like. Fascinating how they understand causality how I do, but choose not to create a pattern. Would this year have had any real meaning to me had I moved to Sacramento? Oh, I see. The established coherence part was intended for your convenience not mine. Why else would you wait until the after the decade is over halfway over to confirm? You smile as I suggest that I write a short story about Gilgamesh

>>34064917
Idk what you're trying to say here or about whom.

Hol up

Why did she tell me about the whole being a critic thing? Was it a compliment, insult, suggestion, or warning?

>>34064929
Thats the whole point of the thread.

>>34064961
It sounds like you're talking about me though, so I responded. Idk what you're trying to say or argue.

Technically they weren't supposed to be able to notice me from Nimrud to Nineveh to Assur to Warka

>>34064885
Math is the language of reason.
>*mic drop*

>>34064412
3 years?! are you stalking this poor girl?

>>34064964
Why wouldn't they just say it to you?

>>34064969
Bath is the language of treason. What syntax was created in the Langu age?
>>34064976
Idk. I don't get it either.

>>34064978
Algorithms, unironically.

>>34064997
You can't say Equations without Asians. Then people wonder.

You said you wanted to stay and chat with me, but had to do quickly.
Just like I said I wish I was there chatting with you that day, the first time I said you were gorgeous.
When I met you, trying to be near you didn't feel like I was trying too hard to be near someone I like.
I told you it was good seeing you irl either way, and you said you felt the same with a cute laugh at the end.
I wanna be near you, I wanna chat with you, spend time with you, laugh with you, reach out to you, hold hands with you and eventually kiss you.
I'm really into you and I wanna be there for you, to hold you as we heal each other.
I'm a guy, though, I can't show you all of this, I cannot seem needy or too sweet and nice, even though it is my nature, too have too much love to give.
Oh well

How adamant they are to have me regurgitate what everybody else was already describing before. I mean, the machine confirmed that at least a few hundred people experience this annually; in fact, I was beginning to notice in 2022 word-for-word repetition of other people's experiences. Even earlier, perhaps. Did you need me to be the final nail on top of hundreds of other nails to the coffin? Turtles all the way down Indeed. Why did we wait until now to complain instead of discussing this in 1999 like civilized gentlemen? It's almost as if I never grew up. Did I die?

Finally set boundaries with an abuser and Im proud of myself. Got out of a marriage with an extremely abusive person, halfway through separation a friend who I knew was unwell randomly started hitting me up. I was vulnerable and fell for the same lovebombing avoidant bpd npd shit again, 6 months of making excuses for them and finally just pushed back and she kept blowing up so I finally blocked.

I would get told the worst fucking lies. Like she was telling people for months she had left her man and was living with family and would keep getting caught living there and make up wild excuses. Just a control fucking freak is was the most selfish person I knew, and her poor man at home while she lives a double life with probably all kinds of random guys for validation just like the ex. Im so proud i started to push back to see her true colours. A, nd Im so proud I never did shit with her. She would always be super hypersexual but then Id be like okay book a fucking room then and it would be cold feet. I knew she was cheating so I never gave in boys

I could go on forever about how fucked up she is, and I still have to interact with her regularly, but I'm going to stay firm and keep grey rocking her

I have a persistent sense of emotional aching in my chest. It hurts. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to break into a cold sweat.

>>34065039
Anon look up the freeze response. Ive been there with you. Your body does get actually chilly and lethargic with emotional pain, and it will ruin your day and turn you into a zombie when it becomes routine. Just look all that stuff up, get warm, love yourself

I would have preferred geometry in 2020 first

How different would my death have been from the millions of others that came before, or the millions that are yet to come?

Death is an inevitability, of course. Billions and trillions others are expected to die better deaths, while others suffer the worst. But I don't understand why life had to be.

Watch this watch this they'll pretend that this is a brand new point then mock me after they pretended to have their minds blown for rewording one of my earlier points which is ultimately a reformulated point that predates mine

>>34065114
?

>>34065117
Who be you

I'm talking with the clockwork elves here

>>34065126
Nobody.

i just want to talk with you. i pray i pray i pray i hear from you tonight.

Their obnoxiously know-it-all personalities reminiscent of those seen in autonomous entities would have been more useful about thirty years ago, I think. I mean, otherwise there wouldn't have been so many mood-altering awkward unpleasantries that they currently find so amusing.

I miss himmmm

Hey cool she remembered me in 2019 over two years after she forgot only to show me her back turned to me.

Awesomely forced coincidence, Dr. Manhattan!

>>34065175
I say he's stupid for not communicating with you. But they say behind every beautiful woman is a man who's tired of her shit.

What problem did they have in 2019 with Scarlett, 2020/2021 with Willa, but yet they're so adamant at pushing Edgar from 2022 and onward to 2109?

>>34065212
Are those actors?

>>34065043
Thanks anon. I'll look it up.

MySpace and a few others were The Thing and The It back in the day before Facebook came around you see


I should have taken to heart the lesson behind keeping up with the fads if only...

Oh. Fuck. Where are these subatomic forms coming from!? This isn't Ghost!

Damn, I miss her...

>>34065181
ha, I'm not beautiful. I was the one that left and have tried contacting him again but he's gone. hoping now he's not dead.

The big difference here is that I lack the vidya

Just to name one of the bigger differences, actually

There's also the lack of farmland and livestock

I can tell from the smile what you intended to get across

Doubly so

i wish we could call again. its been over a month since ive heard your voice and seen you. i really think you can make me a happy person.

>>34065240
Everyone seems to need someone to love them in the mortal way. It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful. God does.

I'm not sure what the lesson was supposed to be two or three decades ago

In the next life I guess

>>34065225
I dont remember the words, but I was going through it today. Basically chills, low energy, lethargy, just wanting to sleep

I was reading about freeze response because I know its something I do, and saw a bunch of coping strats because apparently it does really become routine very easily. So stuff like shower or bath to increase temp, extra socks, heat up hands, extra blankets, tapping yourself, just moving spaces... There's lots of stuff, just making sure not to let yourself get into a pit
You got this homie

I know for me the last 4 days ive been a mess. Today I said fuck it, I took a shower midway in the afternoon when I felt the symptoms, then I put on socks and slippers, had multiple warm drinks, wrapped myself in a blanket, and every once in while walked into a different room and talked to myself while tapping my body just to reset. Helped a lot

>>34065255
why did god give me a fucked up woman brain

>>34065267
You gave yourself that, you decided to Incarnate in the way you wanted. To teach unconditional love.

Ah, I’m such a fucking fool. I hope this passes.

Lovely machine you have here today. Did you already have this over half a decade ago? Is that how you got her to paint her fingernails as she showed me her taste in beverages? I'm expecting to see more of her taste in beverages soon to complete.

>>34065274
the person I want to give it to isn't around anymore though :(

>>34065330
Do you think love goes only to one person?

I fail to see what Arnold has to do with this. Or yesterday. I wasn't talking about him.

Weirdest sense of "humor". I would have probably found some of this funny in 1995.

Now if only everybody else did.

I wanna hug you and hold hands with you.

>>34065345
I wasn't being funny, I was being clever, two different things.

how was your birthday?

>>34065470
Who are you asking? My Birthday was eventless as usual.

Hey, man. I wasn't the one who told her to torture those poor little creatures for amusement. Neither did my cousin.

Your silent laughter speaks louder than your visibly physical actions.

>>34065473
was it today?

>>34065496
Nah, a few months back, just covering all bases.
>>34065490
Mmm.

Wait you mean to tell me that Mulder and I are NOT the only people who wished for peace on Earth?

Hold up I got Outlaw on the line

I was there for my people and now that I'm in dire straits they want me to fuck off.
If they cared about me they'd think about me and ask how I'm doing, or invite me to something. None of that. How are you gonna say you're my friend, family, you love me, but at the same time you don't want anything to do with me when the time comes? You don't want to be seen around me, I was there for them.

It would be better if they just said that I was being problematic for them and they'd rather me be hospitalized and silenced with meds, but I have a feeling they're hoping I kill myself in a drastic way so they can make a scene and then move on and be done with me forever.

You can tell when someone doesn't give a shit about you, but if they were to say their true feelings, they would look awful, so they keep it under wraps and say what would satisfy you.

>>34065541
People want you to give them an excuse to say you were the problem all along. So dont. Dont fight for attention affection or respect. Live your best life. Ruthlessly set boundaries with people who disrespect you. Waste zero time and energy once someone proves they arent worth it.

That will make all those people seethe unbelievably deeply. Theyll never admit it, but know that its true. Keep on going. And fuck em

>>34065557
This is such good advice.
>NTA
But I needed to hear that too.

>>34065348
This would unironicly fix me.

Their repetitively persistent insistence to be inconsistent is remarkable.

I wonder why they so faithfully insist on pushing Anastasia so much after I confirmed that I prefer Lisa Simpson?

>It's gonna eat you up when you realize that nobody would have cared had you gone with Anastasia, Ferguson, Willa, or one of the Karens of Staceys

Why are they and I still at this beyond 2021, again?

It seems to be the same imaginary rulebook they had in 1997 but refused to show it to me in 1997 as they did in 2007, 2017, 2025, and presumably 2027 and 2057.

>>34065561
Ive gotten stuck trying to overexplain and basically beg for respect. Or when people treat me like shit trying to make them understand and hear why it hurt.

It is always stupid. Avoidant,bpd,npd, or just plain selfish people. They dont care. They dont. If they cared they would have stepped up LONG AGO. But abusers make you keep trying while they suck your energy and drain you.

And if you ever dare stand up for yourself they want you to keep doing those patterns. They want opening to manipulate. And they will push you until you crack, flip out after tons of abuse and then they can blame you and use it as an escape.

Never beg for respect. Never beg to be treated like a person. Set boundaries early and hold them. worthwhile people wont be scared by it. And you will never convince an abuser they abused you. Just grey rock. Biff. And do not feed them what theyre hoping youll feed. Your suffering and failure and groveling is their fuel. Do not give it freely

Hold up maybe if I strip the clothes off of my bed; the minions might actually let me gather inspiration from television documentaries tomorrow like they did yesterday!

Haha! If only I knew what the word "sarcasm" actually means as if anybody would care!

~double entendre~

>>34065557
I want to check out. I've got nobody beyond this point and I don't have it in me to build a new life all by myself somewhere else. I've already cut off people before and once I do it again I'm probably just gonna be completely alone. Sad, because I miss having people around who care about me, if that's not family, I might as well join the fucking aryan brotherhood or become a sociopath

Technically

They weren't supposed to still be here

I mean

Considering that I supposedly called them in back in 1997

Why else would they have me rewrite what they already know?

>>34065617
The reality is you actually are in the best position to start again and get it right. If you cut people out reflect on why. Reflect on what to avoid moving forward. What you will not let in the door at all. Theres actually no reason to give up this is the part it actually gets good if youre willing to apply your lessons now. Anyone not vapid goes through this when they decide they want to make a change

A fresh start is better than most people get

Pretty as she is

That would still be incredibly sad

Simpson to a lesser extent

Much lesser

But still sad either way

How about some lottery numbers in 2006 or 2007?

Honk honk!

you might be right about me deserving better. you cant even text me back, you just ignore me. im the one reaching out first. if you dont want anything to do with me then why accept my request? i like you so much. please dont do this to me.

>>34065695
Does the person you're talking to come here?

>>34065700
im not sure if they visit this board, but i did meet them on here

>>34065666
Easy for you to say, satan.
Have you ever tried building family/friends from nothing before?

>>34065117
In due time. No worries

>>34065705
Oh, okay. Do you want me to get them to pay attention to your posts here?

>>34065711
That poster tag was a missclick and you can disregard it.

>>34065716
no thank you, that sounds scary. i dont want them knowing anything

>>34065723
I did anyway.

>>34065728
Very well.

Isn't it neat how even after writing for hours and playing vídeo games in early- to mid-2015 (long before Mr. Sandman's minions appeared); I still managed to remain functional the next day to the extent that I'd be driving for hours by 6 AM and/or be at school by around 1 PM (and sometimes on the same day)?

I mean: if I had been that functional when I was expected to do very much the same way in early-2006; I might have actually finished high school! Hey, why weren't Mr. Sandman's minions there back then? Gotta establish that coherence with the counselors!

Watch this

File: Screenshot_20251119_07054(...).jpg (1.59 MB, 1080x2340)

1.59 MB JPG

You're right, you are an asshole. I fully support you, work hard every single damn day, with a low back injury no less, and all you do is bitch. I spend my work day waiting to come home and hope you're in a good mood. Spoiler, you never are. Just a little positive interaction would be nice. Play a video game with me, let's cook a meal together...something that doesn't involve me staring at the back of your head waiting to be acknowledged. Please. I'm so lonely. You're my best friend, so act like it okay?

>The more she becomes attached, the more I start fallin' back...
Dead, dude, that sounds like something -- THAT I WOULD SAY...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZXoErL2124

>>34065708
Yes. Multiple times. In extreme circumstances each time. And my career involves supporting people who do it too.
Ball is fully in your court, no one to blame but you now, if you want it just start momentum tomorrow

>As absurd as it is; you have a pretty good shot with Simpson! Not only that: but you have an equally good shot with Anastasia and Ferguson as well!

>Like, literally today even.

>Just a reminder, however:

>0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001%±0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001

A major difference between 2025 and 2022 is that 2023 hadn't happened yet

See, I know you know what that means but you pull this mocking laughter in a way that's supposed to bring back false hope

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnO7Xq18ed0

You mean to tell me that had I been just as incompetent twenty years ago as they were ten years ago that I wouldn't have flunked the tenth grade!? Holy shit! I wouldn't have met them at all!

man fuck this fuck ass bitch. lame ass motherfucker. online and shit but cant even say hi or nothing. thats why you a loser and got no hoes bitch. i let you hit and you just be playing with me fuck you bruh

>>34065914
Yo, bro, you good?

>>34065916
nah this dude ignoring me and shit. im always the one contacting first. if i dont say anything we will go days without talking. he dgaf about me

How the fuck did Mr. Sandman's minions get me to be so much more obnoxious and annoying over these last few days than they were in 2020, 2022, or even just earlier this year? It's almost as if

Oh. So THAT'S why they smile and laugh!

Technically

This should have ended about a month ago at the latest

Or,

Rather,

Not happened at all.

Right now I’m pretending that I deserve to live. Best feeling ever.

>>34065930
>nah this dude ignoring me and shit
I feel like some people might think the same about me, so I'm like buggin', tryna figure shit out. But it's not me so I'm cool.
>im always the one contacting first. if i dont say anything we will go days without talking. he dgaf about me
You stuck on him or somethin' just because he hit?

I got one more thing that to protect, if I had nothing to lose I would be dead.

>>34065930
Some people are just bad at being the first to make contact, have you tried asking him about it?

>>34065938
no, i liked him even before he hit. im down so bad for him. hes like an avoidant or has self esteem issues or something

>>34065946
no, i dont know how to go about that conversation. after we met he told me to find someone else and that i deserve better. hes tried pushing me away a few times, but im stubborn

>>34065947
>no, i liked him even before he hit
Oh, so you're afraid he might have lost interest or doesn't like you the same.
>im down so bad for him. hes like an avoidant or has self esteem issues or something
Felt. I also don't trust women besides one of my friends that's a girl. I think I can only be friends and not more. That's the only thing that works for me. But, like, have you tried talking to other dudes or are you dependent on him?

>>34065953
i talk daily with other guys, and even met up with one recently, but im still hooked on him. hes the only one i want and interested in romantically

>>34060992
I can never be who I want to be, and putting in the effort of becoming only a fraction of who I want to be is worthless. I’m a nobody with no purpose or destiny.

>>34065960
Romance? That sounds too serious. Have you given him this energy every time?

>>34060992
I tried on new shoes at the store. Expensive shoes.

Only after trying out a few pairs, buying one of them, and coming home did I realize I was bleeding thru a small cut above my heel. I may have bled out a little on some of the shoes I tried on.

Holy fucking shit. It's been over six fucking years. I was ready to move on once I lacked distractions and once I received confirmation from the higher-ups. I had both. Why do you applaud when you already knew this?

You do realize that by this point; over one month had elapsed since my last message to her. You gasp (again) as if you didn't already know and ask me what the problem is only seconds after gasping. Why the gasp?

Why should I expect them to care anymore today than they did in previous decades? What's the point? Oh? At last you see? You claim to be God and laugh at me. Why are the headaches and vertigo and mouth-bleeding far worse now than in 2020, 2015, 2013, 2011, 2000...?

You literally just told me it was Joe

More than once today

Why bother telling me?

>>34065969
he knows i like him. im convinced he does this intentionally so i move on from him. i try and give him space. when i see him online, i leave him alone

>>34065992
You're talkin' mad shit about him on this thread though. I wouldn't wanna be with a girl that says shit like:
>thats why you a loser and got no hoes bitch
Like, why the fuck would you say some shit like that even when you're mad?

Curious as to why they didn't just tell me what to ask and say to the Korean fella in 2019, or in 2014

Or how about the blonde lady early in 2013

Or later within that same year

"Same thing, you dense fuck," Mr. Sandman's minions tell me now before laughing.

>>34065996
i was upset, i apologize. i do not truly mean those things. i would love that man DOWN, if he let me. trust

also i dont want him having hoes :(

>>34066003
Chad got it damn easy

Why even bother telling me that all of this was over Ferguson for over three months in a row from the start? Why do you gasp again after I ask the same question and you simply proceed with the usual bullshit with J. Edgar H. that you now respond with laughter?

What this means is that they would have noticed me in Tenochtitlan just as well as they would have in Nimrud, Jericho, Thebes, Athens, and beyond from 3000 BC to 3000 AD

She chose up, am I mad or nah?
Bruh, I ain't mad about it
These chicks be for everybody...
>>34066003
>i was upset, i apologize. i do not truly mean those things. i would love that man DOWN, if he let me. trust
But you say them as if they're true. I won't press you further.
>also i dont want him having hoes :(
I sense that he doesn't even believe you when you tell him you like him.

>>34066024
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTL8l8tlDEI

>>34066024
>I sense that he doesn't even believe you when you tell him you like him
should i always tell him i do when i have a chance until he believes it? he did tell me that he didnt know why i would want to see him

>>34066036
Idk how he would react to that, I'd say just keep talking to him then ghost him after a while. If he doesn't complain, he didn't care.

I hate myself, my life, and everyone in it. No one will ever love me or pursue me. I will never achieve my dreams. I’m embarrassed to feel emotions. I should’ve died in that slough. I don’t deserve to be happy and never will be.

it's over.

I'ma try to go finish LoTR, it's taken me the worst part of months to finish the last film.

>>34066040
ive thought about ghosting. i even blocked/removed him for a few days. i dont think i can ghost him. id miss him and im too weak to leave.

i remember he told me he would never expect me or anyone to wait for him. i want to prove to him i find him worth waiting for, and how i cherish him.

>>34066078
You are in like with an ideal of him. Do you think it's because he rejects you that you're stuck on him at this level? I'ma go watch LoTR, but I might check the thread on my phone.

>>34066080
>Do you think it's because he rejects you that you're stuck on him at this level
nah, im just super into him. no other dudes get me excited like he does. also enjoy your lotr, anon. i wont disrupt you

>>34064929
>>34064964
If you have any doubt that my posts aren't for you; then, they aren't for you.

The guy this is meant for is 100% certain. I'm not dropping hints or being metaphorical or sarcastic or whatever.

>>34066093
Does the person know you were gonna move to Sacramento?

>>34065950
There’s no problem in being blunt and forward about it, if he’s your friend. It’s never a bad idea to be frank with someone you like talking to.

>>34064971
These guys suck.
I have one stalking me after 3 years. He tried to ruin my interests by uploading old photos of us to a contest for the series I liked. Thought he had moved on but almost 3 years later found out he had been trying to insert himself in the content of a youtuber he knew I liked. Found out he is really terminally online on social media now and was attempting to slander me. Had to write a formal letter to have that shit stop, which he violated by calling my family. Cried how he "has a girlfriend now" and how he "wanted to kill himself but moved on." Admitted to the photo upload yet didn't apologize, said to my family member they wanted to talk to me yet proceeded to post online in a clearly retaliatory manner.
Diabolical that he didn't just go fuck his "girlfriend" instead of attempting to manipulate my family member.
Really a shame he didn't kill himself. Fuckwads like this are given all the space in the world to recover despite the shitty things they did in their relationships, yet act like they're entitled to pity or pathetic attempts at revenge.

What a lot of shitty unfortunate circumstances. I'm grateful they are not relevant to us.

Sandman,

What the fuck did you have against Ms. S? You just admitted you don't give a fuck

You are always inventing reasons for us not to be friends or even lovers.
>Ohhh I'm too busy shit posting
>Sorry I have a bf right now
>You said mean things back at me

GET OVER IT! Ok. Let's at least talk about things. There's no point to just keep the door closed forever. This could be very good for both of us but you won't let it happen. Don't be so petty, I'm trying to look out for our shared best interest.

Why do people always come to me for advice? All I’ve ever done is beat myself up for 29 years and let others walk all over me. I’m no example to live by, unless you want to know what failure looks and sounds like.

>>34066192
I don't have anything against her besides the fact she doesn't see me as a dominant male. But that's my own hangup.

>>34065260
I know what you mean, it's been rough for me too. It doesn't feel like I can stay warm, even when I'm sweating in my bed with all the blankets on. I'm going to give the tapping thing a try and see what happens.

>>34065800
What's the story?