When I was a teenager I was very troubled and retarded and extremely depressed. I began a friendship with somebody online who was sympathetic to my issues. For whatever reason, and I cannot explain this to myself at this point, I lied to him about almost every single aspect of my life (besides the problems at play). I have no idea why I thought this was a good idea or how I justified this to myself, I do not remember.We fell out of touch about a year and a half after we first spoke. As I got older the guilt started eating at me to the point that last year I finally got back in touch and confessed to him what I had lied about. He was kind, sympathetic, and told me not to worry. We carried on a conversation for a few weeks after that, but he abruptly stopped replying in summer 2024. I sent him a message about a week ago wishing him happy holidays, which he has seen but hasn't replied.I was completely in the wrong. This entire situation is my fault. I feel such guilt, and I can only imagine the reason he stopped responding is because he is indeed angry with me, which he is correct to feel.I don't know how to approach this guilt and shame. Of course I won't ever do it again, but that doesn't make me feel much better. I am haunted by my actions towards another human being. I cannot believe I did this. Sure, I could "forgive myself," but if he doesn't forgive me, what does it matter? It wasn't *ME* that I hurt with my deception, it was him.How do I ever move on? Do I?
>>34062155You lied because you were ashamed of yourself and wanted to look out together, you lied because you didn't want to lose respect in the eyes of others. You told what is known as a "white lie". A white lie is a lie you tell to protect yourself or hide away. It's called a white lie because it's a lie that is harmless to others, though long term it can harm (you). The way it harms you is simply you miss out on friendship or receiving help. You already paid that price so there's no sense in beating yourself up over it now. I think the reason he doesn't respond isn't because you told white lies, it's because you and him stopped talking and you grew apart. That happens OP, that's life. It might be better for you to focus on meeting new people or making some new friends and starting again
>>34062246Just wanted to thank you for this response, it is very compassionate. Thank you.
>>34066128You’re welcome, brotha. Thank you for your thread too and for sharing your troubles with us. Have a Merry Christmas and God bless you
>>34062155Guilt and shame are slave emotions. What you told is a funny story. You shouldn't be embarrassed about it. Tell it to some people, try to be as comedic as possible.
