>women that I was friends with for five years and in love with for two years dumps me on a whim. She was my first and only love. >I was devastated by it and did not understand why. I am stunted and do not talk to her for a week.>After a week I reach out and ask why she dumped me. >"Anon I do not love you anymore">Even though a month earlier she was very happy with me. And she's always been in those years. Very consistently. I did not notice a change in her attitude.>Of course, I did not lose my feelings for her.>Three weeks later she's sleeping with a guy from a dating app. Who did not call her back, by the way. >She tells me and I'm devastated by it. >I know that, formally, it had ended. But I did not lose my feelings for her, of course. I could not believe, how she could have done that to me. Knowing how I feel for her and that I thought she was not only my lover but my friend. I felt deeply betrayed.>I break off contact completely, delete her photos, throw her presents in the trashWhat do you make of this?>I try dating again>I feel as if I had wasted five years of my life on a person that threw it all away in a month. As if I had never really know her, in the first place.>Begin to feel very jaded and numb. I do not enjoy dating, anymore. Instead I dwell on the memories of the past and I compare it to today. How happy I was. How exciting it was. Today, I feel nothing. I'm apathetic to it.>I am confused. Did somebody experience something that was similar? Can somebody explain to me what was and is happening with me? Will I "go back to normal" and enjoy love again?
>>34070503Happened to me, twice. Three years devoted, then I get swapped out and monkey branched for someone else within a matter of months. Then five years devoted to another woman, I get cheated down several times, I stay like a weak coward, take her back each time, only to get swapped out and monkey branched for someone else. What happened to you is probably what happened to me, you were a doe-eyed, naive and you put your trust in someone who was untrustworthy from the start, there were red flags everywhere and you missed all of them because you were inexperienced and also desperate to love & be loved. When you are desperate and young, you become an easy target for snakes, liars, psychotics, and deranged people. In fact you will unwittingly be attracted to them as much as you attract them to you. Because they crave someone with zero boundaries, zero judgement, zero self esteem. Because they lose no threat to them and will never hold them accountable or lay down consequences. So you meet them and you're Mr nice guy and you're overly agreeable and you see they are hurt or damaged or a bit 'complicated' and you feel deep empathy for them because you understand what that's like. So you naively hope that if you give them your love and loyalty that they will be forever grateful and will give you the same devotion you give to them. Except you missed the part that they have zero intention to change, because they have zero idea of who they even are. So they do what they only know: use and exploit and bail. And you act surprised when it happens because you didn't see it coming. So now you probably have no idea what love even looks like, you might have even lost the belief it exists at all. But it does, and you can find out. What set you back is you thought you found love when it wasn't the real deal. The real deal isn't something you find, it's something you build. With someone willing to build it with you. You fell for the fraud who pretended to have it RIGHT AWAY
>>34070503Were you ever actually dating her at any point, or did the relationship exist only in your mind?
>>34070624sadly, there's a lot of truth in that
>Did somebody experience something that was similar?Yeah only worseAt least I didn't fuck away 5+ years but your time is probably worthless anywayAnd it made me see how shit humanity often isAnd made me realise I'm one of the fucking good onesDating and "love" was never meant to be "enjoyed", it's always a responsibility and not some sort of indulgence, though if you find an actual ok human to perform it with then only then can the shitritual be enjoyedYou were easy and got used, don't make yourself like that ever again.Never let another human stomp on you ever again.Now you know the signs.Fuck em upConsidering she's still contacting you about her retarded misadventures in chad pump n dump, it's possible you could just go back to her . And live your lives in glaring mediocrity
>>34070624How did you cope with the pain?
>>34070706>How do you cope with the pain?By taking a dive straight into it as hard as I can. I’m the kinda guy who didn’t wait to use topical creams to get rid of my acne as a pubescent teen, I just took a hot thread needle and excised that off painfully myself. Same with band-aids, didn’t slowly take it off, ripped it off. Same is true for this kinda thing. You can try to ‘cope’ and drag it out like nausea that doesn’t result in vomiting, or you can just skip straight to the pain and deliberately dwell on it, fixate on it, run it through your mind 1,000 times on purpose till you get tired of it. Then your brain stops caring about it.There’s no right or wrong way to cope. If you wanna do it slower and gentler, do that. I just think there’s quick way and slow way. For some quick way makes it worse. Slow way makes it better. Choice is yours bro.No matter which path, be absolutely sure to write down all lf the red flags, lies, inconsistencies, and contradicting patterns of behaviour you experienced in that relationship. Commit those to memory and burn them into your mind. That way you will avoid dealing with this in the future and you will find someone worth a relationship. And that’s not an ‘if’, that’s a when. You will find someone better, trust me. I eventually got married and have kids and never had to question loyalty ever again after avoiding red flagged chicks.
>>34070741Thanks for your advice.
>>34070790No problem. And thanks for sharing the shit you’re dealing with. It ain’t easy, man. It will always get worse before it gets better so brace yourself and let it get worse if it needs to get worse. Hold fast to the belief that none of this shit will kill you, even if it feels like you’re already dead inside. The mind goes dead inside to protect your sanity, it’s an intended feature, a clever mechanism so trust yourself, even the part that feels dead or hollow, trust even that because it’s working to have your back as well even if it doesn’t feel pleasant, trust the pain and the pain will trust you. And when that happens, you’ll know for a fact you have what it takes to push past this shitstorm. Hang in there mate, and god bless you.
>>34070624Damn, will you ever recover from this and get true love or did you give up on the idea?
>>34070867Already did, married and got kids now. I was close to calling it quits on the idea of love, but I wasn’t happy with feeling like a victim or feeling like all women were hoes or that love never existed etc. Seemed way too easy of a conclusion, still had more unresolved questions. Like “why did I allow this to happen in the first place? what did I not see at the beginning?” and i obsessed over that till I came to the conclusion its because I had zero self esteem and I was attracting social parasites like a piece of dog shit attracts maggots. So I worked on self esteem for a solid year and stopped caring to find love or sex and shit clicked into place.
>>34070895What do you make of the memories? Both the bad and the good ones?
>>34070949With the ex? The bad memories still feel bad. The good memories used to feel bad when I was still stung and hurt, then they felt like nothing. Now I can think of the good memories and realise they were good memories, just misguided ones. I remember them as if they were someone else’s memories, not mine. Like watching some old film reel in the screen of my mind. I neither love or hate the ex, neither desire or miss them, just the same feeling I got for them as I would have someone passing me by in the street, a stranger, really.
>>34070980Thanks, man. This gives me hope. Take care.
>>34070503>women that I was friends with for five years and in love with for two years dumps me on a whim.So, you were never actually a couple, right? You never dated? You were in love with her and she was never interested in you?
>>34070624hey anon, I think you shared your story in a thread I made a few months ago, about my abusive bpd gf. I wanted to say thanks again for helping me put things in perspective. I got out of there when I got the chance, got stalked and harassed for a while, and had some pleasant experiences with healthy women in the meantime. I've yet to see if things will work out like they have for you, but in any case my life is going a lot better after finding the courage to leave. Thanks
>>34070503Date a man
