At what point should you accept a relationship being stagnant? I've been with my gf for about 4yrs now, and while she's great and all, nothing has really progressed in terms of our future. Even my mother said she's starting to think that I'm wasting my time because we haven't even gotten close to being ready for kids or even a real adult future. While I know every relationship is different, I can't feel like mine is reaching a point where it's just sitting idle. What do you anons think? Yes I will talk to her, but I wanted different opinions.
Really need to discuss what she's after in a relationship. Some people are very happy to coast for the duration of their relationship, naturally falling into milestones, others (>you) probably feel better having a plan. Are you guys saving up for something eg a house? Is there an agreement you're going to get married at some point? A very easy way to tell if she's serious is to negotiate saving up for a house deposit together and checking in to see how seriously she's saving. I am personally a big fan of dating for several years before locking in something like kids and shared finances, however 4 years is long enough you guys should at least have a direction you know you're both going in.If she hasn't mentioned kids yet, be prepared for her to not be interested in children for the foreseeable future.
>>34073478This is what happens when you have no plan. Troubling you and your mother are blaming only her for being in the same boat without a rudder.
>>34076331If you arn't living together, why not? Not to mention if you expect her to save while you also save, but you don't want to help her with living expenses to do so (because you are probably already paying rent elsewhere) then wtf are you doing? Wasting both your times and cutting your investment by more than half. You must be retarded because that shit doesn't make any sense,
>>34076331She has mentioned wanting kids but in a non practical way. You know how kids say they wanna be an astronaut when they grow up but have no idea of the real work involved? That's her with kids. She thinks kids is like having a dog, which is frustrating because that hints to me that she will be a poor mother.
Stagnancy is not measured by external milestones but rather you both being comfortable and happy. What would "not' being idle look like? WHat is a "real adult future"? Realize that if you're comfortable with how it is(both of you) that's okay. You can take things on your own speed and what success looks like to you may be different. Its natural to get a little nervous when society (either passively or actively like your mom's comment) appears to comment on or say you're not on the "regular" path, but that doesn't mean they're correct. Your relationship can progress with intimacy and a slow one that does it right is greatly preferable rather than one where people get their finances and lives entangled quickly, get married etc..and then find out 5 or 10 years down the line they get divorced because they really weren't right for each other or do a "what might of been mid life crisis" or something unexpected like a serious illness was never tested etc... end up breaking things. Spend 5 years dating before you get married especiallyif you're in your 20s or 30s. As far as living together, it can come down to everything from financial to social/interpersonal factors when that's right for you, but its worth giving some thought. If its better for you both to live at home for instance and save for when you move in together for instance, that's an idea. However if you're both living alone it may be a good to decide if moving in together is something worthwhile and if one or both of you arent' ready from an emotional or life skills standpoint (there's a big difference between seeing each other on dates and being in the same home together when you both look like shit and are taking dumps in the same bathroom etc). then see what wiill make you more comfortable and what holdups there may be. Same with the kids thing - you do NOT want to do that until everything else is long term stable for years and years ideally.
>>34077487Some foid want to have a man to dedicate their life to. To cook for, to bathe with, to smell his farts and play with his hair. Nothing is more desireable than having a man come home to a hot meal, take his clothes off for him and bathe and lotion him to releave him of his daily stresses. This is something some women want to do. What is funny is that it is often the most dominant women who want to subjugate themself to in the most trad of ways. That being said, I would still pull out my riding crop and ball gag to please him of his biological yernings.
>>34073478Don't let your mum get too into your head, things are different now than they used to be. If you guys are having a good time it's okay not to artificially make your lives harder just because you feel like you're supposed to by now.>>34076709Why would you help with your partners living expenses? She should be entirely capable of saving her own money. It's a big assumption that they're both living on their own and not with friends in various house sharing situations. It's completely normal in some countries to have house mates and would likely be more expensive to just live together.
