i had a crush on my boyfriend's friend for quite a while, and now i think it's more or less gone away. but, i still feel guilty that i got a crush on someone else. sometimes i feel like i should leave because i feel like i was/am a bad gf. what do?i consciously never acted on the crush so these guilty feelings are just from having a one-sided crush, it all happened inside my own head. and to be clear i'd never cheat or do something even remotely close to cheating. but i think it was also easy for me to not act on the crush in any way because i've always been "high inhib" and find it easy to not act purely on feelings, especially sexually. my bf was my first and i was an adult virgin for context.it didn't feel like a small crush though, i've overthought all of this a lot and i even feel like my "type" changed thanks to that crush to some degree when my "type" used to simply be my bf. since then i've been a bit afraid of something like this happening again in the future, even if something like this never happened before or since then. i think having a major crush on someone else, even if you don't act on the crush and manage to largely get over it, is still in the end disrespectful towards your partner and i want to avoid something like this happening again at all cost.tldr>be a virgin girl>avoid interacting with men thanks to anxiousness>years later get your first bf>have a happy long-term relationship>but then get a crush on your bf's friend with a (likely unintentionally) flirty and gentlemanly personality>manage to get over it>but go on to feel even more guilty about that crush as time goes on
>>34074048Did you make a thread about this before a long time ago as it was happening? I vaguely recall a similar thread and I had posted there. If it’s the same story I am glad you have been able to move past that fleeting crush. I’ll say again what I had said back then: You are not a bad girlfriend or a cheat or anything like that because of feelings. That is not how we measure the good from the bad. Feelings come and go, feelings are irrational. and feelings always change. Love is a conscious choice and so long as you keep choosing your boyfriend, you are a committed girlfriend and a loyal one. Especially because you had even fought against fleeting feelings for him and the relationship, you chose him even in the thick of that crush saga. That’s loyalty, the definition of it.You cannot control what you will feel in life. You can only control how you react to it. You were not disrespectful just for having a feeling, and you respectfully reacted and remained loyal. Give yourself some peace, OP
>>34074076i did post about the situation several months ago, how obvious it is that i have no friends to talk to lol. i remember i was afraid of the possibility of the crush never going away (because i was told that you have to basically get rejected in order to stop having a crush, and being in a position where i could even get rejected would be a very bad idea if in a relationship obviously).i guess now that i'm not focused on the crush anymore like before the guilt has gotten to a whole another level. i told myself from the start that i'd be sad but wouldn't leave if my bf had a similar situation (having a serious crush but never acting on it + trying to get rid of it) but now i'm wondering if that too was just a cope and maybe i wouldn't be a able to handle it if this same thing was "done" to me. i was quite obsessed for a time and avoided the guilty thoughts to some degree, but now it's all coming back even stronger (the guilty feelings).but thanks anon. i guess i just feel disappointed in myself because i can't see myself as a truly loyal partner anymore, like i was before.
>>34074114I normally don’t like to psychoanalyse stuff too much, but you should look into “ROCD”. Relationship-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder since you mentioned having extreme obsessions about this and looping thoughts over it non stop. Might actually be coming from that
>>34074135interesting. i did a quick read on the wikipedia article and probably a bit less than 50% of the symptoms apply to me, but the intrusive/looping thoughts and extreme obsessions were definitely my main problem. and sometimes these things still persist, but not in a regular way anymore. i may need to do more reading about this stuff to see if it really applies to me, but yeah thanks anon.
You need to be punished and you will feel better lol. Tell your boyfriend you've been a bad gf and to slap you ass until red and you will feel better.
