could romanticizing the point in my life where i was a shut in alcoholic be a sign my relationship is bad for me or is pinning it on that in order to get back to my substance abuse both the same self destructive impulse
>>34075561I think it really depends on why exactly you are romanticizing it
>>34075668i felt like a normal healthy life would be fulfilling enough to offset the constant agonizing efforts of maintaining the emotions of everyone im trying to keep in my life. i felt like i had lost control in my alcoholic haze and that a respectable job and a lover to live with would give me the satisfaction and independence i always looked for at the bottom of a bottle. meanwhile looking back now, only myself to look after, only my belongings and my space to maintain, not trying to be anyone but what comes naturally, it was agony not knowing what this "proper" life felt like, not knowing if i would ever be worthy of it but now i just dont feel like i have many of the pieces of myself i held so highly back then
>>34075699This is definitely a sign the relationship is bad. You should be comfortable being yourself around your partner. If you feel you constantly have to act different/fake around them, then that's not a good relationship.
>>34075984its just a little more complicated than that, because i actually dont want to be exactly who i was back then, i want to grow and become a different person, and in addition to the relationship i went through a major career change, took on a lot of new responsibilities outside of work and the relationship, and i love her too much to just decide straight away that its all her fault without letting the dust settle first. keeping your words in mind for sure though, i appreciate your reply
