Hi, it’s really late at night where I am but I just wanted to take this out of my chest and maybe get some advice on how to let go. When I was 8 I moved out to a different state to live with my single senior aunt, I don’t have any problem with her, I’m very thankful for her care and love all these years but she is a hoarder, I lived in a 7 square meters apartment for 10 years of my life and it really changed me to the core, every single wall was covered with something either a bookshelf, pictures or her 40 year old degrees, every centimeter of the apartment was covered with something, even the windows were covered, I lived in darkness for years, I never really had a bed, we shared one or when I was a little older I preferred sleeping on the couch just to have a little more space for myself, the bathroom was the only place where I could have privacy and I remember staying there for hours just to have alone time. Now that I’m older I look back and I feel so bad for my younger self, I always wanted to be a normal girl, have parties or sleepovers at my house, be able to record a video or take a picture of me while in the house, I never wanted to be home, I remember when my mom came from work usually two or three times a month we would stay outside in the car for hours just to not get inside. This is something only two people that are not my family members know about and every time it talk about it I can’t control my tears, I’m not saying it was the end I of the world not having my own bed but living in a hamster cage for 10 years really changed who I am now
>>34077180I know the feel. My dad is a hoarder, severe one, OCPD. Not to be confused for OCD. Its obsessive compulsive personality disorder. It’s OCD but on steroids. Or OCD except the bully inside the mind won the war and took over the body. I relate to everything you wrote. My house had boxes everywhere, old items, utensils, scattered everywhere. Boxes on boxes, things stacked on top of each other that shouldnt be stacked yet somehow my dad stacked them because he wanted more space to hoard more shit. Every room, every corner, everywhere. The fucking rot of the house as well, the mold, all the filth beneath and behind the stacks of hoarded trash. And if I tried to move or touch any of, anything at all, my dad freaks the fuck out as if I just tried to touch his hoard of gold and he was an angry possessive dragon. Fucking madness. Anyway I forgave him for it. He grew up in extreme poverty, his own dad wasted all the rent money when he was a boy. He came home from school one day, excited to show mom and dad (my grandparents) his good grades. He saw his entire bedroom out on the street, his toys, his comics, his bedsheets, his bed, his whole little world on the street. They were being evicted, and his dad was drunk and yelling, his mom screaming and crying. And what’s worse is the neighbourhood kids flocked like hyenas, taking everything, stealing his toys, his books, his possessions. He had to fight all of them off and got beaten bloody while he tried to defend what was his. The vultures took everything and he was left with nothing except heartache, a broken home, and a bruised body and a mile of humiliation. So he became a hoarder, obsessed with keeping everything because he fears losing anything ever again.
>>34077180>I always wanted to be a normal girlHey, your story has touched me, I feel really bad for you, but I just wanted to let you know that no matter how much you try, no matter how much you want it, you will never, ever, unfortunately, be a woman.
>>34077323I don’t know what happened in my aunt life to make her this way, but it’s just like you describe it, she was a doctor and she had all the information of all her patients even if they were already dead she had everything in paper and dozens of boxes, I couldn’t move anything without her getting mad.There’s just so many things on how this has changed me, I am extremely anxious about my own smell and self care, i used to take two showers every day and use lots of products to not have a scent, even though I don’t live there anymore I’m still so self conscious about my body odor, I used to get so uncomfortable when someone was near me because i thought they would smell my house in me, Thank you for sharing tho, I hope you get out of there soon if you haven’t already :)
>>34077347I am tho… lol
>>34077180Eh, you would not have been a "normie" either way, or you already can be one just do it, stop whinging and get to it>>34077323Checks out, but that was just 1 incident, probably no context on the scenario made him spiral instead of just move on. Wonder if he can change given the new and more complete sort of "interpretation" of his scenario?
