Might be dying of liver disease, dunno. I have to use milk thistle twice a day to feel half normal. This morning I fainted, fell on the floor.

ast year, things were pretty bad, and I survived a suicide attempt, idk how.
Throughout this year, I’ve been trying to improve my life, and I’ve achieved things that people usually consider important, but I still feel empty.
Now I’m drunk and thinking again about the past year…

I'm disappointed in you not accepting my letter, but if that is your way of living financially and trying to get by, there's nothing I can do. You should have focused more when we were younger, although we both didn't have the comprehension of the resources we have today.

I think if I had to work I wouldn't enjoy it either. Does that mean I would accept not talking to you over it though? Who knows. Maybe you aren't worth having a job for, so I shouldn't expect the same in return. That makes sense to me. At one time though it was different.

Kinda crazy how quick women can switch on you. One week she's calling me daddy saying she wants me to make sensual, intimate love to me and the next she's acting like I'm an acquaintance

>>34086997
yikes. Maybe she got dicked down by another guy? Thats gross. Just block her.

>>34086997
A man does not discover the right woman by passion alone. True love is like Iron, stone, the ordered course of the stars. It's reliable.

Mars at the equator at ground level during it's day, during it's summer is about 70 degrees. At night, it drops down to about negative 80. Hard place to live and why would you want to in any case

He is a sex addict and openly told me he is going to dump or cheat on me if I can’t throat his shaft. (Been practising). The problem is no one has ever been so attentive to me. But this all seems like a completely unnecessary situation, and I should cut it off like an infected limb before I get to even more attached and fucked over. I don’t think anyone can ever actually love me as I’m autistic and mid and don’t have self worth.

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>Girl in my college class keeps hitting on me
>She's insanely hot and out of my league
>Constantly asks if she can come over
>Tell her I have a girlfriend so I can't
>She tells me she can keep a secret
>Been with girlfriend for 3 years
>Live together and have healthy relationship
>But this new girl is so fucking hot it's not even funny
>Temptation rising like crazy
>Ended up jerking off to her Facebook photos last night
>Feel guilty as fuck

AHHHHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I don't want to cheat but I want to fuck this chick so god damn badly it's all I think about 24/7

>>34087092
Yeah but if you fuck her and your gf breaks up with you both women will leave and you will be without any pussy. Women love to start shit and be home wreckers.

>>34087243
Aren't you a homewrecker bud

merry christmas!
it's over.

I am too flawed to be loved. I will die a kissless virgin and I feel like I'm running out of time to find someone. I'm not young anymore.

In the end we are all just slaves to our hormones

Love doesn't exist for men
We can interchange a woman based on how hot she is
Our attachment is to who we fuck

>>34087372
YOU TOO

>>34086924
boctor

>>34087034
That's why I have stayed for her for all these years. Despite any difficulties and ways others decieved us, I stayed for her.

>>34086924
Tardo get your iron checked only low iron makes you faint like a bitch

I don't feel any guilt for what I've done.

>>34088064
It'll come.

>>34087743
Trans Pride!

>>34087445
There are literally sluts everywhere tfym

>>34087772
I must have attachment issues

>>34086997
*Normal

I've attained inner peace and I'm tired to be called crazy for not wanting to partake in the collective psychosis called normalcy.
Just let me the fuck alone I'm enjoying experiencing myself and it's not my problems if you don't.

>>34088361
If you actually obtained inner peace that would be remarkable, and in Daoism you would be raised to godhood, on the level of the 8 immortals.

Are you the 9th immortal? Or are you just doing things that people who care about you don't want you to do? 'Dharma', is the idea of your true nature and alignment; If your true self is idealized through personal enjoyment and neglecting people who care about you, it's definitely a you problem which hasn't surfaced.

>>34088468
Obtaining inner peace is only the beginning.
An old book is not going to teach you more than real life.
Stop projecting you are the one with problems that haven't surfaced.
You are literally trusting other people's words more than your own experience.
>Or are you just doing things that people who care about you don't want you to do?
Yes absolutely, people hate when they see that someone can be happy by himself or don't need material procession to obtain happiness.
It challenges everything they believe in and seeing that truth makes them uncomfortable.

I just turned 28, which means I've been thinking about suicide for half my life. I remember being 14 and wondering what my parents' reaction would be if I hanged myself. I think they would have been relieved.

When I was 21 an old classmate recognized me at the grocery store I worked at, and I babbled something how he must be surprised that I hadn't killed myself yet. It wasn't until years later that I realized how insane I must have sounded.

When I was 16, my father told me that I was a lost cause to him. He said that I was just too weird, and that my lack of intellect was a personal insult to him. I completely understand why Ludwig Wittgenstein's brothers all killed themselves, and most of John Quincy Adams's children.

I remember crying in my room when I was 10 because I had no friends. I was treated unkindly at school, called a fag, retard, whatever. All I've ever wanted was a wife and family whom I could provide for and who would treat me with respect. That is it. All I want is someone who wants me to be with her and who will treat me with respect. But I've read stories in the paper about very successful people who kill themselves. My own uncle killed himself and left his family behind. So I don't know if having a family would help me. I'm not sure how I would even begin to make a friend at this age. Any time I speak to someone, I can see how their faces change as they realize how much of a loser I am, and it makes me suicidal for the rest of the week.

I'm starting to note a lot of women on dating apps in the long-term/life-partner searching category are insanely desperate but too picky for their own tastes and fake themselves out even when I match with them and schedule a date. I'm tempted to just shoot my shot with more of the short-term relationship girls since they seem better but I really couldn't be bothered with fucking and they seem bored.

Ultimately that's not what I really want desu, there's some autistic gal 2,000 lightyears away from me (metaphorically speaking but still afar) that's known me for years thru friends and we started playing some vidya a bit together a year ago during last Christmas. She had some family situation occur in the spring that I can heavily relate to and she's been despondent since then. And not just me; there's friends that've known her longer. We have a lot of common more than I have let on and maybe that's my problem is not vocalizing that part. Or maybe it's on her being in that mental hole. Either case I feel like something needs fixed.

It's dumb, silly, gay, and retarded of me to think that something like that would ever come to bear fruit and that would take 100x the effort of finding a local homely chick or curvy gal and being settled for a wife & kids down the line but I seriously look forward to interacting with her and I don't think she realizes or believes that. It like makes my day when I get a message.

Let me ask you guys this even though I feel I know the answer; if you ask somebody how their Christmas went and dodged answering anything, it probably wasn't a good holiday was it. The problem is to me if that's the case then she's heavily avoidant and refuses to talk about her issues and I don't like prying if it makes no output. So it makes me worry it wouldn't even work out if I tried.

>>34088485
This would be more about the difference between living life and understanding life so that you can live it better.

There is a philosopher named Hegel that has an idea called 'Zeitgeist'. In every era of humanity, a certain 'spirit' of humanity has been born. As time goes by, the full spirit is lost, and only a kernel of truth remains to be passed on. Chivalry and honor existed in the medieval ages because there was no strong central government which punished people for breaking the law, and so following rules was brought onto oneself as chivalry. Today the kernel of truth that honor has evolved into is an idea of self-respect, instead of it being part of daily life.

You can play 1000 matches of some competitive game, or you can attempt to damn those who love you for 1000 days instead, but without reading the guide or understanding the truths from the zeitgeist of what came before you, you are at a heavy disadvantage compared to anyone who has. That's not to say that life is a competitive video game, but most people can understand reading guides before playing something they are serious about.

You should think about what you are saying, as the people who care about you don't deserve your ignorance to what humanity has culminated. You are talking about enjoying yourself at the expense of loved ones, without honor. If we had no books we would be with thoughts from BC, before the first spirit of humanity was born in ancient china (according to Hegel anyways). Love your family and friends, they are not trying to hurt you.

Back home after the yearly christmas trip with the family back where I grew up. Backstory is that a family member sexually abused me as a kid and I never told anyone, but this is the first christmas I've had since realising that what happened wasn't normal and realised how much it's affected my adult life, so I was kind of dreading it all.
Anyway, shit was generally fine, weirdly it was probably the most chill christmas we've had in like 5 years. But what really pisses me off so much but also you've gotta laugh is the fact that I went out of my way to resist putting ANY effort into the gift I got for my abuser, I just grabbed some random cheap shit, bare minimum to not raise suspicion. And he fucking LOVED it. Like if every gift recipient had to score me, he'd have given me the highest marks. Everyone else who I put so much thought into, thinking they'd be psyched, only for them to be just like "oh, a (thing), thanks." Meanwhile my abuser is like "woah this is fucking GREAT how did you FIND THIS???" What I thought was random was accidentally super on point.
And this isn't a situation where he's like blowing smoke because he's in love with me or some sick shit, we fucking hate each other and only exchange bare minimum pleasantries when absolutely necessary for the sake of witnesses, so he genuinely fucking loved it, and the worst part is I feel fucking gross for taking the win. Especially considering HE DIDN'T EVEN GET ME ANYTHING. HIS ENABLER WIFE DOES ALL HIS GIFT SHOPPING FOR HIM. WITH HER OWN MONEY. (she's lovely tho, and her gifts slapped, and she liked his gift too so I guess I'll just cope by telling myself his gift was also for her)

>>34088552
This is crazy, op. I’m sorry you went thru that and still have to be around him. I’m curious… is he like, aware that this happened you think? Or is he just like most abusers lack self awareness?

>>34088488
Op, I can tell that you’re smart and kind just from the way you wrote this post. I, too, have struggled with thoughts of killing myself since I was a child. But you just need more self confidence. People aren’t judging you as harshly as you think they are. You need to love yourself and learn to be authentic and confident. Connect to your inner light, you have it. Good luck.

If they seem asexual around you its because youre seen as unattractive. They become whores in the presence of the right guy, ive seen it myself. Used to work as a bartender for a while, the behavior ive seen was enough to blackpill me for life. Even the shy, mousy ones become whores that grope and grind. Those same girls act like royalty in the presence of their beta male friends and they even get offended and disgusted if anything related to sex comes out of the mouth of a man they dont find attractive. If a girl is ever acting appalled at the mention of women even so much as having a libido, its because the man thats even so much as going into that topic without being attractive, is deemed as a creep instantly. They will try to shame you into going back where you belong in their imagined hierarchy. They dont want ugly men seeing them as the whores that they know they are, especially in friend groups. If the ugly ones found out the girls were giving ass to their attractive male friends, that could potentially open them up to approaches from those same betabuxx friendzoned guys and they couldnt explain away the dynamic without socially incrimination.

My neighbor's new routine is to take her dog right up to my front window on my lawn and loudly babytalk it, currently doing it for over 10 minutes now at 8:30am. She's pissed because I refuse to acknowledge her so she's doing gangstalking perp shit. It's actually pathetic. She's like mid 20's and has no fucking friends or a bf never has a single person over. I think she's jealous of me because I have a cute bf

>>34087445
If they seem asexual around you its because youre seen as unattractive. They become whores in the presence of the right guy, I've seen it myself. Used to work as a bartender for a while, the behavior ive seen was enough to blackpill me for life. Even the shy, mousy ones become whores that grope and grind. Those same girls act like royalty in the presence of their beta male friends and they even get offended and disgusted if anything related to sex comes out of the mouth of a man they dont find attractive. If a girl is ever acting appalled at the mention of women even so much as having a libido, its because the man thats even so much as going into that topic without being attractive, is deemed as a creep instantly. They will try to shame you into going back where you belong in their imagined hierarchy. They dont want ugly men seeing them as the whores that they know they are, especially in friend groups. If the ugly ones found out the girls were giving ass to their attractive male friends, that could potentially open them up to approaches from those same betabuxx friendzoned guys and they couldnt explain away the dynamic without socially incrimination

I’d rather piss away my life for 10 years chasing the job I actually want
than get a job right now and get pissed on for the next 10 years.

I’ve tried the other path.
The early mornings, the long commutes, the constant pressure to “be grateful,”
only to come home exhausted and unheard.
That kind of stability slowly eats you alive.

So no, I’m not lost. I’m choosing my difficulty.
I’m building slowly, protecting my sanity, and refusing to trade my future self for short-term approval.
Progress doesn’t always look productive from the outside—but it feels honest on the inside.

Endnote: Survival comes first. Direction comes after.
Greetings,
Priority.

>>34088550
I should have nuanced my argument more. I read to my great pleasure a lot of Physiological and religious books and I think there are a lot of truths in those, but seriously doubt that these writers were lucky enough to get everything right. There are moments when you have to experiment things by yourself. You can't discover anything if all you do is follow people.

I'm tired of people that hide behind the old master and never tried or experienced anything by themself. If I want to know what the giants that have preceded me have to say I can read a book. If you want to say something, stand on your own feet. Stop hiding behind others because you can't justify your own actions by yourself.

And I'm not the one doing the hurting other things. I'm not the person that tries to force my way of life on others.

I know the exploit of humanity but I also know of its downfall and there are a lot more of those.

I have figured things out for myself and I don't want to follow "society" in its downfall or want to take part in it. But somehow I'm obligated because the majority say so and if I'm not happy with that they have policemen with guns to force me to comply.

>>34088563
>This is crazy, op. I’m sorry you went thru that and still have to be around him. I’m curious… is he like, aware that this happened you think? Or is he just like most abusers lack self awareness?
lol sorry I didn't mean to bum you out, after a year of cope I'm kind of re-numbed to the idea that this is unusual and traumatic and weird to just say casually, I just thought it was funny/annoying that he liked my gift so much. But maybe I should renew my "this is the sort of shit people are supposed to go to therapy for" energy.
But yeah he has zero fucking awareness lmao. The last time we had to be around each other he was having a narcissistic meltdown over the delusion that someone had been mildly rude to him (they weren't), and when I told him he needed to pipe the fuck down because we were in public, he had the nerve to try and farm sympathy from me of all people about how his life is so much harder than mine and I couldn't possibly understand his struggles (he's a lifelong NEET who's fully insulated by enablers, meanwhile I've spent my life clawing for a future where I don't have to be anywhere near him except for holidays, and am desperately trying to cling on while being pummelled with a cost of living crisis and the need to pursue re-education since the industry I fell into as the quickest way to get away from him is about to get fucked into oblivion by AI)

Sorry for rambling I'm drunk lol, which is cool and normal and not an indication of mental damage uwu

what exactly provokes someone to turn into a rabid hater for no reason?

>>34087743
Says you.

>>34088695
Smol peepee

>>34088695
Also fear or insecurity

>>34088695
Jealousy, retardation

>>34086997
my wife reiterated her offer of divorce yesterday morning. this morning I accepted, by filing a report with the FBI about the (technical but anyway) felony she committed last year transporting her two illegal alien friends to cash out a lot to ticket. she is a naturalized citizen and I don't know what to expect now but with any luck this leads to her to being arrested, charged, convicted, denaturalized and deported for running her big fat mouth.
IN CASE ANY OF YOU FOOLS THOUGHT ASIAN WOMEN WERE IN ANY WAY MORE RELIABLE PARTNERS

>>34088897
that makes you an accessory in material support retard lmao get fucked for dating yoko ono you rice burner goofy ahh

>>34088897
she shattered my heart into a thousand flaming prices last summer with that word, and pissed on the ashes yesterday morning. I was ready to forget and forgive and put the ring back on, but she just had to have the last word., so now she's inside packing to leave. if she cleans out the bank account and sets the house on fire on her way out the door, IDGAF. all I ever wanted in life was a family

Met her through work (we aren’t coworkers, her company is a supplier of mine)

Talked to her for four months, only managed to go on three dates with her due to scheduling issues related to work. A month ago on the third date, she told me it was a burden to hang out one on one as she views me as a customer and she keeps her professional and social life separate. Hearing that was so painful and for an entire week I was unable to sleep well and I began developing hives at night.

Nonetheless, I maintained regular contact as we’re still working on some projects. Was starting to feel her pull away based on her cold and slow text replies for both work and non work related texts.

Fast forward to Christmas eve, I decided to shoot my shot again by offering her a ride back home as I was worried she was gonna work overtime till late (she did). She turned it down saying she has plans with friends. Today, I asked again if she was going to work late, and she said nope she’s not staying back today. I told her that’s good thinking she rarely goes back on time.

Turns out she did stay back and I know this because of the emails she sent at work. Being lied to absolutely crushed me and I guess my sleep is fucked tonight.

I'm so fucking tired. How are you gonna bitch at me that it's your house not mine when I just need a place to stay one fucking night when i visit your fucking ass, meanwhile you're more than happy to cowtow to your rapist son who's gonna suck your teet until you're fucking dead because he's a psychopathic fucking leech and any time I try to fucking speak up FOR YOU you you fucking apologise to HIM and tell ME to stop making a fucking scene, enjoy laying in your fucking bed then cunt

My dad is trying to get me into becoming a step-brother. This is like the 3rd family he tries to force me into.

My fiance has started reading the communist manifesto after some guy from her university talked about communism with her and how the pamphlet will address all those common misconceptions about communism.

"i have a boyfriend" doesn't stop them.
"i am married" doesn't stop them.
"i like expensive gifts, honesty and being prioritized" always the kicker.

>>34089259
She’s not going to understand anything from it

>>34089259
Kek, “just a friend” happening in real time.

Oh my god it's been two weeks since I got this chest port placed and nobody has called me to schedule my treatment yet. I just left a message with my doctor because I feel fucking horrible, every day this past week Ive felt worse, it feels harder to breathe and walk around and honestly idk if I can last the weekend without going to the ER at this rate. And I really don't want to go back to the hospital again, I'm so fucking tired of going to the hospital.

>>34089589
What are you sick with anon? Cancer?

>>34086906
I'm in my 30's and had to move back home because the guy I was going to marry couldn't stop looking at Futa Porn to the point where he cheated on me with a RP-Online "Trans" person.
I'm thankful I found out, but my whole life is now stunted.
I can't get a job. No one is calling back, I've even applied for side gigs and small stuff.
I don't remember how to properly date because we were together for so long.
Our social circles are so intertwined that I don't feel comfortable talking with anyone about how I'm feeling around the situation.
I'm so lost, I don't know what to even do anymore.
I'm just one big disappointment.

>>34089612
Nah, myasthenia gravis, autoimmune neuromuscular thing where the bodys antibodies attack your own muscles but it got diagnosed very late because doctors kept blowing me off for years saying my problems were anxiety or job stress related so I'm kinda fucked, and I have some rare variant that's harder to treat, they say usually the first couple of years when the symptoms flare up really bad are the worst until you find the right treatment. The only thing that works right now for me is plasmapheresis but I'd get it done with a neck catheter over 2 weeks in the hospital and after a month or two all the bad antibodies get replenished which isn't sustainable long term, it's more of an emergency thing when I'm like two steps away from my diaphragm failing and I don't think they can keep accessing the same veins around the neck too many times because of scarring, so I got the port in order to do it more frequently as outpatient. Everything is just slow unless I'm like really on deaths door and rolled into the ER then they do stuff way faster lmao

I'm so fucking depressed

I don't like my menstrual period. I probably won't have kids, I can't even donate my blood clots. I keep shedding a lot of clots it sucks.

>>34089676
>>34089676
Jesus christ that sucks. I have autoimmune issues but nothing compared to that and I’m doing okay with my meds right now thankfully. Two weeks in the hospital for a month of relief isn’t sustainable. Hopefully they’re trying different meds for you. It took me a year to get mine right but I didn’t really advocate for myself back then. I hope you get better soon

>>34086906
I fucking hate women so god damn much.

>>34089819
Go hatefuck one

>>34086906
I feel embarrassed, I've been working through a lot of things, finally working through memories of my Ex and for a moment I vividly remember her sitting down with me and showing her graphic designs, her books, working through her material.
The embarrassing part is that I thought that only happened yesterday rather than 4-5 years ago when it actually happened.
I had so much of my life wrapped around her it feels strange that I feel okay for once.
I think I'm finally ready to move on. I just wish it didn't take this long

>>34089804
Maybe drink more water and eat more foods that have stuff you lose from bleeding. God bless.

I've become obsessed with being a perfect boyfriend with long-term prospects for women with tons going for them, and then ghosting them. I do not have any real desire for a long-term relationship, I've just come to really relish the payoff of being the perfect partner for someone only to about-face and hurt them deeply. I feel like this is bad but it's such a guilty pleasure I find myself falling into over and over again.

>>34089863
I think this is way more common than you think for SavedCels

It makes me sad companies target emotionally insecure people with low class habits to target as consumers for their products. They even encourage them to stay the same and basically show that their product will somehow give you a solution to every problem caused by low class habits. I feel like these advertisers need to be burned at the stake.

I think about my sexual abuse trauma a lot, many of memories I can’t remember and I’ve been trying to dig through them and find out what happened, but it’s too far deep, and it is driving me insane. I need to know

>>34089851
Thanks S.

holy fuck i miss you so much i miss you AGHHHHH WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET A BOYFRIEND I MISS YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I never cared too much about my appearance because I always assumed I'm ugly as hell (I have good hygiene though), but now I'm thinking of trying to date for the first time in my life but I have no clue how to not look ugly as hell, how to wear clothes/accessories that are fashionable/cool, and in general how to stop thinking I look too disgusting to date.

I have Poland syndrome, a visible branchial fistula, and rib flare.
Also, I don’t have a girlfriend, friends, or any relatives. I’ve been living alone in a studio apartment for the past five years, and the only things I do are go to the gym and work.
What am I supposed to do with my life? Is it over for me?

>>34090043
Stop giving women attention

All women are having sex; if she wanted to do it with you she would have, "single" or not.

>>34089673
Why didn't you just work it out with him instead? You could have just worked through him doing that and identified the underlying reasons he "cheated" by roleplaying on the internet.

Feel like I don't have a friend in the world.

>>34089822
I WOULD but none of them RESPOND to me, im getting really ready to just put "will hatefuck you because i fucking hate you" in my profile and leaving everything else blank

>>34090149
i stopped talking to her, which is why i miss her. also, i was the one who pulled away, but i am in love with her now after i realized she's the one

>>34090177
and now you can join me and rest in hating women so god damn much

Alright, this next month is going to be really stressful but my life will be pretty smooth sailing and optimistic if it works out.

Feel like such a depraved freak. I have a sexual fantasy where I'm in all but name grooming a girl who's into all of it.
Nervous but bratty, who's self aware of how perverted it is.
I came and I've been feeling shame for the last few hours because my ex came to mind where she was literally put into that situations and thought of doing that to her at that age upsets me beyond belief.
Trauma and sex wires seemingly got crossed, Freud would have a field day

>>34089818
Thanks. Been trying different stuff from the day I got official diagnosed.. it's just throwing darts to see what sticks at this point. One treatment worked extremely well for me up until I woke up one day with a lung embolism so I can't risk taking it again unfortunately as it has a chance of blood clots. Since then it's been me trying something, it doesn't work so great, get sick, stay at the hospital for a couple of weeks, get plasma, get better, try something new, repeat. I haven't had to be intubated yet and I'm not wheelchair bound like some ppl so I'm very lucky, as apparently if you get tubed once it's way more likely to happen again. And last year I wasn't even able to text at all on my phone most of the time or even hold my phone up because my hands were too weak, I just had to rest it on me while laying in bed all day, so I'm doing a lot better than back then. I'm just trying to have patience because of the variant I have isn't officially in the medicaid handbook of bullshit (I have lrp4 antibodies more common with ALS than myasthenia) so it takes a while for insurance to approve new things, my neurologist has to write an appeal letter proving why it's medically necessary for me every time. I know once I start the plasma I'll start to feel better so that gives me hope at least

>>34089975
>Blood clots form as a natural healing response to injury but can also develop abnormally due to sluggish blood flow (immobility, surgery), damage to blood vessel walls (atherosclerosis, injury, inflammation), or inherited/acquired clotting disorders (Factor V Leiden, cancer, pregnancy, estrogen-containing meds), with risk increased by age, obesity, smoking, and certain chronic illnesses.

Are you inactive?
Have you had any recent accidents?
Do you have a history of this in your family?
Have you tried elminating random foods like gluten, dairy, etc and measured your differences?
Do you smoke, are often dehydrated, or have any factors that would contribute to "syrupy" blood?

whenever i think about you i feel my heart flowing with affection towards you but i cannot love you for you have your heart elsewhere

i cant even pursue relationships with anyone else, talking to women makes me feel like i'm cheating on you, even looking at other women that arent you makes me disgusted

yet you're going to be sharing your new years alone with him

im the most cucked human alive

I have third-degree frostbite from a nitrous cannister on both my inner thighs. They've formed a black, leathery substance called eschar and even though the ER doctor cleared me, I'm worried about needing skin grafts. I don't want my family to find out I was doing NOS again, that would enrage them and break their heart and see me as a permanent fuck up, since using it has caused me to become psychotic in the past (I am schizophrenic).
I'm definitely not using it anymore. This was all the consequences I needed to keep me off it for good, but I don't know what to do. I have to play off the fact that I walk stiffly to my family for weeks and I worry that it'll get worse.

>>34090330
It doesn't last long enough to enjoy imo. Hopefully you heal good. Say you have a rash.

>>34090322
>Are you inactive?
I do 15 to 17 minute walks after eating.
>Have you had any recent accidents?
No
>Do you have a history of this in your family?
Not sure
>Have you tried elminating random foods like gluten, dairy, etc and measured your differences?
I dont drink milk.
>Do you smoke, are often dehydrated, or have any factors that would contribute to "syrupy" blood?
I need to drink more water

>>34090348
They're good for "mini-trips." They excite my psychosis so it's like I engage in a telepathic signaling cascade that's immersed in some shadow reality that everyone's familiar with and I'm isolated from whenever sober. My delusions are rather consistent, which makes them really believable whenever I'm in that state.
>Hopefully you heal good.
Thanks, it's pretty severe, but the doctors gave me some antibiotics and zinc cream to dab on it. They also suggested that I be treated at a burn clinic, but that's like an hour away so I'm probably not going to go.
>Say you have a rash.
Yeah, that'll probably work. I've just been lying and saying that I'm sore from working out.
It's such a massive fuck up.

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112 KB JPG

>>34090362
Honestly, try to drink bare minimum 64oz of water per day. Get a giant cup for it. Check family history. Try stopping gluten and other things that could create inflammation in some people and see if any help.

I'm just losing the ability to function in general now. Everything has become a chore to do. Everything is no longer enjoyable. It doesn't help that I've fucked everything up, I'm stuck living with loser parents who fucked so much up for me and dysfunctional family that I didn't think I would still be doing, still stuck in a low paying low hours job that isn't going to let me do anything and I've still done nothing with myself at my age when everyone else has pretty much done anything that you should have in your 30s.

I fucked everything up. There's no way to turn back now. Nobody to help me get out of this hole. I was always predetermined to fail. I just wanted to be successful at SOMETHING and every given time it was set up to fail.

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>>34090381
You're bored and stimming. Get a nice person bored enough and eventually they'll start torturing bugs if that's all there is to do.

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>>34090438
Do one thing for 10 minutes a day every day til it is addicting and like breathing. If you won't do that - it's over; give up.

Also you know what angers me - knowing that everyone who fucked me over, and everyone who abandoned me, is no doubt having the time of their lives right now whilst I suffer in silence.

Not everyone is fortunate in life - yet they can be successful and skilful whilst I'm just rotting away until my natural expiration. Years ago I'd have the energy to challenge them and fix what is wrong, now I can't do it.

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>>34090463
I think life can be surprisingly asymmetrically balanced. Are you playing to the virtues of your current position?

>>34088921
me and my (18yo) son sitting in the living room this evening, he's taking it well, considering. playing games with his friends, chatting with them, laughing. he's very resilient, he's had a life event this earlier year that forged him into a man. i'm very proud of him. unfortunately that same event appears to have broken my marriage. at least he can walk again.
i had to open my big fat mouth and say to the universe at large that all i wanted for Christmas is for him to walk again. welp, that's what i got. be careful what you wish for the universe appears to be made of lawyers.
divorced men, what's the worst bit after she goes? when does pain start to turn to ache?
will my son come to hate me for what i've done?

Can someone please help me

>>34089819
Why?

>>34090158
Oh we tried.
He then met up with the dude and had sex.
So yes, he "cheated".
The dude was roleplaying as a trans person on the internet and was not actually trans.

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that was a close one fellas

some of these women are like sirens, i swear

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M,
Dreamt of you falling asleep on my chest. Everything felt better. I dwell there too

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>>34090535
No. But I offer council if you can think of a question.

I'm getting really tired of mentioning any series targetted at girls and having a girl in the group pipe up "also gays! This show is targetted at the girls and the gays!"

Friend, its a shojo anime from the 2000s, if you're gay, just say you find so and so hot and move on, why do you have to "claim" everything? Also, you're a bisexual woman, not a gay man, stop pretending you go to the same parties.

just remembered the time i got drunk, blacked out, and apparently made a fool of myself over some girl, got rejected by her, then my older friend banged her and never talked to her again

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The woman that want to fuck me, aren't the ones I want to fuck.

I miss my ex girlfriends. Current one sucks, or doesn't.

>>34089804
Do you see a obgyn? Really big clots can be a sign of fibroids or cysts. Also get your iron serum and ferritin levels checked in a full panel. I had what appeared to be mild anemia going by regular blood work but my ferritin and other stuff was actually so low I had to get multiple iron infusions plus tablets to take every other day

>>34090637
Try iron cookware too. It leeches off.

I don't know how to start since i never wrote anything on 4chan, i was always a bystander. But i don't have anything to lose i guess. I'm an 22 years old drug addict. i started taking benzos at the age of 14, stealing them from my grandmother and other people. I used to snort and swallow them with jack daniels and other stuff... So years went by and i came across opportunity to get myself 10mg benzos in liquid state like and ampule. So i started injecting it directly into my veins. First time was... i can not even describe the feeling, it would be an understatement to say magical. it was warmth from my chest through my neck to my head. Like a most beautiful hug ever no anxiety no stress just pure euphoria. So i kept doing that with alcohol included and then i came across another drug " tramadol " like a pain killer opioid. So retarded as i am i started injecting that shit too. And i got myself stuck in this unbreakable loop of hell. I was suicidal since i was like 8 years old, shitty house situation seen a lot of fights a lot of screaming and so on... Long story but relevant for this i guess. So every fucking day for past 14 years is one same sentence " i want to die now ". I'm a totally functional addict, i have a job and a girlfriend. But i don't know what i'm doing anymore. I fucked up my memmory, my overall health is shit and i don't know how much i have left honestly before something happens. I obviously have a lot more to say about my overdosing and other stupid shit i did but i think i'm boring as fuck to be honest. So yeah if you got this far reading this bullshit i hope you will never take drugs of any kind i'm on every fucking thing from weed to lsd to opioids. Don't do drugs it is not cool and certainly not an escape from reality. If i succeeded to get just one persons attention to never try any of these things i thing i did a great job. And if you stayed till the end thank you for listening. Good bye.

>>34090043
Avoidant attachment
Youre dont miss her, youre just mad she got a bf
If she were to come back now you will get bored again dude

le sigh

>>34087073
Holy hell, what are you doing. Leave

tfw no ketamine

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too kind for the internet and specifically this place.
With few exceptions I try to be nice to people, even though they're just anonymous pixels on my screen. But every now and then I encounter people who are just starting shit for no reason and I can't comprehend how a person would decide to do that.
I feel kinda sorry for them desu, if I think about it now.

>>34090643
Hi, s. I'm sick and am trying to get over a stomach virus. So if you don't see me much, that's why.

>>34090730
Some people are just really shitty and should be gotten away from IRL as far away as possible

>>34090748
Oh, okay. You know, lots of water and stuff. I hope you feel better.

my butts itchy and i ate two canolis

>>34090538
because i don't get laid often, and working on my personality is not going to fix it, i just don't know how to speak to women. i was naked in bed with a sort of chubby chick a few weeks ago which was nice but she didnt want to fuck and i tried to fuck her once since i had just made her cum with my mouth and hands so i thought maybe what she wanted changed and it didn't, the rest of the night was chill she still sucked me off, but then the next day said i tried too hard to fuck her and she doesn't want to see me anymore. girls are just too sensitive these days, even the sluts that swallow on the first date, its ridiculous

>>34090814
>Some people are just really shitty
that's been a hard truth for me to learn to be honest.
I've always played devils advocate in the back of my head, sometimes even with people who've done abhorrent shit. But yeah, I guess some people just don't have a moral compass or something

>>34090748
Do you like video games? No pressure.

>>34090946
I'm really bad at them, tbhonest...
But I still buy them, trying to look for one that fits.

>>34090959
Which ones do you play? Really, no pressure.

>be jobless but getting by
>sudden magical car trouble
>"that would be $1000 plus tax + tip goyim"
Fuck this gay earth. It's just one thing after another isn't it

>>34090977
I bought a bunch of a hack/slash and I want to buy The Occultist. I'm not too bad at Batman either.

>>34090718
lol someone i know said they'd hook me up

one of many instances of their word being worthless

>>34090986
You might like Cultist Simulator maybe. What hack and slash? I've played the Bat-Man games a little because a past roommate had them. I thought they were really cool though. I most play computer games on steam now, but I currently have no PC or console. I will be buying one in a couple of months, probably.

>>34090978
Main reason why I don't get a car, despite being employed. It's so expensive and realistically I'd just use it a few times a month

>>34090986
Oh, you might like the Alan Wake series. I never played it but I was thinking about trying it.

>>34091019
>You might like Cultist Simulator maybe
I have an idea for a game, and I'm seeing if The Occultist can pull it off.
>>34091030
Yeah, I heard it was great.
Also, the hack/slash games I bought were DMC 4:SE, DMC5:SE, Bayonetta (The first one), God of War: Ragnarok which came with the console, FFXVI, and Wukong.

>>34091042
I love Devil May Cry, and I bought and enjoyed Bayonetta when it first came out, and I LOVED FFX. Wukong looked cool but did not play. I played the first GoW. What is your game idea? No pressure.

>>34091047
My game idea is about a Supernatural Detective/Occultist/Exorcist that battles against the forces of evil, there's more but I don't wanna give too much away.
I sucked at DMC, beat some of Wukong but got filtered. Beat some of GoW but not by myself. I sucked at Bayo and FFXVI as well.

I thought your fit was great and it was really cute when you spun around and crashed into the shopping carts.

>>34091059
Sometimes you just hit a "wall" in video games (or anything else) but if you smash into it long enough you "get good" and then you feel like you have superpowers when you think of you compared to your old self. No pressure. If you want to get good. I recommend just opening like a movie or youtube on the side and just watching tv while you practice and build muscle memory. Also your idea sounds really comfy to me.

The saddest part of the narc experience is that after things fell apart and you left them, you will never get closure
I got a half assed apology thanking me for my service
Every time after that I only saw her with the dude that she cheated on me with to try and make me jealous

I never got a genuine apology or any acknowledgement of what she did
I guess that's all I get from someone I spent a year and 9 months with and lived with

>>34091068
Yeah, I don't have the patience to be good at DMC or Bayo.
And thank you, I want to give gamers a great experience.

I have spent all day depressed in bed and I never do that. I have never felt so demoralized and unmotivated.
I know I need to be the opposite, what the fuck has gotten into me?

>>34091078
Aw, usually after a couple hours of hitting a wall you get an epiphany and break through THO. Oh well. I also want to make a game but if I explain what makes it special someone could steal it.

>>34091098
I'm sure it's a great idea. Maybe one day we can talk about our ideas to each other.

>>34091114
Yeah. Do you have a discord?

>>34091119
patrician___
I have to load it up on my computer.

>>34091119
>>34091123
All loaded up.

>>34091123
No pressure. I have to do piano practice and it's close to bed time. I added you though.

>>34091129
I messaged you. Talk soon.

>>34091130
Seened.

Shrooms make me really horny

is my loneliness really self inflicted if i'm just selecting out the people i'm not compatible with and that happens to be everyone i know of that's interested in me

>>34091164
I've done the same, dont sabotage yourself.

i feel good and i don't want anyone to bring me off my cloud

>>34091204
nah, p sure the sabotage would be settling in this situation

>>34091213
Good feelings can blind you.

>>34091220
so can bad feelings

>>34091219
You are wise

>>34091226
Acknowledging negativity will keep you grounded in reality. Your cloud will have you ignoring what's important just to feel good. No one should trust that.

>>34091237
ok, thanks for the chat. still gonna ride this positive wave as far as it takes me

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ascended physically and socially but now I'm so exhausted by every woman I meet that I really just don't want to date now. a well-meaning older female friend suggested I try and find a wife soon and I scoffed at the idea, partially because I was annoyed by her concern for my dating life but mainly out of spite. I'm not a contrarian but it felt like she was trying to convince me dating was worth something, for her sake more than mine, and in that brief moment her well wishes disgusted me. because of this, I think I'm fairly certain I'll be fine living and dying alone.

>>34091242
Be sure to not betray your friends in the process.

>>34091288
actually, i don't have any friends

>>34091294
Go figure!

>>34091302
People here usually ignore me, why you on my jock like this?

>>34091294
You're in good company.

my name is Guy Incognito and I just want to say I feel good for once in my life

>>34091304
>>34091313
Congrats

>>34091318
who's s?

I ain't got no motherfuckin' friends...
(Take money)

>>34091333
Just some guy. Gn.

>>34091341
nighto

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sitting in my room alone listening to music and head bobbing passionately sticking my bottom lip out like denzel also i just ate 3 chickens that's fucked up 3 whole ass animals no i'm not black i just like chicken

>>34091377
The Blues Brothers!

>>34091395
duuuuuude. yes.

>>34091015
getting drugs irl is pointless. Overpriced, bad quality, and dangerous. You also have to know people which is a chore. I don't want to delegate myself to being a sycophant to get good cheap drugs.

>>34091404
And some dry toast, please.

At some point I'll look at my phone and it will be a text from you asking if you can call. Then we will see each other and everything will come to light. We will both understand each other's perspective and our negative assumptions will of been false (some way, some how). We'll find we click just as we did before and continue from where we left off. Stronger and more trusting of each other. You'll fly up or me down.

>>34091552
LOL you come here, too?

>>34091552
Maturemaxxing

>>34086906
I think my gf and I have finally realized that there are some feelings I have over her past that I will never get over. There is nothing at all wrong with the relationship and its potential is beautiful, but I don't think I will ever respect or get over certain aspects of her past like the fact she would readily kiss guys on the first date or gave a handjob on a first date or the fact she slept with a date on the third date. Since there are no active reasons to end this relationship, I predict it will go on for months and months until we slowly completely check out and end things non-confrontationally in 6 months.

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>>34091515
>delegate
relegate*

5gj

Sometimes you're just doomed from the start and were never meant to live as a human being. That's just how it is. I only wish euthanasia was legal; if it were, I'd take it in a heartbeat. It's my bad luck I was born in an era where genetic waste is forced to live on.

Of course i was lying, what did you fucking think

>>34086924
Great news, thanks for the update. Really excited to have one less faggot seeking attention in these threads.

I really just want to get away from everyone and everything. Let me have an isolated space to exist judgement free and relearn how to live and improve myself as a person. I just can't take it anymore, all the people I love seeing me in my current state after all these years and failed attempts at making it as an adult. It's just too painful

>>34086906
My marriage is a lie. I dont know who to call or what to do. I found out that all the money has been going to alcohol, gambling debt, and shit spending. It's just all lies. He's lied about work, about friends, about his "health problems". I dont know where to start. I'm just so fucked. I can't just divorce him because he picked well, I have no degree no career anymore (I've been out if it too long) and very limited family. We've got kids together. I dont want to take away their father but I dont think I can do this. Its not like I can remarry anyway, a divorced single mom with kids? Yeah right. I'm the meme. He's making me into a stupid fucking meme. Obviously I need to immediately take financial power away from him before we end up actually homeless but fuck. I dont have 4 years for a degree. I dont have any money. I gave this man full control over my life. He's ruined it.

God what a clown, who cares

My oneitis is a 2d character

>>34092904
Who why and what

>>34092904
You’re salty. You apparently care because you keep going to the circus hahaha.

I really can't stand the holiday period. It just makes me feel even more lonely than usual and when I spend time with my family they just shame me for being alone and make me feel guilty for it. I hate it.

>>34092948
Kek

i have the itchiest butt on planet earth

>>34092732
Divorce and start anew now. Reach out to friends and family for support. You'll find love and acceptance from who truly loves you going forward

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I had a dream last night I was at a house party and I had sex with Lela Star. It was awesome.

I literally do not care what happens during the rest of my day. I am forever happy.

I think about her every single day but she don't give a shit about me. Why it's always like this? I didn't even wanted to fell in love. It just happened. Fuck.

A liar and alcoholic
That's the worst kind of person imaginable
Toxic shit that will never get better
Get as far away as possible
Don't Drag the situation on
Leave now
It's going to work out as long as you take action now
One step at a time
But you need to take that first step now
Cannot let this continue
he is just going to drag it out
manipulate you more
make this even worse
Digging further into the hole
You got to get out right now
Notice that he keeps doing it
It's a pattern
He will never change.
A shitty alcoholic liar
Alcoholics are the worst

Choose a better life

i don't mind you under my skin
i'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in

The thread between us

>>34093418
Are you still obsessed with the woman from the other thread? What motivates you?

>>34093376
>I didn't even wanted to fell in love. It just happened
Must be a scarcity thing. Women are rare in my life and i developed feelings for one too despite never even meeting her irl.

>>34092732

Honey, I just tried to give someone in your exact same position the world, and she didn't want it.

I know it's hard to stay positive when the chips are down, but good guys are everywhere

Replacing a good woman? Much harder, it seems.

You're gonna be just fine. It may get worse before it gets better. But it will.

>>34093511
I do not know the woman from the other side. But what I said has a current to it that says I need to say it again here.

Have people known I've had a fat cock this entire time? I'm not even joking I thought I was some midtier guy at best now I'm getting a flurry of people who reply to me and beg for me to date them and from my Ex saying she couldn't stop looking at my trousers to my brothers mentioning it I feel last to the party on this.

Getting real tired of having to explain jokes to my autistic friend

>>34093735
Be patient

I'm tired of chasing after someone's waning attention

>>34093820
Never chase. It's okay to speak your heart and if they choose to listen then they can listen.

i'm used to girls trying to get my attention and straight up asking me out from school

but grown women don't seem to ask out guys as much and are much more subtle about how they try and get your attention

which is fine and all, but i'm autistic, and i know there are multiple women out there who take that personally and just think i'm not interested

Found a really good (too good) deal on an online marketplace. Ended up backing out because the seller was acting shady as shit.
I'm upset by the fact that I will never have closure if I just dodged being scammed out of a few hundred bucks or if I was just talking to some weirdo old guy who just doesn't understand how this whole internet thing works

>>34093823
When I go out I have had girls approach, signaling for attention is easy to pick up and conversation is always easy to have.

I'm not sure where your difficulty comes in, but maybe you need to be more confident of yourself

>>34093830
It's not like you lose your autonomy when you do fall into a bad situation. Literally just fight your way out. Getting out is just as easy as you got in

>>34093823
Just make it a point to casually point out you're oblivious and terrible at picking up on subtext.

>>34093846
don't

let me feign ignorance

i did have 3 women give me their number recently (i didn't have to ask)

but the problem with them, and practically every woman that tries to get my attention is that they're not compatible with me (on the inside) and i'm not good enough for them (financially and probably socially) beyond looks and my dick

>>34093850
Yeah, it's mostly that as I said it would be a crazy good deal if it were real. But I've already decided I'm not gonna do it, but that doesn't mean that some doubt isn't gonna linger for a while if I didn't overreact or something

>>34093855
That is unfortunate that is the case for you.

I have not experienced that. I'm fortunate in all those ways

I'm sorry that is the way for you.

I think it's best you take some accountability on your side instead of pushing that accountability on someone else.

A lot what you say is projection from things you feel about yourself and have nothing to do with the other person

>>34093860
It's very well could have been just as it says it is.

I have a similar situation and it's unfortunate that the rest of the world is such shit that it makes things unbelievable when it's the honest truth.

Doubt and negativity is the fault of the other person and if they miss out on everything they've ever wanted, that's on them.

>>34092436
That's okay.

>>34092904
Ooh, say less.

>>34093897
Unless you specifically know that anon, those words are most likely just planted to manipulate you into feeling a certain way and making a decision.

The eternal cycle of total social isolation > brainfog and worsening memory loss > inertia > having nothing to offer and thus being unable to approach anyone > total social isolation may be gradually driving me insane, but at least I'm consistent. 11 years of this shit, god damn.

>>34093890
nah

immodest, immoral, unrepentant women just aren't compatible with me, there's no projection there

the rest has been proved out by trial and error

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK8rld1IrVo

>>34093823
What are you brazilian? Girls never ask me out. That's a culture thing, i am good looking.

>>34093916
midwest u.s

>i am good looking
no rizz apparently

>>34093892
>it's unfortunate that the rest of the world is such shit that it makes things unbelievable when it's the honest truth
Definitely, I mean I also had another case, where everything was fine since I've made a secure payment through the website and I was still nervous because the guy acted super shady with long reply times and vague statements. But in the end it turned out to be just some old grandpa who was really nice and also just nervous about it because he usually doesn't sell online.
This time I'm a bit extra jaded because this specific article isn't something I'm in a hurry to get, so I just check to see if anyone is selling it for cheap every now and then. So I've actually already encountered a few cases where I was clearly being ripped off so I'm extra careful. Plus not being in a hurry it's easier to back out if something smells fishy since I can just wait a month or two for the next too good to be true deal to come up.

>>34093905
I'm sorry that is entirely your own story.

>namefags still posting and replying to people in these threads 16 hours a day
kill yourselves immediately. why are you even posting here? your problems are nonexistent and whatever issue you have would be solved IF YOU WENT OUTSIDE INSTEAD OF SITTING IN A THREAD FILLED WITH CRYBABY INCELS, TROONS, AND LOSERS CRYING ABOUT THEIR TINY PROBLEMS.

>>34093962
How can he be real? That tard is suddenly everywhere at once.

>>34093933
Some things are once in a lifetime and there is an assigned value to it. For instance love of your life is once in a lifetime. It's not something to pass up.

Everything else in this life is an indulgence. Fun stuff to tinker with, I looked for years (since 2015) for a Asus transformer aio PC https://www.asus.com/microsite/2013/aio/transformeraio/
I got it this last year for $650.
I look for years for razer mako speakers. https://www.techradar.com/reviews/pc-mac/peripherals/speakers-and-headphones/speakers/razer-mako-2-1-thx-speakers-267963/review
Got them this year for $35 free shipping
I got a 32" android touchscreen display , The same they use in malls and it is rooted with android rom for $125 free shipping. The seller certainly lost money on just shipping the thing.
I found a magic deck (world championship 1999) that I picked up at a garage sale for $2 and found out that is listed on eBay for $690.

>>34093962
Someone with a trip is exactly the same as anyone else without a trip.

It is entirely you throwing a childish fit

>>34093962
It's so funny because you're doing these exact thing that you're accusing others of

>>34093962
A lot of people get creeped out if you don't have a tangential party or institution uniting you. If people are in a transition period of their lives they are generally much more open THO.

>>34094056
I'm not sure what you're saying. I think that we are all responsible for our individual selves and our actions. Whether a person of the trip or is anonymous has no other connotation to it. Who they are and what they do is what to judge.

>>34094066
I was talking to anon about going outside to meet people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WstYC1BH6VQ

>>34094066
There's no such thing as an individual. Only communities and societies. Think of yourself as an individual and you're guaranteed to have depression and anxiety.

>>34094164
I do not feel that way.

What you're saying sounds like you're insecure and not confident in yourself.

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>>34094164
communist bullshit

The guy I’m seeing is picky and goes through a lot of women. He’s the most smart, affectionate, caring person I have been with. But I think I should leave him before he can leave me. He wants to make an only fans to supplement his income. But I don’t know if I want to do porn. Or if I should just go with it to get a chance to move out from my parent’s home. But even if I do go along with it I know eventually he just won’t want me anymore. It’s literally killing me.

>>34094271
Making porn would be a huge mistake. Any guy worth anything would not choose to be with a girl who has done that in her past. It is best to save yourself for someone who actually loves you and pursue that path. Remove this guy completely from your life. He is toxic

the amount i miss you is genuinely debilitating and i really think i need you in my life, i dont think i can even care if you have a boyfriend anymore i need to talk to you again and hear your voice

you have redefined love for me

Bro, this is like every karmic cycle ever
I'm not going to pursue the woman at work that has a bf and inevitably destroy my self esteem and career
I'm good being a boring ass nigga as long as I can keep my job

>>34094271
Are you sure it isn't one of those filmmakers who wants to make dark and deep psychidelic art films. I was one of those types and women so many times thought I was making porn.

>>34094327
It is your choice but I would not touch cuck shit. Love is either all in or not.

>>34094376
If it involves opening and only fans to make rent then yes it is porn

>>34094376
This, all the great new indie filmmakers are publishing their movies on OF for its famed discerning audience. Retard.

>>34094376
Yeah, he’s very into s&m. It’s definitely about the porn.

>>34094387
which is why i cant do it. i felt like such a fucking cuck when i'd spend time with her online and realize that she's spending her time with him irl. it still eats me up inside i cant talk to her anymore. i feel like she is my soulmate

>>34094271
>>34094417
>goes through a lot of women (whore)
>wants to make an only fans
>very into s&m
You should leave him, or better yet, poison him like it's 1630.

>>34094418
Sounds like you may reach your finality clause. Best of luck and do what you must on the way out

>>34094452
yeah. i already stopped talking to her weeks ago. im afraid that i won't ever find a woman attractive anymore. it feels like im cheating on her if i even talk to women

just had the same 'frozen' feeling thinking about her again, i miss her so much i just freeze up and i cant move, and i remember her voice and i just start crying, i wish i couldve been a better person. i hate myself so much that i want to kill myself but it would traumatize all of my friends and family so i cant

i feel the pressure of stress, anxiety, lonliness and remorse building up and im uncontrollably crying and i dont know what the FUCK is going on man

Hey, how are you?
I think about you still. It’s pretty bad. Sometimes it’s just a fleeting thought, other times I replay everything in my head like a bad recording. I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and upset. I want.

I want the fantasy I had back. The reality wasn’t anything close. I want to believe in myself and trust someone again, not get ignored and act desperate in return. Damn, it really sucks, because I would’ve done anything for you. Or maybe not, who knows. Wish I would let myself move on.

My person and I, it wasn't a fantasy

>>34094957
>>34094720
Same why not contact them?
I'm too afraid of contacting him, in case I'll get ignored or in trouble

Gave some obese girl a compliment today. It was genuine. I went to the store to buy something and she was the cashier. She smelled amazing, must’ve been a fragrance or some lotion. I told her it was amazing and asked what it was. She couldn’t remember since it was a Xmas gift but she seemed really excited. I think I might start going out of my way to be nicer to chunkies and uglies. I ain’t exactly decaprio

Damn it. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy and had a good holiday. Sometimes I want to die and then I remember you and feel alright.

>>34094993
Truthfully, I feel that texting him would be seen as pathetic. I had a huge crush on him and fumbled it hard, but also in the process he made it clear he didn’t care for me. Too be blunt, I was so nervous that I overcompensated by being obnoxiously slutty, then I felt ashamed and ghosted him. He was pretty pissed, but he never replied back and. To be honest if I texted him again and he ignored it I would go into a bad spiral. And I don’t deserve that and neither does he. Not his fault I’m emotionally holding on, and not healthy to chase after someone who uh, told me to go “slut it out” in response. He made it clear he wanted an easy, emotionally unattached hookup, and I very stupidly agreed because I had a crush on him and wanted to lose my v-card. Now I’m stuck pining after someone who never cared that much for me, and I blame myself for it. I swear to god I try to forget, but the smallest things remind me of it, and then unfortunately the shame kicks in like an avalanche. I’ve tried dating other people, but I don’t feel the same anymore. I don’t imagine a relationship or even approach dates with any feeling but a really heavy sense of guilt. I hate myself. And so! I don’t text him.

I hate feeling like I'm not good enough as a partner. I haven't been in a relationship for 2 years. I've unfortunately had people interested in me but it doesn't go anywhere, because every single fucking time I remember what my ex said. How evil I am, how awful I am, like how I'm exactly like the person I hate the most. I don't want to hurt people. I just want the people I love and care for to be happy.

>>34094993
i cant contact her because she has a boyfriend. i already confessed my love for her, but what is she going to do? dump him immediately for me? that'd be absolutely insane. she loves him, feels safe with him and all i've done is prove that i can be a neurotic maniac. i dont even live in her fucking country (though i'd drop everything for her right now), so why would she trust me?

people say im interesting i think its because i put a lot of effort into everything i say to everyone.

i think that time spent with another person is extremely important, so i try and make everything i say valuable for the person i am speaking to in some way///

i am grateful for all of the humans i have interacted with in my life, they have each taught me something valuable.

as for the girl that i love? well, i love her because she has shown me how to feel every possible human emotion in a very full, life affirming way.

happiness
sadness
remorse
bliss
excitement
lust
anger
regret

as for why did it end? i dont understand the thread that God is weaving for us. under all convention it is over now. but for some reason, deep within me i feel that we will meet again.

>>34095287
Action over words m

>>34095308
what the fuck are you even fucking talking about right now? i didn't make any action dipshit i'm just talking

She wasn't some innocent doe that got tricked by an evil man
She was always a super entitled narcissistic liar that tried to manipulate her way up before it all blew up in her face

What I see the most in the modern dating scene is women look for convenience from men even if they are not attracted to the guy
They figure they can get with the provider and see the other men they're attracted to on the side

I feel inadequate to be in a relationship
Other guys got houses, money for trips, and own business
I only have my career and my living paycheck to paycheck
I could move to an apartment and then still not have enough to support a family and wife

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i'm crying so fucking much right now

I've wanted to be a girl for literally as long as I can remember.
But with that being said, I have 0 interest in being a troon.

I honestly don't know what to do, I've been getting in shape and its made the voice quiet down a bit but it won't go away completely.

i love you so much that i wish didn't know you exist. that's how much. that i feel i would be better off not knowing you're on the same planet as me if i can't have you. i hate that you're married and that there's nothing i can dp anout it fuck all of this and this world :))))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UX-F3qf66YM

i beg you please do not be the beginning and foreshadowing of any future troubles. i want this to work with her. i beg you. please. i want to be with her and i want to be stable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p58IeSgkPPE

>>34095572
it sucks knowing what you are, but still being cognizant and mentally-sound enough to know that trannyism is a fool's errand that will never give you what you want or let you be what you want to be. It's a society-enforced delusion where everyone is forced to let you play make-believe lest they face social destruction.
It doesn't fix the core issue or grant your wish. In fact, indulging in trannyism is settling for the 2nd Place silver medal, because no matter how much you deceive yourself and others, and no matter how much you mutilate, manipulate, and obfuscate your body, you will never, ever turn yourself into the genuine article. You will never have the one thing you want, no matter what you do. It's an unchangeable, immutable fact of reality in this plane of existence that many are, all too often, unable to come to terms with, because acknowledging that you were fucked from second-one of conception is too brutal and monstrous a pill to swallow.

Believe me, anon, I speak not from ridicule, but from despair-plagued empathy that I have grown to live with for nearly two decades. The wound never ceases, as I feel its pain even as I write to you. Endure, my sister, so that you may find some semblance of joy in this life despite its unforgiving cruelty.

Do you ever have those disassociated moments where, just for a second, you're able to see yourself from the outside and recognize that you're an actual person that other people can see and interact with? Where you're able to see yourself beyond the shell you're piloting and know that you're an actual being that other people can perceive? It fucks me up every time.

18f loser with aspergers, I dont use 4chan, it freaks me out, I got on here in attempts to find pro-suicide forums


Got fired, not in college, family is chaos, I have a whole plan written out of how to ctb

>>34095720
"Oh look at this dumb faggot let's make up stories about him that some retarded middle school bully would make of him instead of helping him live like everyone else"

Pffft, fucking assholes. I fucking hate humanity for this stupid shit. Everyone has these fucking dream conversations except me.

>>34095731
These dream conversations being wildly different.

>>34094075
Are you mad at me or something?

>>34095596
Initial of ur person?

>>34095731
>>34095732
namefags on an anonymous imageboard deserve to be dumped into a landfill. no grave, no headstone. buried and forgotten forever as punishment for attentionwhoring.

>>34095372
Exactly

>>34095435
You didn't know her before. She wasn't that way and it wasn't until we broke up and all the bullshit started happening to her that she shifted

>>34093953
faggot

>>34095586
Thank God this isn't the case

>>34095785
It's actually quite the opposite. There's a reason I have my trip on and it's you who call attention to it. You must be super insecure!!!

>>34095796
You sound like you have problems. You should deal with your problems

I'm thinking of dropping out of college today. The idea that everything from now on is important to my future is suffocating. Even things from the past such as my highschool grades are preventing me from getting internships. Plus I have exams in a few weeks that I can't even drag myself out of bed to study for.

>>34095808
you're a namefaggot

namefaggots don't belong here and should fuck off back to r.eddit

imagine how fat and dysgenic you have to be in order to namefag on an anonymous message board

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>>34095818
>pic related

>>34095822
The opposite is actually way more true.

Conversations between "namefags" :literary masterpieces

Conversations between anons: 14 year olds trying too hard to be cool because their parents didn't buy them a console for Christmas.

what was that? a namefaggot posting?

yea no one wants to engage with that

go post all day somewhere else with your fat dysgenic hands and your messy ass gross keyboard

>>34095845
And how would you know I'm that?

>>34095804
"no u" isn't an argument or a stance a real human being should ever take

>>34095850
Neither is fucking giving god awful evidence. Your evidence is fucking subjective because of a few letter changes in a title bar. You only act like this because you have no balls of handling anything different. Absolute closed-minded elitism.

majority of people: *fat dysgenic retards*

me: hey you're a fat dysgenic retard

especially repugnant namefags: 'how did you know?'

>>34095868
Yeah how do you know?

I'm a really good person. I was sexually abused when I was a kid, up into when I was a teenager and I've been anguishing about it for so long but then I realized that if I hadn't let her do the things she did, she'd have done it to my little sister and a mutual friend of ours. I'm a good person. I took it all so that they wouldn't have to suffer that. I could take it better than they could've. In a way, it had to be me. My little sis is as fragile as glass, and the mutual friend is so kind and thoughtful. If it came down to us three, I am the one who could take it the best. It's not about fault or blame, it's about doing what I had to do. And I did it because I'm a good person. I don't even know why I whinge about it so much. It was just sex, that's all. It was just sex and drinking but lots of teens drink that's not unusual. I'm a good person.

If anything I see an asshole who convinces himself to be negative everyday. Possibly hates his family, possibly hates working, people, and authority. And then randomly shows up to criticize people who are different because he feels none of them are as deep as him. Pisses his pants and start whining like a child because he can't get his way. Whines to people who are trying to catch child predators. And then has the audacity to think he's this fucking genius for thinking differently. Reality you're a god damn teenager who needs to get out of his fucking home and stop being a fucking bitch about everyone. Had everyone been this stout bitch like you the world wouldn't go anywhere.

>>34095879
Not you
>>34095868
This fucking Russian dickhead I usually deal with.

somewhere out there there's some self important faggot posting at me but i just can't seem to find where

is it this thread? is it another one?

oh bother

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>>34095905

>>34095815
I do have a name. Wow you can read! I thought you were completely retarded, turns out you're just mostly retarded

>>34095818
It's incredible how insecure and butthurt you can be. I was actually planning on leaving today but now that I saw your comment I'm going to stay forever just for you baby

>>34095822
Oh my God now I'm going to stay twice as long. I'm going to come

>>34095845
And here's three times as long.

>>34095845
Well it looks like I'm never going to leave and it's all thanks to this guy

>>34095868
Yep you just wrote it in stone , I'll always be here and it's only for you baby

i bet that somewhere there are some namefags melting down about not being replied to anymore

pretty sad to think about

Was incredible is you actually had the opportunity for me to be gone but then you had to open your stupid mouth! Man that's too bad for you huh. You must really love me being around and don't worry you'll never have to be alone again cuz I'll be here for you. And I'll make sure to keep my trip on all the time just for you

>>34095927
I don't really worry about it because insecure anons always throw a fit and will reply at some point when their panties get in a bunch

>>34095927
Yeah sure... and you're jerking off the subject still.

>>34095858
If I'd know you were an ESL moron, I would've just said you shouldn't be posting at all, regardless of your namefagging. You shouldn't be posting at all, "Zach". Imagine having a name that sounds like something someone would say when the chair gets kicked.

>>34095932
Mike ignore him. He apparently got upset his parents gave him an Xbox instead of a PS5 for Chrismas and wants to take it out on us.

>>34095938
It's chill Zach. I'll take it easy cuz there's no rush. I'm here forever now specifically just for that anon.

I start distancing myself after years of being the spare friend, the doormat, the one who gets taken for granted, and suddenly I'm the avoidant bitch? I hate these humanoids so fucking much

I think I pushed her away simply answering her question.. I wrote a lot because a lot happened since, I'm sorry N. It's just been so long since I'd heard from you. I'm not a bad person, I just get excited because it's like a friend revived after being gone so long. Hope you're well.

>>34096253
3 long years..

How a person becomes a monster to others and how they represent them and avoid them.
The way I see it, you have 2 humanoid shapes. On the left side you have an innocent human being. Most of the time it is a child with no experience of the world.
On the right side you see the most impactful version of this human. So for instance for a popular actor, that is the peak of his career. What he's known as. He could have lived for much longer after ending his career that in essence, to most people that wouldn't matter at all. Same with fighters, sportsmen, soldiers, emperors, tyrants, judges, teachers. There's a distinct shape and most people unfamiliar with them will still recognize the shape for the most part.
And then between both there's a whole lot of strings tying them together. You could say these are what led the shape on the left side to become the shape on the right side. In most cases these strings are untangled or not really difficult to straighten. When those strings practically match what a random stranger thinks of the humanoid shape, you end up with the most boring human in the planet. But it's "easy" to engage with them.
When someone becomes a monster, every string looks like an absolute mess. Nobody wants to untangle it. You don't know where something begins, and something ends. So eventually people end up thinking "well this string came from nowhere, that string came from nowhere". The truth is all those strings fully connect both shapes, but no one wants to see where each tiny string begins and ends.

>get match on app
>she writes first
>delete profile
>delete app
such is life as a socially anxious retard

>>34095568
:( I'm sorry to hear that

>>34095572
Being realistic is genuinly more attractive than being a girl.

>>34095100
Your ex is wrong.
She was just trying to hurt you.
You are good enough.

>>34094994
Power to you. I can't get past it.

>>34095572
Make it your goal to find that ideal girl in the real world. You might not be a girl, but that doesn't mean you can't find a woman who embodies what you love about them, and it could very possibly lead to a daughter that you can aid to have the life you wanted.

>>34096347
Next time respond expecting nothing

>>34096274
The shape on the right is not worth anything

>>34096673
The shape on the right is the only shape that makes an impact of any sort. The only shape that differs from others.
The shape on the left is nothing but potential. There is no worth in potential.

>>34096698
That's worth in truth That's not polluted and puts on a mask to protect the heart

But you are right, if the pollution is too much then they are rotten It should be tossed In the trash

All I know is the person on the left, the one I know, she's worth everything to me. The one on the right, if that's the one, it would be incredible how shit she is and worth nothing.