>>34098582
Ah. I never had a zoomed in look on that pic. Couldn’t ask for more. Approved.

After being told no for long enough, eventually you stop asking entirely.

Weird how even when you are trying not to, your answers sound like blaming the victim.

>>34098615
Save it, it's all yours my friend

I can't stand how limited human cognition and lifespan are, so much knowledge to acquire out there that I not only will never have the time for, some of it I literally cannot comprehend. It's fucking annoying, I feel trapped

>>34099184
Bite by bite, grasshopper.

it's over.

Left out of options to socialize after the semester ended. All I've been doing is going to the gym and playing videogames, which, while good, doesn't give me many options to interact with the opposite sex. Thought of getting tinder, but everyone i've talked to had no luck with matches. Thought of going back to /roon/ing at the local track field, but people aren't open to conversation there either. All my friends are away with their families or traveling, so I'm not getting invited to any hangouts. I feel completely stuck

Basado

I will be happy. I will choose joy. I will ask God for help. I will accept his will for my life. I will not try to force my own will on others anymore. I will ask God to restore to me what the enemy has taken from me. The Lord will help me. Hallelujah!

I'm going outside for a powerwalk, I need to get off the internet for a little bit.

>>34099383
Get off your knees.

Lincoln i hope you are well

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I've become apathetic due to shit hand that i am now holding in life, in a sense this is the best move i can do right and in some senses i should've done this long ago, there lies the paradox however, because i should've done it years ago doing it now isn't that beneficial and in some senses it's harmful, but it is the best i can do as i am now, in a sense I'm "cutting off the hand to save the arm", because the theory is that this apathy towards myself my health and every single relationship i have will allow me to recover from all of my problems, this is because all my problems stem from other people either directly or indirectly, I'm basically just shifting focus so i can actually help myself instead of helping people who'll ruin me, with all of that being said i hate myself and i hate my life, being abused as a child and having that shit last for years and then having to live with the people who abused me has done irreparable damage to my soul and sanity, I'm suffering and i hate it, and now that i vented for a bit I'd like to go back to locking the fuck in because crying about it won't save me, i will never have a guardian or an older brother figure in my life, that ship has sailed, i am now just a mentally ill weirdo who gets abused by everyone in society, while the people who abused me constantly get patted on the back for having the misfortune of dealing with me because "I'm not normal" god i fucking hate it, even as i type this i want to rip the skin off my eyelids and smash my head against the table till i die, I'm literally tearing up right now this is such fucking bullshit and i hate it, it's unjust, and I'm on the receiving end of this shit with no fucking recourse, whatever actions could've been taken needed to have been taken years ago but back then i was a fucking child how the FUCK was i meant to know better? why didn't anyone protect me? why am i always blamed for everything?
i hate myself, i hope things get better

>>34099383
I am thankful for this. I'm grateful for his support

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I'm just having one of those days. I feel with zero energy what the hell is happening with my life? sleep schedule dead, I'm making zero (zero) progress in my career. My parents who are fucking nice but used to be abusers when I was a kid invented me for lunch next saturday and I'm feeling like shit because I'm terrified of them due to trauma and simultaneously love them and appreciate that they truly changed but I still dont wanna go and I'm stressed as fuck and it'd be difficult for me to go because of how fucked my sleep schedule is. And I can't explain that to them because I still fear them so much I pretend to be more normal and functional than I really am.
I've been having stomach reflux and it hurts like hell I'm taking omeprazole its been 3 days and it still hurts, I have an anxiety disorder and I'm so scared it could be something serious but I have no money for a doctor and no support no nothing I'm poor as hell. I truly do hate my life. I hate reflux I dont like having such a fucked mental health. I dont know what to do about anything.

Can someone say something nice to me?

>>34099554
you deserve to be loved and hugged

>>34099554
I love you and you will be okay <3

>>34098582
I dislike Asians. I’m a white person. Throughout my life, I had more positive experiences with black people, varying neutral-negative experiences with whites, same with Indians. But Asians seem to have this natural issue with me, even when I barely speak to them (I keep to myself) they tend to act assholeish to me.Not sure why

I'm a piece of trash.
I just wanted to fuck her.
Even if it led to a bunch of drama and wasn't the right thing to do.
Even if I couldn't be the best partner for her and we wouldn't have been compatible in the long run.

Now I'm stuck wishing for something I know I shouldn't wish for.

I have more love for her than lust.

>>34099651
You'll get there one day. A lot of damn clowns in this world Mike. A lot of people obsessed with what's gay and not, what's a creep and not, what's a violent individual or not, and you believe all of this because you wanted to attract girls. Tell you what, break yourself apart from that prison and see yourself the way your parents or adopted parents saw you. That's true happiness.

>>34099682
I already do.

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Christmas made me start missing my ex-girlfriend who dumped me a couple weeks ago and I'm upset she is probably fucking another guy when she didn't even actually fuck me after 3 months, we only did oral. I know it's just sex but for some reason it hurts. I want to text her even though after she dumped me she told me to text her when I got home safe, and I didn't. And I was pissed as fuck at her that she asked to meet my parents, after I held off cause I thought she was gonna dump me, and then I relented and let her meet them, and then she dumped me 3 days later. But now the anger at that disrespect to my family faded away I started to miss her really bad and she lives rent free in my head, I wanted to text her and booty call her to be rude but now I want to apologize to her. I won't text her, I'm texting other girls, I'm just so fucking mad she lives in my head rent free.

>>34099557
>>34099560
Thanks i really needed that

My boss says I'm in a place where I'm loved. Nah, my family loves me, but I'm in a place where I'm with a lot of acquaintances.

I keep ending up dating guys whose families are dog obsessed and not in a wholesome good trainer way but in a "we let the dogs control the house" way. My ex's family wouldn't put the dog away even at gatherings and it would jump on the counters and eat the food and bark at the top of its lungs. Now my new bfs family has multiple aggressive and poorly trained dogs, one which has to be kept completely away from me because it would attack any non family member on site and another which is half wolf and can snap on a dime. At christmas it sat itself basically on top of me when I was sitting at the kitchen table I barely shifted my leg and it snapped at me and freaked out and everybody blamed me for "stepping on his tail". It was nipping at me the entire fucking gathering and they were all just acting like it was normal. And they know I've been involved in multiple dog attacks they just act over the top and apologize for it while acting like I AM UNREASONABLE for sitting there petrified

>>34099931
You know maybe I just won't go over there anymore I'm sick of being treated like a drama queen and victim blamed. Also found it fucking weird and disrespectful I come over with food and they go OMG PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE AND MICROWAVE so the dog doesn't get it!!! like heres a clue put the fucking dog outside or in a bedroom so the humans can enjoy the fucking food

>>34099261
Yup

People overstate the severity of their issues.

>>34100073
No fucking shit.

>>34100080
el problemo?

>>34100090
El bueno

>>34100100
Im full of pee.

>>34100103
Get yourself washed.

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Im not even getting it off my chest anymore. I just cope

>>34100112
Isn't that why you get it off your chest?

>>34099789
Stop beating yourself up. It didn't work out. Clearly she was hoping it would too, despite her misgivings, and that's why she asked to meet your family- as a last ditch effort to find more reasons to anchor to your life. Just have to trust that things didn't mesh well for a reason, and be thankful neither of you spent too many resources indulging in a doomed relationship.

>>34100179
Its of little use. I would mostly be repeating myself. I already got it off my chest several times but it did not change the real life problems. So Im coping and trying to solve my problems. Im in the phase of acceptance because I can only accept and move on. Its very difficult

I find my girlfriend so annoying and uninteresting.

I'm only keeping her around because she agreed to look after my cat when I join the military. I can't imagine a life with her and I'd never want to live with her.

Really goes to show we really did have it perfect with each other

>>34099554
Something nice to me

>>34100194
she decided it didn't work out, in the end. My only complaint was how rarely she would text.
Also at the end all of our dates involved me doing her favors, helping her donate old clothes, bringing her to internet cafe to apply for new jobs, and help her move stuff to stay at her friend's to petsit for a week. So she basically milked me for favors when she knew it was already over.

my psychiatrist keeps bringing up that I have to consider going to a mental hospital
scary shit

Hopefully I have a good day today.

>>34100598
You have to in a way bring awareness to people moment by moment when you are there. It only gets bad when you make a big deal out of it. If you let people study you and take it calmly it'll get easier as opposed to having to go mad all the time because you are locked up.

I grew up overweight, have never had a girlfriend, and may be on the spectrum.

So I decided to take action: I started taking Zepbound and working out. However, my weight loss (which is the source in my lack of confidecne) has been slower than I hoped, and I still have sexual needs.

Since COVID, I’ve occasionally received blowjobs and had other sexual encounters with men on Grindr. Usually, I get ghosted afterward because I don’t want to reciprocate. It’s reached the point where, if I want to unwind sexually, I feel like I have to offer something in return, which is terrifying to me since I'm not into romantically into men.

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I would have liked to have a family and all that entails, but I'm an inferior male specimen who never got picked. I'm an obsolete component. At least when my parents eventually pass away I'll be able to kill myself without causing too many problems.

>>34100646
thanks, I'll try to remember that

>>>/soc/

I don't get why that shit has to happen

I'm not in a good mood.

I love them so much it feels like I might explode at any moment.

this year I lost 52lbs

just discovered lying. wtf? life is easy now

>>34101272
any loose skin/sagging?

>>34101385
surprisingly not that much

It's so frustrating to buy retro tech man, you never know if and for how long it'll work
Got a mechanical camera, it arrived with a broken shutter. At least I noticed before loading it with film. Also looks like I can send it back, but I'm still extremely disappointed because it's in otherwise great condition and I got it for a good price. Most others I've seen are more expensive and look worse

>>34101376
I think the problem is that some lies catch up to you and you might have to spin yourself into an ever more complex web of lies to keep them up

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>>34098582
I'M NOT LYING, DENYING, THAT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOOOW... THAT YOU'RE GONE FOREVERRRR!

>>34101394
Depending on your age is might snap back

>>34100677

Not everyone was meant to procreate, some of us produce life and some of us keep life going. if your bloodline made it this far, then you aren't an obsolete component, we are all cogs on a planet with a few screws loose.

I saw some car from your state, I wonder if you're dating someone now or probably married

I like you a lot.
I like people too intensely too fast.
I like you despite all the hurdles you've been through lately, I really wanted to be there for you in these difficult times.
*sigh*
I told myself I would never let myself feel this again.

i miss you an incredible amount and it's all my fault that i fumbled you

I just wanna hang out with you, see you irl, laugh with you, talk the night away with you.
It's not lust, it's not infatuation, it's a silly little innocent feeling, that makes me both happy and anxious.

I had an vehicle park next to me with factory stickers and dealer plates on it
They did such a shit job parking I keyed the fuck out of it

>>34101537
Yeah and having to snort cocaine from a credit card while getting injected with heroin to have pleasurable sex is a hell of a lot overrated compared to the underrated beautiful sex of carrying a recently married woman to your bed.

i really hope that married girl with the beautiful green eyes doesn't keep looking at me like that

when our faces were close and we were both smiling i felt like we could have kissed

>>34101962
Good luck with her. As for me I'm going to focus on how I can get through this book I bought and my job and the usual bullshit people throw on me about me being gay, pedo, violent, killer, whatever negative shit I got to deal with as usual. It hasn't gotten away when I was 16, so I don't think it ever will when I'm old.

it doesn't surprise me that people irl think namefags are gay pedo violent killers

I think you handled things badly which meant I ended up handling things badly and burnt the bridge. I'll take the blame. I wish you knew I was sorry and that we could have been friends. Who knows how things might have gone in the future. I'm sorry.

>>34101980
Anon, can't you stop putting your dick in everyone's ass all the time.

>>34101988
You probably wouldn't be friends, especially if she still had feelings for you and you started a new relationship

Seriously this Russian or probably Indian anon keeps putting his dick in people's asses all the time. Yes anon, we get you're a genius. Wow you're so smart. People like you when you can't get over small things. Shit do you even listen to yourself. Would you honestly tell yourself the same things you tell me?

I wonder how fren’s holiday went this year.

>>34098582
So for a long time I've known that I had an e-mail address using the old screen name of my first love, but I didn't realize until today that I had set the account's birthday to her birthday as well. I know because I opened the account and there was a birthday message, LMAO

I don't want to sound ungrateful or entitled or anything like that, but you gave me the thing I specifically told you I did not want

>>34102020
Which is?

>>34102020
Same shit happened to me this year.

i had the opportunity to carry a recently married woman to bed but she wasn't my wife so i passed

Lifes quite difficult

To the few geniuses out there: You dont owe anybody your mind. Your mind is meant for you. Dont let others pressure you or squeeze you dry. Mental health is more important than genius.

>>34102055
i've felt the drive

had the inspiration

and everything i need to actually do something with it

but then you get in the system and something feels off

it's chipping away at you, hollowing you out, making you sick and draining you

some people are more resilient to it, i certainly wasn't. to so acutely perceive the dog and pony show while being so shit on by other bitter academics, i bailed so fast and have all but checked out

i try not to come up with anything too good to steal and stay persistently stoned to insure it stays that way

>Bought more games on Steam that I will never play
I fucking hate myself

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>>34102076
THAT IS POETRY!

hi, just wanted to say its my first ever message on 4chan hi hi

girls are so hot dude

>>34102097
NO FUCKING SHIT!

>>34102076
that doesnt sound healthy either. Maybe you can find a better way for you

Define truth.

>>34099457
>t.Satan

we live in the most duplicit time in history

>start making a Tinder account finally
>get to the part where i gotta add photos
>remember I'm ugly as shit
No one will ever love me anyway lol

I tried my best this year to change and it didn't work. I'm sitting in the dark right now more alone than ever. I guess some people just are unfixable.

>>34102088
Just play them.

Today I was thinking about how women are nasty whores and reminicing about my insecurities like how I'll never have a good monogamous relationship because of my inadequacies and faith limitations, and then I got jumpscared by what I believe was a young girl. probably in her mid to late teens.
How ironic

Accepting it isn't in me was one of the hardest and most necessary things I had to do in my life.

>>34102165
Same

>>34102165
I feel like logically I have accepted it, but emotionally and subconciously I haven't gotten over it

This faggot in a /vg/ general is practically samefagging his own long ass, AI generated shitposts 24/7. All we can do is ignore since reporting or filtering doesn't work. He doesn't even play the games the general is about. Been doing it since 2019.

>>34102172
This too

It sucks bruh, when you and another woman vibe really well but you recognize the two of you wouldn't do well in a relationship
Later you see the excitement die down as both of you move on to other prospects
Like an unwritten romance novel that gets thrown in the trash

so she was interested in talking to me
then she wasn't
now she is again
wtf

I know I am not supposed to look a women lustfully, but desu I have always avoiding looking at women for too long even when I was suffering from corn addiction. Right now I am rehabbing but the scars from that and the gossip I've read online still remain.
After the first few weeks of my rehab I caught myself looking at women more lustfully, but then I realized if I wanted to truly change my porn addiction I would have to change my world view.
I recalled a verse "If you look upon a woman with lust you've already committed adultery with her in your heart" that's a huge game changer and it makes sense. Initially just by looking at a woman you have no way of telling if she is single or not.
So, I have to subconsciously stop looking at women as potential mates, but sisters/family instead.
Unfortunately, it is easier said than done. Even though I am battling lust everyday in my mind, the traumas from what I've read online about unfaithful women and mentally ill whores still messes with my mind. I sometimes subconsciously think to myself "I think that woman is a whore" especially when I see one wearing revealing clothes then I start making up fantasies about her in my head with other men, (I think that's the porn addiction scars coming into play).
Sometimes I feel like I would like to have a mate but then I discourage myself and think there is not a single woman in this world that can meet the standard's that God requires. I always assume that pretty much all girls over 18 have pretty much already been defiled by other men and there is no point in getting in a relationship with a fornicator/adulterer as even the bible explicitly says to not go out with those types of girls. On top of that I myself am honestly, nothing that women would desire. I am poor, short, socially awkward(although I am at least working on my formal social skills), unathletic, I have chronic health problems, pretty unflattering to look at, and I have a pretty small penis.

>>34102226
I just feel like even if I managed to find a girl who shares my faith I'll pretty much get dumped anyways because of my inadequacies. How am I going to be able to keep a woman loyal to me if I can't satisfy her? It just feels impossible. On top of that since the bible prohibits a lot of things I am pretty much shit out of luck.
Even when I get asked if I would like a girlfriend, I just say things like I don't know even though deep down inside it's more like I don't want to pursue a relationship because I know I am inadequate.
But to be honest due to my inexperience with the opposite sex outside of family, I am not sure I would even end up liking the girl's personality.
Maybe God wants me to be a monk or something IDK.

You are complicit. You can act ignorant, you can run from the conversation, you are still complicit. You blame me when you know blood is on your hands. Full of excuses, always avoiding, still complicit.
I hope it's burning you inside.

>>34102265
Then contact her and sort it out

>>34102278
They are the ones avoiding me. Not the other way around.

>>34102093
Hi newbaby <3

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All i needed was to take things personally, logic fucking killed me, but now that it's personal every time i fall I'll get back up because I'd sooner smash my head against a wall then let him get one over me especially when he's doing it purely to ruin my life, i love figuring stuff out, the future looks bright

I don't like trauma dumping on friends because it'll probably just drive them further away. It's also pointless anyway because there's nothing they can say to fix my problems. Is it better to just silently stew in your emotions?

>>34102415
I just use ChatGPT… lol… :,)

>>34102415
It seems so, but try to make the problem better not worse. Do you have family or something? Maybe try a therapist if you really need more than a forum or grok.

>>34102393
please share your revenge bc I need some too.

>>34102393
I feel the same

What is a man but a miserable pile of ignorance and presumptions.
I want company with beings with much higher intellect.

>>34102494
nigga poo poo

>>34102494
Maybe you assume too much about others. Forest from the trees

>>34102494
I know who posted this lol

psychopass is surface level garbage anime masquerading as some kind of deep intellectual societal commentary and for some reason every country in the world still misses the point and is racing to create a hardware based/ai sibyl system because they want it to figure out how to outcompete other countries and control their population but it's like trying to brute force crack quantum encryption without quantum computers, it's just not going to work very well

>>34102530
but the purpose of a system is what it does. techno-feudalism is seemingly all but guaranteed along our current trajectory

>>34098582
If I could go back in time would tell my younger self it never gets better and to just kill your high school bullies

>>34102549
We live in a world of great evil, where injustice abounds
So, look beyond this world (at the surface level) and find your peace

>>34102265
Just tell me, are you the one responsible for the state the world is in

>>34102564
Nope.

>>34102572
Well then, if you could, would you help me break it?

>>34102093
>hi, just wanted to say its my first ever message on 4ch-
It's over.

that episode of china, il where pony is trapped without being able to groom and gets all hairy straight up gave me a boner

Go to bed. I miss you.

i think my voluntary celibacy coupled with my waning stoicism is creating a situation where there are moments in which my lust leaks out and is perceptible to the women around me. some of these women are starting to get kind of interested without knowing how weird i am and the low probability of compatibility. but at a certain point to a man in a desert water is water. i don't fear that i will cave in any way so much as i don't want to lead on these women. the chances i've overthought this: 100%

>>34101956
I seriously doubt that you have experienced any of those things.

>>34102794
If you miss them so much why dont you just talk

I just want to give myself a concussion so I don't have to do anything anymore

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Saying your parents don't love you because they provide you a home, an education, support, a desire to help you reach your future, and so many others is mentally retarded.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW THEY COULD EASILY THROW YOUR ASS ON THE CURB?!

All those holidays they spent with you, all those times they kept pictures of you, all those times of supporting your friends being with you...

All that for what nothing?

All I got to say to you, given this situation, is believing no one loves you because of this is the most selfish thing you could possibly do to yourself.

Next time you see your belongings in your room that weren't thrown away ask yourself why your parents left them there instead of throw them away if they did not love you. Ask yourself why they wouldn't actually try to bond with you either if that was never the case.

You're loved anon. I don't care if you're some fatass NEET with three felony charges, SOMEONE HAS GOT TO TELL YOU YOU ARE LOVED!

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>>34102837
relatable desu, tho we can't.
>>34102838
i only have half of these and from one parent, both of them have done alot of negative shit to me and ruined me severely, i don't vocalise my hate but I'm keeping my distance from them because this shit is ridiculous, I've been suicidal for years and this shit will last until i die because of them + they ruined my future, like at that point what more can i give ? how much more can i take before i break? i need to keep myself safe i don't want to know how worse things can get due to their involvement

>>34102837
Pussy

>>34102865
Look anon. I know you have a strong beliefs, but if you don't read someone's heart and don't talk to them before it is too late, you'll regret it.

Fuck you to hell

>>34102872
I think I'm gonna do it, smash my head in lmao

>>34102919
Will be my pleasure.

Im gonna stop being a pussy, and ill kill myself on new years eve, best case scenario. Ill be free of my shitty mind and fake, shallow problems. Because im a wuss.

>>34103090
You need to talk to your psychiatrist about your suicidal tendencies when you are bored.

I think about suicide alot but I'm ultimately too scared to go through with it. I don't really relate with most guys. I get a long with girls pretty well, and I don't view them the same way most men do. I feel like I'm trapped. I hate my fucking life.

>>34103127
THANK FUCKING GOD YOU AREN'T!

Tell your supposed "buddies" on the tier list to go fuck themselves. Get some new friends who don't want you to commit self-harm.

I think forgiveness without repentance is bad and I doubt it will be sanctified before the Lord
I don’t think it’s necessary, and I think it’s even unhealthy, to NEED to forgive in order to move on. I have never needed to do that in order to move on. So I don’t see how it is a moral thing or how God would be approving of this.
It seems to me like forgiving others is taking it as a given that their evil will stop. This makes sense for small shit. Club president got mad and scared a dude off the other day by being too zealous about politics. He had already expressed some remorse, but even if he didn’t: I trust him to wise the fuck up (EVENTUALLY) about something like that.
But when people do awful shit? No not at all, why would we ever expect bad people to stop being bad when they are only rewarded for their behavior? Why do we assume people <want> to be good? Yes I want to be good, yes many people want to, but why are we assuming this is universal?

I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world to forgive without repentance. But it’s irking me. Why are we not holding others accountable? Do we not truly wish to change the world for the better? Why are we expecting ourselves to be of infinite patience and forgiveness in one sense (with others) but not with ourselves? Why can we not simply communicate injustice? And when it turns violent, enforce justice?

Are social relationships not meant to uphold the Law?

>>34102838
You should seek help

>>34103249
Then why don't you repent of being a merciless and unforgiving asshole?

Literally no one wants me around I'm seriously considering killing myself and I think most of the people close to me would secretly be kind of relieved.

>>34103290
how is it merciless and unforgiving to expect repentance as a baseline? I mean it in the sense of simply realizing one has done wrong.

>>34103281
Anon, I think you're refusing to read what I type due to it being out of place. Not everything that is out of place is a sign of being mentally ill.

But since I got to go through this again with you all. Like seriously this never gets old, I'm gonna have to be more direct with you.

>>34103310
Well you have done wrong and by the looks of it there are no signs you have any idea or awareness about it

I have no where to turn and no one to confide in. I am so beyond deeply depressed and have no idea what to do. Ive come too far for life to be like this.
What do I do?

>>34103408
Try focusing on your breathing not the problem.

I'm going to miss my brother a lot. It was awkward at first. but I got used to him being here and now he's gone. There's always next time but who knows when that will be. I'm lucky to have things like this in my life.
I wish we'd done more around town when I had him over

I’m so lucky because I was friends with some of the greatest people to ever exist in this world and was able to learn social cues from them. I just wish we could have remained friends.

rei and ray you both fucking ruined my life i fucking hate you both so much i genuinely hope you fucking suffer and die
why do both of you have the same name? god im never trusting anyone with a name like that ever again
fucking horrible coincidence

I fucking refuse to go this way.

>>34103519
Then just don't.

>>34098582
I only accept myself when I'm drunk.

On one hand I hate you from the very bottom of my heart for what you put me through on the other I still want to see you happy. I hope you'll realize that you're so much more than just "a hole" and that you'll follow your own advice and get some help. I've been working on myself and I guess I owe you for that. I honestly wish we would have met earlier, I think we'd have had a chance back then. Maybe you'll find your place and something or some one that truely makes you happy one day. Until then I hope you fix your ways and stop destroying yourself and those who want to help you. You deserve better.

Fuck these go damn scammers on online marketplaces. By now they are trivial to spot, selling way under market value in suspiciously good condition, and the final confirmation is when mysteriously the secure payment option is buggy for them so they prefer PayPal.
But I still have to go through the motions every time because I don't want for any actual good deals to slip through my fingers by hiding among all the scams

>>34103249
>Why are we not holding others accountable? Do we not truly wish to change the world for the better?
The men in power are Satanist's who do not believe in God

>>34104300
>The men in power are Satanist's who do not believe in God
Nah it's worse, they're capitalists who enjoy being rich

>>34098582
I can't have a normal relationship or one at all barely because it turns me on to be evil towards my girlfriends

>>34104307
So they worship Mammon instead, same thing.

>>34102801
woman here, I relate. I don’t recommend caving not worth the emotional drama and demand.

I hope things work out

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The so-called “good old days” have a short shelf life... six months if you’re unlucky, five years if the gods are feeling generous. You live through them without knowing what they are, then one day they harden into memory and get stamped Approved for Nostalgia. From then on, you spend the rest of your life pointing backward and saying, “Yeah. That was it.” You try to recreate them... same bars, same jokes, same friends, but the magic is gone. The air is different. Everyone just ends up talking about how good it used to be, like survivors swapping stories around a dying fire.

I’m sure somewhere out there are people living full, satisfying lives, but I’ve never met them. Everyone I know is trudging through a gray, predictable routine while secretly worshipping some half-mythical era that can’t be resurrected. I can’t decide if that’s tragic or if I should be grateful I caught lightning at all. These memories stick around forever... sweet, bitter, indestructible, and I wonder if they nourish us or quietly poison us over time.

I’ve lost plenty along the way. Now, in my late thirties, I’m left with little more than a job and the uneasy knowledge that if it disappears, all bets are off. Maybe then I’ll try to manufacture a new batch of “good days,” consequences be damned. Maybe people will call it a midlife crisis. Maybe it will be one. Or maybe it’s just a man trying to justify why he’s still here.

I don’t know why I keep going if there are no new memories worth making. I don’t know why anyone does. Maybe stability is the real prize, and the memories are just enough to keep us sedated. Or maybe that’s the lie we tell ourselves so we can get up tomorrow and do it all again. What do I know?

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>>34098582
a classmate and I got close over time. there was a couple complications: a significant age gap, and she had a bf. eventually we were spending a lot of time together, talking easily, sharing small comforts, feeling unusually attuned. at one point i was around her family and things felt normal, even warm. later we were talking privately and i told her how i felt and what I wanted to be to her. she didn’t give a clear answer though not long after she broke up with her bf. people on the periphery reacted badly and things got noisy. we stayed in contact, but it wasn’t simple anymore. eventually i suggested we step back — not as punishment, but as a way to prevent more damage. now a long stretch has passed without contact, and the lack of resolution has hit me harder than i expected. she’s said i mattered to her, but i don’t think she knows how to carry intensity without feeling overwhelmed. that kind of emotional weight can be a lot. there was talk of reconnecting later, but the surrounding context hasn’t really changed. the people who fueled the drama got even closer to her since I've stepped away.

fwiw, our patterns probably explain why it felt so strong. our nervous systems fit together in a way that was grounding rather than activating. there was no pressure to escalate anything. i miss her more than i’d like to admit. when we were together it was easy laughter and real presence, even when circumstances were difficult. when our paths cross again, i’d need to show up as the same steady, curious version of myself, while also demonstrating that time and distance didn’t destabilize me: that i can respect space, tolerate uncertainty, and stay intact. connections like that are rare af. i don’t know what to do with the loss of it. i’m struggling, and i have the sense she is too. we both look miserable and emotionally worn out desu. for now, we’re both respecting the boundary we set up until we "maybe" reconnect in the future. wtf do anons.

Time and time again, i meet people who talk a lot, and they talk a lot to me, but it’s like they don’t really want a two way conversation, it’s like they wanna just dump their internal monologue on a person. Which is okay and everyone does it at times. But when you do it all the time, and then never act interested in the other persons thoughts, that’s weird.

I hear you The best I can. I miss the clarity but I understand we will get there in time. I love you and it's going to be okay

I fucked up. I should’ve told him I was talking to someone else, and that we should hangout as friends. But the truth is, I wanted to see where it would go. I let loneliness and temptation get the best of me. Was the cuddling and care worth his hurt? A potential friendship ruined? I’m afraid, maybe so.

>>34104835
gross

Nobody likes me and I'm poor

>want to do things for my future
>at the same time, want to drop out of society and sleep all day
which one shall it be, silly brain? I'd take the path with the least effort but sadly if I were a neet I wouldn't have money to survive. it's so tiring anons. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to bother anyone, I wish I could just sleep my life away.

>>34104871
Same :)

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I've only ever dated women because I wanted to feel like I was whatever amazing person they wanted me to be. I've never asked a woman out, only been approached, and I've never felt the impetus to approach. Invariably, they get bored or disinterested, which is better than the alternative of them being so retarded that whatever halfway illusion I put up works forever.
I only recently found out most people don't act this way and in fact seem to be able to invest themselves in relationships. I've expressed before my lack of interest in pursuing/courting women and the people I've talked to brushed me off, saying I'd change my mind around the right woman, which I found to be terribly insulting.
>inb4 porn addict
I did watch porn when I was younger but by the time I lost my virginity around 17/18 I had this sudden change where I realized all porn actresses were cheap, usually ugly, and almost always diseased-looking and I haven't been able to watch it since. Really, losing my virginity and having the confirmation that I'm not defective in that dimension kind of killed all my interest in anything sexual. My test levels are fine, too, and my libido is alright but I don't really have a use for it anymore. Whatever societal pressure exists to fuck and get hitched is just a nuisance more than anything else but there really isn't a place in society for guys like me.
Incels are sex-obsessed but can't get laid, religious folks are sex-repressed and won't/can't get laid, etc. This is really minor in the grand scheme of things but I just wish people would stop bothering me about it. Next woman who shows the slightest hint of interest gets mocked, idgaf.

>>34104835
Don't put high value on male friends as a female. They would prefer to fuck you every time.

>>34104874
I solved this by getting a WFH sysadmin job and spending my free time obsessively watching my brokerage account numbers go up.

>>34104893
Nah, I fucked this girl and kind of wanted to break things off (she had lots of issues I didn't want to introduce to my newly sober self) but she beat me to the punch and now thinks I want to fuck her even though I'm fine just being friends. Now she's gatekeeping me from our mutuak friend group I was doing so well with before because of it and people wonder why there's a fucking male loneliness epidemic.

>>34104897
fair, I'm also a wfh sysadmin, it seems to be the only way I can tolerage waging. even if wfh it's a toxic environment though, coworkers are dicks and everyone bothers me for every little bullshit. also feeling stuck and not learning much by fixing the same shit every day, hopefully I can find something nicer soon.

>>34104903
And there's no way to fix it? If you said that you're not interested in her at all sexually/romantically she wouldn't believe you?

>>34104893
I’ve sadly learned that this year. Their friendship and efforts aren’t genuine. If you reciprocate, they usually think they have a chance and will resent you when you don’t want the same thing back. And then you feel both betrayed and guilty for “leading them on”.

>>34104913
That's the case probably like 90% of the time. You need to make things clear in the beginning to avoid it.

I feel horrible for hurting him. But hopefully he can learn from it

>>34104909
She's one of those girls who hooks up with guys sporadically and then regrets it, which I had no way of knowing at the time. She cannot get over the fact that we fucked, unfortunately. The friends know we fucked and all and they've been super classy about it but when it comes time to do things I'm just never invited anymore.
I'm not too bent, because who needs friends like that, right? I just think women who believe men are only looking for pussy are full of shit.

>>34104907
Try working in a research environment, maybe? I work at a university and my job puts me in proximity to exciting research enough that I don't mind the little shit so much.

>>34104924
You shouldn't feel bad about it. You did nothing wrong.

Little annoyed about a “raise” I just got.

About two years ago my district manager called me, literally said something like due to the state increasing its minimum wage we’re raising your salary (im a salaried manager) to keep up with the laws, something like that.
So the other day I see they’re raising the minimum wage Jan1. I wondered myself if I would get that raise again. My boss (not the district manager) just called me and told me he was able to make a few calls and I would be getting a raise this year, effective next week.

I just feel some type of way because I can’t prove this but I’m 99% sure it’s the same thing that they’re increasing my salary to keep up with the minimum wage law. But he’s here acting like he fought for me as if it was a reward.

>>34104918
I’d done that once and it still kinda blew up in my face. And the guy betrayed me and hasn’t spoken to me in a few months, after almost a year of close friendship. Because his new non binary fuck buddy gf enlightened him that he was a beta orbiter to me, and all this stuff. I even got into a huge fuss with them over it. I tried reaching out to clear the air and he never responded, nor defended my name.

I try to put myself in their shoes. If a guy I was attracted to or had feelings for told me he’d rather be friends, and I was constantly pining for his attention, and he kept me around and treated me with kindness but didn’t want anything romantic with me, I’d probably not be able to handle that, either? Unless I also just wanted to be friends with them back. Bc I’ve been in situations where I find someone attractive and think they have nice qualities, but I rule them out as not being compatible with me for long term. In those cases it’s like, yeah, why not.

With this year coming to a close, I feel like I’ve made a mess of my personal relationships . I don’t know what the fuck happened, honestly. But I also feel like the truth has triggered people and I’m not sure if I should question myself over that. Next year I’m going back into isolation mode, or treading carefully.

People I want to be friends with don't want to be friends with me

People I don't want to be friends with want to be friends with me.

Why does it end up this way

>>34104893
Don't believe this rubbish. This is a woman who convinced herself her parents are assholes who don't get her despite how much love they give her. Usually people like this come from this made up world where everyone who is trying to be her friend are demonic but those who find everything to be shit like her get it. Atypical hipster bullshit.

>>34104940
It's simple. If you want friends, have female ones. If you want sex or relationships, that's what men are for.

>>34104945
wtf? How are you even inferring that shit about my parents from this post?

>>34104945
Ok. What's your interpretation? Go deeper into it.

>>34104945
No one has ever tried to be my friend, unless they wanted something I had. People have never been genuine to me.

>>34104951
He thinks anonymous is a name. He saw someone else anonymous say it.
Just namefag things.

Worst part about these people is they always need a negative reason to feel like they are in reality. If you don't you're dumb blissful idiot who gets himself killed and desires to be a slut raped by everyone. I hate being around those people. What an easy way to be depressed, convincing yourself only what is reality is this ultra negative bullshit.

>>34104948
My female friendships don’t fulfill me intellectually, unfortunately. Not most of them anyway. But yeah, I get it. Most of you plebs can’t look past the gender binary and actually honor human connection without attachments. Womp womp. I hate this. Or maybe, as that nonbinary person told me, I “use male validation as a social wheelchair and mistake hyper validation for connection, and think that other girls are against me bc I’m so special and pretty meanwhile I’m giving off a vibe that’s hard to connect with” (:

Shit you need to see the world Seaseme Street and Mr. Rogers sees it if you keep up this nihilistic pessimistic view of people up.

>>34104962
I don't believe in non-binary, although i am not as hateful towards millennial lgbt slop as many other people.

>>34104968
I don’t either. I just mean like, being able to see humans for humans not men vs women as purely romantic or sexual potential which is just animalistic, the former is more of a higher perspective, yknow? Like you’re going to eliminate connecting with other people and learning with them just bc you don’t want to date them and they get mad at you for it.

>>34101495
What camera is it? Maybe it's fixable, look for some vids online. I feel you. Friend gave me an old camera(lomo LC-A) and I used it some years ago until rewind knob got stuck, I want to make it work again. Now I got another old camera that should work but there's a stuck oxidised screw that holds the case and needs to be unscrewed to open the camera so I'm trying to work it nicely without destroying anything

Retard this gay this pedo this serial killer this. HAVE YOU ACTUALLY MET ONE OR IS EVERYONE A FUCKING 1970s EUROPEAN HORROR FILM TWIST OF A HORRIBLE MAN ALL THE TIME

>>34104977
We are animals though. You're talking to a pagan.

>>34105002
We are both animals and more. That is the duality of man.

>>34105004
Animals with exponentially more degrees of freedom, which is us actually a source of pathology and pain.
Consciousness grows when instincts are blocked.

>>34104985
It's a Kiev 4AM, I wanted to see if I enjoy shooting with rangefinders without breaking the bank. Everywhere I look people say to not buy them for more than 50 bucks but all the one listed online start at 100+ so I was happy to buy mine for 50€. Not to mention it's visually in very good condition, many of the listings online are quite dirty or have the leather peeling off.
Apparently it's a common issue that the ribbons that pull the shutter break (especially if it sits on a shelf for a long time and then gets use again), it's just a shame it happened at my place and not when the seller tested it himself. I have been thinking if I want to try and fix it, but info on how to do it seems surprisingly hard to find and so are replacement parts, especially since apparently the size and material of the ribbon is important to the accuracy of the shutter speed.

If sent some mails out to local repair places but I don't have much hope. Two have replied that they don't service this model and I have doubts if anyone is going to do it for cheap enough that it's worth it compared to just hoping for another good deal to come my way one of these days

>>34104985
>>34105017
I'm just curious where analog photography will go once the number of working cameras left over from the 70s and 80s stop working.
Most people can't afford a Leica so I wonder if there will be a point where it would become viable for some manufacturer to fire up those production lines again.

>>34105024
If putin actually had nukes, he would use them to bring us back to that age of photo

>girl from our friend group talks to me about cooking books because i like cooking
>tell her that i consider them to be nothing more than useless dust collectors
>three weeks later I get a gift from them - a cooking book, cook hat (lol) and an apron with my name on it
>shit gifts but i'm not 5 so i make some nice comments about the gift, say thanks and give everyone a brief hug
>turn back to give her a hug
>she moves three steps away from me and gives me an angry, rotten look
>ignore her and joke around with others but i'm still so fucking mad
you fucked that present up you stupid bitch and instead of moving on you are mad at ME because I don't clap like a fucking seal after receiving an equivalent of a brick? fuck you, seriously, fuck you. and i'm not going to lie, i always care about others and always want to find the most suitable gift for them so now it feels like a double slap in the face.

>>34105017
I see, I saw that a shutter problem with the lomo is documented and fixable at home so I hoped the same for you. I haven't looked for solutions for my problem yet but I hope to use my autism and learn how the mechanism works. The time I put into it will be probably not worth it but I just want to restore the sentimental object from my friend, similarly with the other smena 8m that belonged to my father and lied in the basement for a few decades
>>34105024
Bruh it's already happening, I saw a newly produced analogue from agfa

Fucking Hell you'd only trust me if I was not as autistic and if I was as negative as you.

>>34105073
You keep obsessing with what some dumb bitch thinks about you

>>34105099
>You keep obsessing
it happened today and will likely get out of my mind before the year ends. thanks for your precious input in the GIOYC thread, dumb faggot.

>>34105111
>it will only take me a year to get over this

>>34104893
>They would prefer to fuck you every time.
Originally posted to a femanon:
The four tiers of guys wanting to have sex with their female friends:

>"I consider you attractive enough for me to have sex with you."
Literally every female acquaintance I have ever had fits into this category for me. And I suspect the same is true of your guy friends.
You might not want to hear about how sexy your friend finds you. That makes sense. However, if you think less of him because he thinks you are sexy, you might need therapy.

>"If our relationship were different, I would definitely want to have sex with you."
Maybe there are other relationships or too much history or he knows that the two of you would stop seeing each other and it's not worth it.
This has been true for me several times in my life. But it is not true of all my female friends. Just because a girl is sexy enough to have sex with that doesn't mean there are all the right qualities present for me to want to have sex with her.
This is the level where a lot of guy friends probably are. It's where they want to have sex with you but they never would even if they could.

>"I want to have sex with you but I don't expect I ever will."
These are the guys that would jump at the chance for a friends-with-benefits situation. I've only been like that with a close friend once and I just asked if we could be friends with benefits when the opportunity arose and she turned me down.
If you thought less of your guy friends for this I wouldn't really understand, but at least I can respect that viewpoint because they would be looking at you differently than you were looking at them.

>"I want to have sex with you and I'm just looking for the opportunity."
These are the guys that you would probably know if they wanted to have sex with you.
It's possible that some of them were hiding their intentions well enough to fool you, in which case I can certainly understand why you would think less of them.

>>34104886
:)

I miss vidya.

>>34105138
made me laugh, thanks

>>34104913
>>34104940
>enlightened him that he was a beta orbiter to me, and all this stuff.
There is a real phenomenon that happens that basically boils down to men and women not knowing how to be friends with each other despite it being really fucking simple: treat them like a friend, not a member of the opposite sex.
Guys will bend over backwards for a pretty female friend when they'd tell a guy friend to blow it out their ass. And girls expect favors from guys because they're guys. If it's something you'd ask a bf to do but not a female friend, then don't ask a guy friend.
My female friend asked me help her move and I ended up doing most of the work but she bought me pizza and beer and we hung out. Like friends.

The question is whether your dynamic with him fits the mold of these "false friends" situations. It possible it was like that and you weren't aware of it.

>>34105191
>female friend asked me help her move and I ended up doing most of the work but she bought me pizza and beer and we hung out. Like friends
That's a bad deal

>>34105083
>he time I put into it will be probably not worth it but I just want to restore the sentimental object from my friend
Then it probably will be worth it desu.
In general I just think it's nice fixing things that would go in the trash otherwise
>Bruh it's already happening, I saw a newly produced analogue from agfa
Hell yeah, now that I think about it I've also seen a few. Though most of them looked like cheap shitboxes marketed at zoomers who just want it for the aesthetic. So I hope they'll move up to something a bit more expensive and higher quality down the line
>>34105029
what?

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>At dinner
>Having in-depth conversation with someone at the table
>Get very into it
>Someone then interrupts you to tell a really shitty joke about it
>Everybody is then forced to laugh so as to not look mean
>Your also not allowed to call them out on it because it isn't polite
>Conversation is either completely thrown off or manages to get back on track albeit mostly in shambles

Does this happen to anybody else?

they have to be timing it

We were so lucky to find each other, we had it all, we'll have it again. I love you.

>>34105197
Meh.
It wasn't that much stuff. Aside from one pain in the ass couch, the work wasn't worth the pizza and beer. That couch can choke on a dick. She left it in that apartment when she moved out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPfEyeTsFqk

>>34105212
I think it's nice to have all kinds of personalities around as long as they don't spam.

>>34098582
I’m fucking tired - it’s been 1 month straight day and night at my apt. Some person just starts screaming at the top of their lungs - like wooing. Mgmgt and other tennants basically agreed to ignore it. Upper mgmt wants to charge me for leaving, and cops ruled out that the noise is coming from outside. I will pay anyone who can zero this noise or get me out without having to pay an exuberant amount. I’ve had it - anyone else on drugs or alcohol would have lost it and done some goofy ahh tirade I just fucking slam the ground or wall whenever the noise comes up but god damn I feel like killing myself today and then I come home and the neighbor undeneath or next to me just starts wailing. For fuck’s sake when is my heart love future. girlfriend going to let me woo her so she can save me from this hell.

How do I begin commanding respect from people if I'm a 100 lbs nerd woman that no one gives a fuck about?
I worked in an office for four years and the amount of blatant disrespect was fucking insane. I had coworkers call me stupid. I've been told that my "house seems like it would be dirty" even though my office was immaculate? One of my male coworkers kept walking up to me and telling me about the whores he hires behind his girlfriends back as if I wouldn't fucking report him. On top of that I got physically assaulted by a woman pushing me over because I almost got the last donut.

I'm sick of this shit. Why am I treated like garbage? Is corporate America just like this?

>>34105435
I’m up to hear all your problems it on discord if you like:

https://discord.gg/6u8UgvMah

I'm at a loss.
I can't find peace anywhere.
I have to survive among the absolute endless noise. I already yelled at loud drunks on the balcony screaming into the abyss of night. I was anxious for an hour hoping it stays quiet. I hear other groups of noise but try to tune it out. I'm so tired I close my eyes to sleep. As soon as I do the loud group is screaming again. I go out again to scream back at them and they all come out and I keep screaming and screaming until they all go inside. I threw several rocks at them. It's so fucking ridiculous that I cannot just sleep, I cannot relax, I cannot have any peace at all. There's nowhere to even go. Everyone is a fucking idiot that screams at each other everywhere and I have to fight them off just to live. I can't stand this life. I can't stand this world. I want it to end. I want to kill every last fucking loud thing on this dumb fucking earth and leave it in peace.

Fr

Drink...
And believe

>>34105435
You're probably like this because you are attracting the attention you don't like. The men are doing this to you, because they know you can get set off easily. Added, some people confide in you because they feel you'd understand them, so maybe instead of starring off with a blank face say, "I find this discussion uncomfortable, please leave before I contact security." And they'd leave. However, only do this if it is a repeated offense. Some people I doubt you know this are kinda stupid about personal space. I'm like this too. But most of those dumb people will stop if you tell them. They're just foolish. If you do something drastic like cut your hair short or something else, that's gonna make the situation a hell of a lot worse. Just don't feed the troll and be upfront to confused people.

>>34105435
Yes.

>>34105665
s I sense her having a strong desire to stab me multiple times...

>>34105681
Maybe.

Sleepy

>>34105643
Yeah i tend to be really blunt and mean. I'll say some shit like "get out of my office right now you sound like a degenerate" when I should probably just go straight to HR and make it be known I'm not their friend.
The bitch assaulting me was pretty insane though I can't believe HR didn't address it.

My dad sometimes has days once or twice a year where he gets really sick and can barely function until he eats. It's always mostly the same symptoms, and it always goes away once he eats and takes his medication. I'm not sure if it's new with this or not, but this time he's remembering things incorrectly. Thinking he did things but he didn't. It's strange.

>>34105435
Do you believe in Angels and Demons?

I blew the chance of a relationship with the only woman I’ve ever loved because I knew i’d disappoint her sexually. I flaked on the third date because I knew we’d end up having sex and I just couldn’t deal with the embarrassment and shame of my premature ejaculation. We ended becoming close friends over the next 9 months and I developed very strong feelings towards her. I never tried to advance the friendship into anything romantic. I was too timid at the time to try anything like that. Eventually she moved away and we haven’t spoken since. It’s been 10 years since I’ve seen her and to this day she’s the only person in my life who I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I ever loved.

>>34098582
i FUCKING hate WOMEN so GOD DAMN much

>>34105906
Not in the christian sense, why? You think my coworkers are demons? Probably.

I still scrape dry mucus out of my nose. Its just satisfying to peel it out and breathe a little better. Its a compulsion I would sneak in when no ones looking and i never was called out for it. sometimes my nose would bleed and id face up to keep the blood from spilling out.

Does it have something to do with the fact im autistic and have no friends?

>>34104962
Mad bc that NB clocked you so hard lmao.

>>34099509
Damn

>>34098582
i developed a cuckoldry fetish over the last 2 years and i am disgusted with myself. i refuse to ever indulge it beyond thought out of both love for others and my own self-respect. this is on top of years of bicurious thoughts about muscular men that i am too much of a social fuckup to explore. i have sporadically had straight sex for the last few years but it feels like nothing when i penetrate even if i abstain for a week in advance, not even a mental thrill.

>>34106015
Hi anon you aren’t gross or a freak. So many people who grew up with an internet connection, or are isolated and spend a lot of time online, end up developing strange fetishes. Most of the time you can “get rid” of them.
>it feels like nothing when i penetrate
Are you sure you are bicurious rather than gay?

>>34105978
I guess.

He never texted me back btw. I don’t think he’s going to talk to me again.

>>34106027
i appreciate the sympathy, i tell myself over and over i didn't ask for this and it kind of just happened so i'm glad to hear that i am not trapped forever.
i could be gay, but like i said i never had the chance or time to explore. i got with a girl 7 years ago who i am still with and she's aware of all this and totally fine with the idea of me trying things out with a guy, just a matter of me getting over some major social issues to get that far. i have had a fucked up relationship since childhood with the concept of friendship to where someone getting to know me outside of the context of a performance or act i put on makes me lightheaded and sometimes physically ill. i constantly challenge it by interacting at work and out in the pubic to get better if i can but it still haunts me, trying to get on therapy but it's expensive. i would lastly like to point out that everything i find attractive about cuckoldry right now comes from the same things i find attractive about gay sex, i.e., submitting totally to a stronger man.

>>34106050
I’m sorry to hear that, genuinely. I’m not sure based on the context if you mean your friend or what, but it does suck when a connection dies out like that.

>>34106051
>i am not trapped forever.
What I did for myself was not watch any porn or masturbate for a while (a month at least) and then I only looked at vanilla-adjacent stuff that I knew would still turn me on. I think engaging in fetish content is harmless usually, unless it actively causes you distress or problems with real relationships.
>she's aware of all this and totally fine with the idea of me trying things out with a guy
Oh that’s great. That’s like, the ideal situation for handling this, right?
>someone getting to know me outside of the context of a performance or act i put on makes me lightheaded
Like, you become afraid of surface level interactions with acquaintances becoming more intimate? Fear of closeness/intimacy?

>>34106082
Thank you for being empathetic. I actually mean both, but my friend was more in the past. The guy I had the recent drama with, like literally yesterday, we were sending long texts back and forth but he didn’t acknowledge the last one and I think it’s just done. It really does suck when connections fizzle out like that. I’m a person who hates leaving things unresolved and I don’t like leaving behind trails of hurt with people but it feels like that’s just how life is, things can’t be perfect. I would triple text but I was suggested in /atoga/ not to contact him and leave him alone since I basically led him on and hurt his feelings.i just hoped he would be more understanding given I explained everything and situation and was pretty vulnerable, so it hurts.

>>34106098
>not watch any porn or masturbate for a while (a month at least) and then I only looked at vanilla-adjacent stuff that I knew would still turn me on
i need to find the discipline within myself to do this, it's definitely reaching a breaking point. i know some vanilla-ish stuff i liked for as long as i can remember that i could go back to if i detox'd this way.

>That’s like, the ideal situation for handling this, right?
yes it is, i am very lucky and she has been a saint through it all.

>afraid of surface level interactions with acquaintances becoming more intimate? Fear of closeness/intimacy?
it's a real mess. i've developed this horribly jaded view that friendship is just a vehicle by which to be used and abused. my meek nature lead to a string of one-sided friendships throughout my developmental years, some of which almost got me killed. now, the thought of someone asking to spend time with me personally outside of allotted 'i will perform for you all' hours like work hours gives me the chills. i also work in a pretty morally bankrupt field so right now the people in my work life are hard to see eye to eye with but that's maybe another story. on the very rare occasion i do not feel sick with nerves at the thought of being close to someone and them knowing truths about me, i feel a long suppressed bliss escape me in even the simplest of shared activities. i know it will be the making of me to get over this, i just need help doing it, been on meds for it but doctors say i need deeper mental help than meds can offer i.e. the therapy. best case scenario for my other problems, one day in the far future i can hold a conversation with enough ease to test out my gay thoughts and put them to rest.

Like, my friend called me a heartbreaker. She was joking but like, it’s true. Except I’m not like, explicitly trying to break any hearts. But somehow that makes it worse. And then I end up feeling hurt, too. But they don’t care. I’m just left to carry the guilt. It reminds me of memories of when I was younger like elementary, I rejected this kid. I was mean to him bc he had a crush on me but it felt stalkerish, so I tried to push him away. And I made him cry one day. And I’m not a mean person. I think maybe I was abused by some guy older than me in school before that, maybe that has to do with why I was so avoidant of guys growing up. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve loved making male friends because they’re just easier to talk to and laugh around with. But somehow I always end up leading them on. Ugh. I just was being myself.

>>34106123
You wrote that last part beautifully. I relate, except for the gay part lol

>>34106123
>vanilla-ish stuff i liked for as long as i can remember
Yes, that’s exactly what I meant. Because usually fetishes aren’t something that will override our base attractions. It doesn’t have to be straight up just man-woman in missionary, but something closer to vanilla.
Like, if the thing that you like about cucking is kind of feeling like you’re in a more submissive role, I think even… light femdom content could be considered more vanilla than cuckholdry? Not sure if the “submitting” thing only applies with guys though.
>the thought of someone asking to spend time with me personally outside of allotted 'i will perform for you all'
I feel this, but its different because im autistic and it always feels like im performing. How did you get close with your girlfriend?

>make Facebook account just to look for cars on fb marketplace
>See car I'm interested and send the seller a question
>Come back later that night
>Facebook blocked my account and is demanding literal video of my face to prove my identity
Wtf, what a shithole. It's one thing to be full of propaganda bots and track your business but this is next level intrusive

I am not doing that shit. Fuck off zuckerberg.

>>34106154
>I think even… light femdom content could be considered more vanilla than cuckholdry
funny you say that. although she doesn't like the term and i don't want to make her go into places she's not comfortable, me and the girlfriend have been mixing in some more dominant stuff from her to help me out in this time and i think it is working. i'm proud of her for pushing herself to bring these experiences to me as i have for her in the past pretending to be someone im not.

>How did you get close with your girlfriend?
it started out online in my late teens. back then online i didn't feel the same social nerves i do irl because it's a walled garden, i have full control over the duration and contents of the interaction. it just so happened to land genuine with this girl and then we started meeting up at least once a year for a few weeks, then it turned into a month or two each time. part of why this sex stuff has been on my mind is because we want to close the gap but i want to be 100 percent sure both sides are comfortable with this being our future before we commit to anything since it is a huge ask of anyone to move across the world and leave it all behind. as a person outside of sex i couldn't be more convinced but it would be cruel to trap either party in dissatisfaction. anyway the point is that she is now the only person in the world who sees the real me outside of my family.

>>34106125
You are really butt hurt over her leaving you because she still loves me huh narc

The only reason the world isn't engulfed in nuclear Hellfire is because God loves us so much and there's still good and innocent people in the world that would have to share that dreadful punishment.

I win life, not arguments.

By the time I want them they already moved on
Story of my life

>>34106235
That's the time to send them a text message. Put your big girl panties up and go text that boy.

>>34106174
I wish you the best anon <3 Your girl sounds like a great person. Non-judgmental and open-minded. No reason to hate yourself or be ashamed. None of these things make you a bad person.

>>34106268
thanks anon, as i've said before i am very lucky to have her. i was terrified for a long time to tell her about the sex struggles i was having but she has been shockingly receptive to it all even if she doesn't share the feeling herself, it's all been healing since then.
i feel reassured from the testimony of several anons now that i am not as disgusting as i once thought for my cuck thoughts. so many use it as an insult now right as it was taking over my head that i internalized it. i'd still never want to indulge it for real, too risky for a million reasons only to rebuff the effects of my own reckless depravity getting the better of me. that said, i shouldn't feel bad i'm having thoughts as thoughts are a passive action imposed upon me without my control.

>>34106108
Yw. I get that completely, but I’d like to share something I learned from my brief experience with guys.

The long messages and triple texting really doesn’t hold much weight to them, if any. And that’s not meant in a negative way. When we get caught up in our feelings, men often don’t relate, bc it’s like a kid throwing a tantrum lol. You don’t feed into it, you just let em cry it out until they’re ready to learn from it.

I learned that the hard way when I couldn’t keep my emotions in check, went off on a guy too many times and he dumped my ass lol. Maybe I’m projecting but yeah. Next time you wanna talk it out, just journal that shit out instead, and cut it down to one or two concise sentences. Men want shit to be straight to the point, they’ll only coddle you if they have the patience for it or they decide you’re worth the effort. It’s why it’s genuinely so important for a guy to show effort in the beginning of a relationship. That shit has the last.

Not trying to dog on guys either desu, I think a lot of guys get burnt out in bad relationships or relationships they force themselves into for convenience.

I know exactly what's going on. What's going on is my fault.
But I don't feel any anger or negative emotion.

>>34106189
How exactly do you win life, bud?

>>34106328
Not getting too involved is a matter of respect towards myself. I do care. But it's not my life.

>>34106344
Well I'm doing okay in college. I'm working a job. Living a good life with my parents. Spending time with my friend. I drive a car. I get along with people. And I feel gifted knowing God has blessed me with life.

>>34106360
Those are all worldly things, they can mar your spirit or they can't depending on your attitude. And your attitude seems a bit cocky, not gon' lie to you.

Similar to other guy I’m frustrated that I’m attracted so some guys even thought I’m mostly straight. I don’t know if it’s just the internet or porn but in pics I find fit twinks really attractive and in person it’s even worse where I try to keep distance from them. Only ever been with women and in a ltr with one now, just feels so frustrating that if I so much as mention it everyone will think I’m gay or hate me for something I’ve never acted on.

>>34106371
That's your problem not mine.

>>34106378
My problem, is it? I got high hopes for you, nigga. We gon' see.

>>34106319
A man who cares about who he's dating can handle a triple text because he understands her and loves her. I wouldn't judge someone that I loved negatively for something like that.

>>34106406
Agree, if i love someone i dont mind reading paragraphs of texts :)

I respect the fact your "operation rules" make sense.
I don't respect many more things about you however.
But I'm grateful for whatever was until it was good. Whatever happened after left an imprint: be a decent human.

That's said you are very persistent, I'll give you that much. It's a respectable personality trait.

But that begs the question: are you satisfied in knowing getting to do what you wanted to do all along to influct pain on me was met with indifference at worst or "meh I'm happy for you two" at best?

In other news I'm getting the itch to play... I thought football at first, but then I realized I want to play volleyball. Too bad it's too early.

>>34106406
That's true and more likely a friend than a buddy, but you got to make sure she invited you to her home, you got there, and you two actually spent time together there is the thing. Speculation is found at the beginning of the romance film, not the middle. The middle should have all the action where you see the dating, the kissing, the hand holding, the locking eyes and giggling that sort of thing. Just going by OH SHE LOVE ME SO THAT MEAN WE FUCK, is dumb.

I'm telling ya, ya gotta observe carefully.

I'm genuinely thinking about just getting black out intoxicated and hoping I don't wake up.

I hate myself, I'm talentless

And dude, I don't appreciate the fact you see me as your friend. I do respect you. But you going around telling people I'm a friend of yours is disrespectful towards myself, on top of being a fabrication. Being friends with your would be a huge lack of respect towards myself.

>>34106568
Status is for pussies.

I fucking HATE WOMEN SO god damn MUCH

You know what is something that is really annoying me? The fact the gym is closed on the 1st and the 2nd.

>>34106609
You have no reason to hate women. My bestest friend in my life who understood me more so than any man in my life is a woman. She passed away three years ago and she was my grandmother. My mother is very loving too. You really need to revaluate yourself about this.

>>34106597
>Status is for pussies.
which is why you post with a tripcode.

>>34106771
Which is why I don't give a fuck what you say.

>>34106568
Idk what you want me to say? He condescendingly called you my gf like he always does.

>>34106776
>Which is why I don't give a fuck what you say.
your reply betrays that

You know at this point the cunny stuff is strangely accepted. I've even had a girlfriend ask me to fuck "their little loli pussy" before, and that's before the Daddy Little girl stuff that basically dances around the fetish.
Now piss and shit fetishes? That's where I think there's something disgustingly wrong with someone. Someone like the Quartering makes ME sick and I want to fuck a girl who tells me how she wanted to get bent over and fucked at dubiously young ages

It really hurts. Being in the group chat of old friends from high school and watching them invite each other to do things and I’m just never invited, knowing it’s all my fault because I’m just who I am and it hurts. Every time I tried to change made me feel fake.

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I've met some anons in real life and I've to say I hate them more than normies. Maybe I'm unlucky but the anons I've met have been the most rude, toxic, uncaring, unloving, oblivious people ever. They act all almighty and constantly look down on others and they think themselves as hot shit but in reality they are ugly in appearance and ugly in spirit, and I'm convincing that ego is a coping mechanism.

Normies may be bland as fuck, but at least they have a sense of courtesy, even if it's blind programming. But some anons deserve the bad they have in their lives and deserve to be depressed.

It really frustrates me how they think so high of themselves when in reality they are children their parents didn't care to correct and educate. Subhuman egotistical people. I hope they burn in hell, it's the first time I truly with this for someone.

>>34107036
you already posted this once

>>34106568
Who?

See but the difference between me and you, bro, is that I’m an addict and I’ll do anything and run over anybody to get that around my waist

>>34107044
Honestmaxxing

>>34107044
Who you talkin' to?

>>34107038
Yes, but I want to vent still. It still hurts.

If you had a kid who was fucking OBSESSED with a movie their whole damn little life, but suddenly showed ZERO interest when their school was casting for a stage production of it and outright refused to get involved in any capacity, would you not ask a question or two? Questions that you wouldn't dismissed with "You're so disappointing"? Bearing in mind you've never had a fucking job in your life and your only job is raising said kid, who has zero pleasant memories of you doing so
Realising I would have been such a shamelessly insufferable theatre kid if I hadn't gotten molested by one of my own, or at least had this fabled "trusted adult" to talk to about it, is such a weird pill to swallow this late in life. The only thing that got more raped than I did is my life's tragectory.

>>34107143
>If you had a kid who was fucking OBSESSED with a movie their whole damn little life, but suddenly showed ZERO interest when their school was casting for a stage production of it and outright refused to get involved in any capacity, would you not ask a question or two?
I've been in this phase with my own mom before.
It's why I generally don't like sharing my interests with someone but here's what I think what happened
>Kid had a phase of Obsessive Desire over certain thing
>However, The grew out of it, and want to disassociate themselves from it
or
>Kid likes thing but not to exhibit publically
>Therefore the kid doesn't like having their favorite thing exposed to the public.
or
>Kid used to like thing but got dissuaded (or mocked) by peers in school for liking said thing
>Therefore the kid doesn't like having their favorite thing exposed to the public.

Don't waste the time or energy on people who don't care about you

>>34107164
Good advice.

>>34107164
How can you tell if someone truly doesn't care about you or if they are just emotionally shutoff because of a scar or trauma?

>>34107168
or if they are preoccupied with an addiction

We literally don't choose who we like huh
I knew I liked you the moment I laid eyes on you, now we're spending all this time together, chatting, laughing, watching movies, calling you pretty, you sending me selfies, me supporting you through your troubles
I think about you constantly, I wanna be there for you, hug you and kiss you.
I really really like you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd1O4YDhLng

Didn't want my crush to feel like she was being picked on for liking my comments so I decided to put on a hoodie to blend in with the people she was with, so that nobody will pick on her. I'm a cool guy from the ghetto like all her other folks and there is nothing wrong with that.

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>>34107164
Great advice, that is why I actively suppress my thoughts and emotions about them.
There are still sentiments. I'll cherish those as memories.

>>34106801
I'm not a girl and I'm as straight as it gets. Dude has some serious problems when it comes to respecting other people's agency.

>>34107309
My fault, I thought you was someone else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMJNLrRMS4Q
Once upon a time I would have sang you this song with nothing but love and joy in my heart.

But given what our current circumstances are my mood is more like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw. Be happy. Or strive to be happy.

As for my actual former friends: it's too bad. I miss you lads, but the self respect talk applies to them too.

As for why I'm not putting in effort and why I stopped following you...
I suspect you suffer from anxiety when you see me. I don't want the woman I love feeling like that when I'm around. Solve that. I'll fix myself in the meanwhile.

I think I know what you feel. My biggest regret is not making an honest attempt to talk to you a very long time ago. I wasn't able to.

>>34107168
If they're aware of their trauma and working on it then they will talk to you about it.
Don't assume they have some trauma or try to fix it when they're not.

>>34107411
One last thing. I am a virgin and have almost no experience with relationships. You should be aware of that so I'll tell you here. I'll tell you in person too when we get to see eachother.

>>34107451
Wrong quote. I meant to quote >>34107409.
I'm very serious. I'll post another praise the sun as confirmation.

Bruh, remove the rose colored glasses and take a genuine look at the person in front of you.

You don't know the circumstances. Imagine reaching out to someone only for only blocking them before they can even reply. Imagine doing that twice.

I don't have to imagine. I did that. I'm bitter about it, I am allowing myself to be.

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Improve yourself, like I'm doing.

I'm thinking of you. Fondly. Have your fun, just know I want us to be exclusive from day 1 when we get together. I'm very serious when it comes to you. Make me - us - happy.

may apathy leave me in next 23 days

People are nasty as fuck
Even those you work with regularly and respect turn out to be dumbass degenerates.

I hate how arrogant people are nowadays.
No, you looking down on others and constantly telling how they are dumb normies doesn't make you smart or right, you are just an asshole whose parents didn't care to educate.

>>34107725
You're a degenerate bitch

Fight the future!