18M. I tend to feel depressed at night despite having a fairly normal life.After a lot of reflection, I’ve realized that anticipatory fear and loss of control are the problem. Going to college makes you feel like you’ve lost a lot of control as opposed to a time in life like high school. In high school, you can quit jobs you don’t like (ideally), leave clubs you don’t like, switch classes you don’t care for. Maybe you can even think your way out of some difficult situations.But you lose the ability to quit as you get older. Responsibility is mandatory and ever increasing. Of course, responsibilities are going to get more stressful as you get older, but even if they didn’t, the sheer lack of control alone is enough to make me sure I’ll kill myself one day. I don’t wanna die tho.I want to ask /adv, have any of you realized that a lack of control was causing your shitty situation? What did you do about it? Because if control is the issue, the usual advice of “life might get better someday” can’t help, since even if life did “get better” temporarily, control will remain the same.I’m fine with drugs and alcohol as a solution, but I can’t get drunk or high every day.
Drugs and alcohol are not a solution. You want to talk about lack of control, try being an addict.You said it yourself, you don't have any option but to do what you're doing, so the only thing you can do is change your perspective on it.I would suggest approaching everything you do in a good mental state. You don't have to be exhaustingly optimistic, but try to enjoy what you're doing. Catch yourself thinking fatalistic thoughts and find something positive instead. Make a conscious choice to enjoy yourself. Basically abandon your desire for control.It takes time, but it works.You could also try and find an alternate path through life but there's a lot of pain and uncertainty there, also a lot of rewards too. No one can tell you how to do that or what to do.
>>34100779EAT MORE FUCKING BEEF FAGGOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Also what the other guy said.
>>34100779What you’re describing is not losing control. You’re realizing that you can’t just depend on your parents to take care of you.When I went to college, I felt like I had increased control of my life. I could stay up as late as I wanted and no one told me how to dress or what to eat. Even now, it’s pretty awesome being an adult. If I feel like going somewhere, I just get in my car and drive. I can take vacations by myself without being tethered to anyone.
>>34102137I could just be spoiled. I suppose that’s worth considering.But, it feels as though we’re talking about two different kinds of control.External control: money, cars, schedule, independence from nagging mum and dadInternal control: the ability to regulate fear, uncertainty, and anticipation, even if absolutely nothing is threatening you in the current moment. It feels as though stability in the latter must come before I can experience how amazing the former is. If anything, I’m clinging to predictability more than mom and dad. If I can man up, though, then sure. The newfound freedom is probably gonna feel awesome.
>>34104994 I didn’t realize how much I like the enter key until now. I gotta ease up on that, shit
>>34104994You can call it “internal control” if you want, but that’s not what you said. You said:> you can quit jobs you don’t like (ideally), leave clubs you don’t like, switch classes you don’t care forYou want to be able do things without any responsibility or consequences, and the only people that get to do that in society are children.Certainly, getting yourself sorted out internally is important. I’m just going by what you described. If you feel anxiety, it’s probably caused by the realization that you need to become an adult.
>>34100779This is a pretty normal feeling to have anon, so just realize that. Youre not weird for feeling that way. The reason you feel like that is because you're finally really playing the game, everything before this has basically just been the tutorial level. You're a level 0 and cant do shit which does make you feel powerless. You need to take charge of your life, pick a direction, and go into it. The worst thing you can do now is stay still and not do anything, just pic something to do, even if it doesnt work out.
>>34102137Most healthy developed 18-year-olds will feel a sense of freedom with going to college. This is because the rules their parents set up for them as kids feel so constricting. If someone is not fully mentally/emotionally developed to that point it will be the opposite. If someone is like a "Im on the computer all day" anime nerd type, they more than likely have a stunted development and are still basically 13 yo, so going out into the world on their own doesn't feel liberating, but terrifying. They dont view their parents are the fun police holding them back, but the supporters who are keeping them alive and dont want to leave that comfort. >>34104994I dont really think you're spoiled as much as youre the latter not developed kid. This isnt meant as an insult, its meant to help you realize whats going on with you. Just be honest with yourself and consider of that applies to you. If you need guidance, the go to is that you have three paths. You go into college, a trade school, or the military. Pick one of those paths, but do NOT go to college just to delay your childhood or anything like that, go there with the intention of getting into an actually viable career.
>>34100779>But you lose the ability to quit as you get older.simply not true
>>34100779> But you lose the ability to quit as you get older.Not really. This depends on how you structure your life or career. If you keep your costs low, save a lot, and avoid situations that trap you in expensive life obligations, then you'll have that freedom still. Being in a stable relationship can help too, because a partner can help cover costs if your income dips, if you're out of work for a while etc.If you want more flexibility, you can prioritize that in your life.
