my boyfriends mom uses him as a surrogate husband, should i point this out or just leave?
>>34101355You sure that’s all she uses him for?
>>34101355Not enough context, is this causing problems now? Are you worried about it causing problems in the future? Or does it just bother you, and what specifically bothers you about it?Can't offer any advice the way you've written it, could mean lots of things.
>>34101410I think it will be in the future. We've been together for a couple of years and while we both agreed in the beginning on long-term monogamous commitment, he brought up marriage and children in the future in more detail last week and floated the idea (he was like "maybe we could do this, who knows?") of living in his moms house since she can't pay her mortgage anyone/he would basically take over. Honestly I was horrified hearing this, and while this is in the future I think it's uncomfortable. What also bothers me is how he has a stepdad that lives with her but I guess he doesn't want to help her anymore? As for present day, idk his whole family is dysfunctional in that they aren't financially stable and constantly ask him for help and even though he expressed that he doesn't want do this long term I can tell that's he's a passive guy. Whenever she gets drunk she basically glazes him/asks him for expensive gifts. And I feel mild shame for what I'm about to say but I feel like with all these people depending on him I can't see how he'd want a family, we occasionally go on dates but it's like his mom is his actual girlfriend with how he takes care of her instead of me.I can see the writing on the wall. Am I making sense? Since he initiated the future talk again in more detail than we've talked about before I am thinking of bringing this up later. Another part of me is thinking "I could just walk away instead of dealing with all this", which isn't fair to him but still.
A lot of moms do this to their kids, especially after a divorce from the original father. It's a female thing. You women are vultures that can't be independent.Anyway, I went through this with my mom and the best way forward is to cut loose the rope. He needs to tell her he's going overseas for a holiday and he won't be contactable and that's it, bye. The mom will be fine. Just rip off that bandaid. Best to do it while he's walking out the door and she doesn't have time to try and blow up his phone to change his mind. Trust me when I say ripping off the bandaid like this is the BEST option.
