>>34133258
Not sure if I have experiences with it, no. I existed in that type of mindset for my whole life and never went to a therapist, I eventually sorted myself out and gained empathy way later in life in my older years. Psychedelics and then developing a relationship to God finally kicked it out of me. If I had to guess what I was, I was probably some type of borderline with a strong antisocial lean.

I know exactly what you mean by:
>I don't really have empathy unless I can visibly see someone suffering due to my actions
It was a common fantasy for me and often acted it out as a kid and a teen and a late teen and young adult.

It actually makes a lot of sense once you figure out that it's your own mind trying to access empathy but in a broken way. Your mind cannot internalize it or process it or regulate it normally, so it tries to externalize it and externally process it by creating a situation where it's brute force, aka, hurting someone to make them feel how you feel to bring them low down to your level so you can then try to be human.

What's even more bizarre is you'll notice or may notice way later, that all the people you tried to hurt were actually people you liked. That your desire to hurt them was simutaenously a desire to connect to them. But the problem is, your language is that of pain, it's all you understand. So when you connect to others you must hurt them to feel that connection.
This happens because it was all you were taught, it was all that you got programmed into you, it comes from the past and the scenarios you were raised in. So it'll be deeply embedded now doubt. Trying to remove it from (you) now would be like trying to remove an OS from a computer, the computer shuts down for good.

So imo, the solution is to keep it, accept it, use it, continue doing it but make sure it's done in a way that hurts neither you or others. Repurpose it, channel it, find an outlet. Fighting sports, or demolition, anything that requires destruction

>>34133258
>>34133287
Lastly, what you do is you keep what you are now. But just build on top of it and explore different modes of being while keeping the first one. Eventually you even out and you develop your empathy later. Therapy commonly doesn't work for dark triad traits, it makes it worse because it tries to remove these things out of you. It doesn't need removed, simply built upon

>>34133258
>ultraviolent urges towards a person who wronged me
Only 1 indicator - does the person really deserve that shit or not? Cuz you know, some people actually do deserve shit like that. Some don't. But there's clearly unfinished business regarding this person who wrogned you, and you are being a pussyfaggot avoiding confronting their ass and instead fantasising unrealistic shit

>>34133412
Yes, they ruined my life for a good few years and got away scot free.

>>34133258
Youre one of two opposite mental illneses? I think youre just a retard.

>>34133449
they're literally on the same spectrum with overlapping symptoms, AND you can be both.

>>34133476
Whats your horoscope?

>>34133591
Key question, i want to know too.

>>34133591
Aries

>>34133928
Makes a lot of sense. Do you know your moon, rising, venus, mars?
Aries is about ramming into things. Aries is stubborn, dumb, wants to lead. Also straightforward, won't try to do psy-ops behind the scenes.
Aries is the stereotypical wifebeater.

>>34133935
I never beat a woman. I slapped an ex for cheating on me, but that's it

>>34133446
That doesn't have to mean they deserve harm though. Maybe you just got unlucky and lost to them.

>>34133941
But what about the other astrology placements.

>>34133950
nah they deserve it and then some

>>34133258
I've suspected that I was a grandiose narcissist for quite some time, and the more I do research on it, the more I feel like one. I don't get it.

>>34134045
Why?

>>34134226
He's butthurt the people he (tries to) bully won't be his friends, at the surprise of absolutely nobody that isn't a complete social retard.

>>34134985
That, or it's someone with an abusive boyfriend. Whichever of the two but I'm much more inclined to the former.

>>34133258
You're probably autistic desu. Autists can be borderline sociopathic and have narcissistic tendencies.

This didn't happen. Unless your therapist should be fired immediately no mental health professional is telling you 'what you might have' that's fucking dumb as is the rest of this stupid fantasy you wove. Only the psychiatrist at the hospital would diagnose with ASPD and even then it is so rare and taboo that they wont TALK to you about MAYBE doing it fucking dummy.

Finally, a person with ASPD is not openly sharing it. It doesn't work that way so yeah center of attention applies here. I hate these bullshit posts that fuck up basic details and are so blatantly larps

>>34135704
nigger, I've had the same therapist for years and after a few failed treatments for other ubderlying issues, she suspects me of having a cluster b personality disorder. I'm not some le ebil twisted cycle path, I am afraid.

>>34137692
See a therapist and do the opposite od what he tells you. That's how you fix your life. Don't take the pills, quit your shit job, take many risks, expose yourself to some pain.

>>34137726
I refused the therapies myself, the pills never helped, she is basically a shoulder to cry on atp

>>34138153
You don't have any buddies as shoulders to cry on? Tell me about this shit too. I want to know what bothers you.

>>34135704
You are impressively ignorant.

>>34138228
No, I don't show my vulnerabilities to friends, that's why I have a therapist.
They have their own shit on their plate as well. My mates are for drinking and jokes strictly, no trauma dumps.

>>34133258
I haven't experienced those illnesses but kudos to reaching a point of acknowledging your personality disorder. That's half the battle.

>I don't cheat or lie, but am extremely annoyed with people speaking to me in general, and keep to myself most of the time.
Focus on developing relationships with people for the simple value of having people you can enjoy life with. Learn DBT to help navigate relationships as needed.
>I don't really have empathy unless I can visibly see someone suffering due to my actions, it doesn't cross my mind beforehand at all.
You have more empathy than a lot of zoomers and gen alpha fags already, so don't sell yourself short. But you can develop it by making an active choice to be empathetic. Sometimes it's a mental practice of considering the other person's perspective, struggles, etc. and other times it is as simple as doing something nice for someone with no expectation of anything in return.
>Lately I've been getting ultraviolent urges towards a person who wronged me, and I don't know how to keep it at bay. I'm afraid I might explode and do something I regret. It's never been this bad. And no, I never tortured animals or hurt anyone outside of my head.
Fun fact, EVERYONE gets intrusive thoughts and they can range from sexual to violent and anywhere in between. It's normal but we naturally fear them and keep them hidden. In other words, don't get in your head about how these urges are something you can't control, because you can. The fact that you are afraid indicates that said behavior would go against your own values which obviously preclude doing no harm to others. You do need to find a way to process the emotions driving the urges, whether that is channeling that into something constructive like a smash room or exercising or talking it out with your therapist or one of those trusted relationships.

(1/2)

>>34133258
>>34139204
The bottom line is that your personality disorder likely formed from maladaptive survival. You mentioned your mother briefly but I imagine she wasn't good to you. Pardon my assumptions, take it with a grain of salt, if necessary.

You are who you are because of what was necessary for you to coexist with a caregiver that didn't love and accept you as is. There was probably a constant need to operate in accordance with their own psychopathy/sociopathy in order to avoid problems and even receive basic care. That's not your fault, but it is on you to not allow it to shape your relationships and the rest of your life.

You're already in therapy, you already are aware of a lot, so you're on your way. You should allow yourself a measure of peace for making it this far. The reality is that you need to go out and have what is healthy to teach you healthy. You need to replace negative experiences with positive ones.

For example, I saw in >>34139176 you have friends strictly for drinking and jokes. If you don't want to risk altering those dynamics, you should make friends you can be vulnerable with. Keep in mind:
>vulnerable
NOT
>trauma dumping

You don't need to spill your guts, it's just being yourself and letting people accept you as you are. You probably make more sense than you realize.

Anyway. Good luck.

(2/2)

>>34139204
they aren't intrusive thoughts, I actively fantasize about strangling the life out of them, and how to do it without getting caught. I've never acted upon these things nor planned it IRL beyond a fantasy, but this person makes my blood boil.

>>34139218
Fair enough, thanks for the correction. All the same, I do think those kinds of things are more common than we realize. As you have never acted or planned, I think you'll be fine.

Maybe eventually you address the conflict in a healthy way with the person. Maybe you just avoid them and move on with your life. But definitely work through the emotion(s) driving the thoughts. It's okay to be deeply bothered by people, doesn't mean we need to waste our time/energy on them.

>>34139230
it's been years since then. Half of the plan was letting it all diffuse and cool off in order to avoid suspicion.
I want to kill them, legitimately, with passion. This is what scares me to the core of my being.

>>34139240
Oh. Well are you even around this person anymore? Might be worth severing the relationship if possible.

>>34139260
We haven't interacted in years. They wronged me severely, and I feel no qualms about ending them if I could get away with it.
I can't "move on", I must win.

>>34139293
Nah, you can move on. It's okay if you don't want to and want to "win", but you are not incapable of letting go.

Since we're anons here, I'll just give it to you straight: you've already lost. And you will continue to lose. This is a person who wronged you years ago and you are still stuck on them. Be completely honest with yourself: they probably don't think about you at all or anywhere near as much you do. Seeing as they wronged you, I think we can safely assume they don't give a fuck what you think. This is entirely one sided, my friend. You will only win when you let it go and move on with your life.

There's a part of you that wants to put this in the past. It's the part of you afraid of what would happen if you acted. The part of you that realizes when you've wronged someone. Replace that person in your life with people that treat you with love and respect.

>>34139326
I've tried all that moral gobbledygook and rationally understand it, yes. But I must get them, it overpowers me.

>>34139387
Then you are lost and you will never win. Even if you got them, you will have cut off your nose to spite your face. Pathetic.

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>>34133287
I have a friend that went through something very similar.
A bully when 15, really just an asshole.
Didn't see him for a couple years, then at an outdoor party, some guy was feeling bad, and another guy was trying to help him, get him water, stuff like that.
Slowly my brain realized that the nice guy was what used to be the bully.
Total 180°.
Became friends, did a lot of fun stuff together, couple years later he met a girl, I have to check how many kids they have now.
Awesome.

>>34139387
Plenty people I'd love to bash to death and feast on their corpse, from strangers to ex-lovers
But that isn't realistic or effective
Most you can do is confront the piece o shit/s, write an expose-ay, write commentary/critique, or hire a hitman heheh
But as I said
Confront
Get all up in their very faces
Middle
Finger
Spit it out
Probably better to -write out- what you wanna say first tho