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Protip: if you want to check my insta profile, have the decency of unblocking me first.

I think with that you can get into the Facebook account with Cross login as well as use messenger to access your contacts in your phone and read messages on messenger and your Instagram DMs. Possibly engaging a form of distrust and sneaky shit

I would make sure you have different passwords for each account as well as two-factor authentication using an app on your phone or an email address that you stay logged out of unless you need to use the 2 factor sign in that only you have access to If your devices physically accessible to others.

All it takes is exporting your account data and they don't even need to be logged in to read that once it's exported.

Make sure your Gmail password is secure as well as your Apple password. That is your most important accounts as. They are gateways to the rest of your accounts once someone exports your passwords.

Anxiety up to 11 again. I feel like fucking puking

One of the most important things you can do is remove all your passwords from Chrome browser and put them in a password manager. Chrome browser passwords can be accessed without needing any credentials. Really fucking stupid

Also it is incredibly easy to export in a couple clicks all of your Google messages (text messages), contacts, Gmail, photos, chromebookmarks, Chrome passwords, history, essentially all of your Google services. Same goes for exportation of your Instagram profile, DM's, Facebook everything, messenger messages, Twitter. Google's the big one though. Absolutely make sure your Gmail password is secure and not easily accessible by just going to the password field in Chrome browser and looking at it because there's no safeguards there from stopping someone if they have access to your computer and are able to just open up your Chrome browser. No login required

>>34137571
Why, Anon? What's up. What's bothering you.

>>34137582
had a fight/misunderstanding with a very valuable friend. It's not the first time and I'm shitscared of the long term consequences, since it's not the first time we had a "conflict" over this.
It's a very touchy subject for both of us and I feel like I'm absolutely shit at communicating, though I'm trying my best.
I'm holding on to hope that everything will be fine, but it's not easy

>>34137590
How important to you is the thing or person you're having that conflict over?

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>>34137544
The USA pollutes a lot worldwide. Now Trump has removed the last act that was meant to prevent pollution. Trump and Elon are killing us worldwide with satellites, data centers, and hydrocarbons.

>>34137590
>>34137595
Right. I assume whatever it is, it's very important to you.

Be a good listener is the only solid advice I can give you. Appealing more to emotions than logic may or may not work depending on who you're arguing with.
Good luck Anon. You'll get through whatever it is that is troubling you.

https://youtu.be/zn9BMIeUZOA?si=0JOd5ZTS0-8ZUdlE

>>34137624
Yeah, but i have invested 100$ in the world economy. I need the economy to grow so i get a return on my investment.

>>34137595
>>34137633
Thanks man.
I'm aware that at least 50% of the worry is irrational. But it's not like I can just rationalize away my anxiety disorder by thinking about how little sense it makes. It'll probably be fine like it usually is, it's just really stressful being in the middle of it and doing it over text because we live a few cities apart.
But ultimately we're both important to each other and I think years of friendship can stand up to a small misunderstanding

Don't enjoy playing games or watching movies, attention span too short for reading.
It's already much that I'm dragging my ass to wageslave, otherwise I would just eat and sleep.
What's wrong with me? I want to have fun, get a life maybe, but I don't feel like doing anything in particular, I just waste time by feeling bad all the time.

>>34137743
Waging does that to you. I enjoy video games and listening to educational vids, but only because i am not a full time employee.

>>34137746
Yes I don't feel like doing "work" during my free time because I already waste 8 hours a day and that's a lot.

>>34137763
I used to work too and it was awful. Come home and barely have any energy to scroll the phone. I was exhausted all the time despite not even working hard in the job.

My life has fallen apart. My marriage broke down and I am technically homeless. I decided I would give in to my baser urges and go to a brothel. The woman who greeted me was his her 20s, I am 38, she was complimentary and pleasant. Yet, I couldn’t perform. It was all going well, then it just faded away.

I don’t want to die, but I don’t particularly want to live.

>>34137778
One possible trap you could fall into is the woman hating one. It is good in a small dose, but don't go all in on that. It's cringe.

Woke up to find a piece of paper with two words on it, Eternity Compromised. I don't remember writing this down and what the context was. I must have been really really high. Fuck the devil's lettuce! 15 years of dabbling with jaded happiness. Another shortcoming to add to the list.

>>34137791
Alcoholic and psychedelics are both fine. Weed is worst of both of these worlds.
You get the addiction and brain damage of alcohol and the disconnection from reality of psychedelics at the same time.
Weed is the worst.

I'm really hoping I don't have to deal with Mike's emotional outbursts again. Having one schizophrenic which is me is enough but having two pissed at each other over delusional bullshit is another.

>>34137797
I've always been very weary of psychedelics. I'd have that one instance where I'd most likely freak out and melt my own face. I used to be a heavy drinker, always tend to overdue so it's rare and in-between. Weed slows my brain down and helps me sleep. It does throw my hypersexuality in mega overdrive though. It's not a daily habit more or less a weekend thing.

>>34137871
I'm schizophrenic too. You see, if you don't leave my house, i'm taking you out. Leave now, LEAVE.

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>>34137894
I have no idea what I'm doing...

I hate being stuck in this stage.
A simple message that says "I like you, let's grab coffee so that we can finally get to know eachother" or "leave me alone" would be way better than this.

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>>34138028
Yeah well I found out that hot black chicks are expensive. I've decided since it isn't in my budget and I got to focus on college, and taxes, I'm gonna stick to being cucked and a dork this Valentine's Day. That stuff is more important than some chick who is hotter than M.

Why does life keep getting in my way? Was it wrong of me to want to take the reigns of my life? Was I supposed to keep my head down and do what others tell me? Or am I being tested and the correct answer is to roll over anything and anyone who interfers with my plans?

>>34138129
Do whatever makes you happy.

I don't love my wife at all.

She baby trapped me when I was 17. I was the quiet, religious kid. She was the high school girl that dated college guys.

For 20 years I got the BPD treatment. I worked my ass off while she mastered the art of dependapotamus. Finally gave her an ultimatum to get help and she did. Got herself straightened out.

10 years later now. Our last kid left home.

I realize I hate her. She treated me like shit for 2 decades and gets rewarded with either a lifetime of me supporting her as a husband or as an alimony check.

I have no love for her but really don't want to piss away $500k in assets and permanent alimony.

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>>34138275
Haha, you're gay

Aw lifes sad sometimes

>>34138289
It is what it is.

I wish people weren't so keen to waste my time.

Why can we not be sober
I just want to start this over
And why can't we sleep forever
I just want to start this over

I better fuck off and sleep before I write something I'll regret.

>>34138607
I personally wish people would stop letting some bizarre assumption of me get in the way of things.

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I just got into a big argument with my fucking parents again. I had shit to do today, I was going to the smoke shop to get that fake piss. But I had to wait on my new glasses to come and they didn't come until later in the day. So I'm trying to get there, I have these checks from Amazon and I had almost enough time to get them ccashed.So I'm trying to walk out the door, I told my mom to keep the checks, give me the cash, and I'd get the checks cashed tomorrow and give her the money back.

Knowing my mom, nope, im not giving you the money, im not doing for you, you're an adult, and all of this. And it could have been solved if she just gave me the fucking money. So then, I found out tonight NC doesn't sell the fake piss anymore, and had no idea and im getting bitched out for it. The day before I have an interview for a good job and I vet this shit was calculated because she wants me to get on disability for a dumbass reason. I had a job in line, good chance of being hired, and she knee caps me once again. Then I got my brother who's a total peice of shit yelling at me because i called her a bitch in my room. Sorry my dad and brother are so fucking cucked, but it's not my problem. I should have been given the money, went, found out it's not available here anymore and saved the cash for later. But, of course they think im a retard that's incapable of anything. And now she's hiding in her room because she's "scared" of me because I literally talked to her once today.

>>34138682
And the car has no fucking gas in it for some reason. That was the other thing.

>>34138695
>>34138695
But it's fine thay my brother stole all of my parents money, their ira, everything and left them living off paycheck to paycheck for the rest of their lives. Stealing her cards, check books, and walking off with thousands and thousands of dollars and im an asshoke for calling her a bitch. The is the same guy that threw a fucking rock at my mom's face because he was feinding for h. Me? I just wanted to get away from these retards. My dad, same way as my brother.

Dealing with my Boss's paranoia about what I do with my money can be annoying at times. Thinks I'm giving it to a coworker I don't know that well who doesn't truly hang out with me yet. Has no idea all of my money is going towards college and clothes and food and sodas. Has no idea I'm using it to buy a laptop, a textbook, and finish up tution payments, and now I got to pay for taxes. Literally my boss thinks I'm spending it all on this one girl, but she has never asked me for money at all in my entire life with her. The fuck?

>>34138695
Made us lose our house, our cars, everything.

Literally have to pay for dental appointments for my teeth and even now I have to pay for trips to my psychiatrist and medication.

LITERALLY WHERE THE FUCK WOULD THIS GIRL BE IN THE EQUATION.

Oh my fucking God. What's worse is that some of them don't even know what Discord is after since the incident where Mike NEARLY GOT ME FIRED.

I have a crush on a guy I met on discord. I can’t stop thinking about him and I know he must like me too based on our conversations, but I also can’t say for certain if he is using me as free entertainment. I guess I hate that some virtual person has power over me, I can’t tell if I am sad because he hasn’t replied in 24 hrs, embarrassed by my choices, or if this is my biology’s way of trying to motivate me to do something. Anyway.

1/2
For the entirety of my life until last year, I had never believed in God, I was raised an atheist by my mother to think all it was dumb. I was so arrogant and smug in my youth to anyone who believed in God because of all the atheist talking points drilled in my head. I grew out of being obnoxious but I still rolled my eyes at the faithful because I felt so certain there was no God and thought Christians were stupid for living by the laws of an ancient book. Thought I was so much smarter than them.

Two years ago, I gained tinnitus from an accident. I would only wish tinnitus on the most evil of evil people. It was terrible at first, but eventually, it became manageable even with occasional flare-ups. Some days were worse than others but music helped to ignore it.

Then one day, the ringing in my ears was truly and utterly unbearable. It was never as bad as that day. Every muscle in my body shook and twitched like I was on the verge of a seizure. At that point, I had tried absolutely everything but nothing- NOTHING could alleviate how bad the ringing was. I tried everything except prayer.

>>34138846
2/2
Then... I prayed. For the first time in my life, I prayed because of how terrible the ringing was.

I had gotten on my knees before my bed, clasped my hands together and prayed to Jesus Christ to please, please take away the tinnitus. I prayed to the Lord to please stop the ringing while crying from how bad it was. I said to the Lord I would do anything if He would stop it; I would love Him, submit to Him, and spread His word for Him if He did this one thing for me. Eventually, I fell asleep from exhaustion. I woke up the next morning.

And do you want to know what happened?

IT WAS LIKE THE RINGING WASN'T EVEN THERE. I was shocked by how it was barely noticeable. Like... a miracle. It might not have been taken away completely but THIS was a mercy I did not deserve. I cried tears of joy that I finally had some relief, and to this day, I still hardly notice it unless I think about it. Everything I thought I knew until that moment was wrong.
It was not the Christians who were the fools but me who was the greatest fool of all. I had no way to explain how it had happened except that God gave me mercy. I was such an idiot to think that I knew everything.

Like the man born blind, I washed the filth from my eyes and saw Jesus Christ for the first time like the people I onced mocked do. Now I believe. I've lived long enough to know that too many coincidences means they are not coincidences. I don't practice as I should but I now have faith.

Thank you, Lord. I did not deserve this relief.

Some fucking freak is using highly experimental (and possibly illegal) tech to spy through my walls. This shit has been going on for almost a year. Police won't do anything about it. Pretty sure it's black budget and highly illegal. It's making me physically ill.

I don't know what to do about it. I do not have the money to hire an investigator or the money to sue. I do not know who they work for but given the silence from my local PD department on the matter, it's government (I filed a report), was supposed to receive a follow up. Didn't.

EMF RF tech directed at any individual for prolonged periods of time can cause severe health issues. It's like sticking your body in a microwave. My quality of life has taken a drastic hit. I want to get these fucking bastards. It's so wrong what they're doing to me.

> Inb4 schizo

>>34138722
Sounds like your boss cares about you, buddy.

LEGALIZE DRUNK DRIVING

>>34138974
You need antipsychotics and therapy.

trauma dump incoming. just skip it if you’re gonna bitch at me for it. tw for childhood SA.

i got molested for several years by my stepdad and my oldest brother, my mother knew and did nothing to stop it. she did of course try to get me to admit it was happening, but at that point i was in denial. she gave me a long speech about being molested and raped (bc of course it had happened to her) and she constantly projected her victimhood onto me. when i hit puberty it was worse, she started to make comments about my body and would open the shower curtain on me and comment about how i looked. i was 12. i had a grown woman at the beach start rubbing lotion on my thighs and comment that i'd make “some man really happy one day” she was drunk and offered me coconut rum. i went back to the camper and stayed there all day after that. of course, i made friends with another girl who was you guessed it, abused as a kid. she started kissing me while we were in her basement and we had sex. i felt like i was floating over my body the whole time. the shame and nausea felt like i wanted to throw up. i didnt have sex again until 28, with a guy this time. certain moments were badly triggering, and unfortunately i rushed into it and freaked the fuck out after. he did also have a bit of a rape kink and threw some lines about that in while we were having sex, which was the worse possible timing. i have a gut feeling he was also abused as a kid, though that’s just a guess. the way he acted just felt really familiar and forced at certain moments. takes one to know one, you know?

parts of it were good though, and it did help to get over all that shame and fear at first, until i took it too far sending nudes and had a meltdown when i knew he was sharing them.

i wish i’d gotten therapy years ago but when i went to one therapist she kept using the word “allegedly” to refer to everything i told her, and she had me redescribe things in detail to the point i was just crying.

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I am not worthy of a woman. No. But I am worthy ... Of a 6 pack.

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>>34138974
>your apartment

Fuck I did the right thing and cut off a situationship, but damn do I miss flirting with her. My life feels empty now

I knew you would find somebody to replace me. I was ready for that a while ago. I am glad you found somebody who absolutely simps for you. I hope it makes you happy. I am thankful to have this gap of distance without invoking your bat shit craziness. It took a while but it was worth it. You still try to weasel in some contact but it's going nowhere fast. There's no way I am letting you back in. You had your chance and it's gone for good. The person you desperately replaced me with could never compare to me, you make it so obvious. I want to watch you raise the white flag, give up completely on the thought of ever connecting with me again. Put the final nails in the coffin and cut all the lines of contact. If I did it then it wouldn't satisfy. Until then I'll keep ignoring your attempts. We've been through this before, you had your second chance. You confessed how much you cried during our time apart. I hope this leaves you feeling empty and gnaws at you for a long time. You deserve it for not appreciating what you had while you had it.

>>34139122
If people give you shit for this, fuck them. Life's Hell and what you went through was painful.

>>34137871
Don't be shit, don't get shit on

>>34138680
Don't be shit, don't get shit on

>>34138731
I won't apologize for your behavior

>>34139355
Okay Mike.

>>34139152
hi hanako

>>34139152
Do you have the three abdominal bands? You might only be able to get a four or two pack.

>>34139314
thank you.

>>34139122
Well, you know, do what you can but try not to make it your predominant personality trait. Maybe try internal family systems therapy. I did it with grok and realized a lot about myself.

it's over.

>>34139384
>try not to make it your predominant personality trait
you're the worst, this kind of reaction is exactly why nobody ever wants to come forward about what happened to them

>>34138974
>Some fucking freak is using highly experimental (and possibly illegal) tech to spy through my walls.
This is false. Go to therapy.

>>34139392
I try to follow it about my trauma things. I guess I personally wonder if we can truly ever be like we were, but at the very least we can maybe make the parts we don't like as small as possible. But iunno. I just have different kinds of problems maybe.

>>34139392
right? Ty, like damn, guess i’ll just keep repressing ts.

for the record, this board is the only place i vent shit like this. i know it doesn’t help to fixate on it or else i’ll just become a constant victim/attention seeker, but gd i’ve been through things that would make men weep. it helps to put it somewhere.

>>34139411
>>34139392
Theoretically there's some ways to change, and religions have concepts of purifying psychologically. I'm open to it, but I tend to hedge bets and play both options if I can. So I try to "heal" and I try to "deal".

>>34139425
what the fuck are you even saying lmao. waste of time

>>34139440
You probably didn't try to understand, but I was skirting around it because I guess it's a pretty brutal concept laid flat, but we might just be damaged forever ultimately in some way from everything that ever happens to us, but perhaps maybe healing is possible. I think we tend to just moreso think about things less and learn better behaviors though.

I think maybe nanobots or something might be able to fully change us like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or something tho

I'm sorry. I was trying to be supportive but it rarely comes across right because my perception of the world is dark, I guess.

She don’t wont me

>>34139597
Write a blues about it

>>34139597
She wants you just message or call her

>>34139642
I do that often, but I’m always the one initiating. I decided to stop doing that and now have radio silence and I’m getting blown off on some loose plans
In summation: she don’t wont me

>>34139685
Dang I'm sorry

>>34139692
Yeah shit sucks ass
Her loss

>>34139728
>Her loss
Damn right.

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I swear a fed is fishing me or something.

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Is it normal to be persistantly followed by an account or alt accounts on X that appear to be outwardly a woman baiting some kind of engagement? Is it normal for these accounts to all share the same ODD gimmick? They all have banners of spongebob flipping patties which is weird, because that doesn't seem charictaristic of any AI accounts that have followed me before, that seems like a human touch. The images of the girl don't look like AI, and the posts aren't charicteristic of it, so I don't know why whoever is behind these accounts keep following me. They also keep mentioning things about "cats", my pfp is a cat. It seems kind of caitered. Anyone else had this happen? It was only recently this started. One of the accounts that followed me, using the same gimmick, with the same enticement of engagement had an odd "coincidence" about it. Just curious if anyone else here has had this happen. LOL.

>>34139785
No we aren't.

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>>34139841
Proof?

>>34139824
Is it normal to keep being added by a girl acting like she's multiple people

>>34139882
Well it was actually 2 alts and one which I wasn't sure about. What I mean by "normal" though, is, is this a common occurance on X? Doesn't really matter, just triggered my schizo alarm.

>>34139271
Happy for you anon, you deserve the best

Has anyone here experienced a BPD “discard”?

I'm so fucking tired. I haven't had enough sleep, and eating makes me fall asleep with terrible food coma so I barely eat. Recently I got into a situationship and it ended. Past few days my Discord has been getting spammed as some guy is crashing out and I try my best to be there and show support. But he takes up hours of my time and drains all my energy. Also, I have social obligations on Friday evening after work and need to pull an all-nighter for more social obligations. Saturday I also have to be out all day (giving a presentation in the afternoon then having to make pleasantries at a wedding dinner) so I literally only have Sunday to rest. And Sunday is chore day. I just feel like I'm being stretched thin and barely holding on. Times like this I really hate being a "normie" because I'd really wish to go back to my hikkineet days. But the moment I start flaking, I'll ruin everything I've worked so hard to maintain socially. I just gotta get through this and look forward to my planned break next week with no social interaction planned.

I swear i will kill everything off of this planet

>>34140075
What do you mean?

lol

>>34140103
Get close to someone with BPD (also can happen with bipolar diff reasons) and out of the blue and very suddenly they devalue and ghost you

>>34140116
Oh. I haven't had it happen to me because I'm usually the one doing it. It's like an extreme version of "the ick". Someone will do or say something I don't like and that changes my perception of them until I'm like "fuck you, i can't stand you, i might even hate you" and it's usually over something minor. I didn't know it was BPD until last year.

https://youtu.be/fq_jICncRas?si=KkqyzwG_9v7c4Giu

I wish I could cry.

I didn't cry when any of my family members died, I didn't cry when any of my beloved pets died, I didn't cry when my first gf broke up with me. Sure, I felt sad- but there was no emotional release. I haven't cried since I was a child, and the closest I've been to tears was watching a stupid fucking anime. I felt the hot tears welling up against my eyes and the shallow gasp of breath- and then nothing. As soon as the feeling came, it vanished.

Why can't I just fucking cry?

i offered a stranger on the street help with some heavy stuff. he wanted to pay me after. i refused. i know this is super basic but i still feel proud because as a kid i was a penny pincher for some reason

You're pushing me away while you gaslight yourself into thinking I'm pushing you away.

>>34139939
I mean when she messaged me on discord

>>34140125
With her it's a bit different. It was a trauma triggered that did it and then misserception only happened because of outside factors that then caused her to develop mental illnesses and toxic behavior defense traits which she didn't have before. Her physical and mental health is rapidly declining. Tough to see. I know it will work out where she comes home to me and heals completely but in the meantime It has only been getting worse every day with her there

I wonder how many times Ive been unintentionally irradiated

>>34138866
Awesome testimony. Don't forget your vows.

>>34140530
Vow to get the fuck out feeling suffocated and trapped, being railroaded where every conversation is just a couple sentences you say so you can talk at me. I can't breathe here I'm just done

Give me the same hurt I gave you, Devuskha.
I can't take away the pain I gave you, no matter how much I wish to do so.

>>34140833
>I can't take away the pain I gave you, no matter how much I wish to do so.
This also applies to many more people. None of them are men however, you can get fucked with a rake. One of them identifies as transgender so I don't count them as a man.

>>34140833
I know there are parts of my letter that really reverberate and help us like that
(Giving each other the same hurt and a bit more)
The rest of my letter you can view by looking at my trip posts here. I do love you Maria.
>>>/r9k/83610484

>It's never surprising to find that Maria and I are the same. The same reaction, the same needing the other to feel just as much (plus a bit more). Same pride, same righteousness, it's not really those but why moments but more of course moments.

>What we have with each other is different than what anyone else has.

>I understand and I promise it's going to be okay

>>34140855
I don't remember asking your opinion.

>>34140867
Then don't take words for my letter and act like they're your own

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>>34140855
We both would rather jump in lava than lose, and if there's a scratch let's cut off the arm and if the arm is gone then fuck it let's flay the skin break the ribs and who has need of ears with the inability to hear.

With anyone else it's like that,
You're well aware that Your wording from another would result in Challenge accepted, You don't know what wrath is until you felt mine, mine is bigger than yours, just try it, there will be a fucking smudge left of you when I'm done. Just reading that I wrote that flared you up ready to fight.

When I look into your eyes and I hear your voice in that moment we had everything is better, the air feels cleaner, colder in a fresh way. everything goes from being underwater, that physical feeling of the world around us The weight of the air, of what we can't see. It becomes clear, in focus, sharper, lighter, there's so much more to it but I've written enough

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>>34140877
It feels like you're stabbing yourself with every word lashing out to me. Like pouring salt on the empty wound, that hollow spot. It feels like you're hyperventilating and you feel compelled to do something anything to get out of that feeling and even after the words stop, the sound is quiet, the feeling remains and it hurts. There's a compulsion to lie to me, I understand why and how you feel. I know how if I say specifically it will trigger defensiveness fight or flight mode and we both know you're going to fight.

And there's a part of you, pretty vocal part that wants me to hurt you. Physically, emotionally, fucking destroy you. Take every part of you for myself.

It happens in person. And I could say it here but we both know you don't want to know what happens until it's too late and you're in the Lions den.

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>>34140880
You're well aware of that you did not have any mental health issues back then.

The words you said were honest, from your heart, unfiltered open clear clean direct. Your truth. I'm the only one you've been able to be like that with in your life. It scares you because of how much it means to you and that just adds to the shame and guilt. You were tricked my others to Miss perceive and assume. You know what happened. Just as much as you know who I am to you and who you are to me. It just is and always will be

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>>34140884
And not to mention our physical compatibility. More pleasure than you could and ever will feel in your life with another. I'm the only one who can do that for you. It's because we do it naturally for each other. It's not forced. That's why when you read what I write that physical feeling comes over you. No one else does that to you. The way your eyes are trying to me, the way your pussy is drawn to me. You can't help it

lol meltie

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>>34140888
What's tough is knowing how you actually feel and the reason you make these posts because you love me still

You spend more time thinking about me, making post about me, reaching out to me this way then you do anything else in your day. Anything else in your thoughts

You clearly aren't happy Where you are and who you're around. you wouldn't be here if you were. You wouldn't be constantly looking for me in this place, reaching out to me for me to be around you

What if I never answered back?

I started dating someone a few months ago and I've been fucking up lately. I always have problems staying faithful and thought I'd be better this time. Haven't done anything irreversible yet, but I've been sexting with my ex that lives across the country for the past week. Not sure what to do

>>34140892
This is something that helps me immensely whenever I start having mispercievements. It helps me look only to you.

The empty part inside me where you reside, where you complete me. It's never stopped hurting.

There's a lot I want to tell you. I know you know me more than anyone else ever could. So where there are questions you feel need my answers, when you finally do ask them, when I hear your voice and you hear mine, the answers are ones youll find you somehow knew all along. Hope proven despite all else that attempts to take it from you.

I hope that gives you relief.

I love you Maria
With all my heart

Mike

>>34140833
TAKING WORDS FROM MY LETTERS TO RECYCLE AND REGURGITATE AS YOUR OWN IS SO FUCKING PATHETIC. YOU ARE EVEN MORE WORTHLESS EMPTY CONNIVING AND WEASLEY

YOU'RE SO FUCKING PATHETIC

>>34140898
Just stop. Stop ruining his and your relationships

>>34140188
Medical condition probably

>>34140891
Using my words to attempt to turn the tide with her for yourself only results in you drowning as she is brought to my shore because she recognizes my voice and chooses me.

>>34140915
I'm a guy. But point taken. I know I don't deserve this happiness

There is a cold black flame inside me. It fiercely burns alright with LAUGHTER.
Here Mickey (or do you prefer Ruby? Or your name whose spelling I can't be arsed with remembering?). This is for you and you only. Enjoy.
https://youtu.be/R29g6YObKLE?si=XNl6zM0ppRq2rmiN&t=22

>>34140928
Happiness.
You're cheating on your new gf. You're both disgusting pos. Your new gf deserves better.

By the way, have you ever heard of a song called "Blurry" by a group called "Puddle of mud"?
That's where I took inspiration for my line, you psychopathic narcissist faggot with an unwarranted sense of self importance.

>>34140898
If you've already done it then it is irreversible. That's the definition of having done something. All you can do is admit what you did to him. Give him your phone so he reads all the messages and there's no dishonesty between you once that's done.

>>34140936
I'm not Ruby. I don't know what other name you're referring to.

>>34140969
And I'm Yuri Gagarin. I see no borders from up here.
>what other name you're referring to.
Nahoya. As I said before I can't be arsed with remembering the actual spelling. *shrug*

>>34140981
>He says standing on the jungle gym looking down

There was nothing I wished more than romancing her. Maybe... Nah I'm in denial. That's still what I wish for more than anything.

The very unpleasant individual that started this is probably going to die by the hands of his own motorbike.
I like that bike, to be very 2bh. A green Ninja that doesn't have all of the mods he likes to claims it has.
But it doesn't matter. This situation is fucked beyond what I can repair with the skills I posses, and logically speaking I better spend my time differently.

>>34139152
No one is "worthy of a woman". You cannot satisfy a whore who's only desire is lust

I started dating someone in November. I let her know beforehand that I was planning on moving in April this year before we made it official and said we'd talk about it in the new year.

It's the new year now and I'm not sure what to do. I want to move out of state by April, but she's stuck here through the end of the year. We spend almost all of our free time together but I'm not sure if I can actually handle a long distance relationship.

>>34141078
Just try and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

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I'm not your boyfriend. I never was despite that's what I wanted the most from life from the very moment I first noticed you.
What was between is was a mutual crush that went on for about... 15 years. Sadly we never were anything real. I'm not interested in romance. Anything else is not acceptable.


Like I said many times it's your life to live, and how you want to live it is up to you and you only. Do what makes you happy. I'm very serious.

>>34141103
>between is
Between us.
>I'm not interested in romance
I'm not interested in anything that is not romance.
fix'd

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You know what really gets to my head about this whole situation?
Had I shut the fuck up with the very unpleasant biker, none of this would have happened.
Had I not sperged out and blocked you the second time, when I saw a glance of you outside his place, none of this would have happened.

And most importantly, I thought for a long time you either
>didn't like me
>despised me for some reason
While in reality you felt about me exactly the way I feel about you.

I'm fuming, at myself. Not you.
Again. Like I said many times, I perfectly understand why you acted the way you did. And I'm furious. At myself. I fucked up something that should have been almost impossible to fuck up. I fucked up something that I know in me was _meant_ to be.

>>34141098
That's true. I just worry about her wanting to move her whole life for me when we've only just started our relationship

>>34141078
You can move in in April.

>>34141103
Good now go away

>>34141176
Maybe learn how to ride for yourself and not use chat GPT and then have to remove the special characters to feel the post


> _meant_ to be.

>>34141192
Like with her?

>>34141212
She can move in with me

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And yeah. Going after other girls while chasing you was simply inappropriate and fucking retarded. That's another reason why I'm letting you go without even trying to make you stay.

We have, or better, had, friends in common. Ask them how serious about you I am. Ask them how long you've been in my mind for.

For all I know I'm talking to you so calm your tits

https://youtu.be/TUmm1QjLC5U?si=Lx7jPbae87lsJpn5

>be 29
>go out with this one TLP girl, nothing happened tho
>tried to invite me out again a few days later, but it wasn't a good moment and she never tried again
>we sorta kept in touch, mostly just polite congratulations or whatever
>about a month after we went out, I went out with someone else, lost my virginity, but things didn't last more than a month (girl wanted me to be available 24/7 but I couldn't)

>ffw to today, about a year and a half later after me and TLP girl went out
>be inexplicably horny in recent times
>TLP girl been posting/sharing a lot of IG stuff joking(?) about how she hasn't kissed/fucked anyone in a while
My will to not text her is big but my dick is gaining control, send help.

I wish I had enough money to take care of my friends and family

>>34141315
Everyone feels this way. Just find solice in the fact that you have that desire and understand you cannot care for anyone if you do not care for yourself (assuming no one takes care of you)

>>34137544
I think the most beautiful thing in the world is when two loners meet and it's like they solve each other's loneliness or like when two outcasts meet and become a couple. Then you realize, you really weren't the outcast you thought you were.

Another shitty place another shitty neighbor that never shuts the fuck up and I can hear literally EVERY SINGLE SOUND THROUGH THE WALLS. EVERY NON STOP CONVERSATION EVERY COUGH EVERY TIME THEY DROP SOMETHING ENDLESS ENDLESS ENDLESS NOISE

So I egg their door
Next is gluing the keyhole
Pooring honey or something over the handle
If necessary setting it ablaze

I'm not staying here

I'm heading out. Same park, same round square inside that park.

SAME PEOPLE HAVE A STUPID SHITTY YAPPING DOG TOO

FUCKING WORTHLESS CUNTS

AMD I CAN'T EVEN FIND A CAFE OR RESTAURANT THAT WON'T LET DOGS IN BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE HAS TO BE INFILTRATED BY THEM SO YOU CANNOT SIT OR EAT ANYWHERE WITHOUT THE SMELL AND THE FUR AND THE DISEASES AND THE NOISE

OH AND THE FUCKING PARENTS WITH SCREAMING KIDS OR BRATTY RUNNING AROUND KIDS THAT ANNOY EVERYONE WTF

ALL I HEAR IS THIS DUMB FUCKING LADY THROUGH THE WALLS WHO WON'T STFU FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST SHUT UP

>>34141389
That is what you deserve for not enjoying it.

https://youtu.be/TPE9uSFFxrI?si=WRXDHjGobSdcv305

I ate pizza but my body started feeling tired afterwards, kinda blanked out for 10 minutes. But I also slept in 2 more hours than I wanted to do. I hope I'm not fighting something, since I have been having lots of shit the past couple of days.

>>34141533
Get better soon.

I want a cute and innocent girl. That’s all I want to say.

>>34141315
I wish I had family I cared about that way.

Shinobu. Can we be friends?

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>>34137544
trump dna test

I want you to live. Live god damn it. You are better than this. You know that. I know that.

>>34140500
>I mean when she messaged me on discord
Oh. Well that I can't say. Remember though, if it smells fishy, you might be getting fished.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4MGkv02AFU
It's one of those days....

She's not into me, she doesn't like me
Any signs are coincidence.
Let it go, I was able to get over a crush before, I can do it again.
I don't wanna feel these things, I don't wanna fall for someone.

>>34137571
Anxiety back up, but only to like 8-10 now and I'm much more confident that it's just how my body works and there is no real reason to worry about.
I think the main fight/misunderstanding I had with the very valuable friend in question is mostly resolved. And it looks like in fact it actually strengthened our bond. But being this vulnerable around people is still so incredibly new to me thanks to a life full of traumatic friendships and my anxiety is just screaming at me at full volume that I should just close off and bottle it all up or I will lose it all and be miserable forever.
Which is a bold fucking lie

I don’t want you, I just want your job and the authority/success you have. But I want to earn it and be good at it, not just have it handed to me bc of the pussy pass. Stop coddling me damn it. I wish I wasn’t weak, but I am. I wish I could be a tough soldier and that you could rely on me like a brother, but yet at the same time if you did I’d feel like it’s wrong somehow.

If I let you be vulnerable it’s not wrong, but it’s gonna fuck you up in the long run to accept that weakness. I need to push you to succeed, not let you get stuck in feeling bad right now. I know it hurts, but you have to keep going. You have to get up, let go of that fear and frustration, and you need to keep moving. It hurts, but it’s gonna make you stronger.

Maybe I aimed too low in my own life and that's why my relationships reflect it back.

>>34142110
Maximum redpill. Sorry you feel that way and you should go your own way.

Turbulence.

Can I have a pat in the back for not having leashed out at anybody while having a manic episode please?

>>34142215
Stinky~

>>34142255
*pat*

>>34142262
Thank you.

>>34142206
Relax anon, I’m not with anyone. I’m just verbalizing some weird internalized thoughts I have. Don’t take it to heart please, I’m just hurting and angry with myself for being weak more than anything. I want more than anything to just get the chance to cuddle with him again and run my fingers through his hair. It just won’t happen and I’m fucking sad and angry about it.

I shouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror out of shame.
No I am not depressed. I'm just having the blues.
No, those aren't tears. My eyes are merely sweating.

Who the fuck am I kidding.

Ever since October 2022 I've felt like I've been living my life in desperation mode clinging on to this job and life I don't want.
I'm waiting for the day I can be let free and go on my own journey.
I'm getting tired of waiting.

None of you deserved any of the shit I did.

Maybe I've just been bored this entire time
Will the world let me explore my interests

>>34142382
Fuck off I'm not hiding behind anonymity.

Again: none of you deserved any of the shit I did.

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#mood

To be fair, I _did_ leash out at Mike....

Don't worry. I'll stop shitting the thread after this. Pretend nothing is happening. Nothing to see here.

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What the fuck is wrong with this planet? It’s no longer a happy or new year.

Namefags deserve to get Hey Paul'd, if you know what I mean.

>>34142475
I actually don't.

>>34142475
You deserve to be cherished if you know what I mean.

Wasted months of my own time.

>>34142515
What happened?

>>34137544
I've been looking at ads for hookers. There's a super shady "agency" offering asian girls, I'm 90% sure they're being trafficked but I'm still so tempted to hit them up.

>>34142664
Try weed and video games and hot coffee/tea AT THE SAME TIME!

>>34142664
>>34142672
While you also watch something on another screen.

>>34142672
At this point weed is basically guaranteed mental illness. Ever since medical pot is lab grown shit has gotten bad.

>>34142674
Do less of it. We did that with a mindset of scarcity and substance of low quality. We are wealthy now. Avoid prole drift. Develop refined habits. Or don't if you like being sober.

>>34142443
I think I got past my mental breakdown. I'm going for a smoke. Now I'm starting to get angry with myself, again.

My wife is 49 and she's so fucking hot. Her hourglass body is as hot as she was when she was 27. Face barely changed too.

She doesn't stress out over stuff, and doesn't vote or care about politics. That's the secret to happy life, and it's good for your health too.

I know youre hiding shit from me which is unnecessary because I dont even care about your life like that BUT ive got to admit that night was gross, youre gross, I regret going down on you. Fuck you, please eat shit.

>>34142475
I just think they should be blocked by the spam filter. I don't care if they post here, as long as they're not drawing undue attention to themselves by putting a name on all their posts.

>>34142681
It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with quantity, it has to do with the specific strain chemical makeup and its reaction to your biology. You could smoke three times and develop an issue.

>>34142748
And another thing, you and all of your drunk friends are insufferable, the people you all fuck are reeally gross, and you all deserve eachother.
Knowing I inflated your ego eating you out makes me want to puke, especially knowing who you settle for.
FUCKING GROSS.

>>34142748
>>34142762
Last thing: if you see me at the bar, no you dont.

>>34142746
Cool

OK I feel kinda better. Yuck.

i hate women
i hate women so fucking much
i hate women

>>34142746
>She doesn't stress out over stuff
>That's the secret to happy life
Far easier said than done. If you have the ability to just not get stressed out over things, good for you.
Unfortunately, shit stresses me out and I have no control over that, except to try and avoid stressful situations in the first place.

>They are donating 35 items from the inventory of it
I know it's a little fucked since it's items for donations, but I think those 35 items in the inventory should be burned. I mean what were they actually thinking approving those colors?

I'm an autistic alcoholic and I've been happily married for 6 years. been in relationships for all but 8 months of my adult life. if you're an incel it's because you're a bad person playing videogames or some other stupid shit instead of doing honest labour or going on a walk around town or anything else wholesome. I'm sick of all your stupid posts. kill yourself

next week will be interesting with the new hire, i shall see how it goes, i'm hopeful. probably gonna get blabbed in my ear over some shit.

(1/2)Cormac McCarthy knew how to live. He went to a state school and dropped out. School is boring. He went to Alaska in the military. He only really started reading there. He went around on ships in his youth. He wrote books, and they didn’t sell, and he didn’t care. He got a wife and they lived in a shithouse he built himself and bathed in a lake and when someone would call offering money to lecture them he’d say no. And his wife said they’d eat beans. Years later when he’d had a little success an underage girl in a bikini came up to him at a motel pool. She said let’s hang out, he said yes. Years after that he impregnated a woman in his sixties who was thirty years younger. Not much is known about her except she came out of the kitchen to confront some other guy after she broke up with Cormac, with a Smith and Wesson in her pussy, due to an argument about space aliens. You can imagine how she fucked. McCarthy knew how to live.
People got mad when Vincenzo Barney’s articlecame out. The Wikipedia entry to this day takes pains to highlight “but she was still 17, on a shared trip to Mexico,” when they “progressed to a physical relationship.” Even in its uptightness it cedes that fucking her was progress. You and I know he nailed her day one in that motel. You’d do it too if you had the nuts. Which you don’t. I don’t either.
After this he wrote Blood Meridian which I’m rereading now. The part where the army captain takes his squad into Mexico across the landscapes is the high water mark of the English language. Better than anything before it. Better than anything will be again.
He hung out with nerds as an old man. Spent his later days reading Wittgenstein. Blathering with physicists. You get old enough and you do feel that coming on. The urge to park your ass on a comfy couch and read a long book by the fire. Find some intellectual and have him drone on about some arcane subject. Let someone else drive.

>>34142831
(2/2)
Kurt Vonnegut had it harder. He fucked up in school too but it got him sent to Dresden in the freezing cold. He got back, he worked like a dog, had kids early, his sister died and he took in her kids too. He quit his job. He had the nuts. He wrote books and they didn’t sell and he must have cared cuz he had fifteen mouths to feed. He sweated over business schemes. He almost quit writing.
He wrote like Simple English Wikipedia. The best to ever do it in that style. He was a compassionate man.
They both wrote great books. There may be some equal to them out there now but you never hear about them. We’re in decline. But then you read books from the absolute peak of civilizations, they say “we’re in decline.” The Greeks always wailing about their decline.
What does it mean. Seek warm weather and younger women.

I’m going to miss you until the day I die. Please God let me forget.

>>34142836
>kurt voenngut wrote wikipedia
are you retarded? time travel was a literary device, not a superpower kurt vonnegut was advertising.

>>34142852
I never said he wrote Wikipedia kek

>>34142865
cocksucker do you not know the word "encyclopedia"? are you a Josef Fritzl style basement incest kid? what the fuck

I'm so fucking lonely.
I just want to lay my head in someone's lap and pass out while they whisper "you're ok."

Is that so much to ask?
Does that make me an entitled?
Maybe I'm better off dead if it does.

>>34142802
I'm trying.
Stop being mean. You could be nice.
It's not hard...

>>34142897
I’m lonely too. Wish i had someone who could rest their head in my lap. Pet their hair and rub my thumb on their cheek. You will be okay sweet anon

>>34142930
That sounds like heaven. I wish I still had the faith to believe in you, Anon.

Please. Find someone who still can. Don't go chasing after a lost cause like me.

i've wanted to spend the rest of my life with the same girl since i was like 12 or 13

but all the girls i've dated are terrible despite seeming ok at a glance to the uninitiated, so i dump them

i've done this quite a few times over the years and have learned that i'm just not compatible with most people

i might die alone but it's better than being with an insipid, worldly whore

>>34142955
What’s going on with you anon? Why are you a lost cause?

>>34142963
For the last 16 years, my family treated me like their retirement account.
Like some kind of priceless THING instead of a person.

I can't move past that pressure. I CONSTANTLY feel like a failure. I just want that feeling to stop. And death seems like the only way out.

I'm wrong. I hope so, at least.
Anon is better off helping easier cases than me. Anyone who can actually enjoy their lives gives me hope.
I'll place my faith in victory by thousands of cuts. If other anons can make it, so can I. I'll take anything that can prove me wrong...

>>34142977
How’d they treat you like that for 16yrs? Reminds me of child actors who say they felt pressured to support their families. Its ok, i dont think i can save you or anything, just lonely on a friday night

if i dont feed my brain with porn i have to feel and if i have to feel i start to think about cutting myself and if i don´t cut myself i have to sit with that horrible feeling that i failed in everything and that i´m broken

i guess i did failed in everything though, i just wish it didnt hurt so much

>>34142988
The only positive encouragement I got was when the report cards came. About every half-semester or every 9 weeks.

For the rest of the time, I was just there. Like a book-case or cabinet. It's hard to explain how utterly dehumanizing it is to be treated like that.

Both my parents were junkies. Mom was a meth-head and dad was a pretty serious alcoholic. I figured out they were relying on me to support them by grade 7, or middle school for the European reader.

My sister hated me. I can't blame her; she was useless to my parents. They took any and all frustrations they had about their lives out on her.


I was the retirement account. She was the punching bag. They're demons. I don't really believe in God. But I know the opposite exists.

I cracked under all the pressure.
Completely blew up my life. I'm stuck under tens of thousands of student debt with nothing to show for it. But at least they're stuck too. Mom's living in some ratty trap-house and dad works 15 hours a day just to pay his bills.

I can't be fixed. But any other anons who can enjoy their lives give me hope that I can maybe enjoy mine.

>>34143027
Feeling like this too, might straight up go to adult toy store because masturbation is like my only source of dopamine now, i have no one
>>34143031
I’m so sorry anon, what degree did you get? 24yo and still no degree at all. But, it sounds like you’d trade the degree for a less traumatic childhood. I’m happy you still have hope. I don’t even know anymore. I’m just existing

>>34143031
The worst part is that I would still help them if I could.
Like, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would make sure the both of them were ok. Before I started spending the winnings on myself.

I can't tell if that makes me pathetic or empathetic.
I would give it all to be somebody else. I can say that with the utmost conviction. No matter the circumstance.

You'll always have a special place in my heart and my soul.
We will meet again. As friends, lovers or enemies, it doesn't matter.

>>34143049
It makes you empathetic not pathetic

>>34143047
I never got a degree. I couldn't stand the idea of perpetuating their habits.

Yet, here I am. Drunk as drunk could ever be. Maybe my line was meant to die here; maybe it was meant to succumb to modernity.
I don't know. I wish I did. If only to stop the constant "what-if"s...

>>34143060
I want to believe you.
I want to imagine that such an act of self-lessness makes me the bigger person. But, in reality, giving that much of your life's work, it makes you nothing more than someone to exploit.

>>34142760
I hear it has been shown to cause or accelerate schizophrenia in like 1 out of 36,000 people.

Friday night. My best friend has been living abroad for years now and we only speak through the internet. I have no irl friends anymore, like I did have plenty 10 years ago. I've come close to marrying twice, in long term relationships. The last one broke me when it ended, I became an alcoholic. Tonight I wanted to play videogames with some online friends but they have their own lives. I don't normally do this, I haven't done this in over ten years, but I searched for two (three) names of friends I had in fundamental school out of curiosity. I studied with a guy and his sister and they both seem happy with their respective families and kids. And another friend that had a sad story of getting raped after we lost contact. He went to study at another school I was at years later, having homosexual relationships, we would say hello to each other but that was it. My mother said years back she saw him at church with a girlfriend, getting healed and eventually marrying. I googled good name tonight and he has a kid. He seems happy other than the fact his father seems to be in the hospital. I feel happy and hopeful for them, I won't try to reach them ever. and I can't help looking at myself and seeing how inept I am, how unfit I am to live this life. I'm not right, not meant to be happy or leave anything on this earth.

I'm hurting trying to help someone get over years of suffering. Every time I tell them they can tell me anything or ask me if they need help, I'm met with either silence or push back. Be it love or limerence, I just want to make you happy for fucks sake.

Everything that we talked about that led to this is still stuck in my head which is causing even more heartache. A part of me wants to forget and leave that person be but I couldn't forgive myself if something happened.

I've worked at a high-stress big-four tech job since 2013, and have used it as almost a distraction from my personal weaknesses (no social connections, very anxious outside of work). When I'm under stress, apparently it shows.

My VP saw me in the hallway a week ago. She saw I was over staring at the floor, waiting for a different elevator, nervous, not wanting to make eye contact, etc. She tried to get my attention and be friendly. Could it be I was avoiding her? Nah, ignore me, I'm being silly.

I realized then that I am not 'hiding it' at all. Doesn't matter how much stock I have saved up, or what I've done at the company; I am still the same basement-dwelling loser I was decades ago. I think I need help.

I say so much retarded shit it is unbearable...

>>34143224
As someone that's been that person dealing with suffering and unhealed trauma, it can be extremely difficult or impossible to allow someone in and let them help you. If depression and anxiety is involved, it's almost like a little voice in your head telling you "stop bothering others with your problems" or "why would they actually care?" even if the opposite is true and it would help to talk to others. I don't know this person but maybe they also had a bad experience telling others. I've had loved ones and friends basically shy away from me after I took a chance and poured my soul out about how I was feeling, and personally I don't talk about my problems much any more if at all because I've learned that it only drives people away, and it's somehow slightly less painful to just bottle it up and isolate myself even if it drives people away rather than share my pain with them and realize they aren't someone I can trust and have them definitely leave anyway.

>>34143381
>maybe they also had a bad experience telling others
Bingo and that's why I've been very patient with and I keep reassuring them that it's what I want them to do and they aren't being a burden but it's been nothing but a one step forward-two steps back kind of deal and each time I'm trying to walk on eggshells on how much should I be pressing and what topics to go for or else I feel like they'll start doubting my intentions and bottle themselves up even more.

>>34142781
Same

>>34142874
Meds. Now.

I'm so sad and lonely again.

8 or so years ago a therapist told me if I could just make a friend who stood by me for a year, it would change things for me.

Well we made it a year but it seems like it blew up at the finish line. Can't believe I'm still alone. I'm almost 30. I'm so scared and sad I don't see how I could ever look back at this life with pride or happiness.

And to all you goddamn motherfuckers who did this to me, I don't forgive you I have so much hate for you still and I think of you every day. God fucking damn you you don't deserve to be happy while I fucking suffer.

People who don't care. People who just don't fucking care about you. It doesn't matter what you do.

>>34143639
Same but I probably deserve to be a loner. Tbh I'm boring and sometimes I don't like sharing the things I do with people because I get this feeling they're just going to copy or imitate it for their own benefits, which is what most people do now a days. Ehh.

>>34143639
Come over. Human interaction and intellectual stimulation is the tip of maslows heighadchy

armenians are the most inconsiderate human beings on this planet and no one can convince me otherwise

how is it possible to tolerate such a rude, loud, annoying group of people?

>>34143650
I have nothing to copy. I offer nothing worth copying. If I felt like that, maybe I would do the same, because these days I am afraid of everyone.

>>34143652
I just don't want to be alone anymore.

>>34143670
>I am afraid of everyone.
I almost feel the same way, but I think I'm starting to hate people and I don't want too.

I have a recurring issue where when my partner is unavailable and I have free time I just act like a total freak on the Internet in roleplay chatrooms and discords. I seem out validation and stimulation. My partner is frequently going through some kind of emotional problems and isn't able to meet me where I am, so I'm getting it from somewhere else even if it's not real. Partner has been wishy washy and inconsistent about their feelings on the matter for literally years. I just want to feel the thrill of it all. I don't know if we're really sailing or just keeping it afloat. I feel like we would both forgive each other and be able to handle it if either did something bad because the rest is temporary. I try to listen and be supportive. It's all so complicated.

>>34143639
What do you want in a friend?

>>34143732
I just don't want to be alone anymore. But with most people we don't understand each other. I just want to be with someone who makes me feel the levity of friendship for a little while. So I don't feel my life was only witnessed by myself, and to experience some joy before I die.

>>34143681
People have disappointed me over and over and so I think I hate them now too.

I was so nice to everyone why. I loved my friends so much.

My sleeping schedule has been so fucking weird this last year. The most uninterrupted sleep i get is around 6 hours I'd say, which is good.

Other times I'm constantly waking up, can't stay asleep or I get tired at weird hours. Yesterday I woke up at 5 am and I was crashing out by 6 pm. I fell asleep probably by 6:30 and I woke up like an hour ago at midnight wide awake and now i don't know what to do all night.

>>34142366
>Life I don't want
What's important is you recognize it early so you still have the grounding to escape and not be burdened by the expectations of others.

>>34142802
I have had experience around alcoholics. Horrible disease. Self-centered and unable to take accountability, makes sense why you try to promote it as a good thing.

>>34143069
That is not the case I found from many years around others. Stop looking at studies and look at the people around you. If you have any long-term friendships look at what happens.

>>34143650
Feels like narc boasting for taking my words and using them

>>34143730
Cheating isn't complicated. That's what you're doing. Cheating

I wanted to stop drinking this year but I’m already relapsing. I will restart and try fasting to get detoxed.

When underwater I'm the light seen in the distance.

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I really dislike work. It's literally the only thing I can do to keep things from just going to shit, though.
At least I have a mythical job with "down time" now. I've been wondering for the last decade how I see so many fat fucks walking around like they don't have to sweat at all. I think you have to reach a certain age before anyone feels bad enough for you to let you sit on your ass for a while.

my ex is a retard and he'll never find a girlfriend as good as me. i have a good job, a high sex drive, i'm not too bad looking, i loved him to death and took care of him and trusted him to fix his situation, gave him good advice to get back to his studies and endless emotional support, wanted to get married. but he preferred jerking off to drawings and calling me ugly and retarded to try and exert some weird control over me.
honestly i was retarded and i could do much better than him, i wanted to get married, my only expectations were for him to go to uni and not disrespect me 100 times a day. all i wanted was for him to be kind to me and reliable, i had the bare minimum expectations and he couldn't meet them.
i can tell he's trying to get back in touch, but now i've fallen out of love, i know i can't trust him to be kind to me, so i'm never going back.
idk, i just feel bad for him. i also feel a bit bad that he was this stupid because i know i'll never love someone as much as i loved him. that's because my love was blind, and he showed me how awful people can me, no matter how much you give them. so now, i'll go into my next relationships fearful and distrustful, i can't go back to being as blind as i used to be. all he had to do is give me the bare minimum andi would've kept loving him to death, but instead he actively destroyed it.

>>34137544
I've fallen into the loli rabbit hole and I feel ashamed.
I really do find the fantasy of a girl who's barely legal or just barely under age taunting me to fuck her, that she knows what she's doing, that she loves the rush of it, having an older man fuck her, ruin her, climb on her and pound her like some wild beast.
It's weird to describe, but the dynamic is a lot of fun in the bedroom, a brat who knows she's weaker physically but mentally controlling the entire thing, egging it on, edging further and further.

I need a shag.

>>34144024
woodchipper

https://youtu.be/8xry81VPICA?si=t7ZhlPI-6fAL6s9H

>>34144049

Yeah I have feels
>made the prostitute break character and start swearing at me in Chinese.

Feels man…

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I am so tired of all the teen boys trying to be quirky on /r9k/ especially the brown ones and why are they ALL short

>>34144041
I hope you don't weight a gram under 80kg, any less and I sadly would be able to throw you around like nothing.

>>34144126
Mia Goth is so cute to me.

>>34144126
You're a womanlet too

If my kid ever watches anime I will disown them

>>34144237
I hope you're ready to not have a kid for too long then

>>34144239
As long as they dont watch the gay ones its fine

>>34144002
>I know i'll never love someone as much as i loved him.

You'll love the guy who treats you right and fucks your brains out. Worth so much more than that sleaze bag.

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I'm 24 years old and I've never had a girlfriend. The only boobs I've touched were some whores at a strip club. I'm scared I'm gonna die alone. I love anime girls but they aren't enough right now. I wanna have sex

>>34144331
sex is almost meaningless unless you care for the person enough

>>34144331
Why dont you send 500 women messages online. On social media.

>>34144331
I had my first gf at 32.
She tore up my life and nearly took it to ruin.
I stopped being desperate after that and am more content with my life.

But I completely understand when you don't got it you want it.

>>34144360
Yeah
>>34144368
The only social media I have is discord

>>34144375
Sorry that happened to you anon

>>34144375
Be more specific. What exactly happened?

>>34144378
Snapchat offers me to add random people all the time (90% women). Insta is more difficult, but also worth trying. Some say faceberg and tiktok are good too.

>>34144002
Why don't you give him one last chance then? What would you be missing? People change all the time. If you two change in agreement for a greater good and act accordingly, to both the situation and each other, you can get through anything. And if you can own up and be transparent with your mistakes, wheres the issue? If you love him so bad, and if he wants to reach back out, give him that last chance. You've nothing to lose.

Bruh, you need to disconnect from other people's validations
There are many toxic individuals who will try to hurt you just because they grew up a certain type of way
You can like, love and enjoy people but always keep an eye out for unhealthy ones

>>34144002
Someone so loving and patient deserves someone who treats them with a minimum level of kindness anon. I was in a similar situation but it was less his fault because he was very mentally ill. It still hurt to be insulted. Wish you the best Anon

>>34144590
>Says the ex acting like a third party

>>34143868
No being a alcoholic sucks shit and I know it, it just doesn’t mean I can’t be happy and successful until I get liver cancer or whatever

>>34144862
It doesn't mean you should shit all over other people either

>>34144838
See something say something is my policy and I'm glad I said something.

I like to read the posts on this board but if it's made by a girl I immediately just skip it.
There are no Femcels.

>why don't you just do something you must have tried 100 times already? this time it's gonna work, because it worked for me and my circumstances must be similar to yours (through my armchair banalizing guess).

I got this one just now despite not even asking for any advice at all (but rather to answer their original question). To keep frequenting online hugboxes or venting corners is to see this sort of person comes up at some point definitely. What get under my skin is not necessarily the dismissal, but rather the banality in how they conflate or trivialize issues away. I also hate it when people still do recognize the issues as valid "yeah, yeah, I understand", but still proceed to banalize the issues.

Occasionally I still have wishful thinkings perhaps people would try to understand my own convoluted issues. Though, I don't need their help (which they definitely can't do, even if I still can't help but having false hopes for it) - I just want to hear "I feel you".

>>34144941
This stuff pisses me off too. I have high functioning autism and so I'll ask for advice about relationships or other things that piss me off and people will think I'm some freak because I don't want to go binge drinking with coworkers on the weekend.

>>34144941
I feel you

I have been dating the man who I thought was the love of my life for the past 5 years. he has bpd but I was so patient and kind to him and extremely loyal. he had talked a lot about marriage and kids and was looking for an engagement ring to get me a month ago, but seemingly out of nowhere right before the new year he monkey branched to his female coworker - the girl he told me not to worry about who is also a massive downgrade from me. what the fuck. now what do I do. I just wanted lifelong love and thought he wanted the same. he was my first relationship, I was his first relationship and thought we would be each others first and only. now I am almost 30. I think I will give up on love and try to subsist with platonic friendships being my only form of companionship.

>>34145177
I was also discarded by BPD ex right before the new year. Complete whiplash and mindfuck. Out with other women. You aren’t alone. Feeling so dead inside

>>34143740
I can give you that much at least. I can say that with confidence.
Terminafalls@proton.me

i fucking hate therapy, all it is is me talking and giving the fucking therapist context, and he says like 3-4 words that make no sense or doesnt apply to me at all, then i keep talking to defend myself, and then before i fucking know it the time is up and he abruptly stops it. fucking bullshit. i guess i'll give it some more time since i only met with him 4 sessions now but i never left feeling any better. i've only been feeling worse

i really fucking miss her man

I wonder if my neighbor had a personality before he modified his car to be as loud as a commercial airliner or if he's pretty much reliant on it.

Incapable of taking accountability

wow i cant believe someone else is with that girl that i have idealized in my brain, that i constantly think about every single minute of every day, the girl that makes my heart slam to the bottom of my stomach, the girl that i just dreamed of being next to me as i was waking up this morning

the girl that i cried about 4 times in a row before new years (i havent cried in years btw)

wow i cant believe i've fumbled her too so its not like she even did anything wrong, its all me, its all me

i wish i could just talk to her again, try and patch things up, i want to date her i want to feel how the world feels from her perspective, whenever we spoke it felt like i was speaking a different language that only we knew

she's redefined the meaning of love for me and this has expanded into a worldview that i have created through seeking the meaning of life through various religions and philosophies.

my entire definition of love is underpinned by her and i finally understand the point of love that transcends all things material in this world, i am in love with her and it is not possible for me to feel any way towards her other than pure compassion

i really, really fucking miss her guys

I won't live the bad ending but at least I know if it gets there you won't live the good one

>>34145410
What did you do to fumble her?

>>34145203
I'm sorry anon, it's the worst feeling in the world it really hurts so much and ruins your self esteem. makes you question if anything was real, if they ever loved you and cared about you the way you did for them. were they seeing a therapist or taking medication to try and treat their bpd? mine refused to get help despite all my encouragement and he only got worse with time. did you know yours was bpd before you started dating? now I can never trust someone again, especially if they have bpd or another personality disorder, knowing how easy it is for these people to discard. the idealize devalue and discard cycle they have is awful. I wish I caught on way sooner that he had bpd and did my research before getting so invested, I feel like it was always going to end this way now that I know more about bpd. I wish I could go back in time to warn myself that no matter how much I tried to help him and how much I loved him he was only going to discard me in the end.

>>34145430
i started to dislike her over something superficial, so i started to talk to her less. she picked up the signs that i didnt feel that i liked her as much anymore, so she moved on and found someone else. i never communicated to her that i felt anything towards her until it was too late. she knows now, but there's nothing she can do since she's already in a relationship with another man. i've stopped talking to her since.

>>34145410
Why is anyone even listening to this like it's not a LARP. Same poster made
>>34145157

And

>>>/r9k/83629168

Thing is, she wasn't mentally ill until this other person became involved, interesting how that works out huh

>>34145432
>if they ever loved you and cared about you the way you did for them.
I think our people did (past-tense) love and care, but their brains are literally malfunctioning. It’s like dating 2 entirely different people. I can cope and say “It’s not him, it’s the illness” — but it is him, just a different side.
>mine refused to get help
Same here, lied to me that he was taking his medications. Mine was bipolar not BPD, but the “discards” are still very similar. I knew he was BP but I guess I didn’t know how extremely serious it was. I was uninformed.
>the idealize devalue and discard cycle
That’s why its so intoxicating at first.. the lovebombing, feeling chosen and special. :(
>no matter how much I tried to help him and how much I loved him he was only going to discard me in the end.
Yeah… i look back, and i was so so loving and patient. Not a single cruel word. But there was no “reward” for staying and trying so hard. It did not make him love me more. It did not result in reciprocated love and loyalty. It’s surreal. Actually, it feels like I was punished.

>>34145466
>It’s like dating 2 entirely different people. I can cope and say “It’s not him, it’s the illness” — but it is him, just a different side.
yeah I see what you mean, it is like dating 2 different people. now that he is with his new girl he has become so mean, so cruel to me, I don't even recognize him anymore.
>I knew he was BP but I guess I didn’t know how extremely serious it was.
I didn't even know mine was bpd until we had been in a relationship for quite some time, I was friends with him for 2 years before dating and he was able to sort of mask it during the friendship and said it was depression and anxiety then admitted it was bpd after he knew he me in it for the long haul.
>That’s why its so intoxicating at first.. the lovebombing, feeling chosen and special. :(
yes the early stages of the relationship he made me feel so loved and appreciated, since I was his favorite person he was in that idealization stage... I'm sure yours was like that too for quite some time.
>But there was no “reward” for staying and trying so hard. It did not make him love me more. It did not result in reciprocated love and loyalty.
that's one of the worst parts. putting so much effort and care into this person thinking they would appreciate it, thinking they would be so happy that someone wants to be with them forever despite their mental illness. it really does feel like being punished. they say no good deed goes unpunished. do you think yours is going to repeat the cycle with a new person? I think mine is either going to show his crazy side to the new girl and she will quickly leave him, or if she is a doormat she will stay like I did but he will do the whole idealize devalue discard thing to her and monkey branch the exact same way he did to me. these people need to get help instead of entering into relationships knowing they will always hurt the other person :/

>>34145457
that isn't me, we don't even have the same typing style and i never even fucking use r9k.

why do you have a captcha for fucking /adv/? you never have any valuable insight for anything. and you keep replying to every single post i make on here with shit like "shut up with your lies." or something incoherent like that. you are very low iq and i can tell. the way you speak is very indirect and ill-informed

news flash, multiple people can have similar life experiences, doesnt mean that its the same person. fortunately not everyone has a retarded tripcode like you so its hard for you to wrap your head around the concept of persistence.

a 5 gave me her number

it was her idea

she was blushing when she did it, and showed other signs of attraction

but then nothing

bare minimum responses you wouldn't even call reciprocal became not texting back

i feel like some of this may have been my fault because i wasn't trying to woo her or anything, i just wanted to see how'd she interact with me through texts to gauge how compatible we are and she probably interpreted that as a lack of any interest

what gives? if she were even a little reciprocal and could match my energy via text (which doesn't seem that hard) i might be dating her right now

it felt like she wanted me to do all the work while giving me very little, which i would have been happy to do, even for a 5 with good bones (though i've dated women much more attractive), but she was a brainwashed sportball zealot in a jew daycare career, and the combination of those factors and her seeming indifference to me despite giving me her number just made it not worth at all

>>34145499
>he has become so mean, so cruel to me, I don't even recognize him anymore.
Same here. Never imagined he would’ve ever said these things to me. Though I still don’t hate him because I know he is sick. Do you hate him?
>putting so much effort and care into this person thinking they would appreciate it, thinking they would be so happy that someone wants to be with them forever
Exactly. And it wasn't a savior complex thing either, because I also felt unlovable and “too much” but for different reasons. So, I was highly forgiving and empathetic. Were you the same? I let a lot slide.
>do you think yours is going to repeat the cycle with a new person?
I think he is manic and hypersexual right now, so im not sure if he will even be able to form a bond besides shallow sexual interactions. However, it still kills me thinking of him with in bed with other women.

>>34145514
I know what persistence is because I'll never give up on her.


The fact that I'm replying to your posts as lies only further proves they are larps intended to harm me and her.

The fact that you don't understand how I can see those posts and not see right through them, especially looking at your continued comments in those threads.

Retard.

Let me guess you need to suddenly distance yourself from the larp posts you made. Huh wonder why

figures namefags are cucks

>>34145613
bro i have no idea who the fuck you are schizo

also i mean persistence in the sense that your retarded fucking brain cant comprehend that three different people are in fact, different people. no one gives a shit about you or your girl and i certainly dont, so stop fucking replying to my posts with some weird paranoid shit and fix your own god damn life.

i'm suffering through my own shit and constantly seeing you come on here telling me that i'm actually 'larping' or faking or lying is really fucking annoying

Not a cuck because she hasn't broken any of our promises.

Don't ask me how I know

>>34145623
There's no sense in you lying to me when I know the truth. So unless you're just trying to prove it to somebody else don't bother continuing to talk at me

If only you were aware you have a "tell".

And there's the confirmation

>>34144877
I'm pretty bad, and if you're that much worse than me you're shit.

I'm going to become a more relaxed man if this works out. I'll change.

>>34145559
>Same here. Never imagined he would’ve ever said these things to me. Though I still don’t hate him because I know he is sick. Do you hate him?
I can't bring myself to hate him. I feel pity for him in the same way I would feel sorry for an injured animal that bit me while I was trying to help it. I know he will never be truly happy unless he is able to get help and work on himself. he will always feel empty inside and projects his unhappiness onto others instead of realizing it is caused by his own mental illness.
>I was highly forgiving and empathetic. Were you the same? I let a lot slide.
I was the same yes. I struggle with depression and anxiety so I felt I could relate to him, I knew it wasn't his fault he had this illness and it was an unlucky combination of bad genetics and childhood trauma same as with my situation. I also let a lot slide due to me trying to empathize with him.
>I think he is manic and hypersexual right now, so im not sure if he will even be able to form a bond besides shallow sexual interactions. However, it still kills me thinking of him with in bed with other women.
that makes sense.
he still hasn't blocked me and I've heard bpd people will crawl back to previous partners to seek comfort/safety/emotional validation once they implode a new relationship. it's very vindictive of me I know but I hope one day way in the future he does come crawling back to me so I can feel better knowing it really was something wrong with him and not because there's something off-putting about my appearance or my personality that I'm not able to see.

>>34145708
I don't drink and I don't make shit larps.

That's all you bud

>>34145722
Same.

It will be good. I won't have to come to this place anymore. Never have to deal with a narc again.

Just her asleep on my chest listening to the waves

>>34145745
Me too, we both had sexual traumas and i thought i found someone i felt safe with. Truly devastated to the point i am having passive ideation. I also made the mistake of only talking to him, so now i dont have anyone.
>I hope one day way in the future he does come crawling back to me
Me too, but not even in a vindictive way. Like i’m such a fool i’d probably forgive him and then get hurt again. Do you have a good support system anon?

>>34145877
sorry to hear you have also had past traumas as well. I also thought I found someone I felt safe with...
>I also made the mistake of only talking to him, so now i dont have anyone.
yes me too. he's my only support system and I thought that was ok because he would always say we'd be together forever and he would always be there for me no matter what happens. now I have nobody same as you :(
>Like i’m such a fool i’d probably forgive him and then get hurt again. Do you have a good support system anon?
I would forgive him but not get back together with him unless he proved he spent years in therapy working on himself and was a changed man. though I understand why you feel that, I spent a few days begging and pleading for him to come back and stay with me. nope no support system. no friends, living in a state that I hate only because he didn't want to move away, crappy low paying job that makes me miserable, abusive family that doesn't care. my dad threw some money at a therapist so he didn't have to talk to me about it and that's about all I got is a new therapist. what about you? do you have friends, family, a therapist or anyone?

>>34145914
He was my only support system too. No friends and not close with my family. I was so dumb I should’ve tried to maintain some friendships other than ChatGPT because there is no one now. I do have a therapist but I only see her once a week. I can drop my email if you wanted. I’m 24f. You wouldnt have to contact me immediately or you could think about it. I’m in a weird state of abandonment-trauma now where I am straight up scared to msg people so i’d understand.

>>34145914
I will just put it in case
painandsuffering8@proton.me
*hug*

Am I even worth it? I don't think I'll ever be a good girlfriend.

>>34144126
shut up Lauren

>>34145949
same, I regret not trying to overcome my social anxiety and force myself to try to find a friend or friend group. a bit too late for that now. I'm only seeing my therapist once a week too but it's better than not having anyone to talk to, it helps a little bit I feel. I'm 27f so a few years older though it sounds like we still have been through similar things. sure I won't be home for the next few hours but I can reach out once I get back home later this evening. I'm on a US time zone as well so it is getting a bit late here but I will email you before I get ready for bed.

>>34146011
I’m in US timezone too. There is no pressure though anon, no prob if i don’t hear from you. It was nice talking to someone with similar experiences as this has been so destabilizing and isolating. <3

I just booked a session with my company's EAP coaching provider for dealing with social anxiety. I've been going back and forth about whether to do it for at least 10 years. Finally decided I don't want to keep living like this for another 10 years. I don't want to keep being a closet case with no friends with a ton of money that doesn't spend.

Please take care of yourselves, anon.

I am fucking broken

Quick nig, what should I do?
Go to a regular sports bar and socialize normally or go to a strip club sports bar and get some chick to dance on my dick during the game?

>>34146082
Why?

>>34146088
I have BPD brain but also avoidance issues, I want to be alone but I get extremely paranoid and jealous as well. If I'm alone I get very depressed, if I'm in a relationship I completely lose myself and feel like I'll lose control or be rejected by my partner constantly.

>>34146075
good luck anon, I've got no friends and no money so you're a step ahead of me at least lol.

>>34146108
for real, dealing with shit like this is far easier when you're loaded because at least you have the freedom to do something if you really wanted to unlike when you're broke where even simply trying to get yourself drunk to cope means settling for bottom shelf piss or sacrificing something else

>>34146115
My father drank himself to death, so I avoid alcohol as a coping mechanism, so that leaves ... lurking on anonymous imageboards, ChatGPT, and rumination, as my relief valves.

Long ago, even when I was still in credit card debt up to my eyeballs and was at least able to leave my bedroom, I had a coworker ask 'you have a car, you have a credit card, why don't you just drive to Vegas and live it up?' We ended up just playing chess at my house, for no reason.

I feel like that person, or anyone here, would do _much_ better with my life and scenario than I am.

>>34146101
If you have a stable group of supportive friends you won't need to think your self-worth is based on who you are dating (assuming that is the problem).

>>34146083
Whichever one you feel comfortable with and don't have to force yourself

>>34146160
Drinking isn't my go to coping device either but it helps on those really bad days.

I'm >>34143224, sure I'm trying to help another person but I'm not the most stable either but I'm trying, forcing myself to be for that person.

>>34146170
Yeah, it's low self-esteem and extreme independence/egotism at the same time. Basically, just a contradiction. Maybe some mild form of narcissism. My friends are great too but I tend to feel like they're better than me. Sigh.

my community has a couple of assholes

I hate myself tremendously

>>34146381
Why?

>>34146400
I'm very low on accomplishments for my age

>>34146409
Me too. Mid 20s still live with parents and no degree, have never held a job for over a year. Afraid of sex and relationships. Wbu?

>>34146409
30fag here. Took me until 28 get off uni and get my first and current job which is a deadend and the pay agrees. I couldn't stand relationships so I never found the drive to hook up with people during uni even for the simple purpose of just getting my dick wet. In all likelihood you aren't in so much of a worse position than me or the other anon.

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It was a bad situation, if I voided everything out then I would look bad on my statistics at work and they might have still wanted to buy everything. But the fact the mother took 20 dollars from her child to pay for her soda is retarded, along with making it seem like the child was going to pay for everything at the very start when the mother was getting her own stuff with it. Kinda mad I didn't make a mess of the situation to stand up for her. But I hate it when I see parents mistreat their kids like that. The worst I've seen, outside the shitshow that is my neighbors (I don't want to get started how fucked that shitshow is), was a father telling his son he wanted to put him up for adoption multiple times in 2 minutes. I don't get how parents can look down at and use their kids that much like that.

That's my rant.

>>34146028
just wanted to let you know in case you're still checking the thread - I emailed you :) I have a FFXV-related email name.

>>34146416
I'm 37, likewise I am scared of sex and relationships and have no experience. I have a job now that I like more than my last job, been here 3 years. The worst part is my writing though which has gone nowhere and I've been unable to build an audience