In October I stole razor blades from work and cut up my thighs. I got extremely lucky and it didn't leave any scars. I tried using a knife but it was too dull. I ordered a sharp new knife off Amazon to try and cut myself harder and had a panic attack and moment of clarity about what the fuck I had been doing to myself when I saw the box containing the knife. I threw it out, and threw out the razor blades. I would have massive scars if I carried out the cuts I was aiming towards.Now it's January and I'm struggling to not cut myself again. I'm so depressed because I'm lonely and I'm so sad about the state of the world. I have nowhere to direct this energy so cutting myself is what my brain defaults too, a desire to punish myself. Everytime I'm inconvenienced I think "I should I cut myself". It makes no sense and is completely irrational. Cutting myself because I'm lonely, what girl would date a guy with cutting scars? How do I stop thinking this way? I'm 26, I can't imagine how depressed I'd be if I'm 30 and still don't have someone to love.
>>34143814I never understood the concept of cutting. Last night I had a dream about my ex, this morning I wrote a would-be text to her in a notepad where I tell her I love her, deeply hurt by what she did, and that I'm finally going to do it and that when I'm gone I hope she'll understand she's evil and change her ways. I ruminated on it for a while, staring at the screen. Thinking about the actual consequences of killing myself. I realized I don't want it, it would hurt my dad and grandmother deeply, end my existence, and worse of all she'll move on within the week with the support network she has and lack of heartSo in conclusion, these cries for attention through self harm are a net negative. And they are also cringe when you look at it from an outsiders pov. Now I don't want to degrade myself, so I'm careful in calling my very serious problems names, but yeah, just be mindful that you're not and won't be doing anyone any favors by harming yourself. Everybody loses.Instead do the opposite, kindness to yourself, and it starts with sleeping right, and downloading MyFitnessPal which I did today, and counting calories. I'm going for 1500 calories per day to lose 1kg per week. I surprised myself when my breakfast this morning was 1497 calories. So yeah I guess that's why I've been getting weight. Time to not eat got the rest of the day, and try to do better tomowwow
>>34143814Contact your local BDSM community and find a competent sadist. He will able to inflict all kinds of pain on you without causing any permanent damage.
>>34143875>I never understood the concept of cutting.It's an addiction. The body produces endorphins (natural opioids) in response to pain, and the opioids make you feel better.
>>34143950When did depressed people stop listening to Pink Floyd and start cutting themselves instead?
>>34144255>When did depressed people stop listening to Pink Floyd and start cutting themselves instead?When they got actually depressed instead of merely pretentious.
>>34144255Cutting is honestly less embarrasing than pink george floyd
>>34143875>. I surprised myself when my breakfast this morning was 1497 calories.American moment.Also, "go on a date with me or i'll kill myself" works as a manipulation tactic every time. No girl wants to be responsible for your death.
>>34144255did both at the same time as teenager. do not recommend. now i just smoke a lot instead
