for a long time I was a complete fucking neet loser. and that was due to a lot of circumstances that were both out of my control. it wasn't a state I was happy in, so I put the work into myself and fixed my life because I wanted better. and it took longer than I wanted too, but like, I fucking did it.now I'm like, out. I'm holding a job, I'm studying, I moved out of home into a major city, eating healthier, cooking my meals, working out, going out, making friends, complete freedom, completely independent, blah blah blah. life is going so fucking well for me and I'm honestly loving it.but I just fucking can't. a few months before I moved out, while I was still getting everything I needed for that set up and together, I ended up hooking up with my best friend. it wasn't something either of us were expecting to happen, but it was really fucking great and we very quickly ended up in a situation that was progressing into a relationship.and I was just so genuinely fucking happy. like Id always loved her, and not in some unrequited love friend zone way where I always wanted more but she was oblivious, it was just a genuine and full love I had for her that was stated as mutual and had been progressing over the years we had known each other. and so for it to get to this point while I'm getting my life together, like I was just fucking ecstatic.cont.
>>34162440and this goes on and our relationship has its ups and downs but like, its fucking great when it wants to be. and we both have our issues but we're working through them, with genuinely good communication. we have all these plans to live together and start a family and this and that blah blah blah.and then we get to this point where I'm out working studying living in shitty accommodation saving so that we can move in together and I can have a safety net and this and that. our issues are starting to fade because they all came from a lack of my own security that was now being established. everything is going so fucking well.then she fucking cheats on me. this isn't my first relationship or anything, I'm by no means experienced but I've dated before and loved before and made mistakes before and lost before. I know what to watch out for and how I should be treated and fucking whatever. I'd never been cheated on before, but if you told me that any of my ex's did I might be able to believe it. like I could have seen them as capable of it. but her? fucking her? why the fuck did it have to be her? it was like this friends to lovers story that I treasured so deeply. and like if that story has to come to an end, we have to break up and its oh so tragic, whatever it would break my heart but I would fucking cope, I'm not so immature that I can't accept that things like that happen. but like this, and from my best friend in the world. the woman who understood me more than anyone else ever had, the woman who I thought I understood better than anyone. the girl who I loved more than life itself, the girl who I stared at with love in my heart as she drifted off to sleep in the palm of my hand. cont.
and its like I've never broken up with anyone before, I used to just let the relationship burn until someone else did the dirty work for me. but I broke up with her because how couldn't I? I don't have so little self respect as to let someone do that to me. but I'm still left feeling so fucking empty. its not even like I just thought we had something, I know we had something. so earnestly I know that and I wish it wasn't true because I don't know how I'm meant to accept that someone I had something with could do this to me, but for me to reject that fact is just a cope.Im not willing to just like throw away everything I built and am building because a girl cheated on me. I'm not that self hating, I'm not that miserable. but oh my fucking god do I want to. I just never envisioned a life that didn't have her in it. and now every day I go out and I live my life with a smile on my face and an everlasting optimism. but I can't ignore the hole that's been left behind. I used to think she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. so many bad things have happened to me and I suffered but I never gave up. I've lost so much due to my own inability to act or capacity to preserve. I already lost a woman I loved with my whole heart due to just how fucking hopeless I was. and I grew past all that and I matured so much and I made so much out of nothing. and just as I was doing all that we end up together and it feels like every bad thing that had ever happened was preparing me for this and that we would live a beautiful life together. and now she's just another bad thing that's happened to me and I just can't.
>>34162447I just really don't know what I'm meant to say or do or think or act or anything. I've been hurting my whole life but never like this. I've lost it all but never like this. people have hurt me but never like this. I've trusted people but never like this. I've been betrayed by people but never like this. and I'm not going to give up I'm not the person who gives up but sometimes I'm walking somewhere and I just stop in the middle of the street and stare at my feet because I don't know where I'm going and I don't know what I'm going to do and I don't know anything anymore and I just stand there and people walk around me and its just life.
First of all, kuddos for getting out of your neet state, I've been miserable for a long time myself and also made it work somehow, I know the work it takes, it's not nothing.You're dealing with something extremely painful and your reaction is extremely normal, I know it's not helping, but it's normal and expected to feel miserable, she betrayed you and kuddos to you, again, for breaking up with her.Look, it'll take time to heal the wound, but what she did says a lot more about her than it does about you. You're on your way up and I have no doubt someone great will come along at some point.>I just really don't know what I'm meant to say or do or think or act or anything.There's no particular "right" way to cope with that, only time will help, in the meantime you keep taking care of yourself, you work on that life you want, and someone worthy may tag along. Your only option is acceptance, it's a loss, a betrayal, and you need to process it.Your pain isn't just about losing what you had, but also what might've been.>sometimes I'm walking somewhere and I just stop in the middle of the street and stare at my feet because I don't know where I'm goingThat's a trauma response, it doesn't mean you're backsliding, what happened is not invalidating your progress, if anything: everything you did until now is preserving you from taking this hit too hard, now you know you can work this out, just like you turned your life around.Anon, you are worthy, and that person did not deserve to share your life, that's her loss.
>>34162442>it was like this friends to lovers story that I treasured so deeply.Yeah, that's the problem. This story only ever existed IN YOUR HEAD. Obviously she was an utter bitch for cheating on you, but the reason why you are *this* upset is because of a narrative you created in your head that wasn't connected to the real world; and that part is on you, not her. You've lost nothing, because what you thought you had was just something you made up. You haven't even lost *her*, because the person that you decided to imagine she was never existed to begin with. You just need to accept that you were in love with a dream, move on, and find something real.
>>34162442>the girl who I stared at with love in my heart as she drifted off to sleep in the palm of my hand.What?! I thought were talking about a human being, not a doll.
>>34162442>we have all these plans to live together and start a familyI have to ask, anon, are you actually sure about that? I'm sorry to have to put this so bluntly, but you sound a little disconnected from reality, and I have to wonder whether what *she* thought was going on was actually completely different from what you thought was going on. Maybe, in her mind, the two of you were never anything except two friends who hooked up occasionally? I can imagine that she thought you were suggesting getting an apartment together just so you could save on rent and fuck occasionally while, in your mind, the two of you were starting a whole life together. Or maybe you asked her "Do you want kids?" and she said "Oh, one day, yeah!" without even realising that you meant "Do you want *my* kids?" Did you ever actually tell her that you thought she was your girlfriend? Did you even have a conversation about exclusivity? I'm really curious about what her reaction was when you broke up.
>>34162440Thats rough. I was going to criticize you at first, but I fucked up myself while getting out of neetdom because of some random whore, so I realized I'm actually way weaker than you, you at least seemed legitimately involved with something real and still managed to keep going and not completely break down, while I broke down for much less. So yeah it probably hurts like hell and I'm impressed you managed to keep going. I've been trying to leave neetdom and get my life together for years now but I just cant seem to, I'm such a fuck up.I admire you. Theres nothing I can say to you if anything you should be the one giving me advice. Keep going I guess, and disregard females. Find a better, younger one.
>>34162688like I said, our communication was actually really good. we had every conversation about being exclusive, and every conversation about sharing a life together. I didn't go into detail because it wasn't what the post was about, but she used to crash out to me about how much she loved me. like she was intimidated by the fact that she wanted to build a life together because she had never actually wanted that in her past relationships. when its said like that I should have known, but you know.>I'm really curious about what her reaction was when you broke up.she told me that she did what she did knowing it would hurt me, and expected me to put up with that. when I said no, what the fuck, a line has been crossed, she was actually pretty shocked then started telling me how sorry she was and how she didn't recognise the consequences blah blah blahactually she still has the fucking pet name I came up with for her in all of her social media bios, which I think is pretty fucked lol.
>>34162793>like she was intimidated by the fact that she wanted to build a life together because she had never actually wanted that in her past relationships.Ah, right, she got scared, and sabotaged herself - kind of like getting cold feet on your wedding day. It happens. Nothing to do but move on, sadly.
>>34162710I make it sound in the post like I've just pulled myself up from nothing, but I've also had some very lucky opportunities come by lately that have helped this attempt stick better than any other. Granted I could have easily thrown them away and ruined everything, but I can't do that knowing that I'm not going to kill myself and not knowing when I'll get another chance. Like, trust me, I have broken down over less. I used to be a much weaker person, I've been more worsely affected by much shittier situations because of how alone and insecure I was. It took a lot of misery and growth to get to the point where I was capable of doing anything but wallow. I promise you can make it out, just gotta take it a step at a time. Every time you fail you learn something, c'est la vie.
>>34162811True but cringe. I wrote this whole post in a pretty low state (obviously) but I'm like, genuinely coping pretty well all things considered. That said, it's impossible for me not to be hurt. When I pretend that I'm not it all comes back around to hit me with a lower low.
>>34162566This, craft a more accurate story n don't get swept in memes for long
