yk when you have so much you cant tell people, so much subtext to your life, so many things you have to cover up and lie about and not share with anyone that it cripples every interaction you have. Connection is impossible even when people are trying to reach you, bc they cant handle or dont deserve to know or would judge your shit. If you have enough energy to JUST FUCKING LIE YOUR FACE OFF and make everyone happy and appear normal and socially functional thats ideal but i just can't and i dont know how. I need someone invisible to whisper in my ear how to deal with people, but that's your BRAINS JOB AND MINE QUITlike my dad is trying to be helpful and ask me how's my day going but its bad as usual, he asks me if im still riding my bike and i say no, he says do you even want it anymore? I say yes. So i have to explain why im not riding it but he has no right to know that im too unwell to do hobbies or leave home. ppls assumptions and misunderstandings and pressure to know more keep piling up and i do not have the social skills to manage it all. Im just so angry. Im so angry because i can't make things go the way i want it to, im too mentally slow and burdened to control social situations the way i need to. I can not keep up with life rn and i need it to fuck off i just can not do iti had someone ask me how my christmas went. I wanted to scream in her face its none of her business. Like why the fuck do i have to tell people how my life is going? What the fuck makes people think its their business how my holidays were? Get out of my private life. and then theres the lies you see through, it really infuriates me. When people dont even do a mediocre job of covering up their intentions so you KNOW you're being lied toall i want to do is tell everyone to fuck off. Honestly i want nothing from anyone atm. But you still have to put on a face and get shit done, not burn bridges. I miss being able to be highly manipulative i'm just too tired anymore
And my only friend, all i want to say to her is i'm sick of you. I hate your judgement, i had no one to talk to honestly except you and i REGRET IT and i want nothing to do with you now. Your failure to understand me really insulted me and i dont have anything to say to you anymore
Yk how much lighter id feel right now if i just told everyone to fuck off today. Every face and voice that i interacted with. Oh my god DEAR GOD PLEASE grant me the ability to tell everyone to FUCK OFF and allow me no social repercussions or thoughts about it.
And people talk about you behind your back. Every bit of information is shared. I didnt even tell her i was going to the city and she asked me how my event in the city was like bitch you realise that i realise that i never told you about that? At least ACT LIKE people arent telling you my businessi slightly wanna kill herand i'll tell you what if i had someone to do it to i'd be taking it out on them today
I used to have this obedient guy and he took all my abuse like it was his duty to me. He was indian and thats y i dont fully hate indian men anymore. He treated it like he was my guardian to absorb all my emotional pain and he was even an emotionally sensitive guy too. The sense of duty of a warrior on a battlefield hahahahahahahaha, i loved itdont worry about him though he was happy with me and dont think im a sociopath because i'm not
>>34210838>yk whenNo, I don't.
>>34210838Damn bbygirl
>>34210838I won't read GIOYC escapees.
>>34210838You don't actually have to lie about anything. Accept yourself,accept others and you will be able to connect.
