its normal if i feel that i want to have a hard life? Everyone in my familly has a lot of problems, my mother has depression, my father has problems regulating his emotions, my brother has autism, my little sister is in danger of having anemia. Im a fucking ghost in my house. I dont exist. I have tried to cut myself but i dont want my mother to feel gilty about it, im really scared of her commiting sucide, becouse she almost does it. I dont know, sometimes i just want something horrible happening to me but i dont want their lifes to be more difficult, and that just makes me feel like a fucking monster :C
How about the bad thing happening to you be you going out of the house and making something for yourself?It doesn't even have to be a job. Do something difficult that you can be proud of.
>>34213845well from the sound of it, your life is pretty fucking hard OP. give yourself some credit for that.but i do know what you mean. being surrounded by people who suffer makes it easy to think you haven't deserved the joy in your life.it isn't your fault, anon. be there for them. maybe even tell them you feel this way
>>34214020I do. I actually am an employee and draw; also im good in school. But all of that doesnt mean a shit in my house. My father always says that it isnt enough and im tired. Its always the same and, now, i dont like any draw, any, i hate school and i am really tired that i always have to be the one that "has to understand", the one that "has to wait" becouse others are worst. And i know, i know its true, they are priority, but when im going to be firs?, when im going to be the one that is enough? I dont know, im just really tired.
>>34214540First*
>>34213845You want a life with challenges and stress that has rewards at the end. Such things will give your life meaning and you will be happy.What you don’t want is just a bunch of problems that have no benefit and just make your life miserable. That’s what your family is going through. Such things will make you unhappy.
>>34214037I know i should tell them, but i am scared. Im scared for my mother, im really scared. I love her, she is the one that makes me fell that im important too but she just stays in bed now, every move she makes its suffering for her. I hear her cry all the time and it hurts me seeing her try to stand up only for go to bed again in a few minutes. Its really hard. Now she doesnt need to worry for me, she suffers enough with this shit. A few months ago she almost suicide, she had that look in her eyes. I felt so fucking scared. She always ask me "if i wasnt here, you would be angry?", "if i died, would you be able to live without me?" And i dont know how to answer, i dont want to make her feel that she ist doing enough but i dont want to loose her.
