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Are you trying to catfish a bpd so you can make her your gf and lace her drinking water with fluoxetine?

>>34243949
i was looking for guys but okay *not for a weird reason*
the picture is literally male Ane

Try asking for "bipolar" men. Usually they don't wear the label of "borderline", because it's associated with women.

Bipolarity is nothing like borderline, but they're more likely to identify with the first.

Also, good luck. I knew one and good lord he was a handful..

You won't belive me if I tell you I was officialy diagnosed today. Im extremly sad.

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>>34244118
Ask your psych(s) for a therapy plan and follow through.
Don't tell anyone and don't expect to gain any pity points if you do. Even in "well accepted" conditions like ADHD and Autism, you shouldn't do that too.

Why? I actually have ADHD. Clinically, tested and verified twice by many licensed medical professionals. As in those who actually went through medical school.

And let me tell you - the amount of bullshit i've heard and people who just read the symptoms list and go: "Ah, i have that !!! I have ADHD and autism" Is staggering.

These people have no fucking idea.
They're just muddying the waters for those who actually need help for some quick sympathy points or affirmations.

I actually had to get a second opinion over one psychiatrist because he said "You've excelled in this thing. You don't have ADHD".
Despite all goddamn evidence since my childhood days...

Mental health talk is a joke.
Don't say anything and go directly to your medical professionals.
Nobody cares about that unless they want to wear the pity badge of "autist" or "adhd"

Especially if you have BPD. That ESPECIALLY applies to YOU.

Lastly, don't let yourself be defined by that label.
It's pointless and stunts your growth potential
Follow through your therapy plan and continue lfe as if nothing happened.
And resist the urge to correct the meek normies/nu-virtue signallers.
These people suck and are a bunch of losers.

>>34244194
>>34244221
This makes lots of sense, thank you so very much anon. I'll try to do that and stop worring about my diagnosis.

>>34243941
I am. What questions do you have for me. anon?

>>34244455
i dont think you are but okay!
sorry if that sounded condescending

anyways how do you feel generally
can you tell me about yourself? or what you struggle with as someone with bpd?

>>34244015
good observation
how was your friend like and why did you use the word "handful"

>>34244479
>i dont think you are but okay!
bruh, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
In general I feel empty, with no identity, I build my identity from borrowed traits of others or fictional characters. I'm not a real person I'm just an imposter / an actor walking among the rest of the population. I constantly feel like I am an actor. I feel sensitive to most things and have extreme emotional reactions to things that shouldn't get to me so much.

I used to fear abandonment due to the absolutely insane amount of betrayals I've experienced throughout my life, but I've grown into someone who has the ability to dispose of someone else and get them out of my life immediately without the need for a second thought, abandonment doesn't hurt me like it used to, so I no longer fear it. The biggest handicap in my life is what I described above, having no identity, some days I'm "this" version of myself, sometimes I'm multiple versions a day and who is around me impacts who I am because I am like a chameleon, I change character or personality or persona according to situations to fit in with other people.

Empty is the word that described my internal feeling 24/7. I am nobody, just a bundle of intense emotions that react strongly. I grew up abused and then abandoned by a parent, bullied severely at school to the point of becoming home schooled, I always was the odd kid, I rarely ever fit anywhere and if I did, it was because of my chameleon mode where I adopt a persona in order to fit in socially, which is very draining.

I am introverted and reserved, I hate attention, I'm a shut-in who avoids most people. I am depressed most of the time and have no vision of the future, no longer or term not. No plans, no dreams, no ambitions, no nothing. I live an empty life as an empty shell that has extreme emotions only.

Furthermore, we are villainized and called "BPDemons" when we're people who suffered immensely at the hands of various types of abuse, we are judged harshly.

>>34244519
>no longer or term not.
no longer term goals
t.phone posting

>>34244529
no long term goals* holy shit

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>>34244519
Godspeed anon.
Cluster B personality disorders are all really challenging.

However, DBT seems to be doing alright and showing promising results

>>34244529
the way you write is so composed and articulated for someone with bpd or someone who would usually be emotionally charged

i would guess you either are old or just "high functioning" if thats a thing

not to mention you know alot about bpd topic that its just textbook bpd
which is i would guess not possible

im on the edge cause im not used to others straight confessing
sorry

well thanks for talking
i still have another questions if you don't mind me asking them

do you feel empathy? do you love and feel connected to others?
and how do you deal with not having ambitions, ur just a few step away from being homeless/poor

again i apologize if i offended you

(Part 1 or 2)
>>34244575
Thank you very much.
>>34244581
I am in my 30s, I have plenty of life experience with BPD and therapy has helped me. I have learned a lot about my disorder by reading the book my psychiatrist recommended me called "I hate you, don't leave me". That book is frighteningly accurate and I recognized myself all the way.

>im on the edge cause im not used to others straight confessing
I can be this straight forward because I'm anonymous right now. If I had an identity attached to myself I would need to be in character and answer carefully.
>do you feel empathy?
That's a very tough one. When my cousin broke her leg, I cried more than she did. When I watch anime, movies, read books or play video games I empathize with fictional characters and will cry quite a lot. It's embarrassing. I can feel genuine empathy however it is limited to a specific list of people. Over the years I have learned how to 'fake' empathy towards strangers or acquaintances, so I can be a chameleon and really convince them that I'm a good person (in that social setting) but I can only feel real empathy if I care about someone. The rest of humanity is like NPCs or background characters to me and sometimes some of them become real characters in my life.
>do you feel love and connected to others?
That's a very difficult one, I would say that my heart is locked and that it takes a lot for me to feel love or even a connection with someone. I can, but there's a lot of doubt, uncertainty, insecurity, pathology and avoidance on my part, after a long time I can warm up to that person and begin having a strong, genuine and empathic bond with them and when I officially love someone I am fiercely loyal to them.

>and how do you deal with not having ambitions, ur just a few step away from being homeless/poor
I don't really 'deal' with it. I have tried everything I could to make it in life and absolutely everything has failed. They weren't lazy attempts either, I have gone to great lengths

(Part of 2/2)
In the end, it all amounted to nothing. I have completely given up, I understood that my life leads nowhere and that nothing can be achieved and that nothing awaits me. Instead of being in denial I have withdrawn myself and resigned. I no longer care about goals, about dreams, about ambition, a future or any such things. It has completely lost all value to me, I just exist, I just exist in this life and wander (metaphorically) aimlessly, no longer caring about anything, not even myself. I have, in its most absolute form, completely given up.

>the way you write is so composed and articulated for someone with bpd or someone who would usually be emotionally charged
writing is one of my main hobbies, I've been doing it for decades, often times I get lazy and don't take the time to let the quality of my writing come through my posts because well...it's 4chan after all, but thank you for noticing. Don't hesitate to ask questions. Ask me everything you want to know and I'll give you the most honest, shameless and blunt answers because I'm anonymous, I have no shame and nothing to lose from this. You didn't offend me, but please do take me seriously as I choose to invest my time in you right now.

>>34244575
I would also like to comment on this image. Distress tolerance is one of the hardest things to control when you have BPD. Because we experience emotions so strongly, distress is extremely powerful and destructive for us, it makes us take decisions we never should and normally, without that distress, never would.

>>34244620

>I can be this straight forward because I'm anonymous right now.
well yeah but when i thought about this i generally see people with bpd as ones who try to connect with others, so seeing you painting yourself as a fundamentally unwell being did set me off

well anyways it was a helpful piece of information since you are very detailed, so idont really mind if you were lying as much as why would you

>>do you feel love and connected to others?
That's a very difficult one, I would say that my heart is locked and that it takes a lot for me to feel love
idont really agree with this desu, i think of bpd havers can only have so much empathy and security and consistency to share on a "real love bond". not to mention that they tend to strain the relation and lead it to be more fragile with time (sorry if i dont make alot of sense i am trying to find the correct words but cant)

anyways my last question is why havent you got better? or why haven't you at least tried to change therapist instead of personalising with an illness and making it harder for you to get better and im really curious (excuse me for being rude) but how does your day to day go? and what is your life like do you even connect with others irl?

and what really grabs your attention in general? no right answer just trying to figure out how you think

>>34244647
The whole experience is a living hell. I know because i've seen those firsthand.

I knew one pediatrician that was diagnosed with it. She was found about 3-5 times overdosed on her office on clonazepam.
It really robs people of their potential...

>>34243941
I almost beat the shit out of some dude with BPD, but then I realized he was a loser and the prison time wouldn't have been worth it, he was like 5'6", his arms riddled with self harm scars.

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>>34243941
>BPD
>ASPD
>PPD
ama

>>34244519
Lmao I was homeschooled when I was in high school too because of my dumbfuck evangelical parents and we share the same social sentiments and what i'll say honestly is get a reason for people not to look down on you, either it could be academics, sports and whatever but it's a dog eat dog world out there and if you can't make the change now, you're going to live like this your entire life

>>34245950
how tall are you

>>34245045
Part 1 of idk how many, probably 2
>anyways my last question is why havent you got better? or why haven't you at least tried to change therapist instead of personalising with an illness and making it harder for you to get better
I have changed therapist many times, but at the end of the day, BPD is something you have to overcome yourself. I do not personalize with an illness, it's a part of me, I accept that, but I do not let it dictate my life. It's a handicap in a way but there's more to me than just being a sufferer of that handicap, I don't see myself as a handicapped person or a victim of my illness.

>and im really curious (excuse me for being rude) but how does your day to day go?
I stay home in my room, I watch streams on twitch or play vidya, sometimes I hang out with friends but I try to avoid people. I'm not interested in people very much. I have a close friend irl and a few online and that's all I need in terms of connection with other people.

>and what is your life like do you even connect with others irl?
I wake up in the morning, grab myself breakfast and sometimes I don't even bother with that at all. I go back to my room, get on my phone or laptop and watch livestreams or play vidya or chat with my online friends. I do that all day until it's time to go to bed. I'm not interested in anything else, nothing else appeals to me, nothing excites me, nothing catches my attention. I don't care about life very much and I don't really care about much of anything at all.
>and what really grabs your attention in general? no right answer just trying to figure out how you think
What grabs my attention is fictive material. Anime, vidya, movies and in less fictive media, youtube videos, livestreams, documentaries. I love to read and write and listening to music.

It's important that you understand that I am a completely empty individual. I've only gotten out of a bad phase where I had absolutely no life.

>>34246511
Part 2 of idk
When I say absolutely no life, I don't mean Oh I was wasting my time doing irrelevant shit, I really do mean absolutely no life. I would sit in my room and stare at the wall for hours, or sometimes the ceiling. I wouldn't have any interest in playing vidya, listening to any music or even watching anything. Doing anything at all, no matter what, gave me anxiety and felt like too much effort. I had no thoughts, no desires, no cravings, no impulse, nothing. I even went to therapy for this and there was nothing they could do. Eventually I broke that barrier and started playing streams in the background on my laptop, I would lie down and mindlessly watch those for up to 14 hours a day, barely eating, barely existing. I lived a life of complete void.

Have you ever seen Angels of Death? (An anime) Rachel Gardner suffers from Hypoactive Delirium which causes her to struggle with focusing on her surroundings, often leading her to seem disengaged or "spaced out, her eyes are completely void (look it up) she's like an empty vessel with no real presence. This is exactly how I was. I worried about nothing but at the same time I cared about nothing. Nothing scared me because nothing excited me enough to give me purpose. Some people would try to impress you with their words, some people would sensationalize it in order to drive the point home so you really understand, but everything I'm telling you is genuine. I lived a life of absolute emptiness. It has gotten better but there's still residue of it in my life. I want to put emphasis on me staring at the walls, ceilings or through a window for hours. It's not a lie, I really did do that, I had no thoughts, no dreams, no daydreaming going through my mind, I was like a puppet or a doll with eyes, I couldn't be more hollow even if I had tried.

3 of idk
Nobody who has BPD has reported (to me) having such a strong sense of void in their lives, but it's a common thing among BPD sufferers to feel empty. I just think I am an extreme case. Even if I saw you in real life, even if you were nice to me, even if you were like the best friend I have irl or the friends I have online, I would never be able to relate to you. That's part of my day to day, I feel complete alienation and isolation from everyone else, every interaction feels scripted or fake, not completely real and I am alone. Even when I am with my best friend, even when I hug him and tell him how much I love him and how much he matters to me (and he does) I'm still feeling a void inside, sometimes there's going to be warmth in my chest, but the feeling doesn't stay very long.

Fiction gives me purpose, it takes me somewhere which is why I try my hardest to indulge in it. It's very difficult for me not to get off track because I could go on and on and on and the details surrounding my life are many when it comes to my damaged mental health and the difficulties and the emptiness I feel. The best comparison I can draw is with the game 'Yume Nikki', the game portrays isolation, confusion and the general feeling of being lost perfectly. My life feels exactly like this game, where everything feels surreal and I'm all alone, with NPCs I cannot relate to yet they all seem to be able to relate to each other.

To get back on topic, I cope, I cope all day long every day. Even if I accepted my situation, even if I'm doing well, I'm only doing well because I learned to cope.

>>34246543
4 of idk
To be fair, BPD is not the only mental illness I suffer from, I have diagnosed anxiety, depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I don't mean the Tumblr Discord tranny bullshit of "Oh I'm SeLf DiAgNosEd via GoOgLe u GaiZ!" I mean an actual psychiatrist has indeed diagnosed me with those things. That's one hell of a cocktail of mental illnesses to deal with.

I barely have teeth left in my mouth because I grind them so hard at night because I can't feel safe or at peace even when I sleep. I struggle a lot, I know there are countless people in this world who have it worse than I ever did but I am me, I can only take care of me and focus on me and in my reality I am surrounded by meaninglessness even when I went to outrageous lengths to accomplish things and give my life meaning, I have gone through ordeals nobody in my life can actually relate to in order to change things and yet it brought me to this point, back into my room, isolated (by choice) and no longer seeking social connection. I have no entity, I have no real personality, thank god I have this one friend offline and my friends online and my family. I'm thankful for all of it.

>>34246511
so i still dont trust you i apologize, i dont try to offend you nor you have a reason to indulge in this tiring conversation so i would understand if you left nd stopped talking

but tell me the meds that you were on
(for me if you weren't lying you wouldnt need so much time to figure out which stuff you were on) rather less than 5 minutes or so since i caught you online


something else im worried about is that you have no manifestations of any other personality disorders or whatsoever
you might have depression but im not sure you would want to say that since i never asked and there was no reason for it, but bpd or any pd rarely is by itself so yeah (its getting tiring if i repeat it so much but this would be the last time i would voice my doubts) so dw

something else
dont you find having relations with people appealing?
people with bpd have many flings, romantic and sexual relations, you never brought up that topic

sorry i didnt reply to the whole post i was bored and annoyed for some other reason i wanted to only ask those question and i enjoy knowing about your perspective and view on the world and human relations more than connecting deeply ig or wtv
so excuse me for being rude

>>34246548
>To be fair, BPD is not the only mental illness I suffer from, I have diagnosed anxiety, depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
wtf

>>34246548
5 of ... idk, probably 5 out of 5...
I am permanently damaged by my past and have no future despite struggling like a damn beast to change anything in my life. What's worse is that I am not completely left alone either. Whether it's online or in person, people will never understand. They will judge me for having BPD (if they know I have it, or sometimes they judge me for it without knowing they are) they will judge me for not having a job despite having gone to unreasonable lengths to have one, they will belittle me for not having a career, for failing college, for having a learning disability and memory problems caused by depression and PTSD (those are legitimate symptoms by the way) they will judge me for not having my own apartment, etc. People will call me a loser and lazy for being this damaged, struggling survivor and when I finally accepted my fate, when I finally stopped struggling and suffering for nothing, when I finally find comfort and peace somewhere, it's not good enough, I should be getting out of it, I should be doing something that people consider valid when in reality I am harming no one, I am minding my own business and I'm also a very kind person. I used to make a living taking care of elders and disabled people, I was a personal support worker and had to quit because I couldn't get over the fact that these people died, they died, they were in my life every day and I ethically couldn't get attached to them because I knew they were about to die. Some died in front of me. There was a lady once who's last words to her own family was "by the way, where is anon?"

I'm fucking tearing up just writing this. It's not like I haven't tried despite my conditions and yet it all amounted to this, to being empty hiding in my room 24/7, drowning myself in fiction as much as possible and having very few connections, no future despite all my efforts, no professional life, my 3 years long relationship ended in 2025.

>>34246563
6 of idk
How is all of this related to BPD? BPD plays a significant role in all of this. I walk in a world in which I am no one and cannot truly relate to anybody and yet I'm supposed to function like a normal person? It's impossible. I am vulnerable to social interaction. A few years ago I was working as a cashier and social interaction made me so nervous that when customers came to the counter I started vomiting. Sure, it may sound hilarious, but imagine getting fired because you can't even interact properly and having your boss telling you that the store has a high reputation to maintain and that I've stained all of it. People around me were looking, the same people I cannot relate to, how alone and empty do you think I felt then?

What happened after? I went back home, hid in my room, jobless and wishing never to interact with people ever again, disappointing everyone in my life, especially my family because I had failed at this very simple, basic and easy job that everyone, those people I cannot relate to, everyone can do. I've ever seen disabled people do this exact job.

>>34246548
>4 of idk
this whole comment resonated with my doubts and actually connected with me anyways

i wouldnt want to give you advice you are older and any advice would be met with belittling and undervaluing

more things im really fascinated by you and how you never got emotional at all which would crazy
so i guess you are dealing with impulsivity and anger and irrationally behind a screen and having your thoughts sorted in a mannered way that doesnt hint bpd which is chique -ish

why dontyou get angry? impulsive annoyed?
how do you control that (not doubting you anymore just geniune curiosity and ambiguously asking to understand
would love if you had a minute to express yourself if you got angry ofc i dont deserve all that time or you opening up so its up to u i liked to express how i would like to see you angry annoyed bothered

>>34246567
That's it for now, if anybody has any questions, I'll answer them. I know I was on and off topic but I'm trying to share my reality and give people a window into what it's really like and how BPD isn't just extreme behaviors, it's meaninglessness and emptiness, although I think I am a rather extreme case.

sorry for sounding retarded i didnt check what i wrote if you would want another here is the same reply after i went over it

>>34246548
>4 of idk
This whole reply resonated with me and my doubts were all crossed, So thank you anon!

Btw i myself would have given you advice multiple of times, but i remembered the differences in our ages and understood that it would be condescending if i actually expressed my ideas and "advices"
Needless to say i am so happy that you are doing better than before at least!

One thing that i am really fascinated by would be you,
And how you never got emotional at all!

So how are dealing with impulsivity and anger and irrationally

Do you get annoyed most of the time? What is the consistent, most prominent emotion that you feel beside emptiness


Last thing
If you felt the need to be emotional or angry this is an open space and anonymity is assured if you would like to not control your emotions (I know this sounds dorky)
But wanted to say it

Thanks for the efforts and all the replies would read this
-Im still on the 1st part-

>>34246568
>why dontyou get angry? impulsive annoyed?
If I get angry, it's quickly absorbed and nullified. I will have one quick, angry outburst (if I fail to control it) and then it'll be over. I have no impulsivity because I don't see a point in anything. What does anything actually lead to? For example, when I had a complete inability to pick up a video game. Why should I? I play the game, and then what? What happens? Nothing. I go back to my bed and stare at the wall. Why do anything but stare at the wall anyway? Whether I'm gaming or staring at the wall, time flies by the exact same way, both of those activities lead to nothing and bring me to the same exact point. Why write or do anything creative? There's not really a point to it. Normal people have impulsivity for things. "I'm going to play this game and have a great time!"

"I'm going to play this game and feel absolutely nothing from it."
If nothing makes me feel something, if nothing leads to anything, why would I feel any impulse to do anything? It's all empty, I feel like I've seen through everything, I've seen that everything leads to nothing really meaningful, so I just sit there, observing something.

Now, do I get annoyed? I get annoyed at things, I get annoyed whenever I witness or experience stupidity or a lack of critical thinking abilities in someone but the second it's over, the second they disappear from my line of sight, it's over. People do not hold a significant value in my life, the second you're out of my sight you're like an NPC that disappeared. Why shouldn't it be this way? I cannot relate to you at all.

>>34246568
>how do you control that (not doubting you anymore just geniune curiosity and ambiguously asking to understand
I don't feel the need to control much of anything at this point because I have learned to cope with BPD and this void I'm feeling quickly erases my extreme emotions, it's like something inside me that works like a sponge and that sponge's duty is to absorb such emotions for me so I do not experience them. The sponge then magically erases all of it.

There is however, one exception. When I get flashbacks of traumatic events of my past, the flahsbacks are so intense and vivid that I can feel them happening in real time. The only way to stop those flashbacks is by inflicting significant pain on myself, my therapist suggested an alternative where I shove my face in a big bowl of frozen water to bring myself back to reality, it works, however sometimes I do not have access to that immediately and those flashbacks must stop as quickly as possible because the self harm required to make them stop reaches seriously harmful levels.

>would love if you had a minute to express yourself if you got angry ofc i dont deserve all that time or you opening up so its up to u i liked to express how i would like to see you angry annoyed bothered
When I get angry, instead of feeling much rage or a desire to hurt the other person, it quickly turns into pity. Why should I do anything to that person anyway? Aren't they already suffering? I'm going to go back home at some point and be comfortable again, I'll escape their presence but they, they will have to deal with themselves everywhere they go for the rest of their lives, that NPC, that walking figure I cannot relate to is so pitiful that I don't relate to them enough to bother hating them, they are already cursed in my eyes and I don't need to punish them. (unless they did something extreme like harm someone I love, I would lose my shit on them because of how fiercely loyal I am to those I truly love)

>>34246578
>This whole reply resonated with me and my doubts were all crossed, So thank you anon!
>Btw i myself would have given you advice multiple of times, but i remembered the differences in our ages and understood that it would be condescending if i actually expressed my ideas and "advices"
I know you're well meaning, so I wouldn't take it as an insult, and because I can't relate to you, even if it was in a belittling way, I wouldn't really be able to care. This is not an attack on your person but it's part of my reality.

>Needless to say i am so happy that you are doing better than before at least!
Thank you very much. It's been a lot of hard work and it still is. I'm happier than I've ever been before even if I still struggle. As I mentioned earlier, I really do not think of myself as a victim, I think I live a privileged existence because I've seen people who had it so much worse and are still alive.
>One thing that i am really fascinated by would be you,
Outside of my mental illness I don't know if I'm very interesting.

>>34246568
>And how you never got emotional at all!
It's actually a curse, because when I'm truly happy I can't show it, the smiles feel fake, and sometimes I cannot smile at all. If I'm truly happy sometimes a few tears will come out and I'll try to hug the other person to show I'm thankful. I can't express myself through facial expressions and emotions very much, I do it by sharing space with someone, letting them sit with me while we both do our own stuff, allowing them to share my silence. I do it by being fiercely loyal to them and giving them gifts and sometimes saying "I love you" when it really means something.

>>34246578
>So how are dealing with impulsivity and anger and irrationally
As I mentioned, I don't really feel impulsivity, but lately I've been interested in things again. I've started watching streams, videos and playing retro games, for some reason retro games feel like they have soul and meaning, a goal. People cared for the games they made back in those days.
>Do you get annoyed most of the time? What is the consistent, most prominent emotion that you feel beside emptiness
I feel lonely, even if others are around me. If you want a great example of this loneliness, consider looking into the video game 'Yume Nikki' it's a great example of it. Other than loneliness, I am in a perpetual sadness because I see no purpose or goal to anything around me, this world is like a 3D model in a video game that I ma or may not choose to explore from time to time, it feels artificial. I feel sadness like I'm grieving something that I have never known the existence of.
>Last thing
>If you felt the need to be emotional or angry this is an open space and anonymity is assured if you would like to not control your emotions (I know this sounds dorky)
I'm fine, words on a screen can only go so far as to showcase what I experience and honestly right now I feel no need or impulsivity or inspiration to let out any emotion, I'm not really feeling anything right now, I'm just responding to your words and trying to satisfy this need for information that you have, I also hope it sheds some light on BPD and mental illness and that one day, whether it's you, another poster or a lurker encounters someone with BPD, you will have more context even if their case is not as extreme as mine. I hope it won't be as extreme as mine.
>But wanted to say it
>Thanks for the efforts and all the replies would read this
>-Im still on the 1st part-
Take your time, I'm a neet, time is all I have. I'll keep a tab open to this thread.

>>34246159
being homeschooled was the best thing that ever happened to me at that time

>>34246553
>but tell me the meds that you were on
I don't want to share the meds, I'm too lazy to get up, I have no energy today and believe it or not, this would require an effort to get up. I don't expect you to understand, and it may seem like I'm giving you a bullshit excuse but I'm really not. A symptom of depression is having no energy to do basic things such as simply getting up, it's very demanding and I must ask of you to understand that. Normally I wouldn't have had a problem but this is a time where I just can't and if it sounds too much like bullshit, at this time, it cannot be helped.


>something else dont you find having relations with people appealing?
I can't relate to them. I don't really see the appeal.
>people with bpd have many flings, romantic and sexual relations, you never brought up that topic.
I've had a partner who I broke up with in 2025, it was an abusive relationship and I got out of it for my well being. I may not feel much but I respect myself enough to accept no abuse from anyone whatsoever, I've done it enough throughout my life and now I know my worth. I've never had flings and never felt interested in them, I think they're disgusting, why give something so intimate to someone for just one? Especially if that person is someone I cannot relate to anyway? There's a barrier between me and the rest of the world, I probably couldn't feel much even if I had tried anyway. As for sexual relations, it's never been easy, I've always struggled with having sex or having much of an interest in sex at all. I don't even watch porn. I don't see the point of it and I compare it to cuckoldry, it's weird for me to masturbate to somebody else having sex. The fact that I never brought up that topic shows how unimportant it is in my life. I don't feel like I need sex, I never did.

>>34246553
I'll try to do the meds thing later regardless.

>>34246612
Okay
Thank you anon

>>34246781
is this your reply to everything that anon replied with?

>>34244194
Damn, Every word is true.
There is ashitton of misconception about anything. Everybody thinks something and if you don't fit their mental image, you are not a real one then (nobody accept their desillusions). Even harder that the neurodivergent are diverging even from each other. I am on the spectrum but I hate half of the spectrum. The entire psych field is full of impostors and charlatans. Especially the popular ones. The more complicated the case the more misdiagnosd. Getting a good psych is like a miracle.
[diagnosed with complex personality disorder, ADHD, and ASD in progress]

BPD anon are you still here? I am a 20yo girl and I was officially diagnosed with BPD yesterday. I'm scared after reading what your experience was. I have major depression and general anxiety disorder. I haven't been able to do much in 5 years. Everything I try I eventually quit because It feels useless. I mostly lay in bed all day and listen to music. I just thought maybe I could get better. There is a boy I love, I love him a lot. I want to get better for him, I just dont know how. Was there at time you ever felt better?

>>34244647
Yeah Distress Tolerance definitely was a lightbulb moment for me when I started DBT. It felt like CBT skips past that right into using logic to overcome the emotions. I had always felt like there was a step missing.

>>34246555
Those are very common comorbidities, I'm not sure why you're surprised.

>>34247820
Who diagnosed you? Did they not get you on a treatment plan?

>>34247915
>Those are very common comorbidities, I'm not sure why you're surprised.
i was talking to someone else beside you lmao, i dont appreciate your comment anon

unless you are the one i was talking to which i highly doubt and i would apologize for being incentive if i was wrong
so sorry if you were the one that i talked to

>for being incentive
insensitive* sorry

>>34247915
My psychiatrist. There is a wait list for it. At the beggining he was like you may have it. Then he sayed no. And yesterday he said you deffinetly have it.

>>34247820
Hi, yes I'm still here. If I were you I wouldn't let the news devastate me too much. I'd like to confirm to you that it does get better with time. It sounds like the biggest cliche ever but I am living proof that it is the truth and keep in mind, I am an extreme case who still managed to find peace. My experience with BPD is amplified by my traumatic past and the harsh circumstances that surrounded my upbringing. I'm not saying this in a way to belittle you, but please do not compare yourself to me because if you do, you may try to relate to every single one of my symptoms and because we are separate cases, it could be misleading for you. I can relate to quitting everything you try because it feels useless. I've described something similar in my earlier posts, but with time and especially proper care, you can overcome that barrier almost completely. Avoid being over medicated, especially at 20 years old and do engage in therapy. Please read the book "I hate you, don't leave me" because it's by far one of the most important resources out there concerning BPD. Do not fall for the same trap as I have where you end up becoming a complete shut-in, it impairs and handicaps your progress. It's good that you have someone you love so much it makes you want to improve, please pursue that but avoid falling into the trap where you become like a yandere over him and idolize and idealize him too much because this will hurt you beyond words in the end. There have been times where I've felt better. I'll answer any question you have, don't hesitate to ask, I understand your state of shock, it's normal.

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>>34247157
Dr Basedstein here.
Along the way i've just learned to mask and never discuss those things.

It just sucks all this mental health talk is just babble.
As soon as there's talks about welfare and accomodations, that's where their mask falls off.
They'll immediately turn and say: "We can't do that! People have to work! Stop being lazy!"

Whenever people start sentences with "I have ADHD", or "as an autist" i just tune myself out.
I just can't take these people seriously.
Because 90% of the time they're lying or self-assessed themselves off a symptoms list.

>Getting a good psych is like a miracle.
Thankfully i got one. And thank the lord all my medications don't have any side effects. My body responded really well.

I had one acquaintance of mine trying to get ADHD meds so they can sell off the streets for a profit.
Thankfully he got BTFO'd by 3 psychiatrists and gave up.
Justice.

i am officially diagnosed with bpd but that's simply because this world is an illusion built to trick spiritually awakened individuals into thinking they are crazy but the truth is i am god experiencing the illusion of separation.

lol, lmao even.

>>34248801
cant tell if you are genuine or not..

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>>34250569
That's an obvious troll

>>34250585
fuck i fell for it
you are diagnosed with something tho arent you?
just curious since you wouldnt get out of your way to write all that text for nothing

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>>34250595
>you are diagnosed with something tho arent you?
5 Conditions. 3 of them fits the umbrella of "neurodivergency"

However, i live a pretty normal life. I just take my medications, follow my treatment plan and move on.

The most dangerous i have is bipolar type-2.
Why? Because the medications don't seem to work, but they actually ARE working.
I've stopped once thinking i was all good and had a massive goddamn episode.
Almost landed in a pysch ward.

I just don't discuss this stuff with the lay folk, just while anonymous or with my healthcare providers/doctors.

>>34250595
are you OP?

>>34250610
you did bite my bait
im jk
anyways i hope you actually arent lying to me because i was a bit happy that i was correct about my first intuition
well you sound pretty chill i didnt pick up on any bipolar or autism or anything

if that means anything to you

can i know how long have you been medicated and how do you deal with the whole situation of being invalidated and that "therapy and meds are poison" etc etc

im not medicated yet but its just super annoying to think they might be right and i should just "force" myself to get better

>>34250611
yes ? who are you?
if that was the person i talked to yesterday i missed your chats/talks
if not i would like to know who are you if thats okay

>>34250645
I am the BPD anon who wrote you all those long, elaborate replies. Are you going to do anything about it or reply?

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>>34250637
>can i know how long have you been medicated
5 years for lamictal, 3 years for adderall.
No side effects to report. It helped me turn my life around.

Of course, i still had to put on the work. Medications alone won't be enough.

>being invalidated and that "therapy and meds are poison"
These people are stupid. They just want to knock you down a peg.
I just excuse myself and get past them. It's pointless to engage.

>i hope you actually arent lying
>i didnt pick up on any bipolar or autism or anything
I actually have ASD too. However, my presentation is a bit different.
My problems with communication lies in excessive verbose. I stim verbally, such as talking to myself and giving presentations on various topics.
If you allow me, i'll talk all day nonstop. Often with a language sometimes inaccessible or incongruous with the situation.
Stranger yet, i am actually a man. This is extremely atypical. Often you see those in females.

It's odd to see a charismatic autist, but they do exist. I am one of them.

>>34250647
you dont talk like them.
you did start your text with a small letter, unless you are emotionally charged maybe hence why the change in your tone ig?
did i bother you by not replying?
if so i wanted to say something and speculate to you, but i dont want to get ahead of myself and wanted to if i can share it


anyways i dont really think i can add to the convo anymore sadly, despite really enjoying it and getting to know you
so i am saving you the time and telling you that if i had question i would just ask you or make a new thread with the same pic attached if you wanted to check it

other than that
im sorry i am bad at replying i read your comments multiple times, its appreciated and i liked it.
i apologise if i couldnt provide a normal conversation
i just wanted to know your meds if thats okay

>>34250657
>charismatic autist
Yeahh haha i can tell by ur choice of pics
is this your cat? nice pic i love the quality

>>34250647
sorry for being disappointing and lowkey "disrespectful"
i am up to ask question if you want to answer tho
sorry for the no profound, non rich replies from my end anon

>>34250674
>did i bother you by not replying?
I wouldn't say bother, but it did confuse me not to receive any further engagement from you after being so thorough with my replies. For example:
>anyways i dont really think i can add to the convo anymore sadly, despite really enjoying it and getting to know you
This would have been the perfect reply and a good thing to know as I did mention to you that I was going as far as keeping a tab open on this thread to answer questions.

>unless you are emotionally charged maybe hence why the change in your tone ig?
I used a small letter because I was typing on my phone. Typing on my phone takes a lot more time and therefore I care a lot less about things like punctuation or finer details.

It was not a difference in tone, it was simply a letter not being capitalized. It's not because I started a replied with a lower case that it means I am emotionally charged. That's a strange assumption to make.

>im sorry i am bad at replying i read your comments multiple times, its appreciated and i liked it.
That also would have been a perfect reply.
>i just wanted to know your meds if thats okay

>Methylphenidate
>Duloxetine
>Pantoprazole
>Lamotrigine
>Resperidone
I'm only 32 and take this much.

>>34250705
>Lamotrigine
Lamotrigine gang yo
Working quietly to prevent yearly-recurring self-destruction
Love this little guy

>>34250701
>sorry for being disappointing and lowkey "disrespectful"
It's okay that you apologize, but as I've pointed out before in the thread, I don't really care about much of anything. I was confused but not offended.
>i am up to ask question if you want to answer tho
If you have more questions, ask away.
>sorry for the no profound, non rich replies from my end anon
It's okay.

>>34250711
I wish I didn't need it to be honest. I can't help but feel that I am too medicated for my age. I have worked in nursing homes where elders took less pills than I do. This isn't a good sign for me.

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>>34250715
Whatever gets you through the day man...
I also take 3 medications. Adderall, Lamictal & low dose fluoxetine (for appetite)

It's better to be functional and well-adjusted than a nervous wreck crashing like a bumper car everywhere.
That's just modern life. It's stressful. Especially for neurodivergents.
However, i'm not going to sit around and wait for things to change.

>>34250685
Thanks!
Unfortunately no, but i wish!

>>34250731
I hate that this world has damaged me so much. I'm not saying this in a 'boohoo poor me I'm a victim' way, but more in a way that expresses how unfortunate it is that I have to live with these conditions permanently when I could have lived a life free of those complications. It didn't need to happen and it's really unfortunate that it did even if I know deep down it could always have been much worse.

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>>34250741
Re-frame it as if you have to brush your teeth and shower everyday.
The same way you go to a supermarket to re-fill soap, shampoo, toothbrushes and toothpaste, you do the same to re-fill your medications.

Here's another doggo

>>34250748
Yes, however the soap, shampoo etc don't have side effects on my body. That to me is why it's such a bummer. Certainly medications can work but there's a list of side effects that come with them that the majority of people who take them are not informed on, but I may be grasping on straws at this point.

>>34250753
Sorry, i forgot about those.
I don't know, the medications have worked really well for me.
The only side effect i can think was when i started taking Adderall.
My lips were quite dry and my heart rate rose a bit. But after taking it for awhile, it just stopped.

I guess i'm extraordinarily lucky

bpd anon its me sorry for my way of responding
i know i should change this but i would just start with being honest im bored irl rn idk why i have no energy to talk beside being curious about ur life

why did you list
>Pantoprazole
isnt this supposed to help with gerd and stomach ish issues sorry if it sounds offending if you would rather just telling me to shut up i would understand

i promise you i read what you write i just cant find a way to respond im chronically online so dw i just have social anxiety i push through it by only responding if i have questions which is so fucing creepy i understand anyways bye

also can i know (personal question) im just intrigued
why did you use ur phone this time and do you actually not feel anything towards anyone anymore
i cant shake the feeling that you are possessive but just toned it really down with age mb if i sound retarded

>>34250766
>bpd anon its me sorry for my way of responding
you don't have to apologize.
>i know i should change this but i would just start with being honest im bored irl rn idk why i have no energy to talk beside being curious about ur life
It's not a big deal
>why did you list
>>Pantoprazole
Because the constant stress and anxiety I experience impacts my stomach and causes me stomach issues, pain, gerd and other things.
>isnt this supposed to help with gerd and stomach ish issues sorry if it sounds offending if you would rather just telling me to shut up i would understand
It's not offending, relax. I don't understand what I've said that could have placed you in such an apologetic or submissive state.
>i promise you i read what you write i just cant find a way to respond im chronically online so dw i just have social anxiety i push through it by only responding if i have questions which is so fucing creepy i understand anyways bye
it's really not a big deal anon.
>also can i know (personal question) im just intrigued
>why did you use ur phone this time and do you actually not feel anything towards anyone anymore
I used my phone because I couldn't get out of my bed. I actually do not feel anything towards anyone.
>i cant shake the feeling that you are possessive but just toned it really down with age mb if i sound retarded
I'm not possessive, no. I don't know what I've said that could have given you this impression.

wtv

>>34243941
OP are you schizophrenic?

>>34251181
if op didnt reply does it mean he is?

>>34251341
most likely...

is this thread over?

>>34253759
never
why?

>>34254026
is this the eternal threade?

>>34254074
mhm

Bpd anon, you are really interesting, i know you said you don't think you are interesting outside your mental issues but i disagree, you sound really interesting i loved reading all your responses and i want to hear your opinion in a view things if you don't mind.

First of all, what do you think of religions? Did you feel any pull towards god?
I don't want i theology debate wither god exists or not -that's a discussion that leads nowhere- I'm just interested on spirituality and bpd -especially you-

Secondly, it's known that many bpd individuals struggle with suicidality -you mentioned you excessively self harm during flashbacks- and also you mentioned that it's gets better with age so my question did you think/attempt suicide? If yes how did you get over it

Third question, you are kind and empathetic and you worked with people during thier last moments, how do you feel about death and finality?

Last question, can you recommend your favourite media across games,books,movies etc.. i would love to see your taste in stuff

Finally, I'm glad you are doing better and sorry if my questions are very intruding, I'm just curious about your perspective

>>34256705
Part 1
>Bpd anon, you are really interesting, i know you said you don't think you are interesting outside your mental issues but i disagree, you sound really interesting i loved reading all your responses
Thank you.
>and i want to hear your opinion in a view things if you don't mind.
>First of all, what do you think of religions? Did you feel any pull towards god?
My religious practices are a mix of Christianity and Shintoism. I used to be exclusively a Shintoist but after I discovered the existence of the unfathomable demonic forces that rules this world and that the only thing they fear is Jesus Christ, I expanded my horizons and accepted him. I did not believe in religion at all for most of my life, I saw no clear evidence, no real tangible proof of there being a god until I saw proof of the demonic forces in this world and the only man they feared. I did not believe in demons but once their existence became undeniable, I knew there was a counterbalance to it and that religion was in fact onto something. Good and Evil exist in this world and even if God didn't blatantly manifest himself as much, the demons sure did and it was more than enough for me. I absolutely do not seek more evidence. I also have a history with witnessing the paranormal first hand, especially in nursing homes. It could easily be attributed to ''you're a schizo, BPD Anon'' but these things happened with other people present and they saw those things too, so I know I'm not crazy.

In short, I became religious after discovering the existence of the absolutely demonic forces that rule this world and religion has improved my quality of life tremendously since then, my mental health has received great benefits, my philosophical takes and interests have sharpened because I now see this world's bigger picture. I now realize that all the good and evil we do have real, legitimate consequences that feed one of two forces and it's up to us and our morality to decide whose side we're on.

The lack of teeth from sleep grinding is a pretty horrifying visual

>>34256705 Part 2
>Secondly, it's known that many bpd individuals struggle with suicidality -you mentioned you excessively self harm during flashbacks- and also you mentioned that it's gets better with age so my question did you think/attempt suicide? If yes how did you get over it
I have thought / idealized / fantasized about suicide a lot, my first suicidal impulse was in 4th grade. I was sitting in class and the teacher was explaining things to us like any teacher would and suddenly I started looking around and I realized something that freaked me out.

Everybody was seated, everybody was listening, everybody was following a protocol, everybody was absorbing the information they were being given, everybody was obedient and even more shockingly, everybody was following a path that seem predefined. This freaked me out to such a profound level that I started panicking, I looked around frantically the moment I realized I was one of them and that I was inside a system I couldn't escape. My panic became extremely visible, the teacher got annoyed and asked me what was wrong, I broke down in tears and shouted ''I want to kill myself!''

Why exactly did I say that? It was a mixture of two things.
1. It told me that I was stuck in the situation and path I was in at the time (decades later, turned out to be true)
2. It also meant that I was stuck in the existence where I endured abuse at home and at school. It finally clicked in my mind that there was no escape and that death was the only way to end it.

>>34256705
Part 3
His words really got me thinking, I reflected upon those words for a very, very long time, such a simple phrase and yet it sent me into a spiral of self reflection. After giving it much thought, I too do not see death as a tragedy and while there are countless tragic deaths, I no longer think of death itself as a tragedy, mostly due to the fact that it is inevitable, it's a part of life, death is not tragic but tragic deaths do happen.

I have seen a few types of deaths.
A patient who was in unbearable physical pain begging for mercy from the doctors to put her out of her misery (medically assisted suicide was not available at the time) she suffered tremendously until her very last breath, she was shaking so much that the bed itself was shaking with her. That to me is an example of a tragic death, but her death itself was not a tragedy in my opinion, it was more of a release from torment. It was very frightening to witness and I hope this isn't how I end up later in my life.

Another one I have seen was a lady whose last words were "by the way, where is anon?" She passed away peacefully in a coma. This was not traumatic to witness, she was surrounded by family and people who loved her to bits until her very last breath.

>>34256705
Part 4
Last one I'll mention is my father's death. He died at home, he had been very, very gravely sick for about a decade if not more. I heard noise outside of my room and opened the door, I saw my mom holding my dad slowly dragging him to their bed, my dad looked at me with an expression I had never seen on him before, it told me everything, I knew it was the end. I'll never forget his facial expression, it told me everything I needed to know. I looked at him and said "I love you Dad" his eyes seemed to water, he was shaking tremendously and couldn't breathe properly but I still understood "me too" from what he was trying to say. The other people in the house rushed to my parent's bedroom to help and the medical staff arrived shortly after. My dad fell into a very agitated sort of coma until he was medicated through injections and even then he was still agitated. My mom asked what was going on and I heard the nurse whisper "when patients are like that, it's because they're not at peace, he's struggling because he wants to stay". My dad's body was shaking and his breathing was extremely labored. He had only 1 functioning lung and was on a respirator machine 24/7. That was the last time I saw him alive.

The many other deaths I witnessed shook me, but this one was personal and it did something to me no other deaths did. For the first time in my life I knew what it was like to see someone you love die in front of you. He is finally free from cancer, from disease and illness. I do not view his death as a tragedy.

>>34256773
For most of my life I have suffered recurring nightmares in which I am being chased by people or entities who want to harm or kill me or abuse me in various ways. I often wake up in fear, I sleep walk, I talk in my sleep and am very agitated. The dentist told me that I grind my teeth so strongly that the muscles on each side of my jaw are over developed, the biggest ones she had ever seen. The muscles I am talking about are the ones that pop up on each side of your jaw when you clench your teeth, mine are about 2cm large when I clench my teeth. I have to wear a night guard to protect what's left of my teeth from grinding so much.

>>34256792
Mewing in your sleep, very impressive grindset
Seriously though, that’s insane. I’m lucky that my night terrors slowed down a lot. I took a lot more away from your story than just that, thanks for writing it out

>>34256705
Part 5
Lastly, I do not fear death in the usual way. I fear death in the sense that I am not ready to go, not yet. I still have many things I want to do and experience but I am no longer afraid of death as a concept. I believe suicide is a person's choice but I believe suicide itself is a tragedy. I've known a few people who committed suicide and one of them really shook me.

I knew an esthetician when I was a teenager. I would go there from time to time for facial skin care to help with acne and other facial skin issues that teenagers face. It really helped, she was very kind and pleasant to be around, she had a fantastic attitude and could cast her spell on anybody with her welcoming smile and charming personality, she truly was wonderful.

What I didn't know was how depressed and miserable she was deep down. Years later once I was an adult, I learned that she committed suicide. There was a shed behind her house. It was the place where she hung herself. One of the most painful ways to go and yet that's what she chose to escape her misery. One of the most heartbreaking details of this story is that before hanging herself she wrote a note which she stuck on the door.

She was considered missing, so people naturally went to her house to investigate. Eventually they went to the shed and saw the note which read "Please do not come inside. I don't want you to see me like this. Call 911."
Her death was extremely tragic. Even in her last moments she thought about others, she didn't want to traumatize anyone, she just wanted to be free from her torment, she just wanted to go. Even if her death was extremely tragic, I do not view death itself as a tragedy.

>>34256705
>Last question, can you recommend your favourite media across games,books,movies etc.. i would love to see your taste in stuff
>Video games
I enjoy walking simulators Yume Nikki, Yume Nikki Dream Diary, Yume 2kki, LCDDem, old platformers like Mega Man, Ninja Gaiden or Contra or Castlevania. I love shoot em ups like Deathsmiles, Gradius or MushihimeSama. I love games that require skill and precision. I also enjoyed Tales of Berseria lately and I am a very devoted DOOM fan.

>Books,
I love mangas like Elfen Lied, Akame Ga Kill, Astro Boy, Anna Dressed in Blood, A Brief History of Time, books by Stephen King like Doctor Sleep or The Shining.

>Comic books
A lot of Marvel, like the gory Wolverine: The Best There Is

>Movies
I am a huge, huge fan of horror movies. I used to watch 4-5 horror movies per night. I am not exaggerating, every single horror movie I could possibly manage to get my hands on I would watch. I've seen so many that I can't name a favorite one. I also love action movies like Kill Bill or John Wick.

>Music
I almost exclusively listen to video game music. Most of my days are spent listening to video game music in the background. In fact I am currently listening to video game music right now. I don't often need lyrics to my songs, I resonate with the melody and the emotions captured in the songs rather than the words. It's the same thing if I watch gameplay footage on YouTube or Twitch, I don't want somebody talking over the footage. I also enjoy the silence sometimes. I love sitting with absolutely no sound and just being in my own peaceful bubble.

>>34256802
>I took a lot more away from your story than just that, thanks for writing it out
I'm glad and you're welcome.

>>34256837
I made a mistake in formatting my book list, the books listed after Astro Boy after not mangas.

>>34256705
re-reading my answers, I realize that a lot of what I answered has been lost, entire paragraphs are missing and that's because I kept hitting the character limit on my answers. This is very unfortunate and I don't know how to remedy to this situation because now it looks like I was just talking a bunch of nonsense. I'll have to figure out a way to fix this.

>His words really got me thinking
This is a reference to Stephen Hawking in an interview, when asked what his thoughts on his own death or mortality was, he stated that he does not view death as a tragedy. That phrase stuck with me for a very long time.

I have absolutely no idea how to fix my answers for them to make sense, so I will need you to point out what parts you don't understand so I can explain them. I have been absolutely screwed by 4chan's character limit, I had to copy paste my answers in half, click to respond to your post again, paste the rest of my answers and clip them again because they still didn't fit, and clearly a lot of what I was saying got accidentally erased or lost. This is terrible.

>>34256844
are not mangas* I can't write today for some reason. It is early still.