A week later, I suggested for pizza and a movie. She initially agreed, then switched to coffee. I accepted. Unknown to me, she messaged a male friend to “monitor” the situation. When we met, I panicked because I've got that info, and suggested maybe it wouldn’t work, said I did everything because I pity her, because I have savior complex. She barely reacted. We ended up talking for 3 hours- childhood, family.

Next day, we had group coffee and then after I ran into her. I read that as a sign from the God, I told her I actually liked her, I got scared of my emotions, never liked anyone as much as I like her, but wouldn’t force anything. She said I’m playing with her emotions, acting like a woman in pms, that I am not the guy she imagined, that she would love to give me an answer but she can't answer herself. I said okay I said what I had to say. We agreed not to tell anyone anything, but she told me she only told her brother (the guy I know and we are okay) and that he said "I expected more from him". Her brother is okay towards me. But she clearly have told other people that, her female friend, her male friend the one she organized to interrupt the date, etc.

A few days after the coffee talks, we had a group hangout at her place. Some friends left early, leaving just me and her alone. She immediately panicked and messaged her close male friend, saying she was uncomfortable being alone with me and asking him to come fast. She thought I orchestrated the others leaving (I didn’t). She told him explicitly: “I’m uncomfortable being alone with him.”
Despite that, she didn’t cut all contact.

For NYE, she invited another friend (and me) over. I went, but stayed distant and quiet. Other orbiters were there. Later I learned that she told that my friend and I were assholes (thatnight), that we didn't have anywhere else to be... None of which is true, I was with that guy and she invited "us" via him, I explicitly told him to tell her that he is with me, because I didn't want to go. And I suggested leaving multiple times (leaving was logistics issue for me). That night she tried to get reaction out of me multiple times,but I was drunk and quiet which is very unlike me, at the end she tried to instigate religious debate.

After that, she stopped messaging me directly, but kept indirect contact: sending small online-game gifts. Her only female friend sent request then canceled. I didn’t respond to any of that.

Later, she had surgery and went away for recovery for a few weeks. During that time, she remained in indirect contact: gifts, group posts, occasional messages, posting provocative things in the group chat (things she used to send before that she admittedly only sent to get reaction out of me) politics/race related stuff.

She coordinated a lot with her male friend behind my back, sometimes framing situations as if I was pushing or trying to manipulate her, while simultaneously telling me in person she liked me.

Throughout all this, she still referenced me indirectly and reacted to things tied to me, showing that she’s still thinking about me but avoiding direct one-on-one interaction. Gifts, provocative posts, and breadcrumbs suggest attention-seeking or guilt, but no romantic closure.

I’ve maintained distance. I didn't message her since new year (maintained no contact), and when she asked me something once on the group chat i just responded with yes. otherwise i haven't talked on group chat either.

What's wrong with her? What's wrong with me? Is there a future for us?

I really, really like her and I am basically looking for a silver bullet.

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>>34243948
>Chasing an average joe relentlessly
>Love bombing
>but she’s “a lot to handle,”
>Sudden shift to devaluation
>Moving to the next guy
Anon... This suggests something not so nice...
Not a definite diagnosis, but this is a common story.

>kissless virgin.
Stop with this lingo. It's retarded and makes you look stupid

>>34243973
It's true.

But I do have some redeeming qualities. I am tall, in medschool, and have lost 50kg since I have met her. Also i think i had shown care about her no one even came close to.

If this thread is alive by the time I come back I will tell a story about her

>>34243989
It's not about your adjectives anon...
Let's just say - You should only continue forward with this if you're undertaking psychiatry residency.

By the way, what specialty you're going for? Have you decided yet?

>>34244007
I haven't decided yet, this year we have psych, but patients are much more severe than what she exhibits.

I always classified her as anxious-avoidant, because of her history. But now that you've said it I can see some patterns.

Still to be honest I haven't had much of luck with girls and she is the first one to exhibit such deep care and connection, or at least that's what I've felt. That I'd do anything to get that feeling back. God I remember when I go out with her I can literally feel like the center of the world, there's no phone notifications, she doesn't google, respond to messages or whatever, but as time progressed she started using phone or responding to calls, or whatever.

I also can't forget how much she helped me with school and she was deciding factor for me to actually start losing weight. I am still fat, but people treat me much, much better and my face is prettier for what it's worth.

I remember ahead of one of the largest exams in our medschool, while she was in the phase "why do you hate me" she suggested that we study via zoom and we spent 8-9 hours studying untill 4am. And it was oral exam that started at 8am. At 10:30 I was the only one that day that have passed the exam and when I've come out and told that she screamed and hugged me and congratulated me.

>>34244272
I'd be really careful here - there are some things that suggest a very strong manipulative behaviour.

Psychological abuse always come with a push-and-pull. Confusion, is the name, because there are times she's legitimately great...
And then, she crashes out.
This is a common pattern in abusive relationships.

>anxious-avoidant
That's just the surface presentation.
The core however, needs to be properly assessed.
And that can only be done in a psychotherapy session.

Depending the way her defences mechanisms are tripped, there could be an estimation of any conditions she might have.
Clearly it's disruptive - it's ruining her relationships, so there is definitely something there.

>>34243948
The fact that she keeps allowing you back after you freak out on her and tell her you don't care about her only to change your mind again once you calm down is...not a good sign. No normal woman would put up with that. She's using you for something I just don't know what.

>>34244298
Hmmmm, could you elaborate further or suggest me some book or if you need more details?

>>34244321
Hmmm, well I think there's a lot of projection. When she told I use people like puppets on a string, I think she was talking about herself. When she told me she is not my toy, I guess I was her toy?
> She's using you for something I just don't know what.
Well when we met, for the first time, we were in a company of 5-6 people, and she was talking some bullshit about women (literally telling how they deserved to be beaten up or killed because they choose their boyfriends).
At that moment I told her she is full of shit, that she is pick-me girl. She then tried to explain, but I cut her off. I don't remember that scene exactly, but people who watched told me it was very brutal.
From that moment on it was game on.
And if you look at the timeline first thursday she talked some bullshit about her ex, relations bla, bla I told her well I liked you, and I wanted to date you, that's why I actually hang out with you, but not anymore after these stories.
That night I wrote a fucking paragraph telling how I am sorry, I am not indifferent and I would love to see her to which she insta responded with "Okay, see you tomorrow".
That day I told her I do like her and then she spent an hour telling me how while she does like me, I am amazing, she can not be controlled, she once isolated herself because of her ex and she won't go through that. How she has male friends and she knows I don't like that (since I am like her father, conservative, bla, bla), how she is only ready for something long-term. But loyalty is everything for her (she knows that loyalty is everything for me, be it for friends, family, state or relations)... Basically trying to undersell her, I said I want to try anyway. Then came next thursday when we were supposed to have that pizza and movie date to which she initially agreed...

I think my anxiousness fucked up her plans.

>>34244405
Could she have borderline traits or BPD?
Possible. Some signs fit:
Fear of abandonment ("why do you hate me," "will you ever accept me")
Intense but unstable relationships
Push-pull dynamics
Splitting (idealizing you as "brightest guy" then uncomfortable being alone with you)
Impulsive behavior potentially
Identity issues (gathers orbiters, controls males, few female friends)
But also:
Ive been doing push-pull just as much as her (told her I don't like her, then I do, then "we won't work out," then "I wish we could try")
Childhood trauma (parents divorced, father wound) creates attachment issues
She's mid-20s and in medical school -she's functional enough to maintain academic performance.

>"She's using you for something I just don't know what"

counter argument:
She had some health issues and she was at her aunt's and I asked and told her I can call her so we could talk and she told me only if I want to meet her uncle and aunt. i said sure to that, to which she responded "i expected absolutely not", but then she went to another room and we talked for an hour
She paid a lot of times when we went out
She pursued for 6 months when I was 400lbs (not about looks/status)
She opened up about deep childhood trauma

>>34244405
>books
Do you want a clinical one or an easily digestible?

>Clinical
Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders by Patricia R. Casey, M.D., F.R.C.Psych., James J. Strain, M.D.
Chapter 4. Adjustment Disorders

Treatment of Stress Response Syndromes, Second Edition
Mardi J. Horowitz, M.D.

>Digestible
All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks

Unbroken: The Trauma Response Is Never Wrong - Mary Catherine

> She's using you for something I just don't know what.
Not very likely. It's too disorganized and the pitch hasn't been done all this time.

>>34244528
Thank you for recommendations. I will download them right now.

>Not very likely. It's too disorganized and the pitch hasn't been done all this time.

Yeah, when I've thought about that one I came to the same conclusion >>34244526

>>34244526
>She opened up about deep childhood trauma
Yep, i kinda expected this. Fits the profile.
BPD would be more severe and there would be a massive trail of destruction & revolving doors relationships

>>34244548
>Yep, i kinda expected this. Fits the profile.

Do you think this is salvageable?

Her male bestfriend is also in our friend group and in school, and he is very scrawny and relatively short, I am the polar opposite of that.

She also told him that she liked him, but only when that passed? She explained that by saying that she wouldn't tell him when he was in relationship.
She told me that she knows when she likes someone from the beginning and when it's friendship for the sake of friendship and when it's just getting to know eachother for the dating?

But then I know how they eachother met. It was after she dumped (after he dumped her and came back) her ex and basically only real boyfriend (met in hs, he is from rich family, but started using drugs). And he came there via some mutuals and he got cheated on?

So none of them were in relationship then and for quite some time, but she waited to tell him that, and to tell him that in front of their mutual friend?

The more I talk about this the more insane everything sounds. But I guess I want her in part because she was there when no one else was

>>34244615
Elaborating on BPD

When we're looking at a borderline patient, we're primarily interested in which types of responses we can see.
Whenever we tap into their core issues, they tend to flip and become extremely defensive and angry.
They tend to start being non-compliant and hostile whenever we "stir the beast" Also becoming quite demanding and manipulative.

This often surprises therapists working on the idea they might have anxiety or depression. They get startled by such brusque and intense response.
Welcome to "wrong patient syndrome".

Many conditions could fit in the description of BPD. However, we can't simply say: Oh, you feel empty? hate abandonment? vacillates between love bombing-devaluing? Borderline!

You can miss things like narcissistic p.d., CPTSD, MADD, cyclothimia, etc.

>Male bestfriend
I don't think you should be concerned with him. Eyes on the prize, not your competitors.

>Do you think this is salvageable?
I think this is starting to get way too complicated. I'd look for other options. It's not good to start when the whole ordeal is already quite complicated.
It's not impossible, sure. But it'll require some finesse to navigate around it.

>>34244681
Honestly you're leagues above me in this.
>I don't think you should be concerned with him.
I am not in that sense, but they do hang out often, and he manipulates with people very well, also he managed to label me as an asshole and someone who can't take rejection in her eyes (bruised ego and such). But the other day he talked with me and asked what's wrong, we seem to have grown apart (both him and me and us as a group). I played dumb, since we have to collaborate in school.
>They tend to start being non-compliant and hostile whenever we "stir the beast"
Here's the thing, I pushed buttons many times, I even psychoanalyzed her and told her her fears, personality all that (it helped that I actually saw some of her chatgpt prompts like:"Why do I feel when I don't contact people they won't contact me. Why do I think people will abandon me?" Joked about her parents, divorce, ex, etc. Nothing in the moment has ever pushed her.
>I think this is starting to get way too complicated. I'd look for other options. It's not good to start when the whole ordeal is already quite complicated.

Fair, but... I told her I like coconut and peach based fragrances. She goes out and buys coconut-based fragrance and when I compliment her first time for wearing it, she makes sure to wear it always when she thinks she is going to see me... She told me she couldn't care less about fragrances. When I was at her place she took my full-zip sweater and sprayed her fragrance on the back of it (I checked with different people do they smell the same stuff because I started doubting my sanity), since I haven't used my only coconut-based fragrance in years.

>But it'll require some finesse to navigate around it.

I am all ears

>>34243948
Tldr, she definitely IS a fake/attention-seeking “pick-me” and you're definitely NOT “smartest guy, one in a generation”, "we are all puppets on a string for you", "self-confidence never seen before", etc

Jesus
Get over your self-important selves yike

>>34244831
>you're definitely NOT “smartest guy, one in a generation”, "we are all puppets on a string for you", "self-confidence never seen before"

Damn, you're very sharp. Was it the fact that I am here on 4chan trying to see what I should do with a girl I am 45 days no contact or the fact that I am mid 20s and a virgin?

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>>34244809
>Nothing in the moment has ever pushed her.
Very unlikely to be clinical BPD. Often these existential questions push them over the edge.
Much like when a narcissist feels ashamed...

>he managed to label me as an asshole
Yes, but whenever there's evidence of the contrary, she (and others) will likely be suspicious of his judgement and intentions.
That's the deal with smearing someone, if it isn't true - it backfires.
So, don't worry about it.

>I am all ears
I believe you truly like this woman. So i think the best course would be to let things happen naturally.
Spend time with her, do things together. And eventually it'll happen.

>>34244878
No, you just got unwarrantedly pedestalized by some retarded sycophant and then fell for it cuz ur self worth is so dog shit

Ur both retards and it's probably better if you found someone less retarded so that you retards don't just run in circles ending up nowhere

>>34244917
Movies guy, huh?

Yeah, but I kinda did act like an asshole. First on NYE I collapsed unto myself and was quiet, distant and dismissive which is unlike me. Then when she went to surgery and during recovery I didn't even send a message. Which is VERY unlike me, but hey Claude and chatgpt suggested that, and autistic midwit does what they say.

>I believe you truly like this woman. So i think the best course would be to let things happen naturally.
>Spend time with her, do things together. And eventually it'll happen.

Well I am not sure how much of that is possible, how much our relationship is fractured, even in friendship sense. But I should move into an apartment soon and I will invite our friend group, will see if she shows up and how she behaves.

You helped me a lot. I greatly appreciate that, sad we can't stay in touch, but that's the 4chan

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>>34244990
Good luck!
>4chan
Yup, i like it here. Sometimes I'm overqualified, but i don't care.
It's the only place there aren't any arbitrary numbers telling how good my comment is and neither do i need to worry about losing an account or putting down my details.

Being an anon is fine :D

>>34244933
I see your perspective and I understand why you are inclined to say that.

Now, I am not interested in another girl, do you perhaps have some advice for me how to fix things with this girl?

>>34245089
Sincere communication

>>34245154
What sincere communication? I told her I like her, she says she likes me too. Organizes interruption of our date?
We agree not to tell anyone anything in the beginning. She tells her bestfriend. I would be less hurt had she told me that she doesn't like me and to fuck off than this stuff.

>>34245089

There's this guy, from her group (our year is split into different groups w/e) that they got a bit close, since January, and she talked late into night one night and went over to his place to study before exam. She hasn't communicated much with him since, but I guess he is filling in my role?


I am wondering how should I go forward with this?

If I message her now asking about surgery or exams it's going to look lame after 45 days and after I've told "I said what I have to say, I won't push anything". Same goes for groupchat. I sent back in-game gift a day ago, but she didn't log on.

If I don't message her she might feel unwelcomed and not come.

Every way I see this it's damned if I do, damned if I don't.

You got to be observant when you date people. There's a catch to everything if you aren't aware right away. Here's something better for you, stop chasing happiness.

>>34245210
I think I am too observant and perhaps I am "scaring the hoes".

Recently her ex's father died, and since then she called his wife (mother of his exbf) twice to talk...

She told me she hates animals, cats especially. But once she was showing me something, that happened to be in chat with her ex from a few years ago and she was telling how she loves the cat he has and how she is going to get herself one...

I feel like i am in a nightmare.

>>34245016
Shut the fuck up bitch, you're still a med student before residency, as it stands you have a shitty ass premed bachelors with too much time. Come back when you're a surgeon

She's building rapport to create a relationship and trust between you both. You're her study buddy and for all parties concerned you both fulfill your individual demands. She gets tutorial and a class friend and you get female attention. Simple as. If you like her for who she is, you wouldn't make a thread about her but it seems to me you're making this thread because she's the only recent girl who gave a shit about you and you don't want to lose that. You're mentally ill and have abandonment issues because you built your entire self worth around external achievements and to you, she's just another trophy. Get help anon

>>34246274
>She gets tutorial and a class friend and you get female attention

I mean I have many class friends, including female ones and I didn’t really help her. But I see your perspective

>she's the only recent girl who gave a shit about you

no

>you don't want to lose that. You're mentally ill and have abandonment issues

yeah, fair

>and to you, she's just another trophy.

no. I can't explain it to you, when times were good with her, they were soooooooo good. I was on two dates with two different girls since January. I literally can't make myself even pretend to listen to them, all I think is "I wish she was here"

Man I was soo fat, it was insane, but nothing in this world could have moved me to care about that.

but yeah you're right about external validation, I changed, a lot and I started caring about how I dress, how people perceive me, how I behave. But I am more empty and sad than ever before. Before I would eat chocolate and be happy.

>>34246288
You like her then be with her. If the world is going to look at you as just another simp then so be it. It's just simple. I liked this girl which I have no business being with and I asked her out on a date and she rejected me like a dozen of times for 5 years and she had boyfriends during that period but I didn't care about that she was my first love and the moment I laid my eyes off her it's like time stopped and went off beat for a moment and that's where I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my years with her and I got my first date with her after 5 years in my senior year of engineering. It looks pretty scummy how women keep options open but I really liked her I don't care if I wasn't her first boyfriend or whatever but for me she's my first love and i'd die on this hill for better or for worst. I was on the apehoop (rotation player, not the star/starter player) and /roon/ team in high school, it's not like I was an incel but I hanged out with weebs and that was her ick. But that's my decision and a choice I made and that's a responsibility i'm going to take. So the question is anon, will you be true to your emotions and take responsibility no matter how shitty your friends are going to make fun of you for wifeing a bop?
PS, stop redditspacing, this isn't discord

You didn't do yourself any favors with that autistic oscillation of, "I used to like you now I don't, oh wait I do, I mean I don't, I mean I do." You act like a woman.

>>34246313
>You like her then be with her
> So the question is anon, will you be true to your emotions and take responsibility no matter how shitty your friends are going to make fun of you for wifeing a bop?

Question isn't do I want to be with her, question is did she ever like me? Does she like me? And how can I do this the best possible way. How do you come back from:"I said what I had to say" and then no contact for 50 days when you used to talk almost every day?

Oh and I don't use reddit nor discord

>You didn't do yourself any favors with that autistic oscillation of, "I used to like you now I don't, oh wait I do, I mean I don't, I mean I do." You act like a woman.

Yeah, I do. In my defense my hormones were a wreck and my caloric intake for the past 6-7 months is ~1500kcal.

After watching this https://youtu.be/5biDIP-I3jg I think it may better be not to message her. If she cared she would find a reason to message me.

I will host some little group get-together soon. We will see if she comes and how that goes, and if it goes well I have tickets for a show she may be interested in early March.

If somebody has any tips, tricks, suggestions for books/videos I am open to it. Doesn't even need to be related to this specifically but to improve my social skills and curb my autism

>>34243948
You get addicted to the feeling a substance gives you and not the substance itself

Asked claude if i wanted how would i lovebomb her and he answered. Hald of those I've already said without even thinking about it.
Abandonment wound:
"I'm not going anywhere, no matter what"
"Everyone else left but I see you" X
"You couldn't push me away if you tried" X
Broken/damaged wound:
"Your trauma doesn't scare me, it makes you real"
"You're not too much, you're exactly enough" x
"I don't want to fix you, I want to know you"
Special/chosen wound:
"I've never met anyone like you" X
"You're not like other girls"
"You understand things other people don't"
Authenticity wound:
"You don't have to perform with me"
"I see through the mask and I like what's underneath"
"You're most beautiful when you're just being real"
Safety wound:
"I'll protect you"
"You can let your guard down with me"
"I'm your safe place"

Hey OP. I tried messaging my girl. we're in a similar situation where I left because I had been lying for years about how i felt. I finally broke off from her six months ago.
AnywayI told her I'm sorry and she left me on read all day

>>34248803
And did she respond?
Sorry to hear that, but I think you waited too long. after 6 months a lot of feelings pass

>>34250430
No. She didn't but I know she read what I sent. But I do feel some closure. Anything we had is now burned away. I'm not... ok with it but I know where we stand.

>>34250517
Oooof. Yeah, I feel you bro.

Update from today:
We have been at school meeting and I was cold. then Hermalebestie (in future just H) invited me to coffee again. He was in defensive posture, but tried to communicate with me as much as possible and even paid for the coffee. he mentioned again how she doesn't talk with him as much recently. how she called him, he didn't answer, and then she didn’t pick up for 3 days when he called back only to tell him after 3 days she was passing by the library and that's why she called and "that's what annoys him and drives him crazy". (Now I think that's exaggerated story, but I think they communicate less)

To which i responded with "She is a good girl. Has her own (bad) moments, but we all do"

He also lied, when we mentioned another female friend (primarily his), when he last saw said friend, but I played naive.

He tried to push topics I know and love, people I know and love. Asked do I love bowling. Would I be perhaps interested that "We sometimes go together bowling. You, me, friend1, friend2 and perhaps Her, if she'd be interested" To which I responded "yeah, sure, sometimes."

He might also try to repair situation since his birthday is nearby and he would like us to buy a collective gift for him. We will see. He mentioned his birthday and his friend asking him what he wants for birthday.

he asked about online-game and do we (her and I) play said game together? To which i said we haven't played together in some time. and i don't play much in recent time.

I have no doubt he will transfer all the info to her, same way she did to him, and how they managed to label me as an asshole.

Anyways, I think I did good, and I am keeping my cards to myself

>>34250620
Honestly, this sounds like him just trying to get a present/part of the collective present from you.

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>>34250683
Yeah, but I won't chip in more than 20-25 bucks, since we had other friend from friend group birthday and we put the limit on that price range. And he is not poor.
Also I gave him various gifts of small value throughout the time that far exceed that.
If he'd pay for bowling and drinks for us. He'd be out of 40 bucks or so.

But yeah, he is a snake and a good manipulator. He mentioned some earbuds he wishes or something, but I dismissed such comment. Anyways I think it may be dual purpose

I can tell that I enjoy this game now. Perhaps it's my delusion that she cares, but c'est la vie

>>34243948
>she chased me
>hot and cold
>drama drama drama
she's a BPDemon, and she's clearly already got her claws in and siphoning your energy. you need to ghost her and forget about her now before she destroys you entirely.

>>34251150
I don't think she is BPD, just for the fact she has some stable relationships, even with mainly male figures (her brother, H, some other people, one female friend...) and there is no history of self-harm.

Although from what I know she, in her own words, is "hypochondriac" and often has health scares and visits doctors.

And constantly watches TV and needs it to be on and rewatches the same shows (how i met your mother, the big bang theory, friends)

And yeah, I ghosted her, now for almost 50 days, even during her surgery. Even if she was bpd or just anxious-avoidant I think I did irreparable damage to our relations. Because we got really close one time when I noticed something was off when she didn't tell anyone anything (well except for H) and I called her to ask if everything was okay. She opened up and things escalated.

>now fat
lose more fat, get leaner. things will get easier then, perhaps not with her, but with other girls

>>34243961
bro women never "cut contact" until you're in prison(if you're lucky)
>>34243967
get to know some better girls already

>>34256654
Wdym they don't cut contact? We haven't talked in 50 days, does that not count?
>Meet better girls
Yeah, I should probably, any tips?

I reengaged in group chat and it became a bit more lively. Her and I ignore eachother mostly
She sent some retarded tiktok to see who is going to click on it. I decided not to click .

This is becoming more fun by the day

>>34256654
>get to know some better girls already
he is quite literally a fat retard

>instagram group chats
go back. and never shitpost using chan lingo again in your shitty group chats.
you're not the demographic of this site
you got literal autists and educationally challenged anons here you can't talk for shit nor have any social media presence due to the fact they're socially inhibited to do anything about it. we're miserable pieces of shit and you're here like the attention slut you are because you constantly have to play a certain role in your shit. your not larping like the rest of us here, you genuine cafe drinking brunch anon. you never "made" it, because you were never a autist in the first place. get a fucking clue jesus

>>34263590
Never had an instagram in my life. I was always too ugly/antisocial for thar, it's Facebook where I haven't posted a pic of myself for 11 years.
>we're miserable pieces of shit
Do you think I am happy? She appeared in my dreams around 15 times in the past 50 days.
>attention slut
???
>you never "made" it
Obviously, I am a step away from becoming a wizard.
>you were never a autist in the first place
I can't communicate normally with people. I overanalyze, overshare, can't inhibit my thoughts, don't know how to respond to people. Idk how many times have I asked people to "guide me how to behave".
>get a fucking clue
What clue?

>>34263651
There's a difference between an autist like me "making" it than a normie who fell from grace like you. Because there is no 'making' it. just a vile and lonely cycle of ecstasy and rejection. What makes me seethe is that you can't accept this fact.
You were fat yes but you had a relatively normal life from the looks of it, none of us here had exes when we were in high school and our love lives started when we paid a hooker or a slut to have sex and when we finally had real genuine sex with a human being the trauma of rejection during early adolescence haunts us and not to mention we had to do some serious taqiyya shit to manipulate a girl into thinking we weren't chronically online losers joking about rape, mass murder and being fucking edgy whose thinking is very materialistic and calculating to the point that this shit is paranoia, and the worst part is we're aware of it. You might have a rough childhood with strict parents wanting you to be a doctor or a career that's relatively respectable sure that's valid and i'm having a melty but this thread has been around for almost a week already and what can I say just tough it out, if you want out then go out and find another girl and stop playing this faggot games because you felt some type of way because a foid emotionally jacked you off, you want to be worshipped like a god and most of us do thoughbeit but we came to a realization that there was never a god but rather a common principle of a god and it's time to grow up and get in line and accept that fact that we are cogs in the machine and not this punk rock level of self-importance. Move the fuck on. You're a sad little shit who too shy to talk to people but too trusting to create this entire thread like its a part of your human faculties aka your fucking online public and archived diary. jesus fucking christ do I need to spell this shit holy fuck

>>34263722
I am sorry for what you've been through and what you're going through.
>who fell from grace
This implies I was in grace at some point
>You were fat
I am still. It was just supermorbidly obese b4.
>relatively normal life
>none of us here had exes
>when we paid a hooker or a slut to have sex
>when we finally had real genuine sex with a human being the trauma of rejection during early adolescence haunts us
Literally never had a sex, never had a kiss with a girl? Not even a hooker, let alone to come to the stage that trauma hunt me.
>we had to do some serious taqiyya shit to manipulate a girl
You think I don't have to do that? Issue is that I am so bad at it that the fucking girl can see through it. I remember her saying "What's wrong with you? You come then go. You call me to tell me you had a dream about me, then don't write for days..."
>calculating to the point that this shit is paranoia
I am using 4 (FOUR) AI models + 4chan to calculate what am I going to write, or reply or how to understand what's the subtext of a message.
>I say just tough it out, if you want out then go out and find another girl
I can't, literally can't.
>you want to be worshipped like a god
I don't want that mate, I just want to be loved, genuinely. That's all I wanted, but not even my mother is capable of doing that for me. I thought she is genuine, but I remember last time when I saw her she said "I thought you were a different kind of a man, but you were that just in my head." That's my reality mate, behind the facade of normalcy, behind tough guy with principles it's just pathetic, little autist who is going to scare away people first time when he drops the act.
>You're a sad little shit who too shy to talk to people but too trusting
I am not shy, that's the thing about me, how I manage to survive. I can make "friends" more acquaintances quite fast. And I always think people operate with pure intentions, guilty as charged.
>do I need to spell this
Please do