If so, I'm completely fucked, and I've wasted my life doing shit that left me unable to overcome my insecurities and negativity to become socially adjusted.I'm a perfectionist, I never let myself deviate from the path that would supposedly help me get a better life (I was born to a poor single mother). It worked, but that path meant a lot of sacrifices, like rejecting women until my 30s (because I wouldn't want get one pregnant), not socializing much, not partying ot doing drugs or alcohol, &c.I'm in my late 30s and I've only had 1 gf. I never told her that, even though I'm good looking, tall and shit, I never had much experience (love or sexual) before I met her. She just assumed a lot of stuff about me, I guess. I left her after almost 3 years of living together, the day after she told me, among other things, that I behaved like a child... Next day I ran away. I didn't know wtf to do or say, and I couldn't deal with that and other stuff about her. I never talked about this episode to her. She probably hates me now.I realized months later that she was right about everything. I'm socially retarded, which is not a surprise, but the problem is that I am DEEPLY SOCIALLY RETARDED, and a mess in terms of dealing with personal life. And I'm a coward.I know exactly what to do at work, with money and stuff, yet I don't know how to deal with women, I can't delegate. I can't stop being stingy. I have a hard time controlling myself sometimes and go to bed really late most of the time, and I barely even socialize anymore. I don't trust people much, even therapists or people I love. I don't even watch news/series/movies because I think they are manipulative.I was a NEET once, and my life looks exactly like that again, except with money and a WFH job.I don't know wtf to do. Please help me.
>inb4 I've read this somewhere elseI posted the first couple of paragraphs in /sci/ and the thread got deleted after some hours for being off-topic:https://warosu.org/sci/thread/16909735
>>34249441>Is it true that one's mentality doesn't change after your late 30s?NoI'm ~33yo now, and my most meaningful years in terms of change were when I was 31~32. Note that this change came from within, I decided it was time to change and did it
I definitely think people can change after 30. I wish there was some guidebook for people like yourself who didn't have a wealth of social experience growing up to gain social fluency. Being adept in social settings and relationships require experience. You may find it easier identifying someone of a similar ilk as yourself and sharing your social awkwardness with them.
>>34250140>>34250149OP here.I got my first professional job at ~30, so I know early 30s is not bad.But I like I said, I'm asking about changing after your late 30s. Apparently late 30s or 40s is the point of no return...>>34249441>>34250149>Being adept in social settings and relationships require experience.Honestly, I really meant to ask about love and sex. I can pretend to be normal just fine most of the time in social settings, as long as they are relatively short... Otherwise I might start feeling tired, or maybe I start talking random shit that I regret later, or just start hating being there.I have a hard time even remembering what I'm doing at, say, a wedding party. I forget that 2 people are marrying at their fucking marriage because i'm always thinking about something else, and later remembering how I did not congratulate them makes me anxious that people will think I'm narcissistic, ungrateful or whatever.
>>34250202>Apparently late 30s or 40s is the point of no return...There's no such a thing as point of no return. The challenge is to break off from inertiaThere are 2 main sources of change:> environmental need> internal needEnvironmental need is when your surroundings force you to change, be that due to big (potentially traumatic) events, a shift in society, etc. That can happen but often is out of our control since the trigger is external - I wouldn't rely on itInternal need is when WE feel like we need the change. Note that its "internal need", not "internal want" - do not diminish your necessity for change, as that will sure to undermine it. For this, I think the biggest point is commitment to oneself: people often get stuck on a cycle because they are unable to make this commitmentCommitment is hard, staying in your comfort zone/lane is easy. If you want/need change, YOU need to make it happen. I strongly suggest starting with exercise - not because its some body positivity hippie BS - but because its financially easy, easy to grasp, and fully in your control. Set a goal for this first semester, broken down in weekly pieces:> choose a form of exercise> we have ~20 weeks until end of June, STARTING now> set yourself a weekly goal; minimum is exercising x3~5 (x5 is max - i did more than that last year and its insane)> its important to choose a feasible goalNow, if you chose let's say, x3 a week, it means that by end of June you need to have exercised AT LEAST 60 times. Note there's no excuses, no holidays, no sick days - by end of June, you must reach the goal of 60Once you take that much control/commitment over your routine, you can set other goals (but never stop exercising, its core). Approach them in a similar fashion, by smaller weak increments and hard set deadlinesHere some of my early 30s goals:> start wearing contact lens> make a battlevest for myself> go to more concerts> X dates a week, Y social encounters a week
