I've been wondering if I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or not. I already know a bit about the disorder, both my father and older sibling have it diagnosed. As for myself I never had ritualised habits or morbid intrusive thoughts, not until recently. I am unsure whether this disorder can develop in late life or not, and if it can develop later, how to tell? Does it happen instantly or a slow gradual onset? Recently I've been through a lot. 2 family members died, and I recently had my first kid.I noticed three changes in myself lately:>Random, ultra-fucked up thoughts and compulsive daydreams that target things and people I love. >Constant 'what if' ruminations of checking if the doors are locked and the kitchen appliances turned off. If I don't check, I can't sleep and I have to check it. If I somehow don't check it, I worry something bad will happen>Handwashing, washing my hands very often.I put it down to stress and anxiety but the handwashing in particular has me questioning myself. I thought I was just being sensible so as not to spread germs to my vulnerable newborn, but it evolved into something else. I don't actually know how much hand washing it too much, but my hands are cracked, dry, skin flaking off, almost reddened with blood from the excessive washing. I wash every single time I touch an object I suspect to be unsanitary. It's got so bad that I have to buy topical creams to undo the damage and I still outpace the medicine and my hands remain wounded. My question is: Can OCD just slowly creep up on someone who didn't have it their whole life? Can it be triggered by big life events? If anyone reading has OCD, how did you know you had it? Was it obvious to you or was it slow realisation?Thanks. Picrel, an OCD monster I asked some stupid AI to generate for thread.
That's textbook OCD.It's lifelong. But therapy helps.It'll never go away, however. I'm sorry.
>>34258059same but no hand washing etc so Pure o ocd. im gonna need advice too still happening on 4mg risperidone and 20mg paroxetine.
creep up and also triggered by big stressful events so both.i dont know how obvious or slow realisation it is, but I knew these extreme thoughts were an issue a long time ago.if you struggle trying to not act out the thoughts you should go get meds asap because that isnt going to get better, sorry. sadly.but it can be lessened and managing stress is key and there are lots of ways for that.
>>34258059I'm undiagnosed. But i'm similar. I knew I had it as a teenager. I can't stand any form of stickiness on my hands and will wash/wipe my hands immediately. I have to apply cream daily or my hands are messed up. If alone my door and switch checking can be intense before leaving the house or going to bed.When i was younger it was a lot worse i'd sometimes get close to fully breaking down with how much time and effort it would take just to leave the fucking house. When i saw my kid start freaking out over messy hands, as i would wipe and hoover immediately and other things. I had to calm it, i couldn't put them through the same. I allow little chaos in forms of mess and allowed them to get messy and dirty to show them it's okay.Fortunately I caught it early and they eventually got better. So for your kids sake try and find a way to lessen it.
I started checking stoves, windows and doors when I was like 11. I also have a very hard time feeling what I feel if that makes any sense. I just feel it when I'm already fucking exploding and it's too big.
>>34258059Does OCD make sick demons like that show up?
>>34258543Bro is just trying to clean up his room a little bit can't you see the towel and the brush?
>>34258145>That’s textbook OCDFuck. I hope you’re wrong, thanks for your input though.>>34258185>but I knew these extreme thoughts were an issue a long time ago.I always had gnarly thoughts before, I have ADHD so I cannot tell if these thoughts are random thought barrages from maladaptive daydreaming or if its OCD. >If you struggle to not act out thoughts you should go get meds asapThat’s my worry. For the first time these intrusive thoughts are viscerally making me feeling almost psychosimatic urges, it feels like something clawing at the inside of my chest when they occur, like the thoughts are trying to climb out into reality, its fucking weird, man. I never had this sort of thought spirals before.>>34258230>So for your kids sake try and find a way to lessen it.I’ll try if thats what I got, yeah. My dad had affected me with his rituals when I was a kid, but it wasnt traumatic or that bad. Dumb stuff loke telling me to stand still and not move while he touched a doorknob a dozen times. Man.. does OCD always make the sufferer divorced from reality? Will I end up doing kooky rituals that make zero sense if it progresses?>>34258543>Does OCD make sick demons like that show up?Maybe. I know that OCD people describe the disorder as feeling like a “bully” lives inside their head. So who knows maybe it really is a demon. I wondered what OCD people meant by this. I hope its not what I think it is because itll make me believe I got this shit even more.For example right now, I wanna feel inspired by this thread to go and deliberately ignore washing my hands before bed tonight. Immediately i get the thought of>if your (my) little baby dies from sickness, it’s going to be all your (my) fault. & i get mental images of seeing my child dead. This fucking sucks
>>34258059I think you just need to de-stress and find ways to not reinforce habits. Maybe having OCD doesn't even matter. Also, I like that pic but something about the cross throws it off to me for some reason.
>>34258619Honestly i've got better. I remember as a kid I used to have to get my thumbs between bends at the top of the stairs and if it didn't 'click right' when I kind of moved them across I couldn't go down the stairs. I had thoughts of 'If it doesn't feel right, my mother will get ill' etc.I'll also add I assumed some of my other traits I put down to OCD until my friend pointed out that it's a high possibility I may also have autism. Never crossed my mind but something to look into as you honestly sound similar. As routines and rituals also kind of go hand to hand with that. But again I counter mine with organised messes, and pure will power to fucking trust the door is locked. I found when with a partner i learned to only check stuff a few times and if they were staying in i didnt have to check all the switches. Given how they have recently shown up quite strong it's your way of taking control. If you can't figure out a way to lessen it then maybe a doctor could help?As patronising as it may sound, look into breathing techniques when your thoughts get too loud is my only advice that worked me for.
>>34258657>I think you just need to de-stress and find ways to not reinforce habits. Maybe having OCD doesn't even matter. Also, I like that pic but something about the cross throws it off to me for some reason.The messed up thing about OCD (if I have it) is it doesn’t let me feel like it doesn’t matter, it keeps firing off these internal sirens that it matters so much that its life or death in situations that does that even make sense. Also yeah the cross in the pic is weird, but I think I know why the AI included it. “Scrupulosity”. Its a word describing religious people who obsessed over purity and being sinless to the point of obsession. The cross is a rosary and in the rosary requires you to pray 6 “our fathers” and 53 “hail mary’s” in the correct order. OCD people get triggered by this so much that Martin Luther detested so severely he left Catholicism and started Lutheranism lmao. (he was thought to have undiagnosed OCD).>>34258797Im glad you got better. >Given how they have recently shown up quite strong it's your way of taking control.I think so too. It started with my mom dying. I blamed myself for her declining health, told myself if I had been a better son id have encouraged her to stop smoking. Then my uncle who I was close with, I tried to control the situation by trying to convince him into optimism and getting doctors to do more to help, he died abruptly. Blamed myself for not trying harder. Then I snapped when my kid was born. The birth went to shit, emergency c-section. Thought my wife and kid was gonna die, and my mind went into control freak mode and got stuck. I’m no stranger to trauma, but ive never developed rituals and shit before, so its weird.As for autism idk, i got checked for that and it was negative, only got diagnosed as adhd.
>>34259106That's fascinating. I know what a rosary is. However, I think you can weaken or redirect thoughts processes, and that worrying about it is making it worse. I have also had this problem before, and still do to some degree. I just want you to know: YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE ANON! CALM DOWN!!! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!!!! EVERY BIT OF WORRYING YOU DO RISKS MAKING THIS A PERMANENT PART OF WHO YOU ARE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!
>>34259106Right if it's purely OCD. Then developing coping techniques is your best bet. But you need to learn to clear your mind. Slow breathing techniques. But i'd google or gpt some other shit that may help. Personally i thought they all sounded like a bunch of bullshit but you need to practice and attempt to do them or it wont work. Once your mind is clear you need to make a mantra of shit like 'this isn't my fault, this is normal, this wont cause someone to be hurt'. Again i thought wtf how will this work but once you start pushing it it becomes more ingrained.
>>34259130>That's fascinating.Yeah, OCD lore is interesting. It's historically the oldest known disorder in the world, first spotted 1,200 years ago by religious scholarly letters, not given a formal name but the symptoms were observed even back then. >However, I think you can weaken or redirect thoughts processes, and that worrying about it is making it worse. I have also had this problem before, and still do to some degree. I just want you to know: YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE ANON! CALM DOWN!!! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!!!!I'll try. What redirections if thought processes do you recommend? What has helped you when you had a similar problem?
>>34259309>Once your mind is clear you need to make a mantra of shit like 'this isn't my fault, this is normal, this wont cause someone to be hurt'. Again i thought wtf how will this work but once you start pushing it it becomes more ingrained.I'll try this too but to be honest I have doubts that I can pull it off. I've tried concentrated meditation and breathing exercises before on and off in the past, and it never worked for me. I've no doubt it works for a lot of other people but with my adhd it feels impossible to sit down and make my mind 'clear'. I don't wanna be that guy that whines about disorders or used them as an excuse but genuinely since as far back as infancy, my mind has never been able to quiet. Thinking is not optional for me, it's a constant. Every single stimuli has my mind generating random thoughts non-stop. If I could take a video recording of my own mind, it'd resemble a deep-fried stream of disjointed imagery and abstractions shattered thinking, like it's raining in my head and each raindrop is a different unrelated thought. My mind would look like a tiktok doomscroll or some shit. My mind has always done this since my first waking memory as a child and I've never found the 'off' switch for it. So meditation and clearing the mind feels about as doable to me as having no legs and trying to walk lmao
>>34258059You just got a kid, man. That’s a huge transition from being relatively independent to being little human’s everything. You said your wife had a traumatic birth - this affected you too. You’re responsible for your baby now and you’re sleep deprived. That’s stress, not OCD, and it’s normal. Don’t worry, help your wife out, let yourself be less strict with hand washing, and enjoy your babe. You’re gonna be fine bro. Also congratulations!
>>34259356At some point, I don't know when I learned to compartment all my bad thoughts and push them to the back of my mind which probably isn't healthy but i'd rather that than have the constant barrage. The breathing and mantra are more for when i can't and I spiral bad. So if techniques might not work, have you had any meds for your ADHD? If you're open to it anti depressants might work. >If I could take a video recording of my own mind, it'd resemble a deep-fried stream of disjointed imagery and abstractions shattered thinking, like it's raining in my head and each raindrop is a different unrelated thought. I find this fascinating, as mine is more linear but loops over and over finding each what ifs and what i could do to solve the issue. I think in words and it can feel like it's looping so fast my brain is going to explode. I've always compared it to a maelstrom when it gets going. But due to my other traits my background processes is going 24/7 masking etc so sometimes my mind is blank but i'm still subconsciously focusing on appearance when to smile, when to make a facial expression. Bit of a side track but i've always liked finding out how peoples minds function compared to my own.
>>34258059It may be OCD so I advise you to seek professional help. OCD is manageable with treatment.
>>34258059For me I got OCD as a young adult. It pretty much went from never having any OCD to full blown 10/10 spending hours a day doing weird rituals and things. I was stuck in my parents house and couldn't move out because of medical issues and I think it was partly a reaction to not being in control of things I guess. Do you feel like you are less in control of your life than usual OP?
>>34259455>You’re responsible for your baby now and you’re sleep deprived. That’s stress, not OCD, and it’s normal. Don’t worry, help your wife out, let yourself be less strict with hand washing, and enjoy your babe. You’re gonna be fine bro. Also congratulations!I hope you're right. I'm a first-time father and yeah it was a traumatic birth. I already love my kid to death, so I suppose the overprotective instinct + stress is making for a funky combination. And thanks.>>34259470>have you had any meds for your ADHD? If you're open to it anti depressants might work.Yeah I'm on them, stimulant medication. It helps in so far as giving me the ability to control my focus better, but the mind remains switched on 24/7. By that I mean, my thoughts never stop same as usual.>Bit of a side track but i've always liked finding out how peoples minds function compared to my own.Same. I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood so I always assumed everyone's perspective and mind worked more or less the same as mine. It wasn't until I started asking other people if they could switch off their thinking and switch it on at will. Most people says 'yes' that's when I knew I was different, I don't know what it's like to not be in a state of thought or rumination, I don't have the ability to switch it off and on, it's always just been on. My entire life has been a perpetual daydream/brain fog and for me it's my sense of normal lol. >>34259742>Do you feel like you are less in control of your life than usual OP?Somewhat yes. I feel like I'm in control but there's an ominous feeling that I won't be for long unless I do something. I don't know what that something is, but I feel like I'm under constant threat of losing control and some unknown bad event occurring at any time
>>34259470>>34260595>Continuing from the adhd pointIt's why I'm terrified of the possibility of OCD developing in my mind. As I said before, my dad & older brother have it diagnosed, so if there's any genetic risks for it I know it's a strong possibility for me. I've survived a life with undiagnosed adhd i didn't know I had, I could deal with that. I've had bouts of psychosis, I could handle that. Depression stints lasting years I pushed through, lapses of social anxiety, I can carry that. But OCD I'm convinced would cripple my mind and fuck me up. If it was OCD alone I'm confident I could deal. But adhd+ocd combo is a deadly combo that I don't think I can stomach. Adhd means my thinking never turns off, ever. If OCD is thrown into the mix, the compulsions and morbid thought spirals and ritualistic thought loops would be immortalized, near permanent and never ending. It's be like throwing oil into fire and I'm pretty sure I'd go off the deep end
>>34260605I think mine more sides with the inattentive type. I literally can't process information if i find it boring. I also have impulsive needs like you'll find me fixing a door or taking apart electronics at 11pm because i can't wait. Mix it with my OCD and possible Autism it's a lovely mix. You can learn to deal, i know that's a fob off answer but other than mediciation you just need to learn to try and lessen it. Anti depressants might help with the intrusive thoughts though. I have deep seated paranoia and don't want to be 'changed' so i never taken any myself so can't vouch for how well they work. I would however suggest going to a doctor or even therapy may help. I myself had two years of deep depression were i cut myself off from my friends. I think you worrying over 'another thing' on top of everything else isnt helping in the slightest and why i think therapy may be useful. What keeps me sane, and probably torture for other is routine and structure which are my bread and butter and I do mostly the same things every day and i eat the same planned meals every day which are pretty much like five different meals. I excercise five times a week and that gives me structure and helps focus my mind. I just try and be wary of myself getting too obsessed over weight and calorie counting. I also have a very very close friend who helps me ground myself when it gets bad and vice versa. Having an anchor is very important and doesn't make you any weaker.
I suspect I probably have it too. I've developed this really bad fear of chemicals permeating my skin over the past couple of years. Can't have bottles of bleach around, because they freak me out. I imagine I'm going to end up drinking it somehow.I no longer consume sugar or alcohol, because I'm scared of the health risks.Starting to get concerned that food I bought in a store is contaminated somehow.
Oh, another one. I have some growable mushrooms, that I've been afraid to touch, in case spores get on my skin.I know this is nonsense, but the ideas become unmanageable.
>>34258059Yeah, that’s OCD. I have it too. Not fun.
