I am 23 years old. I am a virgin. I have 2 "friends" and they don't live in the same city as me. I have 2 family members. I have autism.This perfect recipe for loneliness has laid me low. I don't know how to make friends, I don't know where I would go to make friends. At this point I don't even remember how to have friends. The interactions I have with people are like war room strategies and tactics. My body language has been heavily scrutinised by myself and pre-planned. I repeat phrases and colloquialisms rotely that I've heard from social people. I'm careful not to show too much emotion or let my true thoughts slip ever, or to use body language that suggests vulnerability. My behaviour in public is entirely predictable and selected after closely studying other people.I'm like fucking Patrick Bateman, but poor. An abstraction, a suggestion of a person that doesn't exist. This is the only way I can walk in the world of normies. No one ever sees anything that I don't want them to see.I'm the type of person that you meet and shake my hand, trade polite conversation with, and leave. Not the type of person you become friends with. People have told me they wouldn't suspect that I'm autistic. What does that mean? If I'm so fucking good at masking then why am I so lonely?The mask is required to for me to maintain at least a distant relationship with human society. Without it I would crumble and my life would be nothing.
>>34265766I hate this. I'm sick of feeling inferior to everyone. I'm on the lowest rung of the ladder being offered normie platitudes like beee yourself on the rare occasions that I try to open up a little. I don't even really hate anyone for it. It's not their fault, it's mine - I'm the defective one. And I'm so fucking bitter for it, I've become a selfish, awful, destructive emotional wreck of a person. Now when I go out in public I feel like glass. Seeing couples being affectionate, or talking to people who just effortlessly glide through social situations shatters me. It's feels like there's a hole in my chest that wants to physically pull me apart, why am I not good enough to have what they have?Even I were by magic to get into a relationship with someone who could look past all that, i'd be way too emotionally fucked up and insecure to sustain it. I can't be what a woman needs me to be.Started feeling suicidal lately. Haven't been this bad in a long time. I can't see any future for myself. It's just pure fucking black. I'm posting here so I obviously have a sliver of hope that things might get better. I want to believe that it will get better. But if I have to live this way for the rest of my life, I'd rather just not live. Sorry for the pathetic dump.
>>34265766Very relatable. I was about to make a blog-reply of my own, but I am ever so slightly different in that I often lack the energy to pursue relationships (romantic and friendly). I have spent what little remaining energy I have on playing musical instruments and learning (or at least trying to) a foreign language.With these, I hope that one day I will outgrow this phase and be let out onto the world to be an engaging person with a unique history/experience (of nothingness). Only time will tell if this was a good decision or a waste of time. I hope we can both overcome our nothingness, anon. o7
I can relate to you, anon. Early twenties, virgin, a rather small family circle, friends who are more akin to longtime acquaintances, scattered across the country, and with whom I never shared an authentic relationship where I felt like I could present myself without having to mask in some capacity.But much of that unpleasant situation definitely also stems from a kind of vain stubbornness to refuse to conform to my social surroundings (currently in niversity) or engage with them like a normal person would. After all, it is me who feels the need to distance myself from normie nature. Maybe friendships - any relationships really - just require a certain amount of give-and-take; being open to soak up some of their traits, behaviours and preferences, and engaging with them. The more perfectionist you are about the person you want to be, respecting and cherishing all the things that embody you, the harder it will be to find a person that will respect you and be interested in you. And since I'm not willing to forfeit my personality, the only path I see for myself is to work hard and earn respect and admiration from others through the results that will eventually emerge - that is, if I don't end up completely broken until then.Anyways, don't take my ramblings seriously, as I'm just another sad chud on this site. It's nice to see that you're not struggling alone :)
>>34265766try being in basically your situation but 4 years older
>>34266575Commiserating with sad chuds online doesn't mean you're not struggling alone. We're collectively alone. It's not comforting to know there's other people who have to suffer through this nightmare.
Same. I'm turning 23 next week and I have no idea how I feel about it. I'm still "college age" but I have never experienced the college lifestyle and probably never will because my family is too poor for it. I have no real friends and I never had a girlfriend because I'm too insecure about sharing my life with someone else. My dad keeps saying that I'm doing better than most people my age but I truly believe I can do more. I really wanna go to college this year, not only to meet girls but to also start building my career. I can't keep working as a security guard forever. Anyway. Just know that you're not alone, OP. There's plenty of early 20s men still discovering themselves and having trouble with modern dating. The important thing in my opinion is to keep trying new things and don't get comfortable sitting in the same spot.
B ump
>>34265766The best place to make friends is a situation where making friends is not the primary action, but a by-product of something else. You're there to focus on the something else and therefore aren't overanxious about the friend-making, which happens on its own.Join a club, in the sense of a place to do or learn about something that interests you. You'll be in the company of others with the same interest, and working side-by-side will lead to some interaction.The same is true of volunteer work, or taking a class in something, or going to concerts or shows, or going to a gym, or even of having a job alongside others
>>34265766Not relatable. You have friends, whether they're your neighbors or not.Body language is like human nature, if you're filtering your body language you're going to seem off to the normies. It's okay to let them see it because the majority of people don't understand body language anyway, they're like non verbal cues that they both pick up on, yet can't specifically pin point.I would say lean on the people you do have, you don't need a million friends to be happy. Stop comparing yourself to others or what others have and be content with who you are. Find a hobby where you might meet like minded people, get a dog, get a cat, go for walks, go camping.
Tough break, muh nigguhMay as well do hardcore drugs and live in a crackhouse
>>34265766It's generally hard to make friends as adults as people shift the focus onto finding an SO instead. That said, you can try to make friends via meetups based on your interests.
>>34270153Did you know that a Klein bottle can hold water?
