I keep fucking up this one stupid simple fucking examit's three pages of memory, it shouldn't be that hard, but here i am, about to go through round 3 with the thing because i cant fucking apply myself.I study it well in advance, but every time that paper is in front of me its like all that goes down the drain, i keep fucking up the same things in the exact same way.This time i got a bit farther, but it's still failure.I've already pissed away my outings for this exam, only have one left. It's gotta count. I have until summer to figure this shit out and i don't fucking get it anymore, i keep shooting my own foot. I've had one (1) small academic win this year, but this just shoots me down every fucking time.What does one even do here? this isn't that hard, i don't know what's so hellbent inside me to destroy myself in this very specific way.
Otherwise, my life is at a stalemate and the whole academia thing is my only calm in this, i can't fuck this up, i need it.
>>34267607What is the test about?
>>34270157basic minerology its connecting formulas with their names, three pages of that, then you are presented with a rock and have to list everything you see then identify.Nothing difficult but its killing me, the actual test isnt my problem the problem is me failing to apply myself.its been affecting me for a while, ive become extremely resentful of myself in any situation, academic, work, or even just plain social i hate my conduct even though i am fully aware im not really different aside from feeling more (though i doubt that) angsty.
>>34270954...i'm sounding a lot like a depressed faggot not gonna lie i haven't felt this down since i was 16.
>>34270976*hug
>>34270979i've tried talking about how i feel, in general, with friends and their response is the same:>You sound like you're bitching about having a good dayI've attended a festival last week, nominally it should have been a blast. I made new friends, even met a girl, but for me it still feels like shit. Everything just makes me feel like shit when i get home.
