>>34268834
Id been in your position through my youth and young adulthood, you are pretty wise to know where it comes from (father issues). So you're on the right track. The fucked up thing about it all is even though you feel intense fear or helplessness or lack of worth in your own power or manhood, even though you feel weak, that's not what people see on the outside. They don't see the scared vulnerable inside of you, they see how you react on the outside at the slightest provocation. What they see is the thing you paradoxically feel you are not: a scary intimidating hair trigger guy who when looked at the wrong way it spoken to the wrong way, blows up and is quick to become hostile. But you won't see that or feel that is reality because you'll probably be too focused on the inside world in yourself the one of fear and weakness.
It's a mind blower when you figure it out, that you are the very thing you are scared of and saw in others. It's one of life's big twists lol.

Think about it logically: Take for example your typical gang banger, criminals, hooligans, thugs, that sort of type of man. The ultra violent and volatile types who will gun down their enemies in a heartbeat. Know what they typically have in common? Daddy wasn't around.

>>34268846
>Id been in your position through my youth and young adulthood
you never really explained how you got past this, or how you moved on from it, maybe you just became more emotionally stable with age?

>What they see is the thing you paradoxically feel you are not
I honestly doubt that, because ive seen how people treat others, And its a bit embarrassing to admit, But i come across like someone who was bullied his whole childhood, Like a complete shut in nerd, The whole stereotype
Yes sometimes i lose my temper, But only and unfortunately with people i see as my equals or below me, I know its a flawed way of thinking, But Im trying to be honest

Im not someone who goes around bullying people weaker than me
I just stand my ground, And can actually confront them without backing down
ironically, I still overthink every interaction afterwards, Like i overwhelmed them or said too much

Sorry if this is too long

Anyway, I dont know how to fix this constant feeling of weakness and anxiety

>>34268846
Btw,
Thank you so much or your comment Anon and insight
I really appreciated it, Embarrassing to admit but i acc felt connected and "seen" at many parts of your answer

>>34268834
>pic
How do you deal with this?
>leave
I know, but still.

>>34269120
You're right my bad, I forgot to give the solution. The solution is courage, and real courage involves a lot of fear, without fear there can be no courage. Because courage is not about having zero fear or being fearless, courage is about being afraid or weak and yet doing what needs to be done anyway, while feeling afraid the entire time when doing it. That is why and how we know courage to be a virtue, virtues are valuable precisely because they are hard to embody and practice. If they were easy and involved no fear or suffering or pain, we would not call them virtues.

This means because you feel fear and weakness, you have the ingredients to embody great things, precisely thanks to your fear and lack of confidence.

To out it simply, all these things you lack or think you lack are the answer of themselves. So for example if you lacked guidance, confidence, wisdom, discipline, fortitude, all of the things a good father was supposed to deliver to you and instill in you, that will suck. But it's not over, because once you understand the shape of the void you have the shape of the answer, you will know what to do and what to become because you will know the opposites.

You will know how to be a great man because you know all the things that makes a weak man. You choose to embody the opposite, and it will feel weird and forced at first, but the longer you practice it the more it becomes yours and when it becomes yours it becomes real.

You also say sometimes you feel stronger or smarter than others. Let's face reality: this may be true. Sometimes there are those weaker or less wise you may encounter. If you are good and strong man, you can simply give them strength and wisdom, rather than quarrel. You help them.

You can this while feeling weak feeling shit or feeling scared. The big secret is to redefine your relationship to negative feelings. Make an ally out of them, and understand there is no rule that says "you can't be strong if you feel weak"

>>34269127
>Thank you so much or your comment Anon and insight I really appreciated it, Embarrassing to admit but i acc felt connected and "seen" at many parts of your answer.

No problem. The reason you feel seen is because I felt seen reading your thread, I'm a man who went through similar, lacking a strong father role model too, I had my dad and he wasn't absent but long story is he had a lot of problems, alcohol, abuse, neglectful, long story.

So I know what it's like to feel half of a man because of the distinct lack of encouragement from father figure. I know what it's like to never hear the words "I'm proud of you, my son." I know what it's like to hear the exact opposite.
Father figures are important and if a man lacks them, he will not know what he should do in life and even if he should know, he will never know how to push past obstacles because there is a lack of inner encouragement and resolve. The only voice in his head one that says "you can't do it. You are kidding yourself. Give up."

Never one that says "You are struggling, but the struggle is proof you have what it takes. Never give up, keep going, you have it in you, trust your instinct."

If you lack the inner encouragement/father role model, you can always find it elsewhere. Either in authors, public figures, wise men, strong men, anywhere you like. For me personally I chose to embody Christ as best I can. Which I fail at all the time, but I chose faith in a higher power because everywhere I looked I saw frailty in mortal men. I wanted something untouchable and dependable, and imo, there is no stronger material than that of the wood of the cross.

>>34270132
>>34270119
>>34269127

So finally where that got me is somewhere I'd never thought I'd live to see: After choosing to embody a role model that I felt encompassed strength, wisdom, mercy, and resolve, and also after allowing myself to feel weak or afraid yet trusting myself to see things through anyway and letting myself feel fucked up but never letting it define my actions, what it got me was I got my act together and I am husband & father myself now. A role I always wanted my entire life yet also was scared of my entire life too. And I've been told I'm good at it but if you're like me, when someone says you are doing good or great you may find yourself doubting it or not feeling it's true. It's a bitter sweet feeling you may have to carry your whole life OP. But it's not a death sentence, and it's funny because that weakness becomes the strength. Because you can use self doubt as a reason to never let yourself give up in striving to keep going and attempt to do better than yesterday. The way to make it all work is to simply give yourself mercy when you have real bad days, let yourself say "screw it" and let yourself have a bad day, one day where you are allowed to give up. But never give in, you promise yourself you are allowed to fall down but you will never stay down. You get back up after you rest and keep going

>>34270132
>>34270143
Not OP but good posts, thanks for them, God bless you.

>>34268834
Like steel, your charcater could only be hardened by fire and hammer.
Unafortunately a students life sheltered by mum will be your doom.
The most rational option, besides joining military, could a job in the trades and getting your own place.
You could return to your previous endavours some years later.