I've had a boyfriend for a few months now, and things were going incredibly well and I was super happy until a few days ago when it went to shit. I can't explain why precisely because it's too personal, but, through things he said, I figured out that he never really loved me for who I am. He only "loved" me because I brought him emotional comfort, but it could have been pretty much anyone in my place. This has been extremely hard on me because the only thing I ever wanted from life was someone to love me for who I am. I had never even been in a relationship before, EVER. I thought that this was going to be my first and last, and I am devastated to know that I'm going to die without ever having been loved.We didn't break up officially, but today he did it through code. I still kept some hope that maybe I was mistaken about everything, but today he nonchalantly asked me if tomorrow we could play a game, but he specified that we didn't have to make our characters in game lovers anymore. The message is very clear, and seeing him write this so casually felt like a punch to the solar plexus, and now over an hour later and I still find it a bit hard to breath. This is all because he figured out something about me and figured out that I can't give him the very specific sort of emotional comfort that he wants anymore. This is what made me realize that he never really loved me. I don't even know if he's capable of real love.1. What do I do now about him? I think I have to cut contacts with him somehow, I don't think I can handle this. I'm thinking maybe writing a final letter while he is asleep and then delete him.2. What do I do in general? In the past I've deal with the fact that nobody ever loved me with escapism and hobbies. As of 2025, I had lost interest in all of them except two: socializing and masturbating. Then I met him and my life became bright and hopeful again. Right now socializing makes me feel bad and my libido is the deadest it's ever been.
>>34269371women should die
Best I got is try too not let your mind be caught up from the pain of this,yes it sucks but you should foucs on making yourself happy cause if they wanted you too make themselves feel better are better off being left and in case of any relationships again time to heal from getting hurt but dating isn't impossible,just start small by meeting and talking to people in places of similar interest or working up convos with people (Or if you feel comfortable try dating apps in again meeting someone and try to get know each other spend any time you would "petting your kitty" in healthy mind activity even going for a walk
>>34269371It doesn’t help that I can’t tell what really happened you know the specifics but it does sound over if he said that. But why are you convincing yourself you’ll never be loved? This time it might have proven to be not what you need but that doesn’t mean it always will be. To your #1 I think you should face him and through communication confirm if the relationship is really over. Be prepared to point out what you’re realizing if he plays dumb. Force him to answer if he loves you for you if it comes to it. To your #2 you should take some time for yourself if this is really over and just grieve the relationship while trying to take care of yourself. Eventually you can get back in the game of love but you have to practice some self love when you’re alone and wanting love. See if there is anything you can learn from how things went with this guy so you might have a better time in the future no repeats. Sorry you’re feeling low right now but don’t give up on your dream.
>>34269383>>34269398I'm male too. I'd love to focus on making myself happy, but I don't enjoy anything anymore. I'm an empty shell now.>>34269421>But why are you convincing yourself you’ll never be loved?Because nobody has ever loved me for who I am. This is the only relationship I ever had and he still couldn't genuinely love me. I'm pretty old too. It was a miracle that this relationship even happened in the first place. If nothing has happened before, there's no chance now.>Be prepared to point out what you’re realizing if he plays dumb. Force him to answer if he loves you for you if it comes to it.I already confronted him about not loving me for who I am before. I don't think that he really understood what I meant by that, and he denied it, but then also indirectly semi-admitted it after. I'm pretty sure that if I confront him directly over this coded breakup, he will play dumb, like you say. Playing dumb to put the burden of breaking up on me is the kind of thing he'd pull.>See if there is anything you can learn from how things went with this guy so you might have a better time in the future no repeats. The only thing that I learned relationship-wise is that, for me, is that I'm screwed no matter what I do. If I'm honest with people about who I am and how I feel about things (which is what I always do btw), they dislike me. So based on that, I should just lie and manipulate people. It would be easy and I could do it, but the problem is it wouldn't bring me happiness, because it goes against the goal of being loved for who I am. I'm not interested in casual sex and stuff like that.
>>34269520> Because nobody has ever loved me for who I am. This is the only relationship I ever had and he still couldn't genuinely love me. I'm pretty old too. It was a miracle that this relationship even happened in the first place. If nothing has happened before, there's no chance now.This is just your despair and loneliness talking. People of all ages can find love. It just isn’t easy for everyone. Try to give yourself some credit for sticking to your ideals and looking for real love and for navigating this relationship when it seems like it was built on something faulty. It sounds like you couldn’t have known until whatever it was that happened that revealed more.> I already confronted him about not loving me for who I am before. I don't think that he really understood what I meant by that, and he denied it, but then also indirectly semi-admitted it after. I'm pretty sure that if I confront him directly over this coded breakup, he will play dumb, like you say. Playing dumb to put the burden of breaking up on me is the kind of thing he'd pull.How did he indirectly confirm it? There’s not always a clean and comfortable way to leave a relationship but if you’re convinced it’s dead and he’s not seemingly willing to admit that then you’ll have to do something to not just stay in something broken.
>>34269585Continued> The only thing that I learned relationship-wise is that, for me, is that I'm screwed no matter what I do. If I'm honest with people about who I am and how I feel about things (which is what I always do btw), they dislike me. So based on that, I should just lie and manipulate people. It would be easy and I could do it, but the problem is it wouldn't bring me happiness, because it goes against the goal of being loved for who I am. I'm not interested in casual sex and stuff like that.Are you saying this because you opened up to him and he started to dislike you? I think you should take a step back and see this again through a different lens. You opening up to others isn’t a you problem it’s very good to live authentically. Just because this one guy didn’t love you the way you need doesn’t mean it won’t eventually be different. Like I said though you will probably need a period of healing before you can be comfortable seeking love and being that vulnerable.
>>34269585>>34269592I don't want to go into super specific details but I'll make it as clear as I can without saying it.>we start having an argument over something I said that he really disliked>this ends up leading to him finding out that I see him in a way that is different from what I thought I saw him as>this is a huge problem because he really really badly wants to be perceived a certain way>this whole time he assumed that I did, but it turns out that it was a misunderstanding, because even though i sincerely told him that I did before, it turns out that we never had the same exact definition of the thing in the first place>mental break from him over it, emotional rollercoaster lasting multiple days in a row>this makes me realize that he "loved" me in the sense that thinking that I perceived him a certain way brought him the emotional comfort that he desperately wants, and that a ton of other people who aren't me could have filled that role just as well as me>therefore I feel like he never really loved me in the first place if he is willing to end everything just over that
>>34269643It sounds like he has big issues then and it’s better for the misunderstanding to have been cleared up sooner rather than later. If you want my opinion I don’t think someone could love another truly and have that love shaken or lost from just something like that. Then to casually say what he did about the game just seems even more like he wasn’t going to fight for you. Love is a thing that is probably very sensitive for you since the more you want true love the more it can hurt to not be getting it but you deserve someone who will fight for you. Don’t listen to dark despairing voices even when it’s your own but remember the pure desire for love and you can get there. Whatever this need for perception is on his end that’s his problem to figure out.
>>34269715I don't mean to slander him or anything but frankly, yes, he has massive issues. When it comes to everything else, he's a really nice, agreeable, reasonable person. But when it comes to this issue in particular, he just becomes somewhat berserk and foregoes all use of logic. It's just emotions. I agree with pretty much everything else you say. I'm still irredeemable and the only reason I made this thread was panic, even though I knew it wouldn't change anything. Despite everything, I genuinely appreciate the fact that you tried. You must be a good person. I think I'm gonna go sleep now, have a good night.
>>34269731It’s no problem at all. You’re definitely not irredeemable. My own bf and I wish you well through your hardship we are all alike in wanting true love. Thank you for the compliment and you get some rest.
>>34269520>I'm male tooShouldn't this be the very first thing you mention?That's like completely changes the context of the entire fucking conversation.
>>34270016Why?Yeah, he probably posted the OP with the shitty anime reaction to pretend to be a woman to garner more sympathy, but it doesn't actually change what happened.
>>34270137>le men and le women are le equal
>>34270174Reddit is two blocks down, retard.
>>34270200Then go and visit it.I heard it's where all the other flighty fags like you hang out.
>>34270174>>34270205Genuinely curious by what you mean. Do you think homosexual love is different, and if so, how is the context different?
>>34269371>He only "loved" me because I brought him emotional comfort, but it could have been pretty much anyone in my placeThis is just how relationships are. The first person you meet that makes you feel good in whatever way you value most. He sounds like a bitch though, if he's "breaking up through code" and you should just block him and move on, because pussy males like that will drain the light from your eyes. Throw yourself back into your hobbies, give yourself some time.
>>34270284It doesn't actually matter that much cuz leftists and your sub-species of faggot are psuedo-women anyways, and I mean that unironically. But implying men and women behave the same especially in romantic context is retarded.Anyways you should break up because you sound miserable to be around.
>>34269371>for a few months now So you broke up in the learning phase? That sounds normal. 3mo, 6mo, 9mo/12mo, 2y, 5y, there is a reason why these periods are common breakup points.>1. You have to end it in no way shape or form that you’ll never go back. To not, means you’ll fantasise about him and destroy every relationship after.>2.Let the sadness wash over you, and understand that it’s part of the process. Those hormones and chemicals need time to flush from your brain.A point however. If you’re male, you’ll be fine with time. If you’re female, that’s 1 down and 4 remaining. You’ll need to search that for yourself, but biology is the controlling force. Statistics are a great way to predict the future, and trust me, you’re a statistic already but the future statical result is unknown…
