We've only been dating a couple weeks. And from my experience so far, you would never even know she was on the spectrum at all. I suppose I'm asking how this could be possible. I know genuinely autistic people IRL and they give themselves away instantly so I'm pretty confused about this one.Should I keep going along? I ask because if this were to turn into a proper relationship, I would in all likelihood maintain thoughts about her diagnosis on a day to day basis/look for signs of any autistic behavior. Its also worth nothing I actually know very little about autism and ADHD. Any information would be appreciated.
>>34272573I'm an autistic adhd woman, most people would never guess. It can effect relationships, when I dated a dyslexic we would both go into rages regularly, but now I'm dating someone with adhd and it's pretty great. Autism can be many different things and adhd can be a good thing if the person has a handle on themselves. If it's going to bother you for the whole relationship that she has these diagnoses then just call it quits, but if you really like her try to educate yourself a bit. It's really not that bad, I have a fair few friends diagnosed with autism, adhd or both and they're the funnest people I know.
>>34272573Treat the dsm 5 or whatever it is just as a framework of looking at humans. It's not the truth or fixed. It's useful sometimes, wrong at other times.
>>34272581Can you go into the positives of adhd like you mentioned? As for the diagnoses, they dont bother me by themselves. I'm just confused as to how a very normal woman (to me) could be diagnosed as such.>>34272582This is also something I've thought about. How little we really know about human psychology, and how much of everything isn't black and white. That certain natural behaviours could theoretically be grouped into a "disorder" if you look hard enough.
>>34272573You'll be able to tell pretty quickly if you ever move in together. It's easy enough to look "normal" in person in shorter bursts, not possible while living together.
My wife has the tism and it's pretty obvious when you get to know her but ik what you mean.Its only a couple weeks so just bring round asking what the details on her autism is. Ask if she is comfortable with certain things specifically because of her autism and she should elaborate. If not you can observe some of her neurotypical behaviour and squeeze in a playful "you suuuuure youre autistic?" be careful of the way you say that but you can try it if she doesn't give straight answers.
>>34272604I'm pretty creative in my thought processes, I have lots of talents that I'm quite good at because I'm always trying new things, I find it easy to talk to new people, I'm pretty outgoing. I think the adhd makes the autism less apparent, I am shy and reserved with some people but the adhd makes me really outgoing at the same time. There are drawbacks, I procrastinate a lot, I hate doing menial tasks but with the right medication that completely goes away.
>>34272573>>34272610>you suuuuure youre autistic?Don't do this lol. It's just frustrating and a source of anxiety, makes you feel like an imposter.
Women hide it better than men
>>34272573Isn't everybody autistic these days? I wouldn't let it bother you too much. I wouldn't let it bother me.
>>34272573>I'm asking how this could be possible. I know genuinely autistic people IRL and they give themselves away instantly so I'm pretty confused about this one.Because she's a woman. Autism & ADHD in women is famously hard for outsiders to detect, it's even difficult for professionals to diagnose accurately. The reason for this is because of [masking]. Masking is the social practice of pretending to express a certain behaviour or set of feelings when you actually desire or feel the exact opposite inside. Everyone [masks] from time to time. Autists and Adhds have to [mask] very often every day, sometimes constantly. Autistic males and Adhd males are less likely to [mask] 24/7, or at least their masking isn't as rigid and stubborn. This is because men are more likely to rebel/push back/not give a fuck socially. Women are extremely sensitive to peer pressures and social conformity so their masking is so absolutely solid and mechanical that it becomes absurdly difficult to notice their autism or adhd. There's also a gender bias in psychology too. Men are more likely to be put under psychological examination and scrutiny than women are, women's behaviours and feelings are overlooked as non serious and non consequential because the social consequences for a twisted woman isn't as severe as a twisted man. Twisted men become dangerous to others, twisted women because dangerous to themselves. Society is more likely to skip taking women and their mental illnesses seriously & also busting men's balls and villainizing them too much at the same time. Anyway your GF having autism shouldn't panic you. Because whatever lovely feelings you feel about who she is, that's thanks to her being a woman with autism. The autism is partly the thing that makes her attractive to you, even if you don't fully understand it at the moment. It doesn't fundamentally change her personality, it simply means her sensory experience is rough. Her nervous system makes her cry more basically.
>>34272650>>34272573>Continued.Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that means nervous system as previously mentioned. The wires of spaghetti nerves that connect the body to the brain, that's what's fried and painful for her, not necessarily her brain or her mind directly. Though her mind will be burdened by the problems her nervous system deals with on the daily. This will show up as severe or persistent anxiety that comes from 'nowhere' and doesn't go away. If you ask her how long she felt anxious, don't be surprised if she answers "forever". Because she will be telling the truth. For autists, their default mood is anxiety, that's their baseline natural state of being. This is because their nervous system has a rough time processing reality to report back to their brain. Existing is effort and mental work for them.As for ADHD that's a pre-frontal cortex issue. I have this disorder. To put it simply, the part of her brain responsible for regulating dopamine is shot to shit. Dopamine regulation helps humans focus, helps them stay motivated and helps them turn thoughts into actions. ADHD means feeling so mentally paralysed and immobile, no amount of mental efforts can force you to go and action things into will. Willpower is fucked basically. It also means high impulsivity, ADHDs jump at the chance to follow impulse because it's the one mental pathway that allows them to act and they jump at it. This presents as someone who seems spaced out, fidgety, restless, stuck to an addiction or habit non stop, has brain fog and is severely forgetful. Bad at listening in convos and/or always impulsively talking over you. Combine both and it's a severe and difficult combo. Though not impossible to live with and not impossible to have a successful relationship with.
>>34272573The fact that you couldn't tell should lead you to the conclusion that you might be kindred souls, anon
>>34272573From the outside, high functioning spectrum is indistinguishable from "normal" shyness or social awkwardness.
