Why does all advice about meeting people as an adult boil down to>just do itor>go out with your friendsand completely ignore the actual hard parts, finding places to meet people my age, approaching people, knowing what to say to someone.I don't think I've ever seen an actionable piece of advice on this, It's all just "put yourself out there".
I solved this issue by learning the bass for six months and joining a band.I think that men are not made for just talking with others about things, men interact and make friends through doing things.For example, some men make friends in videogames because they work together toward defeating a dragon or whatever, conversations about loads of other stuff can happen here and there, but when an awkward silence comes there's always the option of going back to focusing on killing that dragon.Same with sports, men bond around a collaborative (or even competitive) effort to win. Same within a music band or theater, men bond with others around a collaborative effort toward perfecting a performance that they will show to an audience.Get yourself somewhere where you can talk to people while you're doing something with your hands. Socialising through just talking is for women, and I don't mean this as a bad thing, I just think that this a biological distinction needs to be made and men need a reminder of it. I think that 90% of "socially awkward" men would have no problems interacting with others if they were in a deserted island and were working together to build a raft. You are normal, the true kind of normal, realising that there's something wrong with the "just be around people" advice already means that you want to socialise the way that nature intended for us men.Wherever you go in order to get a social circle, make sure it's a place with a focused purpose like a sports club, a serious course for learning something, or anything collaborative or competitive. >Church choir if that's a thing.>A local competitive game scene. >A sports club (team sport like volleyball, individual like a shooting range, or 1v1 like tennis/MMA, or even ping pong). >Do what I did with the music band route if you think it's worth your time.Don't measure your social skills by your ability to do small talk, or by how well you do in settings where all that people do is small talk.
>>34273296>I don't think I've ever seen an actionable piece of advice on this, It's all just "put yourself out there".Because you're looking for a step by step instructions for something for which none exists. "Putting yourself out there" includes repeatedly failing and making mistakes until you learn how to do it like literally everybody else has. You are you. Nobody else is you but you. There is no universe in which any of us can reliably give you advice on how to approach and what to say because none of us know you. Everyone has to learn this shit on their own and the only way to learn is to just jump in and do it and fuck it up until you pick up the necessary social experience to determine what does and doesn't work for the kind of people you're looking for. There isnt anybody or any thing that can hold your hand through this process.
>>34273296>and completely ignore the actual hard parts, finding places to meet people my age, approaching people, knowing what to say to someone.>I don't think I've ever seen an actionable piece of advice on this, It's all just "put yourself out there".because that is entirely based on who you areif you're a 6'5" muscular black man you can't follow the advice given to a 5'4" European twink or go you go to prison. if you live in NYC or Texas or Uruguay you have to interact with the people around you in totally different waysthat sort of advice is based on what works for your personal demographics and details that are always different from anyone else'syou can only learn what works for you specifically through trial and error
>>34273296You’ll know what to do when you’re publicly intoxicated.
Yes, people like a dude that takes action instead of just complaining on his ass all the damn time. Sometimes that's all it takes
>>34273296Because it comes naturally to neurotypicals. They don't know how to break it down in a way an autist like (I assume you) or I can understand.
>>34273442Listen to this advice. Joining something and contributing in it is the best way to make friends. I for example sang in a choir while i worked for the conductor. Because they saw me everywhere, talking to everyone and even the high ranking people actively talked to me (conductor etc.) people in that choir respected me and tried to be my friend. Even though it didn't work out i even got a date from that. The really important part is that you really enjoy the activity and that you enjoy the athmosphere of it. You might like an activity but hate the people. Then you gotta leave immediately and find something else. >>34274599Don't listen to this. Anon is arguing in a circle "I am bad at socializing therefore i am not normal. I am not normal therefore i can't scoialize". Truth is in this day and age socializing is frustrating for normal guys too. Also divya venn in pic rel. thinks you don't need to be interesting, probably because she is a woman. Be somewhat interesting, have personality.
>>34273296It's it hard to make friends as an adult? Yes. But if you do want success you still need to put yourself put there.
>>34273296I mean I went a card shop yesterday and ended up having a full chat with the cashier and a few dudes before leaving. It's not hard anon but I can see why you think it is.
>>34273296easier said than done. been looking for a drummer for the past few years
>>34274812I agree. I was around plenty of ppl and LOTS of pussy when I was doing theatre work. Just gotta try really and truly.
>>34273296i'll speak from my own example. I personally have started going on raves, mainly for the music and the dances associated with them. As time went on, people started noticing me on those raves, saying stuff like "yo you're a regular", or even liked how i dance by just giving me props. Eventually, as i talked to more and more people - people like bartenders, or fellow partygoers - even due to me barging into a conversation just because i've overheard that they're talking about a topic in which i happened to have something to talk about - i started getting noticed, and i started making friends with those people, exchanging instagram handles, stuff like that. One of the common denominators between those people and me were of course raves: the music that we both listen to; the dances that we both do; and probably even us finding the rave aesthetic as cool. In my view, in order to form a significant social connection with a certain group of people, you might need such a common denominator yourself. Not necessarily raves of course, but your own interest. I know that you might feel uncertain if anyone even shares any common interest with you, but i'm certain there are people like that. Unless you're the unabomber or something; then we might have problems with this [1/2]
>>34275164i think ability to drag on the conversation can help though, and i think it's acquired. I have gone through quite a bit of awkward silences before i got to the point that i'm at right now, through numerous periods of me being insecure about me talking to people not well enough; but i did try to string conversations as much as possible at times, even if they were kind of watered-down. If you do have difficulties in that - i'm convinced it can be trained, through noticing more and more apprehension points of the conversation that you can branch out into. Or even if you don't have a clue what to talk about with a newly met person - you can ask about music, out of the blue: what music they listen to, what they like, then you can share what you like, etc. What helps in making the second person like you more is you being genuinely interested in that person. The second person will like when you ask them about the things from their life specifically and exclusively; something that can't be looked up with a Google search. Music conveniently happens to be one of them, considering that music is a very personal thing. People in general like when someone is genuinely interested in them. I'm pretty sure you do tooi think concistency in attendance helps. These people actively sought out to be my friends after like 6 months of me going to those raves; more or less 1 rave per 3 weeks, heavy emphasis on more or less; and they started inviting me to after parties around that same time[2/2]
>>34273296what the fuck man, it's the same as meeting people as when you were a teenager, or you were a kid.If you're 27 years old or whatever and you're all like>I have to what? Talk to people? What do you mean? What people where? How? Talk about what?you need therapy and meds.>>34273442yeah, of course, you meet people through shared interests and hobbies and lifestyle.But again, how did you not already figure this out by the time you were like 10 years old.
>>34275200When I was a kid I was forced into proximity with other kids, and I could make friends by having Pokemon cards or something.
>>34275164I think the last place I would ever want to be is a rave. I have autistic sensory issues, and crowds activate my fight or flight response.My goal in life is to sit in a quiet room with a handful of people I like, and shut out the rest of the world.
>>34275172I've been down this path you're going many years ago. The women you meet at raves are not the kind of women you want to try and plan a future with.
>>34274812>Also divya venn in pic rel. thinks you don't need to be interesting, probably because she is a woman. Be somewhat interesting, have personality.she's absolutely right though. you don't have to be interesting at all to have friends to do things with, male or female. it helps but isn't required
>>34273296It’s hard for me because the more I socialize the more removed I feel from people. They’re all in relationships and stuff, they aren’t interested in playing matchmaker, they aren’t interested in new friends eitherTheyll be polite but seem resistant to new people
>>34275275You have to basically force your way in and keep showing up until they lower their guards, we live in a no-trust society now so everyone is wary of strangers fucking them over. If you can prove you won't fuck them over and they like your vibes there's a higher chance of being let into the in group.
