>be me, 33 year old guy>met wife in college; been married 6 years>1 kid, another on the way>early relationship was affectionate, felt loved and respected>over time stress ramps up (school/work), and she lost a parent unexpectedly>she resents that im addicted to weed and porn (i have since quit both)>she develops a medical issue that makes sex painful for her and kills our sex life>she develops insomnia, which she blames on me waking her up at night, so we end up sleeping in separate rooms>distance and resentment grows>arguments become more frequent>communication deteriorates>one night fight escalates>I yell>kick a door>she calls police>i get arrested>restraining order filed>she files for divorce>i beg and plead for her to undo everything and get back together >she pauses the divorce and modifies the restraining order so we can meet up (but hasn't deleted them yet)>says she doesn’t know if she can ever love me again>wants to “start over” like we are dating again even though we've been together 12 years and have kids>meanwhile im living in a shitty 400 sq ft apartment while she is a stay at home mom in our $2million 5000 sq ft luxury homeWhat the fuck do I do? I feel humiliated and bitter as fuck
If you genuinely still love her, and you can make her understand that, there's hope for it.If not, these things happen, you'll have to move on. No more porn though, never again.
>>34278163Is she currently on any mind altering or hormone altering medications?And as for you, do you help around the house? Do you take mental loads off her, such as cleaning house, making repairs or tending to the child?
buck broken
>>34278174Thanks, Anon. I do believe there is still hope. I just need to swallow my pride I guess.>>34278192She is currently pregnant so probably super hormonal now (and when she called the cops on me)…Chores around the house have been a big source of arguments. She says i don’t do enough at home. I guess that’s another thing I can improve on…
>>34278216>She is currently pregnant so probably super hormonal now (and when she called the cops on me)…Yep. Remember to never take what a woman says personally, seriously, or at face value when she is in the throes of hormones. Because she doesn't mean any of it she is just emotionally farting. If you take it seriously and drag a dispute out of it, then she starts to mean it because she will think her feelings are real and she'll be convinced it's a real issue now because you reacted to it as if it were real. And yeah do the chores, mate. It sounds fucking silly but it's enough to get the sex back and the marriage on course. Do them without her expecting it or asking it, just make a list of shit to do and go do them. Clean the dishes, vacuum carpets, tidy rooms, put trash away, clean the toilet, the sinks, the bath or shower, get your hands dirty and watch as if by magic she gets all loving and horny for you.
>>34278267Thanks for the solid advice, mate. Yeah, I had a suspicion this is just a shit test because she is hormonal. I guess I should judge her more by her recent actions (freezing the divorce, inviting me over, etc) rather than what she says. It’s just tough for me because I really value words of affirmation, and she is not yet ready to offer them I guess…And yeah, I will lean into doing more chores. I need to get over my pride/ego related to traditional gender roles. The chud part of my brain resists because I feel like I am already doing so much by going to work while she stays at home, but I need to change that mentality
>>34278371I dunno man, it's totally reasonable for a woman to look after the home if the man is the sole breadwinner. Do you work out at all?
>>34278163It is sadly common - one might almost say normal - for couples to fall in and out of love over time, perhaps in some sort of cycle. If a core of good will survives - and her willingness to start over suggests that - then there IS hope.It is quite likely that marriage counselors would suggest exactly what she does - starting over, in search of the romance that has faded. Counseling could help you both figure out just how to do that.
>>34278371No problem. Its not a shit test either, but itll feel like one. The emotions she has are real, but sith hormones it takes the emotions and magnifies the shit out of them. So for example lets say your wife is mildly annoyed at you for not cleaning up. She isnt pregnant: She just remains mildly annoyedShes pregnant: She is extremely unhappy and overwhelmed and fears you dont care about her because the dishes are dirtyBoth are sharing the root emotion: overwhelm. But hormones make it fucking crazy. So dont tell her she is wrong for the emotions, or that its a shit test, theyre real, but just magnified lol>It’s just tough for me because I really value words of affirmation, and she is not yet ready to offer them I guess…I hear you. She may surprise you with that later, my own wife did after i busted my balls for her during her pregnancy>I to get over my pride/ego related to traditional gender roles. The chud part of my brain resists because I feel like I am already doing so much by going to work while she stays at home, but I need to change that mentality.No doubt you work hard already, no question. And the gender roles are solid, I live by them too as a man. But when it comes to pregnancy, it goes out the window. Womans hormones go ape shit, and her body starts to exhaust her. She genuinely needs more help at home in this stage. The best thing to do in those times is try and do less work hours, more hours at home if possible. If that aint doable, try and negotiate and reassure with wife that on your days off you will do x10 house work.
>>34278400I am this anon>>34278501Just wanna say I agree with this guy. When she's pregnant you do absolutely everything.
>>34278501>>34278371Also about hormones, they magnify emotions as I said. They magnify all emotions. Not just negatives, positives too. Thats why I mean it when I say it: You do the chores, and she wont just be mildly reassured or happy. She will demand you go to the bedroom and fuck her senseless. My wife would maul the shit out of me and all I did was do the dishes and make her a small easy meal and tidied the living room. I got mauled, anon, taken to bed and sent to orgasm town by ferocity, and my wife is usually a timid woman, that night she was a fucking lionness mate, hormones are wild.Play them wrong and its bad times. Play it right and you will seem like a super god man to your wife during her hormonal shifting, Its a bit like surfing on rough seas. If you can catch the wave, you get a thrilling ride.
>>34278371Also have a funny woman moment
