I don't feel merit in trying things and failing.Hearing the constant rhetoric that you're not entitled to anything and that you should not expect help or reward from anybody else has gotten to me. After a bad episode of burnout I kept feeling extreme frustration at anything I try. Failure never feels like training, it always feels like punishment and never as progress. It doesn't help being 30 and never holding a real job. Parents didn't teach me to use money either, I just hoarded it, pirated things instead and used money as cold utility tools.Now if I do nothing, I may feel relaxed with the off feeling that I'm not doing anything productive with life, but trying something and stopping in my tracks makes me feel distracting despair, I don't have headspace for learning at those times.It happens when reviewing medicine topics, It happens when trying to learn to code and model something, it happens even when trying to play an instrument and realizing I don't really know the play of connecting one sound with the other.Filling an activity chart feels like homework rather than brainstorm.How do you deal with the stress, how do you deal with frustration, and how do you reward yourself?
