I don't know how to say this. This is my first real relationship ever, and it's not hers.During this relationship, there were a few situations in which I told her I didn't like what she was doing. She told me she understood my point of view, but I had to respect her just like she respected me. I had never been in a relationship before, so I didn't really know what I was and what I was not fine with as the things went on, but one day I just snapped because I realized I was the one who was always the "understanding" one, and I just told her, "I'm not going to let things slide this time, so what now?" She was crying, but I didn't really care about it, so she ended up changing on that matter, which I guess was nice.I don't know; I just think I might not be masculine enough, maybe a little too emotional sometimes.We've been dating for about two years now; she once told me, "You're so dumb," because I "broke" the knob of her door, but I didn't really break it; it was already broken, and she just hadn't told me to be careful with it. I got mad and told her who the fuck she thought she was to talk to me like that. I don't know. I guess I overthink everything, and that ends up being bad for the relationship. I overthink the messages I send to her, my way of acting... Everything, and that's not great.How do I make her respect me? For some reason, I've always thought she doesn't really see me like a MAN.
>>34324831>How do I make her respect me?You can't *make* anyone respect you. Respect has to be *earned*; and you have clearly failed to earn it. She doesn't respect you, because there is nothing in you that is deserving of respect.
>>34324862Why not? You don't know me; how would you know there's nothing in me that's deserving of respect?
>>34324831Enforcing boundaries is basically the only way to garner and keep respect, but it sucks, because you risk the relationship everytime you do. Paradoxically they seem to like this as long as it’s not a red line boundary, so the trick and hazard is divining if the boundary is a red line for your partner or not before you enforce it.
>>34324880It wasn't a red line, desu; she understood why I was mad about it. I actually mentioned it on here, and not a single person said I was overreacting. My friends also agreed with me on the matter.When I spoke to her about it, she started saying retard stuff like "but my friends are allowed to do this by their boyfriends" and "you're the first person who is against this," so I told her, "Then why don't you date them again? Why the fuck am I supposed to do with that information? I don't care; I know what I'm not going to tolerate in this relationship." She ended up accepting it; I'd have just broken up with her if she hadn't accepted what I was telling her
>>34324869He's just looking for that sweet sweet (You) , don't worry about it.I don't think it's about earning respect. In my experience, respect is rarely earned. It is given. Specifically it is given to you by people who understand how important respect is. If someone doesn't respect you, chances are they don't respect anyone, or themselves. Inherently, the people who understand respect are people who have been hurt, and they said "I will not inflict this upon anyone else." your gf is probably one of millions of sacks of shit out there who lack a spine and moral compass. I used to be the guy who said I'm "fine with everything, lay it on me haha" until I understood that I actually take offense to some things. And I started to think, both about what I dislike being told about myself, and about all the things I sometimes say willy nilly to others. No one asked for my opinion, no one asked me to tell them who I think they look like or to point out how their name is similar to "insert silly word". That's not respectful, and sadly I used to take part in such wanton judgement on others because my mom used to do that to me and everyone else constantly. Now I understand respect, now I know what's okay and what isn't. I wouldn't step on anyone else's toes because I don't want mine stepped on. Respect is rarely earned my friend. The people who don't know respect are degenerates and don't even deserve your attention. You will know when someone gives you respect. And about your gf - there's no turning back. She knows she can get away with it so she disrespects you on the regular. Best you can do, sadly, is to either accept those comments, or move on. She likely will not change. Best of luck brother
>>34324831You don't sound like a real man. You sound like a whiny little bitch
>>34324831Instead of trying to control her, just distance yourself when she's doing things you don't like. Give her more attention when she does good things. Yes, this is like Pavlovian conditioning.
>>34324831start beating her when she's acting retarded, she'll respect you. respect is a combination of love and fear. she doesn't fear you enough. she also doesn't fear you leaving, which means you don't make her cum as well as a past lover, and thats all she really cares about.
>>34324869>how would you know there's nothing in me that's deserving of respect?Because, by your own admission, you're not respected.
>>34324831What did she do? Sorry if it's clearly written, but I can't find it (I'm tired too, sorry)imo, if a woman likes you, she'll do what you ask, or at least want to talk about it so she can fulfill you.One girl I spoke to for about 2 months mentioned she smoked a cigarette. Her friend gave her a pack. I forget what I said, but I made her extremely anxious by disapproving of it. I could sense a mighty ruthlessness from myself too. It's like I had risen 100ft above her and stared down on her with a ruthless wrath, ready to leave her stranded. All in terse, respectful sentence. She liked me and immediately stopped.With other women, who didn't like me, trying to command them was futile.Give her an ultimatum. That (unknown) thing, or the relationship sinks.
>>34324831If she is not forced to respect you, you are not forced to tolerate her disrespect neither so walk away from that 'relationship'. Men only want 3 things: respect, loyalty and peace.I bet she was not a virgin when you did meet her, right? So let me tell you she has emotional damage caused by all the other men that fucked her before you, so she is discharging all that shit on you, the nice guy she choose to settle down with.
>>34324831You have to introduce structure, consequences, and negotiation.If you assert something and it's not negotiable, you have to be clear what you're gonna do to get what you want. And don't falter. If negotiations happen you have to make it clear what you're gonna do if she breaks your agreement.You don't have to word it autistically like that obviously. She just needs to know that you're not a doormat. And be okay with leaving her.
>>34324869>how would you know there's nothing in me that's deserving of respectbecause you're not respected.
>>34326786Maybe my girlfriend doesn't respect me as much as I think she should, but my friends do, the people in my gym respect me as well, my family also does.Do you really think my entire worth comes down to how my girlfriend seed me?
>>34326466Like I said that happened a few months ago already, I basically told her I wasn't going to let things slide again and that I wanted her to change her ways on the matter, and that if she wasn't going to do anything to make me feel more comfortable in the relationship that I thought we just weren't meant to be together, she cried and did what I wanted her to do
>>34326934Well there you go then. Keep that up.
>>34324862stfu that's totally wrong. OP has been doing a few things right and you're down on him. fuck you.
OP, honestly, what you've already done is correct, you just have to be consistent about it. If you start being inconsistent, wishy-washy, allowing some boundaries to be crossed sometimes, but not others, she won't trust your leadership and you're doomed. be consistent, whatever your boundaries are. Don't be a draconian asshole, allow her some freedom, but within reason. Keep up the good work. Most anons on here would do well to follow your example.
>>34324831>How do I make her respect me?Reading your post leads me to believe the problem is that you in fact don't respect her. The big problem is that "respect" means so many things and you seem to slip between meanings throughout your post.
>>34328534you don't respect women, you love and protect them, if they deserve it.
>>34328961You need to rethink your life choices.
>>34329079hey at least OP is trying, and at least I'm married.
>>34329096I've been with my wife >20 years, through thick and thin, through sickness and health. Now tell me how respecting her is doing it wrong?
>>34329215maybe it's just different definitions. i typically view the word respect as something a wife does for a husband, something a man needs from a woman. whilst love is what a woman needs from a man, uniquely. of course we all need both.
>>34324831OP I am by no means a relationships or psychology expert but I'll say this: I don't think you have done much wrong in how you treat your girlfriend, you even did something right in enforcing some boundaries and I can relate to your story but this stood to my eye>I got mad and told her who the fuck she thought she was to talk to me like that.I personally don't respect people that lash out and go from 0 to 1000 with no inbetween. I used to be like that in the past and that did me no good, ever.What I mean to say is that I think you could have used different words to talk down to your girlfriend. I think it's fine to be annoyed and to express that, and I also think there are more reasonable ways of doing that.Those are just my two cents, for what they are worth.
