just wondering if anyone can help me figure out why I'm struggling to make hopefully an IRL friendI'm m32, I'm pretty ugly but I try very hard to speak to people despite being shy and boring. I've read three books focusing on social understanding and dealing with anxiety - I feel like I can hold a conversation well i.e. not just yap about whatever but actually say things that make the other person feel good about themselves.in the last three years I've been attending book clubs, painting classes, row fitness training, hiking, tennis, I've also taken up fishing although that's not very social.I am always the one to approach people, I remember their names and we seem to have a good conversation, but when the event is drawing to a close is where things just stop, like the conversation just ends, this is the critical part where I'm floundering hard not really understanding what happens next. I've hoped that maybe someone would invite me out again like 'oh lets meet up and do this together' but that never happens. I don't want to be the one to suggest it because I'm always the uglier one of us and it would be unbecoming to be pushy. I also tried the 'go read a book in a cafe' thing that is recommended often, but after probably a thousand coffees and a hundred books by now i genuinely can't recall a single moment where someone asked me what I was reading or initiated any conversation whatsoever. I don't really know what sort of advice I'm looking for, I'm just upset that I get one life on this earth and I feel like I completely fucked up somehow and wasted it.
Do you use social media?You could try to solicit online connections from IRL events.You could also create an online public persona/presence (for example my brother uploads photos of his paintings to his Instagram)
>>34325270yes, I have an instagram where I upload some stuff i'm proud of, but nobody is following me.
>>34325288You got any old friends you could hit up?
>>34325246>but when the event is drawing to a close is where things just stop, like the conversation just endsIf it's a girl then you invite her to your place. If it's a guy then you say "hey we should hang out sometime" and get their phone.
>>34325298from 13 years ago I doubt they'd even remember my name, I have no way of getting in touch with them>>34325301im worried if I tried the latter the dude would think i was homosexual and asking them for a date, do men really do that with each other?
>>34325304>im worried if I tried the latter the dude would think i was homosexual and asking them for a date, do men really do that with each other?Lol. How do you think people make friends? Do you think they communicate telepathically?
>>34325309but how do you word it that you just want to be friends is what im asking
>>34325317Exactly what I wrote. No one is making assumptions unless you come across as gay.
>>34325319man how the fuck should i know what comes across as gay and what doesnt
Live a solitary life. Friends, gf, family are a distraction.
>>34325411But it hurts
>>34325749>But it hurtsyou could always strangle kittens.it is a worthwhile release
there's no such thing as making friends as an adult unless it's someone you're already going to see regularly, like a long term work mate who isn't going anywhere, church friend who has kids in your same district, etc. Even then, the basic unit of life is the family, your spouse and kids, the people you work with, etc. once you're an adult you should just do what you want, and be really genuine and nice to the people you see regularly, but not bank on getting them to be your best friend or anything. there's no real benefit to doing this, and that's completely okay. if you want a best friend get a dog or a wife, or both.
