I moved to a new city at the end of last year, and I've noticed that more guys have been talking to me and asking me out. A few guys have stopped me on the street to ask me out, guys at the gym are way friendlier than they used to be. I'm not fully recovered from my last relationship, so I politely turn guys down if they ask me out, since it feels unkind to both of us to date a guy if I'm not in a position to commit.This is all pretty new to me - I don't think I'm bad looking, but I used to be 70 pounds heavier, and I lost the weight before I moved down. So not only am I no longer fat, I'm also dressing more flatteringly now I'm not ashamed of my body.Whenever I talk to some of my (also single, also female) friends about this, they get really annoyed at me. One of them told me I'm "male-centered" now, and that she feels like I'm trying to brag when I share stories of being hit on. Another says I'm probably just reading into it too much, and maybe the guys at the gym are just being polite (which I never said they weren't, just that it's new to me). I'm one of the only ones who really wants marriage and kids anytime soon, which might be why they're finding the topic so boring and unrelatable.My ex-boyfriend and I broke up right after I moved, and he used to complain that I was vain and annoying about my appearance, which makes me think they might be onto something. But on the other hand, I'm just excited that my work in the gym and on my confidence is amounting to something. Shouldn't my friends be happy for me?
>>34328163It sounds like you are generally attractive, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking advantage of that. Most guys will probably just want sex, but that’s nothing new and nothing you should worry about. Just wait for the right guy since don’t have to be choosy and settle for something substandard.Your first friend sounds like she is jealous. Your second friend sounds genuine. She could be right.
>>34328395I'm not even trying to take advantage of anything, I was just trying to commiserate with my friends. They talk about their (often pretty negative) experiences with men, so I assumed it was fair game for me to do the same.I do worry that my friend might be jealous, I wish she wasn't. Do you think it's worth talking it out, or should I just try to talk about this stuff less with them?
>>34328163>I'm trying to brag when I share stories of being hit onSo there are a few layers to this. Your friend is probably right. You are probably looking at men and yourself and others superficially. The men propositioning you are being superficial. Your previous friends and your upbringing might have been fine with superficiality. Your new friend isn't. Your friend might be trying to teach you social cues of the new city, or just social graces that she is comfortable with.Another issue is that the new city might have more predatory men then where you lived previously. At the very least, talking to strangers and propositioning them is probably not as prohibited as what you were used to. Because make no mistake, any man who talks to you just because you lost 70 lbs is there simply for the sex, not for you.
>>34329162If they have had negative experiences with men in the past, maybe they just don’t want to be reminded. No one wants to have a conversation where they just talk about things they hate for too long. Focus on more positive subjects.Don’t let your friends’ opinions negatively impact your opinions of others. Everyone’s different, and so are their experiences.
don't mean to derail the thread but the detailed, logical style of the OP indicates to me that they may not be an XX female.
>>34329200I've been friends with this girl for a while, she's not a new friend. I agree that men are being superficial (even if they have genuinely good intentions, they don't know me at all), but I don't necessarily see how I am in this situation. I mean, I might be! I'm genuinely curious if I read that way.>>34329224They're comfortable talking about their experiences, it's mostly just "ugh this man ghosted me after we hooked up" or "this guy is really bad at communicating". But I'll note that I should just talk about this stuff less if it smooths things over. I don't want to upset anyone.>>34329231I'm really just very obviously autistic. Plus this is the internet. If this was an irl conversation I'd speak a lot less coherently, but since this is a message board I have the time and space to think about what I'm saying before I say it. Sorry to disappoint (?)
>>34329249okay sorry, so here are my thoughts>i broke up with my boyfriend AFTER moving to a new city (without him)kind of harsh>i lost 70 pounds and getting more male attentionwhat did you think was going to happen?>guys stop me on the street to ask me outbullshit, but anyway>im telling my friends about all thisthey don't want to know, clearly, so why annoy them>can't figure out why my friends aren't happy for mehappy for what? you aren't in a new relationship yet, you aren't married yet. maybe they're just over hearing about it, and like "don't tell me about a guy unless its serious". These sound like normal people. As a man, i don't talk to my guy friends about my sex life (not a thing) until its serious. otherwise its a waste of time conversation. "There's this one girl"..."Oh yea" who cares. there's no content there to base a conversation off. now, I understand that if you are indeed an XX female, you gals get quite a bit more out of verbal communication, so if i'm off there, let me know.
>>34328163You're posting on a Malaysian crabfishing forum to humblebrag to incels about getting hit on at the gym. There is no doubt you are vain and annoying
