I'm 22. Sounds like prime time, but here I am, 4 months locked in my room, no job, head completely fucked. Quick summary of my life, strengths and weaknesses. Need someone to give me a real perspective. I seriously need your help. I'm on the edge of suicide, really. I'm extremely lonely and have no friends. I'm so alone that the only place I can vent is here or with an AI. No money, probably at the worst moment of my life. I'm surviving on clona and alcohol, and watching evangelion>STRENGTHS (according to me)>Good-looking. White, decent face, good presence. Pulled girls before without much effort.>Social when I try. Friendly, polite, can hold conversations. Today I handed out CVs and everyone treated me well.>Work experience. Warehouse, supermarket, forklift. I have references.>From Argentina, got into engineering uni but sabotaged myself.>Had a girlfriend. 6 months with a girl who actually loved me. Not an incel. I've fucked a lot of pussies>Know what I want. To be seen, leave a mark, build something.>Actually moving. Today I handed out CVs, got a haircut, talked to family. Didn't stay in bed.>WEAKNESSES>Serial procrastinator. Euphoric days where I'd do everything, then pits where I don't leave bed for weeks.>Chronic depression + bipolar. Diagnosed. >Hospitalized for suicide attempt. Take clona to sleep.>Derealization. Sometimes feel like everything's a dream.>Shit childhood. Alcoholic father, medicated shut-in mother, brother who beat me. Grew up in a garbage neighborhood with no way out.>Teenage years locked in. 4 years without leaving my room. Lost touch with friends, girls, everything.>Fear of rejection. Idealize girls, think someone better will come, pull out before trying.>Sensitive pride. Can't stand humiliation. Lost my last job because of it.>Addictions. Porn, games, AI chatbots, infinite scroll. Brain is dopamine-fried.>Zero structure. When I have no obligations, I sink. Last year I had work, gym, a girlfriend. Now I have nothing.
>>34330143Most of what you list look like symptoms or results of one - you're bipolar, and particularly non-functional when you're down. Focus on that -through talk therapy and/or medication you should be able to become more functional. Then the other things will be easier to address.
>>34330143>I'm extremely lonely and have no friendsAll right. Go socialize throughout your hobbies and meet some people, you'll eventually make some friends. But you shouldn't be so lonely that you want to kill yourself. The company you have all the time is with yourself, so I suggest you learn to love yourself and being alone. Finding someone to be dependent on for your happiness wouldn't do you any good. You're 22, so you're very young. Lots of time to fix things.
>>34330270>>34330195thank you, anons. Yes, ultimately, the problem is both clinical and existential. I must try to find peace within myself, even though it's difficult, and also talk to a professional after I find a job
>>34330505You won't find peace within yourself. I'll let you in on that secret, and you gotta learn it now. This inner peace/self love thing.. it's all bullshit. It comes from new-age feminized ideology, right around the 50's and 60's it got pushed on us all, this was thanks to the Psychedelic boom and the hippy movement. Toxic positivity is where you lie to yourself to pretend to feel good. That ain't inner peace at all.The sane thing is you need to admit and accept there will be no inner peace, ever. And what you do about that is you learn to live with that, find outlets for things when shit gets tough. Learn to wield both sides of your bipolar self in a way that benefits you in the long term. It's the magic of taking shit and depressing short term phases and using them in a way that creates productive and satisfying long term outcomes. Vincent Van Gogh is a good example of what happens when Bipolar disorder is put to use, when the cyclical pain and mania is transmuted into something beautiful.
>>34330576what other secrets can you tell me about life, anon? I think that real life is boring and painful, yet you have to live it. That idea is somewhat similar to what you think, isn't it?
>>34330584Yeah it is. But the trick is to take the boredom and the pain and transmute it. Emotional alchemy is what it's all about. All emotions, negative or positive is an energy. And by energy I mean mental stimulation, it's energy. And energy is energy is energy, outcomes and goals and dreams don't care if you use positive 'good' energy or negative 'bad' energy to keep you moving. Reality says you will use both. 'Normal' people use both too. They use them both at the same time, 50% one energy 50% the other at the same time. Bipolars use 200% of one and then 200% of the other, never at the same time, on giant spiritual stomps. Which causes the inner person in you to tremble and shake as your mind and body stomps left and right, manic and depressive like an out of control gundam or some shit. That's prob what hurts you most right? You had to watch your own out of control mind and body sabotage the things you wanted and loved before your eyes, as you lost control and spectated your own disgraces every time.The goal is to allow your mind and body to be that giant emotional mech of black and white, good and bad, manic and depressive. But take courage to get in the driver's seat and become one with it. Then you gain control. You'll still have the ups and downs, nothing changes emotionally. But mentally, spiritually, everything changes. You'll see what I mean
>>34330143>"fuck tons of pussies" humblebrag>bipolar medicated, already accepted diagnosis without figuring things out on his own You're cooked man. I had good but avoidant parents and overprotected upbringing. I failed to be socialized, I have good intentions and motivation but can't get through insecurities, pessimism etc. I've been jumping therapists and psychiatrists. After one year with SSRIs my reward system got fried and am mostly anhedonic. Current psychiatrist first diagnosed me systhymia (indeed fits the definition for long term course) but now she writes it off as anxiety. I didn't take meds prescribed, first she gave me duloxetine, now changes to escilatopram.Current psychiatry isn't sufficient to manage the problems current society is causing. Current psychology is deeply rooted in faulty pseudoscience and very reductionist models. Best thing I can tell you is to take it easy and stop pressuring yourself. ACT therapy fits well for you. Try to get yourself in high spirits even if its bullshit, self confidence is the most important.
>>34330604holy shit, I'm saving your comments in word like they're a bible, they've never described how I feel so well. thanks, anon, your words really helped me. Have a good life!
>>34330664Thanks man. And they helped only because the listener has it in him to begin with. I'm just dropping the lyrics to the soundtrack of your life brotha. You're the captain of that mercurial soul. That means it's you who will be doing the hard work and reaping the wisdom along the way. Check in with the big guy upstairs too, man. He has your back. Peace and love
>>34330143>Know what I want. To be seen, leave a mark, build something.So in other words, you have no idea what you want, because if you did it'd be way more specific than that generic vague bullshit>the problem is both clinical and existentialDo you have a broken bone? An infectious disease? A parasite in your brain? None of your problems are clinical, the problem in fact is treating them as if they were clinical to begin with.>>34330619Psychiatry is a meme and will be replaced. DSM is already getting replaced by HiTOP but the entire field is bogged down in bureaucracy and yadda, hence moves at a snail's pace and misinformation continues to be the prevalent ideology for decades to come still
