I've spent the last 5-6 years of my life coping with severe unrelenting depression because I couldn't write. about a month ago I finally gained the ability to write again, only to realize I don't even enjoy it anymore, rendering the entire victory hollow. Now this saturday, I have to get a CT scan to find out if I have cancer.I thought I would be relieved, I wanted to die for so long, and made a deal with myself over a decade ago that I was allowed to anhero if I got something terminal or crippling. Now though, I'm not relieved. I'm scared. I don't want to live like this but I don't want to die either. Why can't I just be happy that something good is finally about to happen to me?
