I have a problem where I tend to dwell on slights and insults from other people for a very long time, like months or years. I can be doing some activity or watching some show or listening to some music, and then be reminded that someone said or did something rude/snide to me when I was doing that thing in the past. When this happens it often puts me into such a bad mood that it will ruin my entire day or sometimes the rest of the week, just ruminating on that slight or wrong done towards me. While I can't stop myself from doing it, I can at least recognize this is a suboptimal way to live and that it keeps giving people who wronged me power over me, and is staining the things I enjoy.How can I move on from thinking about these slights, and build more mental resilience against them in general? Right now my general coping mechanism is alcohol and weed, basically just getting obliviated until I forget about it, but that's not sustainable for health reasons and it doesn't even really work that well anymore. I also need something more creative than "Just get over it/stop being a bitch"
We all have those moments when someone wronged us. Hell, I remember mine YEARS after they happened. One coping mechanism I do is just raise a middle finger or two to that person when I think about what they did to me, and just move on. Dwelling on it won't change what happened.Some advice someone told me is this: "are you getting paid to think about that person? No? Then why should they deserve your attention?"
Revenge!
>>34334426>"are you getting paid to think about that person? No? Then why should they deserve your attention?"That's not a bad mantra>>34334466Not always practical or even desirable. I'm more the person that would rather see "karmic justice" than actively take revenge in most cases, since it feels more validating. Most of the time anyway.
>>34334477Still fun to think about
naga spotted
>>34334489Eh, not really. My goal is to just not think about them or what they did to me, at all.
>>34334499Ultimately yes. But them lighting up a cig during a gasoline shower is a good one
Bump, any other ideas anyone?
Live by the mantra "I have no enemies" and you'll enjoy a peaceful life by not thinking about them
>>34334673What if one of these people is a family member who constantly slights you and puts you down and you get reminded of this every time you saw them?I've already resolved to cut this person out of my life, but what they've said and done to me has already been said and done, and it's at the expense of having to limit my contact with other family I still like
>>34334762Literally have the same problem with my dad. Too bad, I say. He messed up, can't apologize and now we barely ever say a word to each other. Same mantra from top post, I ain't getting paid to worry about him, so I won't. outta sight outta mind. I have my own life to live and his fuck up isn't my problem anymore. If he wants to apologize, good for him, he can be the better man, idgaf, but I'm still cutting him outta my life for what he did
>>34334367im curious about how you deal with said conflicts to begin with do you "take revenge" for lack of a better wordim gonna go full guesser but you sound like someone with a low self esteem with not many healthy relations
>>34334762A few years ago I used to go to my uncles' house; they would usually have a barbecue or some kind of party with cake. But they would always humiliate and criticize me in the process. So I stopped participating in these humiliating rituals called "family gatherings."
>>34336323>im curious about how you deal with said conflicts to begin with>do you "take revenge" for lack of a better wordSometimes yes, and I've been doing it more frequently if I'm being honest, but the family member in particular that I'm talking about has a habit of dragging out long arguments if you try to object to anything he says or defend yourself against him. Like he'll walk into other rooms still arguing, then come back out to fight and argue some more some more because he had one more thing he wanted to say. Other members of my family recognize it too, they call it his "ten hour freakout." The choice basically becomes letting him treat you like shit or getting into a literal hours-long shouting match because he'll refuse to admit any wrongdoing. >>34335018>>34336481I've already made the decision to cut these people out of my life but again it doesn't change that what was said and done is already said and done. I'm asking more about how to cope with those bad memories, especially if that person's actions are associated with something you enjoy. Like if you were treated like shit by someone you took to your favorite band's concert, and now when you think about that band you think about that moment. I guess this is also about dealing with obsessive negative thoughts.
>>34336323Also forgot to mention>you sound like someone with a low self esteem with not many healthy relationsYeah I can't say you're wrong. I'm especially lacking in the friends department right now, I haven't been getting out much with other people. The weather has been absolutely shit the last few months around here so I haven't been going outside as much at all.
>>34337576you should see the sun and get that vitamin D going manhope you sort out all your problems, you seem to be really self aware and working your issues one by onegood for you man
