So my personality is too abrasive for pretty much everyone. Doesn't really seem to matter where I go, if I talk too much I end up getting pushed away and excluded from things at a near 100% rate. I'm aware that its a "me" problem, and i'm not at all certain whether its worth trying to change myself or not. The moment I start being myself in any kind of group or setting people get uncomfortable and/or dismissive of me, with a rare instance of someone actually attempting to befriend me. I have no one outside of the internet that I could call a friend, and the people I talk to with any frequency online seem to tolerate me at best.On one hand, it would be nice to have a friend or two, but on the other, i've pretty much spent my entire life floating between groups or people, moving form one to another everytime I get kicked out, banned, blocked, or otherwise no longer included, and have gotten used to being entirely self reliant, and this poses a problem with dating too since, while I have no problem getting dates, having the date actually last more than 15 minutes is brutal and a second date is nearly impossible. It hurts quite a bit whenever I do anything that requires an emergency contact because I have no one that fits the bill, family is all either estranged or passed away, and no friends either, and ive even been denied jobs on the basis of having no emergency contact at all, and everytime i'm met with that section of paperwork its jarring.I know im abrasive, rude, and say wildly unprofessional things, but thats just who I am, but that also leaves me pretty lonely, and I always hear the phrase "just be yourself and your people will find you" but i'm just really not seeing that happen, and i've been waiting over 20 years for it. I have no problem getting along with people as long as I wear a mask, metaphorically speaking, but the moment I let it slip its like the countdown starts. Not really sure what to do at this point about it, but i'm lonely.
>>34334617You should probably consider getting therapy since realistically speaking whatever the problem is in regards to how you act socially it can be worked through and you can improve at it.
>>34334626I'm pretty capable of acting "normal" socially, the problem I have is that it feels fake when i'm not being myself and over time it wear on me until I cant stand it anymore. The longest i've held it up was just over three years, and it was so taxing on me that when i'd get home I would just sleep until it was time to go back to work. Every job i've had where I didn't have to mask myself I was able to come home and not be wiped out, and at the moment the job i'm working i'm by myself almost all the time, I deal with people for maybe 5 minutes per day and its been okay so far.
>>34334635You're not meant to act, that's just a second job. This just sounds like a negative feedback loop where you don't actually make any real improvement because your social interactions are about maintaining whatever you perceive to be normalcy at the cost of suppressing yourself rather than any real practice into changing whatever aspects are dragging your relationships down. Someone professional that can help you work through that would be far more productive than trying to figure it out on the internet.
>>34334661I dont disagree, but the last time I tried to get in to see one there was a multi-month wait list if I didn't have a referral from a court or a hospital, and additionally, the company I work for at the moment doesnt have insurance that covered anything of any value to me, and while I didn't actually look at whether therapy was a covered subject, I believe I would have to wait until open enrollment happens again, or pay exorbitant fees to visit.
>>34334678Checking and informing yourself about it is free and probably not that time consuming. Either way it's probably the best course of action so creating obstacles on your way to improving is not going to help you get there.
>>34334702It makes complete sense, dont get me wrong, I cant say i'll do that for sure but I do have mondays as non-working weekdays for the foreseeable future so I do suppose that its something I could do during those days so i'm not tuck idling for three straight days. I am still hoping for other ideas though, since i've been using 4ch since 2005, I know for a fact there are others that have a problem similar to mine and I do hope one of them happens across this post and has some ideas as well that may have worked for them. The tism is strong in me, but despite that it is nice that I can hold a level of normality that i've seen others completely fail at, I know of so many people that have it way worse off than me and are functionally unable to hold a job at all, and realistically, if I fed into it enough, I could go on disability for life and spend all day everyday jacking off and never worry about much. And a side note, you have a name for yourself but dont use a tripcode, and i'm just now realizing I havent seen anyone using tripcodes for several years, crazy how I never noticed.
>>34334726/adv/ is still one of the few boards that has an outsized population of namefags and tripfags. It's basically tradition although you have to be a huge newfaggot to use a trip.
>>34334617its not that you're abrasive its that you waste everyone's time with this long boring exposition and you use wishy washy faggot language like> pretty muchimmediately discarded as a serious persontime for you to GROW UP,junior
